oh if you knew just what a fool you have made me

[moralperil]

Date & Time: 11/15, evening, after Moonsgiving
Location: Jack's room
Characters: Mahdi Clare (moralperil), Jack Kelly (allucinator)
Summary: Jack promised to tell Mahdi what he's thankful for after the party, Mahdi promised to bring him dessert.
Warnings: PROBABLY SMOOCHING. and because it frequently comes up when they talk together, i'll warn preemptively for mentions of torture and sexual abuse, just because it comes up a lot with them. these kids have issues. will warn and lock if content goes beyond that.

[It was a good party. Mahdi's still in a buoyant mood when ze goes to visit Jack after the Thanksgiving gathering, in spite of being full of food and spending so much time chatting and helping with the preparation. Ze ducks out on the clean-up a little early, knowing Jack is waiting. It feels a little bit better, somehow, feeling like ze was 'going home' to someone, not just a roommate or a pet but someone, even if the relationship is still a secret of sorts.

Mahdi hums quietly to hirself, announcing hir presence through the door:]

I'm here, Jack! I brought pumpkin bread...

Comments

[allucinator]

Hi--

[Mahdi's mood seems lifted, but Jack still feels guilt and shame churning deep in his stomach. He'd drawn for a while, trying to let that take his mind off things-- but all his drawings had turned out dark and depressing, and after a while he'd pushed them away.

Now he sits up, meeting Mahdi's eyes with a little smile that's only semi-forced.]

Always steal free food, that's my motto. C'mere. You too full to share it?

[moralperil]

I had like three plates of food. I am actually to the point where I think I'm over food, which hasn't been possible since last Thanksgiving. Please, help yourself.

[Mahdi sits down next to Jack, tearing off a piece to feed him.]

[allucinator]

[He takes it after a moment of hesitation, though he's not the fondest of pumpkin.]

There's nothin' wrong with that. I had two plates; that's the whole point o' Thanksgivin'.

[moralperil]

[Mahdi leans against him, sighing.] Yeah. It's a good holiday.

I'm sorry about before, if I was being weird.

[allucinator]

You weren't.

[He shifts, getting comfortable, but there's a clear note of disgust in his voice when he adds:]

I was bein' fuckin' stupid.

[moralperil]

Oh. I thought I was the one who was... [Mahdi sets the bread aside, linking their fingers.] So you're not mad at me? You don't think I was teasing too much?

[allucinator]

No.

[He stares down at their linked hands, and then, quietly:]

I was tryin' to tease back. I-- that's how I tease. And I took it too far, and it was really fuckin' stupid o' me, because you told me what your stupid ex did, and I said the same stupid shit, and I just--

I'm sorry.

[He glances up at him, and there's such guilt in his eyes.]

You can leave. You can always leave, you know that, yeah? Not even-- you can always blow me off to see your friends, or wanna hang out with them sometimes instead o' me. I just-- you know that. You have to know that.

[moralperil]

I like all the attention I get from you, when it's just you and me. Or when we're holding hands under the table... whatever. That part, knowing you wanted to be with me all of the sudden when we were together, that made me happy. It makes me feel super-special. [There's a shadow of a smile on Mahdi's face, very faint. Hir tone is apologetic, like ze still doesn't know that none of this is hir fault.]

So I don't want it to stop, you know? Like what if I make you angry and you decide I'm too much trouble. [Mahdi chews hir lip, frowning.] I was really nervous in the bathroom. I don't - I don't like places like that. So let's not do that again.

[allucinator]

Tell me that stuff.

[He lifts their hands, kissing the back of Mahdi's gently.]

Okay? Cuz I thought it'd be fun. But if you don't like it, we won't do it. And-- babe, I-- it's a two way street, you know? What if you decide I'm too much trouble, wakin you up at night all the time, screamin' and cryin'? It's a two way street. But I'm never gonna just leave you cuz one day I'm annoyed. We'll talk, and talk, and talk so much you'll get sick of my voice before anythin' like that happens. If it does.

[moralperil]

[Mahdi's almost too busy being happy about being called 'babe' to notice what you almost said there, buddy. Almost.]

Oh, it might be fun somewhere else! Like on the top of a building, or in a dressing room. Just, not the last place I - not a bathroom. [Mahdi smiles and it's more like a wince.]

You are not too much trouble, Jack. You are totally worth it, F-Y-I. I guess neither of us have anything to worry about, huh?

[allucinator]

[He twists, kissing the side of Mahdi's head gently.]

No bathrooms.

[A promise, first, and he keeps that in mind.]

And no, we don't. Just-- we gotta keep talkin', you and me.

[moralperil]

[Mahdi shifts a little closer until ze can kiss Jack's cheek.]

So. What was that about how thankful you are for... where were we? My wonderful personality?

[allucinator]

Your personality, your mouth-- your hands-- the way your skin feels--

[He leans in, kissing him with a smile-- and another kiss, more firmly--]

[moralperil]

[Mahdi returns the kiss with heartfelt enthusiasm, drawing it out gently.]

Mm. I guess it's a good thing you didn't list those on the board, then... I went and wrote something else for your sake, though! I felt bad!

[allucinator]

What'd you write?

[He bumps their noses together, nipping at Mahdi's bottom lip.]

[moralperil]

"I'm thankful to learn and draw new things." [Mahdi chuckles.]

I had to write it with my left hand so they couldn't tell it was me!

[allucinator]

And what if I'm not, huh? You think o' that?

[He nips at his bottom lip again, with a little laugh.]

[moralperil]

Then you should feel super-guilty that you put me in the position of writing one for you! [It's difficult for Mahdi to be indignant when ze's being bitten and making a small sound of enjoyment, though.]

[allucinator]

Ooh, yeah, I'm sorry, so sorry, lemme show you how sorry I am--

[Gently he pushes Mahdi, trying to get him to lie flat on the bed.]

[moralperil]

You don't sound sorry! [Mahdi scolds gently, tapping Jack's nose. Chuckling, ze takes the hint and lays back, smoothing hir skirt before pulling Jack closer by the shoulders.]

[allucinator]

Sooo sorry--

[Carefully he settles atop hir, straddling hir hips, leaning one forearm against the mattress and resting his weight there. It brings them nose to nose; with a grin he kisses Mahdi again.]

How can I make it up to you, hm?

[moralperil]

I liked all those compliments! You are allowed to continue with those. Aside from that... [Mahdi runs hir fingers through Jack's hair, kissing him contentedly.] I'm not sure.

[allucinator]

I better be creative, then.

[He bumps their noses together fondly, though, utterly affectionate.]

Darlin', darlin', darlin' . . . you're too addictin' for your own good.

[moralperil]

[Mahdi grins.] I think my face is gonna hurt from smiling too much...

[A kiss.]

Addictive? Does that mean you can't live without me?

[allucinator]

Maybe.

[He bites at hir bottom lip, sucking on it lightly before pulling back with a gasp.]

My darlin' angel--

[moralperil]

[Ze's breathless too, flushed, fingers curling in Jack's hair.] I like it when you call me yours.

[allucinator]

Good. Cuz I like sayin' it.

[He nips at Mahdi's jawline, humming softly.]

Mine, mine, mine-- my darlin', my pretty brave kind darlin'--

[moralperil]

And you're my handsome brave... uh... fella?

[Mahdi laughs, hiding hir face in hir arm.]

I don't think I'm as good at being charming as you!

[allucinator]

You're cute--

[He laughs and kisses his cheek.]

You tried, love. And you're cute even when you try, which is great. Mm, come back here and kiss me--

[moralperil]

[Mahdi lays back, taking one of Jack's hands and weaving their fingers.] I should think of a nickname for you, though, since you have so many for me. Unless troublemaker works!

[allucinator]

Troublemaker ain't so bad. But you can take time to think of some more, if you want.

[He bites at his jawline, squeezing his hand tightly.]

[moralperil]

Jack...! [Mahdi squeezes Jack's hand harder. That slight sharp feeling makes hir gasp, then laugh.] Um, that actually feels really great. No marks, okay?

[allucinator]

No marks.

[He promises in a low murmur and bites at his jawline again. Carefully, gently, he tugs at Mahdi's collar, his fingers tracing gently against hir skin.]

Darlin', darlin', my pretty darlin'--

[He kisses hir neck, murmuring it against hir skin softly.]

You're so kind--

[moralperil]

[Mahdi gasps when Jack's fingers brush over hir throat, then freezes completely for when his lips brush over.

It's amazing how things are just suddenly not okay, that little worry that's been sitting in the corner of Mahdi's gaze since a few hours ago in the bathroom is suddenly a whiteness that engulfs hir vision and ze shuts down, and even it wasn't really all at once it certainly feels that way. Ze shoves at Jack's shoulders.]

Off. Now!

[allucinator]

[With a gasp he scrambles off, his body moving far quicker than his mind. Quickly he steps back, nearly tripping over his feet in his haste to put distance between them.]

What! What did I--

[moralperil]

I don't like it when people touch my neck! [Mahdi curls up on one side, pulling the pillow ze was resting on closer to cover hir face, hugging it tightly.]

Damn it. Shit.

[But the gesture of vulnerability just as quickly becomes an expression of rage as ze growls out curses, punching the pillow repeatedly and then throws it across the narrow space of the room, whizzing past Jack's head. Ze's backed up into one corner of the bunk, now, worrying the charm on the necklace ze almost always wears.]

[allucinator]

Mahdi--

[He takes a step forward, hesitant, guilt clouding his expression.]

Mahdi, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinkin'--

[moralperil]

[Mahdi just shakes hir head, still obviously shaken.]

It - it was an honest mistake... just... don't do it again.

And come here and hold my hand a second.

[allucinator]

I'm sorry.

[He kneels at the bedside, his face pale, and takes Mahdi's hand.]

[moralperil]

...Did I scare you?

[Mahdi asks faintly. Hir hand is a little damp from sweat.]

[allucinator]

Nah.

[He wants to push hir hair back from hir face, but doesn't dare, not yet.]

Just-- worried. That's all.

[moralperil]

[Mahdi plays with their fingers, staring at how they look, interlocked, so different.

And ze frowns, thinking about how they look like the hands of a human couple. Ah.]

I'm okay. I honestly... would really kind of like it if you touched my neck sometime. On a different day. When I said you could.

[A bitter little laugh.]

When I say it like that it sounds like such a big deal... and we're not even talking about sex yet.

[allucinator]

[His expression looks forelorn; if he was a dog, his ears would be pressed flat against his head. At that laugh, though, he squeezes Mahdi's hand.]

Sex'll come. Let's not rush nothin', all right? We'll-- we'll start with your neck, on a different day, when you want. And-- and we'll go from there. Okay?

I'm sorry.

[moralperil]

But we haven't even talked about if we can... [Mahdi sighs.] You're right. One thing at a time.

Sit next to me? I'm cold.

[allucinator]

[Hesitantly, carefully, Jack climbs back up on the bed. Just as carefully he sits next to Mahdi, leaving about half an inch of space between them.]

Truth be told, angel . . .

[He sighs, staring down at his knees.]

I don't really-- I mean-- wanna think about sex right now. If that's all right. I can't yet.

[moralperil]

[quietly] Sorry. I - I have a lot of things I'm worried about right now, I didn't mean we have to talk about anything uncomfortable.

[Mahdi offers hir hand again, but does not grab onto Jack's, waiting to see if he'll take it.]

It isn't important to me.

[allucinator]

[He takes it gently. After a moment, watching Mahdi's face all the while to make sure it's all right, he lifts it and gently kisses it.]

Don't apologize. I'm sorry, I'm sorry for not thinkin'.