The touch was too intimate. It was too close. Too familiar. She'd done this to other people (to Shinji) to assert herself, to experiment, to giver herself something to do, but he, he managed to make it seem real and raw and inviting and she was terrified of it.

But he gave her worth. Kaji didn't care. Shinji didn't care.

Kaworu thought she was worth something. That made it true. Didn't it?

She shouldn't rely on him. She shouldn't rely on others. Despite the self-hatred and recrimination, it seemed easier to just let someone else love her. It was easier than trying to do it herself. She shrank back, gaze dropping. She felt small, vulnerable - but she wanted him to say the words, she wanted him to love her, even while she hated herself for it.

"Don't say that," she muttered, "Don't say that!"

Her voice rose.

"You're lying!"

She had to deny it. She had to push him away. How could he care for her?