exsiliumlogs | only this moment holds us together;

Entry tags:

only this moment holds us together;

Date & Time: 3/28, after this post.
Location: Zevran's apartment.
Characters: Zevran Arainai (

bloodyantivan) & Elissa Cousland (

ladyspitfire)
Summary: Elissa has something she wants to talk about.
Warnings: FEEEEEEEELIIIIIIIIIIIIINGS.

[Zevran turns a few paces, combs his hair, and tidies up his already cell-like room before Elissa arrives. He answers the door with a warm smile for her, though he's not sure what she could possibly want. Considering the nature of her message, he's worried that she might have bad news.

He tries not to imagine it's anything to do with either of their untimely demises. He tries to tell himself if that's the case then he can accept it.

He's not sure he believes it, but he still has a warm smile for Elissa when she arrives.]

Come in, my friend.

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I wouldn't say I resisted your charms so much as I grew used to them. I thought you were simply joking.

[He flirted with so many people. And as they grew closer and the flirtations continued, it really simply seemed to her that it was old habit instead of anything more. His affection and his friendship had always been genuine. But deeper feelings... They had eluded her, just as she denied her own.

Elissa gives him a smile and nods.] Of course you can.

[Zevran pulls her hair free of the tie, watching it spill like fire over her shoulders. It is lovely to see her hair like this, up close and fragrant rather than matted with blood. He runs his fingers through it, silently admiring for a long time. And then--]

Tch, you really should trim your splint ends, you know, darling.

[She watches him, nearly sensing exactly what he's thinking. Not so long ago, she could never go a day without getting blood all over her, either from darkspawn or enemies. Exsilium's at least given her - and him, too - a reprieve from all of that.

Elissa huffs softly, taking a strand in her hand.]

I haven't cut it in nearly two and a half years.

I am going to trim it. I have some very sharp scissors, snip-snip. [Zevran mimes scissoring with his fingers, and then laughs, kissing her forehead.] We start small, with the hair... perhaps in time you will let me give you a tattoo? [He says it as a joke. Mostly.] Oh, we might want to make sure we are sexually compatible before then, I suppose.

[Zevran looks thoughtful.]

Though I have not really met someone I wasn't sexually compatible with...

Edited 2013-04-07 07:11 (UTC)

I didn't know you were a barber too, Zev. [Her smile widens slightly at the mention of a tattoo.] Oh? What sort of tattoo are you thinking of?

[Elissa manages a laugh, leaning over to kiss beside his mouth.]

I don't think we'll need to worry about that part too much. Just a feeling.

I am whatever the moment requires of me, amore.

[He laughs too, turning slightly so their lips meet for a second kiss.] What sort of tattoo would you like? Dog tattoos are popular with Fereldens, no? We could tattoo your hound's face right here... [Zevran prods the small of her back.] Or here! [On her shoulder.]

Of course, tattoos are a bit like Antivan lovers. They leave their mark, and become a little addictive...

[She draws away so she can laugh, the sound a little stronger, the strain from earlier disappearing little by little.]

Yes, highly attractive to have a dog's face on my back. [It's...very telling of her lineage that she's considering it.] But tattoos are supposed to be reminders.

[She'd seen some of the men and women at Ostagar branding themselves. It was a symbol of their unity, of remembrance for those who may fall. She would always remember her first bonded mabari, though she should think of something for him as well.]

Addictive, hm? [She smiles.] What about something of yours? So that when I return, regardless of what happens, there's something there so I know to find you.

Then I will have to figure out where on the body it should go. I will have to examine every inch of you to find the right spot.

And you will have to examine each of my tattoos - to see if there's something that catches your eye. To give us some ideas.

But if we go that route, it should be something that matches, yes? [He laughs, pushing Elissa's hair behind her ears.] But I warn you, a tattoo is quite permanent. It is a bond that cannot be erased. Like a scar, but one of your choosing. You must be ready for it.

[Oh yes, no innuendo there. She smiles.]

Do you have many more besides the one? [She reaches up briefly to touch her hand to his jaw, just beneath the lines on his face.]

I know it's permanent. [That's the entire point. But the way he says it, a scar of her choosing... Her smile doesn't quite falter, though she briefly leans into the touch of his hands.] When I'm ready, I'll tell you.

Yes, many. [Zevran shifts, scooting back a bit and turning. He lifts up his shirt to reveal his lower back piece - an intricate knot of swirls and almost abstract designs, working in balance with each other. Many patterns suggest the design of Crows or knives, but none is a specifically recognizable design, clearly symbolic. His back is well-scarred from lashings both at the ends of brothel workers and Crows, and there are slashes from swords and the like as well.]

This is the one that took the longest. Tattooing over scar tissue is difficult, alas, so we had to pick a lower spot than I would have liked.

[Elissa moves back so she can give him room, and her eyes are wide when Zevran shows her his back. The design is beautiful, intricate, and incredibly personal. She can see the knives and the birds - crows, she guesses - but they are so interwoven with other symbols that it's difficult to parse them out well enough to be discernible.

She reaches out hesitantly and brushes her fingers over some of the scars above the back design, frowning. Zevran has moved far past this time, yes, but the sight of them angers and reminds her of how sheltered she'd been before meeting him, before becoming a Warden. This sort of cruelty wouldn't stand with her.]

It's beautiful, Zevran. [Her thumb traces just above the design as if she's afraid that touching it would smear the ink, an impossible thing now.] As are you, of course, but you already know that.

--I do not mind hearing it again. [Zevran's voice is warm.] Alas, nothing I can do will be quite to this skill. The artisan who did most of this piece was in her sixties - might as well have been two hundred in Crow years. It would take me a very long time to get as good at it as she was. [Zevran peels his shirt entirely off, to show her the work on his arms.] This here, on my left, is my own work.

[The lines are actually quite skillful, and while they are not as elaborate, they are by no means amateur.]

[It's a culture and ritual Elissa knows very little about and she feels regret, again, that she may not ever be able to go to Antiva to learn more about it. But the markings he's given himself are beautiful too, very fitting for him. She's more than impressed by the skill he's demonstrated.]

They're more grand than you give them credit, Zevran. I could never hope to be as talented.

[Two fingers trace one of the designs.] ...Did it hurt?

It is excruciating. [Zevran grins, clearly relishing the memory. He watches the trace of her fingers with interest.] A thousand little pinpricks, over and over. But it gives you a sort of euphoria, you know, as one might experience a rush during battle, or receiving a bite in the right place from a lover.

It would not be nearly so beautiful if it did not hurt at all, I think.

[The rush of battle. Yes, Elissa understands that well. But she's silent as she mulls over what he's said, eyes fixed on the designs adorning his arms. It would not be nearly so beautiful if it did not hurt at all. How very fitting for Zevran. She should have expected it from him.]

Or the experience would not be worth it if you didn't suffer.

[She can empathize with that idea.]

There are some things I hope to show you that incur a minimum of suffering. In fact, I would rather hope to go in the opposite direction. [Zevran takes her hand, twining their fingers. He gives her a very slow kiss, one that does not deepen or intensify over time, but lingers.]

[She squeezes his hand gently as she responds to the kiss, marveling at the tenderness of the gesture. Elissa doesn't press for anything further, though she breaks the press of lips to smile against his mouth.]

You're doing well so far in that regard. [The ache she'd felt before, the worry for his answer, is all but entirely gone. She kisses him once more, as slow and as gentle as he had done for her.]

[Zevran smirks when the kiss is done, stroking his thumb over Elissa's chin.]

I tend to excel at most anything I put my mind to.

[This is really just his typical bravado: in truth he is flying blind and feels it all too well.]

Does it truly not bother you that I am hesitant for this to go further? I do not wish for you to think your needs do not matter to me.

[She laughs quietly and shakes her head.]

No, it doesn't bother me. If you're concerned about all of that, you needn't be. I'm not exactly...active.

[Which, she supposes, is a poor word choice.]

...It's not as if there's been anyone else, Zevran. I'm not looking for sex. [Though, to be fair, she hasn't been looking for a relationship either.] It's never been my priority when it comes to things.

I have never been involved with something where it wasn't a priority - usually the first and only priority. [Zevran says it in his typical joking fashion, but he can't meet her gaze at all when he says it. He's... not sure, actually, what this feeling is. Shyness? Shame? From Zevran?]

Which is fun enough, but I do not know anything else. I believe I am anxious. Part of me is elated that you would never make any demand of me that I did not want, the other - ah, it is difficult to explain. The other part wants to get it over with, before you change your mind. I apologize for belaboring the question, it is wrong for me to doubt when you have already given your honest answer.

[Zevran breaks off his words abruptly, suddenly feeling rather cold.]

Again I am confused.

Edited 2013-04-12 06:20 (UTC)

It's not wrong of you to doubt. I simply...don't know how else to phrase it.

[Sex with those you were not going to wed was frowned upon for women of the noble class. If you did find your pleasures elsewhere, you would need to be discreet or powerful enough to keep people from asking or finding out. She's never had an interest in having just a lover and nothing else. It doesn't seem right to her, though she won't begrudge others if that is their choice and their preference.]

I won't change my mind about you simply because you want to take things slow, or because you don't want to sleep together. I would rather you be comfortable. It's not about what you can offer to me. It's about who you are and what you mean to me.

[Maker, she's never been good with romantic words. She sounds too practical.]

I'm not going to ask you for anything more than you're willing to give.

[Zevran nods, and goes very quiet. His expression is quite calm, but inside, he's deeply troubled. He doesn't know why this has ignited some kind of ugly tempest inside him, he does not know why her not wanting to take from him bothers him so.

It makes him remember the strangest things.

He brushes a few strands out of her face, and thinks about how soundly she defeated him when they first met.

She really wouldn't have to ask for anything. Not if she didn't want to. That should prove her sincerity - she is not that kind of person, it would horrify her that the thought crosses his mind, but it suddenly makes him ill at ease.

Perhaps it is only the uncertainty of the situation.]

Are you hungry? Would you like anything? If not, I think I am going to rest a bit. Our talk has been delightful, but surprisingly tiring.

[Despite the calm, Elissa knows something's wrong. She can't fathom the reason for it, whether he's suddenly rethinking his decision or perhaps she's simply said something wrong, but she can tell by the sudden stoic behavior Zevran's showing that he's troubled.

But she doesn't know how or why, nor can she begin to think of a solution.

Maybe he just needs time. Perhaps both of them do.]

No, no, I'm fine. If you're tired, why don't I go for the night?

Yes, yes perhaps that would be for the best.

[Zevran can make his voice sound so perfect. He knows he is in utter control of the muscles in his body, but he isn't sure that control is quite making it to his face. His brow creases slightly.]

One last kiss, darling, before you leave?

[Elissa nods, leaning over to kiss him once more. As before, the kiss is gentle and undemanding, short. But her hand lingers on his arm even after she pulls away, and he gets a reassuring squeeze before she stands.]

Rest well, Zev. I'll speak with you another time.

Edited 2013-04-15 03:28 (UTC)

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bloodyantivan - 2013-04-15 19:13 (UTC) - Expand

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