( closed ) lay your weapons down

[fortissimos]

Date & Time: February 10th
Location: Unit 104.
Characters: Sayaka Miki/fortissimos & Alice Liddell/bittertears
Summary: Some much needed apologies (and even more needed explanations).
Warnings: Being meguca is suffering.


[ Even after her conversation with Kyouko, Sayaka's still largely keeping to herself. It was too difficult, to confront the people who she'd talk to during those two weeks; too hard to face the inevitable questions and judgment when confronted with the difference between her past and current self.

So when someone knocks on the door, she's fully prepared to ignore it. Madoka or Kyouko would have announced themselves, and there aren't many other people she's prepared to talk to... but after a minute, curiosity gets the better of her, and she peeks out, only fully opening it when she realizes who's there. ]

... Hey. [ She looks many things — tired being chief among them — but it's clear she isn't annoyed by the surprise visit. With a sigh, she holds the door open properly, motioning for Alice to come inside. ]

Comments

[bittertears]

Good day, Sayaka.

[Surprising as it may be, Alice could simply no longer stand not knowing what Sayaka's state was. While Alice considered Sayaka to be dear friend, the fact that their friendship remained given what they already knew of each other only made it all the more important to Alice.

Important, as she hadn't really had a friend quite like Sayaka. Ever.

It seems that the other girl is able to remember her Alice, which is very good news.]

I apologize for coming by unannounced, but I was very much concerned. How have you been? I'm to assume you remember me completely now?

[fortissimos]

[ Of course. It's stupid to think she wouldn't worry people, shutting herself away like this — at the same time, she can't just pretend the past two weeks never happened. ]

Yeah, I... [ Feel really terrible. ] I'm sorry about that. I know it wasn't just me or anything, but I think I should apologize.

[ She leans against the now-closed door, feeling (and probably looking) a little awkward. She's already talked to Kyouko, sure, but Kyouko understood... and she isn't sure if she wants anyone else to understand that part of things. ]

I remember everything now, though. Even the stuff that happened then. [ How much of a difference a short amount of time had made. ]

[bittertears]

You don't need to apologize, Sayaka. It was entirely out of your control, and everyone appears to have returned to normal since then.

[though she is relieved to be remembered by her yet again.]

Would you perhaps be willing to talk about it? Or anything else that is bothering you?

I'd be willing to help, if you'll let me.

[fortissimos]

No, I do. If not for forgetting you, then...

[ For everything else. To be fair, she's never lied — it's just that after being confronted with her past, so much of her personality now feels like an act. She's trying to recapture who she was before, and sometimes it doesn't work out so great. ]

... We can talk in my room. Out here isn't the best place. [ Her roommates could show up anytime, and she doesn't want them to hear this. ]

[bittertears]

Of course.

[She follows Sayaka to her room, mostly staying quiet until they're both inside. That they're taking this to a more private setting is an indication how serious it must all be.]

You really don't need to apologize. I'm simply relieved, and glad, to have my friend back.

[fortissimos]

[ The word friend sends a pang of guilt through her, and her shoulders slump. It's a terrible feeling, the idea that she's been misleading someone this whole time. ]

That's the problem. You might not be so relieved after this.

[ Honestly, it hurts to think about, but she needs to be honest. After so many months, and after that... ideally it would have never come up in the first place, but the past can't be changed; something she knows all too well. ]

I told you I was a magical girl, right? But... I never told you what that really meant. [ She looks down at the ground. ] If you think differently of me, it's okay. You just deserve to know who you're calling a friend.

[bittertears]

Perhaps, you might be right about that.

[Alice may have adapted to the times, somewhat, but that could only help her so much. She rather enjoyed learning new things and indulging her never-ending curiosity.]

There isn't much that I maybe know about you, except for I've seen and been told.

[But given Sayaka's tone, this may be something others would rather remain hidden from them.]

You know what I've experienced, what I've done, and could do. Yet you still... wished to associate with me, to call me your friend.

What would that make me, if I didn't do the same for you?

[fortissimos]

[ The thought of treating Alice any different hadn't even occurred to her. The suggestion that this might be the same thing in reverse, that she might have a similar reaction... it's a wonderful idea, but a little too hopeful for her liking. ]

This is different. [ She holds out her hand, and in a flash her ring materializes into her soul gem — still as perfectly clear as the day she arrived. (Still just as unnerving.) ] When we make a contract, we get one wish. I thought the fighting itself would be the price, and that would have been okay, but... there's more to it.

[ Still looking at the ground, she shakes her head; voice dull and empty. Blocking out her emotions is still the only way she can explain this. ]

This thing— it's me. It's my soul. I didn't know it at the time, but that's the kind of deal I made. [ Her fingers twitch little, but she keeps talking. ] You get it? I'm not even human anymore, just a zombie that's only good for killing witches. I can't keep talking to you like nothing's happened.

[bittertears]

[Indeed, Alice could've adapted to the difference in culture and technology relatively well. But this... What Sayaka had shown and told her. How could she have prepared herself for such news?

She listened carefully, her eyes falling up the object in Sayaka's hand. Such a small item, and yet of such grave importance.]

Not even human anymore...

[Alice hinged on those particular words.]

There is more to humanity than you might think, Sayaka. It's so easy, to be human in appearance, but behave and act more similarly to a mere monstrosity.

I look at you, yet I do not see a monster. I could never.

[She's got a small smile on her face.]

Perhaps you were mistaken?

[fortissimos]

I... [ It means a lot, to hear that, but she shakes her head. Even if she wasn't a monster in the traditional sense, she still can't call herself human anymore. ] There's no mistaking it. If... if that breaks, or if it's too far away, then... I die.

[ It's odd, how final that sounds despite her detached way of speaking. She shrugs — a stiff, barely present lift of her shoulders — and her fingers twitch around the gem. ]

It's happened before. The second part, anyway. That's how I know. [ All too well. ] I was fighting someone, and Madoka — she had no idea, but she threw my soul gem off the bridge to stop me. I still don't remember anything else before the transfer student brought it back, and they said... [ that she'd died, that they were all already dead; she knew from then that nothing really mattered anymore. ]

Some people out there are worse than monsters, but that doesn't make me any more human. It just means it's my job to stop them too. [ She frowns. ] Ahaha... maybe I can't be a hero, but I can at least do that much.

[bittertears]

I'm afraid I'll have to disagree.

You've much more humanity in you than most of the individuals I had to associate with back in London. Your circumstances may be different, but I believe that you're as human as myself, the friends you've made, and even the people in this city. I'm afraid that my mind is made up.

[So there!]

Though you certainly won't be a hero with that sort of attitude.

[Alice was in the habit of helping others however she could, even it meant being a bit stiff with them.]

From what I understand, you're capable of so much. If you want to be hero, then you should go out there and give it your all. Prove that you can be a hero. Not to others, but to yourself. It's certainly a better course of action than feeling sorry for yourself and not having done everything in your power.

[fortissimos]

[ Sayaka stares silently at the floor for almost a full minute, but after that... her first action is to slowly, awkwardly, raise a hand and rub at the back of her head. She's long since given up trying to predict how people might react, yet somehow still finds herself surprised. ]

... You're really sure? [ A pause, then: ] I mean, I'm not doubting you or anything. I guess I just...

[ Didn't expect things to go so well. Firm words are exactly what she needs to snap out of a funk, sometimes, and after another pause — and without thinking — she finally looks up again, throwing her arms around Alice. ]

That— you're probably right. In the end... I don't think I paid too high a price for my wish, so I should make the most of it, right? [ ... ] Thanks, Alice. I've still gotta live with this, but having friends like you makes it easier.

[bittertears]

I think you'll realize that having to cope with the consequences of our actions is simply another part of being human. And do remember, that whatever events you go through, you needn't do so alone. It's as you said...

[she just sort of moves forward, close enough to be able to give sayaka a hug.]

Having a friend, can do so much for a person.

[fortissimos]

[ Alice, you're too damn good to her. She still has issues, deep down, but this is enough to take care of a vast majority, and the hug quickly grows into a bear hug the likes of which only Madoka is usually on the receiving end of. ]

... Yeah. So if... if you ever need a magical girl, you know who to call, right? No matter what it is, I'll be there. [ A beat, and then a little more awkwardly: ] Um, I won't keep things from you, either. It's my fault for letting it get to this point, so I'll try to be better from now on.

[bittertears]

[We're all mad here, Sayaka. Didn't you know?]

A reassuring thought, one that I'm glad came from you.

And likewise, you need only ask if there's anything I could do. A magical girl shouldn't be forced to work alone, you realize.