She doesn't know how to reply to the thing about the cops, past a mumbled apology. She liked to think that some good guys were still the good guys, but she'd learned better. Expressing a desire to knock those dickheads down a few pegs wasn't all that likely to help, either.
"I know." God, she knew. It was impossible to keep a tally any more. "Sometimes it's like you can't move in case someone dies as a result. Sitting and breathing are the only safe options, and even then." Not one of them had made it through without marks on them, and even when you were protecting your country, your friends, the cost might be bludgeoning someone with a heart and their own warmth, family and people who love them, no happy how fucking awful they are or what they do is. Hot blood and cold blood could be dangerous in different ways.
"We gotta keep going, but. Getting stagnant and counting your losses never helps. You remember them, but you can never rely on other people to do what's right. Even if we fuck up, at least we try with everything we got, and we make decisions based on all the shitty things we've seen and the lessons we've learned. Maybe we fuck up really bad sometimes, but at least we tried and we did something. If you screw up, you pick yourself up and you don't make the same mistake again. And whether you do things in one fell swoop or you just slowly work at it, then I mean-- it's like that butterfly tsunami thing. We might be small, but we can initiate something big and spectacular."
Christ. She'd gone and done another speech, hadn't she? With a sheepish smile she bumps Steph's shoulder with her own. "Preferably not an actual tsunami. That might be enough to get me to stop doing speeches, but."
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"I know." God, she knew. It was impossible to keep a tally any more. "Sometimes it's like you can't move in case someone dies as a result. Sitting and breathing are the only safe options, and even then." Not one of them had made it through without marks on them, and even when you were protecting your country, your friends, the cost might be bludgeoning someone with a heart and their own warmth, family and people who love them, no happy how fucking awful they are or what they do is. Hot blood and cold blood could be dangerous in different ways.
"We gotta keep going, but. Getting stagnant and counting your losses never helps. You remember them, but you can never rely on other people to do what's right. Even if we fuck up, at least we try with everything we got, and we make decisions based on all the shitty things we've seen and the lessons we've learned. Maybe we fuck up really bad sometimes, but at least we tried and we did something. If you screw up, you pick yourself up and you don't make the same mistake again. And whether you do things in one fell swoop or you just slowly work at it, then I mean-- it's like that butterfly tsunami thing. We might be small, but we can initiate something big and spectacular."
Christ. She'd gone and done another speech, hadn't she? With a sheepish smile she bumps Steph's shoulder with her own. "Preferably not an actual tsunami. That might be enough to get me to stop doing speeches, but."