[The proper answer here should be "yes." Of course he was happy. He was finally able to say the words he wanted to say. He can see Ayano again. Hadn't he spent these last years wishing for just that? Of course he'd be happy. And that's the answer Kido should be looking for, too. But he knows how he honestly feels, and to Kido, he doesn't feel like lying to.]
... Of course I'm not. Every time I think about it, I keep remembering all the things I regretted before.
[He can't say it loudly. He's not whispering, but he's quiet. The moment he decides to speak his chest tightens and he clenches his hands into fists. The words come out rushed.]
Ayano wasn't the only one who's been gone that summer. Those days... aren't going to come back anymore. I didn't say anything to her then -- hell, I didn't even know that I cared until it was already gone. Why did she have to die, for me to realize anything...?
[He sighs, raising a hand to cover part of his face.] This isn't going to change anything. It's not going to carry over, and we both know it's not going to last. Even if we like being around each other, being around any of us is a constant reminder to her that she can't go back with us. It's a constant reminder to us that she's already gone. How can that make anyone happy? At least, in the sort of way she probably meant whenever she used that word before.
But-- [That last word is stronger. And he pauses there, breath catching and looking up like he's snapping out of some sort of daydream. He'd been lost in his thoughts and all the concerns he's had since talking to Ayano then. He turns to Kido, and whatever expression she's wearing he can't bear to look at. He looks away again, sitting straighter, wringing his hands.]
... But she knows that just as well as anybody else. She's couldn't solve algebra, but she was quick on that sort of thing. So... if she wants to be with us, and she can smile and laugh and have a good time, then I can put these worries away and give her what she wants.
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... Of course I'm not. Every time I think about it, I keep remembering all the things I regretted before.
[He can't say it loudly. He's not whispering, but he's quiet. The moment he decides to speak his chest tightens and he clenches his hands into fists. The words come out rushed.]
Ayano wasn't the only one who's been gone that summer. Those days... aren't going to come back anymore. I didn't say anything to her then -- hell, I didn't even know that I cared until it was already gone. Why did she have to die, for me to realize anything...?
[He sighs, raising a hand to cover part of his face.] This isn't going to change anything. It's not going to carry over, and we both know it's not going to last. Even if we like being around each other, being around any of us is a constant reminder to her that she can't go back with us. It's a constant reminder to us that she's already gone. How can that make anyone happy? At least, in the sort of way she probably meant whenever she used that word before.
But-- [That last word is stronger. And he pauses there, breath catching and looking up like he's snapping out of some sort of daydream. He'd been lost in his thoughts and all the concerns he's had since talking to Ayano then. He turns to Kido, and whatever expression she's wearing he can't bear to look at. He looks away again, sitting straighter, wringing his hands.]
... But she knows that just as well as anybody else. She's couldn't solve algebra, but she was quick on that sort of thing. So... if she wants to be with us, and she can smile and laugh and have a good time, then I can put these worries away and give her what she wants.