exsiliumlogs | [CLOSED]

Nepeta wastes no time in hurrying on over to Equius' respiteblock. She's pretty sure she knows just what happened--or at least she can estimate. Whatever the case it's not good and she knows he must be hurting. A part of her feels guilty too, as she's reminded of her own situation but at the moment the important thing.

When she arrives she knocks on the door and attempts to open it.

"Equius?"

Only a moment passes before he moves to open the door, looking at her with a rather somber expression before moving away from the door and immediately starting to head down the hall towards his room.

"You were extremely prompt, allow me to express my thanks at this, Nepeta. Shut the door before following me." A command, sure, but is tone is a little lacking right now, posture slightly dragging.

Her ears drooped a little at the sight of him, and she did as told.

"Of course, Equius." She followed after him, hurrying a bit to catch up and place a gentle hand on his back. If she had any doubts about her assumption on what was going on they had now faded away. For now she just stayed by him, not wanting to rush him into speaking before he was ready.

His shoulders tense a little at her touch, only before relaxing again close after. Soon he's moving into his respiteblock, just as much of an organized mess as ever, a pile of robotics laying in the corner of the room. He nears that, glancing to make sure she closes this door as well before he sits down near the base of the pile.

He doesn't-

say... anything. For now it's just thoughtful silence as he sits, hands neatly in his lap.

She does close it, not needing any prompting since she knows he wouldn't want anyone to see him like this. She makes her way over, sitting down next to him and once more putting a hand to his back to rub it in a hopefully soothing manner.

It hurts to see him like this, and she wishes that there is more she could have done to prevent it from coming to this, but in the end it probably was for the best.

She continues the rubbing motion on his back and rests her head against his arm, looking up and waiting.

The rubbing motion on his back is... comforting to a degree. And he lets it continue before his lips finally open. His head is down, staring at his hands, hair for the most part keeping his face from view. Nepeta's presence alone is something soothing, and it manages to ease words out of him.

"Vanadi tried to exterminate our quadrant." His brows furrow.

Tried?

Nepeta's hand stilled, and she didn't have to feign the surprise. They were still together then, which could be good or bad depending on the reason why. If they had been able to talk things through and resolve it she would be so happy--but given Equius' state she wasn't about to jump to conclusions. She needed to make sure how much he knew.

"Why?"

"He believed himself incompetent for the role of a matesprit, having been with other lovers while with me. I also believe Sollux had something to do with... swaying him in this particular direction." His lips curl a little at that. He's not at all happy about that either, knowing he needs to get a word in with his kismesis soon.

Nepeta, for one, was very grateful for Sollux's involvement. If not for that she would not have known about Vanadi's infidelity and the relationship would have continued as it was. She would be giving him her thanks.

A part of her is also feeling proud of Equius. Being forced to face this truth would not be easy on anyone but he talked with Vanadi, must have kept his temper, and now came to her. She's also come to respect Vanadi a little more for being honest. It is unexpected that Equius would forgive him for that, but a pleasant unexpected.

"So...you forgave him?"

Well, to be honest, Vanadi talked to him, and then he desperately tried to make Vanadi stay with him, which seemed like talking out their issues, sure.

"Yes, of course, I came to realize that with how trolls execute their quadrants, it was as if I to was being as execrable as he by holding a quadrant with you and Sollux as well. So it's important for me to remain content with how his culture exercises the idea of romance as well." His teeth are clenched tight behind his lips as he speaks though, brows furrowed, hands clenching his knees tight.

It was something she had thought of first--the differences between cultures was always a serious hurdle to overcome. She herself had thought about this before but looking at Equius now made it seem less of an ideal resolution.

"I think you are partly right, Equius. If that is how things are in his home, it is important to respect that, just as he should respect our quadrants but is it worth it? If it still hurts you to see him with others in that way there has to be some point in which you draw the line and decide if the relationship will or won't work."

He grows silent after that, just looking down at his hands and knees at her words. He's- sure he isn't all right with it, which is why he called upon Nepeta in the first place, which is why he's here, which is why he's feeling disgusting. He's not sure if it's an issue of sharing his matesprit, or if it's, how he wishes he could be that only person for him, in a pity way, of course.

He always made romance something- different in his mind. Something dramatic and end all, but this doesn't exactly feel like that. He just feels empty after the conversation as a whole.

Then again, he's sure he'd feel worse if they broke things off.

His hands tighten a little, shoulders rising as he pulls in a deep breath, sighing it out slowly.

She lets him mull that over a little bit, before continuing.

"Did Vanadi say anything about why it was that he...went with those people?" She knew it would be a hard question for Equius to answer, and she was hesitant since she didn't want to make him feel worse but it was important. If this really was just something about Vanadi himself or his culture than it would need a decidedly different approach.

He lifts his head a little, his expression a bit confused.

"No- He did not." Should he have asked? He just thought Vanadi was more well- into variety. Or maybe he's not good enough on his own? Oh that feeling makes his chest ache, Equius looks down again, crossing his arms with another sigh.

"Equius." She knows what must be going through his mind right now. Nepeta doesn't feel like she can be a good moirail for Equius. She doesn't feel like she understands him as well as she use to--but this is easy enough for her to see.

She puts a hand under his chin to lift it up a little so she can look at him.

"If you feel for Vanadi as strongly as you seem to, I can't think he's a bad person. But I can't exactly say he can see clearly. Maybe it's just because things are different in his world, in which there isn't much we can justifiably do, but if this is just because of his own inclinations then he doesn't know what he is risking losing here. Any person would be lucky to have you as their matesprit."

She drops her hand. "In the end the most important thing is to figure out if the good will outweigh the bad--and it's definitely not a decision you need to come to straight away. Is there anyway Vanadi could remain committed solely to you? Would you be able to do that without making him grow resentful? Do you think you could eventually become okay with him seeing other people as well? Maybe giving it a little time will make things clearer for the both of you....but in the end if neither of you can be fully happy with the way things are, in the long run it would be better to break things off. Leave yourself open for someone who will treat you how you deserve to be, and how you want to be treated."

That's silly, Nepeta's always been the only one he's ever thought understood him, at least enough to go to her, speak to her, let her know these... things he's feeling. Even if she doesn't say much, her reassuring smile and presence seems to do him well, it's already gotten him to speak to her as much as he has now, which is more than he would to anyone else.

The gesture leads him easily, used to it, letting others handle him because of his strength. His head lifts, lips pursed, wary in his gaze but soon looking through his shades at her.

Her words are a mix of reassuring and something- else. Saying any person would be lucky to have him is confusing. He's never had a problem with being confident about his own greatness, but in romance it tends to feel like he's just- well, lacking. And part of him is so exhausted from all this chasing, with Aradia, Vanadi, and he's still in love with the prior, he doesn't think he can ever actually fall out of pity for an individual. What she says does make him have a response though, tilting his head a little, hair not doing so well at covering his face anymore.

"I'm not exactly sure it has anything to do with his culture. I feel as though he needs attention from multiple individuals due to- other reasons." Like hating himself, or just self consciousness in general, yeah... as if he needs, approval from many people to feel like he's just as gorgeous as he was before... Which is silly, but that just makes him feel pity more.

"Ah-" His brows furrow, trying to tuck his head away by his chest again, still tilted a bit to the side. "I don't believe so, no-" A breath. "I believe he will trot off to other suitors whether I know or not. He did say-" His teeth clench, scooting a little closer to her now, so it's not to awkward to have his head craning over to her by those small olive fingers.

"That if I find someone else, to be sure to tell him." Someone else, maybe, it's difficult to think of anyone else while Vanadi is here though. When he could still speak to Aradia she was all he ever thought about in a red flush sense. But since Vanadi seems to well- only plan on seeing him every so often now, maybe that distance will cause his heart grow fond for someone else? Equius's arms cross a little tight over his chest, his stomach tossing.

If that was Vanadi's way, then that was Vanadi's way. That was not something Nepeta could really fault him for. She saw nothing wrong with wanting to be with different people, but it did make her wonder why he had tried to commit himself to a relationship to begin with if he couldn't be monoamorous.

"Then if that's something you're sure will never change, maybe it's best to let him go. Though I think it's important to realize that if being with multiple people is as important to him as it seems to be, the fact that he wanted to be in a relationship with you goes to show that you must hold a place in his heart. Perhaps not the one that you wish, but you are still important."

She nuzzles his cheek, now that his face is closer to hers.

Mmm, probably because he couldn't get at Equius if he didn't agree to a relationship with him. Which kinda... was the case, whoops. Equius isn't just some hussy you know!

"You think I do?" Glances up a little. "Hold a place there? In his heart?" His tone is nervous, shrugging into himself a little when she cuddles up against him. It immediately brings a new warmth to him though, lips quivering as he tries not to smile.

"I do."

She didn't want to give Equius false hope, but she did believe he meant at least a little more than the others. Why bother with all the trial of starting a relationship if not?

"Hmm..." A thoughtful sound, merely trailing off as he glances away. She may be right... maybe. When it comes to lovers it's difficult o assess that kind of thing. Aradia comes to mind immediately, but he does his best to push that aside, not trouble himself with things of that nature with her not even being here. He's still unsure about Vanadi but- Another glance up at Nepeta's face seems to smooth out his worries a little more and he nods. A hand pulls up to curl hair behind his ear before giving her a short nod.

"I suppose it's not exactly difficult to see that, since he still wishes for my company in return- right- thank you Nepeta." Another breath.

"And now how to deal with Sollux." A sneer.

Now they were delving into the land of kismesitude which Nepeta was significantly less familiar with. Honestly she didn't know whether to encourage or discourage Equius from his anger towards Sollux.

She supposed this part was not much of her business, and wouldn't it be what Sollux wants too? Who knew.

"How are things with him?"

"We're fine, when he's not sticking his disgusting yellow nose into my other business." His scowl gets a little more angry, shrugging his shoulders and crossing his arms tightly infront of him.

"Whether or not Vanadi and I are- were having difficolties, it's none of his business."

Heehee. Difficolties. Adorable. Nepeta was glad to hear him punning again, and cheering up. Even if he was instead now, getting angry. Angry was better than sad.

"Purrhaps he has his reasons. It's kinda weird fur him to have tried to help out? In his way." Sollux had said he only did because it was interfering with his quadrant but Nepeta was still a bit surprised by it. Surprised, but glad.

"What are you going to do?"

Well, horse puns go hoof in hoof with being frustrated or nervous, and he is definitely one of those things thinking about Sollux.

"I don't know why he insists on such foalish- foolish horse play." Oh maybe because you being sad makes you a shitty ass kismesis? Not that he realizes, Equius dwells and wallows far too deeply to notice how it'd effect Sollux.

"I'm going to lecture him, of course." Huff. "And wring his skinny little neck!"

She had to bite her lip to keeping from giggling, something that worked rather unsuccessfully.

"No, I think foal is just about right. He couldn't rein in his nose furom your business and he's always whinnying about the smallest of things."

Edited 2013-03-07 23:04 (UTC)

A glare. He knows that look, yes, you will not giggle. Wise.

"Whinnying about the smallest things- exactly. The amount of complaining that sniveling little wiggler does is atrocious. It's a wonder how I have such extensive patience for a quadrant with him." Huffs, crossing his arms against his chest tighter. But he does seem to be- well- himself right now. Dealing with Sollux can be such a pain- but, that's kind of the point, isn't it?

"The amount of problems he already has doesn't seem to deter im from concocting new ones."

Yes, good. This is much better. She feels a little bad using Sollux as a scapegoat but considering he is Equius' kismesis he's probably use to this sorta thing anyway. Besides, getting Equius to feel better is the most important thing right now. She grins a little, shaking her head.

"Lookit you with almost all your quadrants full," She gives his cheek a playful tug, "so any contenders for the ashen quadrant, purrhaps? Hmmmm?"

A snarl, glaring at her through his glasses.

"No, stop it, oh my goodness gracious." Wow not even going to touch the fact that he and Eridan probably should have an auspistice... Maybe his quadrants are almost full. He smiles a little to himself, curling a lock of hair between his fingers.

"I'm sorry! But I can't help it I'm so purroud." But she relents and lets go of his cheek.

That of course did not mean she was going to let the question go that easily. "You didn't answer the question."

"Question- Right, what question." Doop doop, just doing that thing where he does his best to ignore things he doesn't want to answer~

"Oh I see what you are doing. Fine you don't have to answer, but don't think you can keep it a secret furom me fur long. This nose will sniff out any and all ships." She gives Equius a cheeky grin, before affectionately butting her had against his shoulder.

"No it will not, your nose can't sniff out ships or secrets or anything but smells." Pointing! Point! Poi- oh, head butts. He doesn't head butt back at all, just kind of- slowly lowers his arm.

"You charmingly feline antics cannot make your sense of smell any different from what it actually is you know!"

[CLOSED]

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Sorry about how long that got, didn't even notice. @_@

no worries long tags are love <3

huuuu u_u <3

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don't know why i randomly switched to action tag there o_o;

Haha no probs.

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