[Jade wonders if this is what Professor Nebilim felt like when he asked her those questions. Why? What's the point?
A proof that human beings change: Jade does not immediately lash out at a person who reminds him of what he was once like. Instead, he remembers the Professor's answers to him. He thinks that she understood the world better, so she is far more suited to give such answers. He thinks that if he does not try to answer Shintaro now, then he will have failed those whose memories he wishes to honour.]
Yes. By proving that change is possible, I prove that there is a point to attempting to change. [Jade looks at Shintaro again. Collect data, analyse it, develop conclusions. It may not be possible for Shintaro to understand, but he has made an effort to do so. So Jade must also make an effort.] You're intelligent. That's probably why this is difficult for you to understand. But perhaps you can agree that there is no such thing as a perfect existence. All things change. And all things must end. Knowing that, people change themselves. And because they change, they are able to live.
[These are difficult things for Jade to say to those he doesn't know well. They are thoughts that he reserves solely for those closest to him, and then, only rarely. Only in exceptional moments. So it's obvious and unmasked as he stops there, deciding whether or not he will continue.] Personally, I find it difficult to appreciate the value of life as others do. It is simply something that I am less capable of than other human beings are.
[And the rest of that declaration? Jade forces himself to continue.] However, I know that life is precious. That there is a point to living is something I consider worth proving for myself. Perhaps then I can better appreciate life's true value.
[Still, he is leaving it out: their names. Jade cannot understand his own emotions. It is a constant struggle to express them to those he trusts most, and Jade does not trust Shintaro. What Jade tells Shintaro is not an honour that Shintaro has earned but something Jade feels he owes. So even as he discusses a matter that means everything to him, Jade keeps those most incomprehensible, vulnerable of emotions locked in his ice heart.]
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A proof that human beings change: Jade does not immediately lash out at a person who reminds him of what he was once like. Instead, he remembers the Professor's answers to him. He thinks that she understood the world better, so she is far more suited to give such answers. He thinks that if he does not try to answer Shintaro now, then he will have failed those whose memories he wishes to honour.]
Yes. By proving that change is possible, I prove that there is a point to attempting to change. [Jade looks at Shintaro again. Collect data, analyse it, develop conclusions. It may not be possible for Shintaro to understand, but he has made an effort to do so. So Jade must also make an effort.] You're intelligent. That's probably why this is difficult for you to understand. But perhaps you can agree that there is no such thing as a perfect existence. All things change. And all things must end. Knowing that, people change themselves. And because they change, they are able to live.
[These are difficult things for Jade to say to those he doesn't know well. They are thoughts that he reserves solely for those closest to him, and then, only rarely. Only in exceptional moments. So it's obvious and unmasked as he stops there, deciding whether or not he will continue.] Personally, I find it difficult to appreciate the value of life as others do. It is simply something that I am less capable of than other human beings are.
[And the rest of that declaration? Jade forces himself to continue.] However, I know that life is precious. That there is a point to living is something I consider worth proving for myself. Perhaps then I can better appreciate life's true value.
[Still, he is leaving it out: their names. Jade cannot understand his own emotions. It is a constant struggle to express them to those he trusts most, and Jade does not trust Shintaro. What Jade tells Shintaro is not an honour that Shintaro has earned but something Jade feels he owes. So even as he discusses a matter that means everything to him, Jade keeps those most incomprehensible, vulnerable of emotions locked in his ice heart.]