It's more than that. [ Bariyan clenches his fingers into a fist to stop the shaking. ] I still-- I shouldn't be alive. I don't want to be....
[ In this moment, Bariyan wants nothing more than to push the door open and just leave. To get away, to find his way home. To go where he belongs, instead of hiding here. And it does feel like hiding, now. Like putting off the inevitable. The wait is always the worst part.
He has to remind himself that he has standards to uphold, even now, even with his dying breath, when it finally comes to that. Standards that are growing harder and harder to remember. But he has to try.
He turns himself around to put his back to the door. He breathes in, deep, so that when he speaks his voice is steady, level, calm. Still at odds with the almost-mad flicker in his eyes. ]
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you. I am using you.
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[ In this moment, Bariyan wants nothing more than to push the door open and just leave. To get away, to find his way home. To go where he belongs, instead of hiding here. And it does feel like hiding, now. Like putting off the inevitable. The wait is always the worst part.
He has to remind himself that he has standards to uphold, even now, even with his dying breath, when it finally comes to that. Standards that are growing harder and harder to remember. But he has to try.
He turns himself around to put his back to the door. He breathes in, deep, so that when he speaks his voice is steady, level, calm. Still at odds with the almost-mad flicker in his eyes. ]
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you. I am using you.