[That pause before partners. Ellie's talked to Tess, of course, but she's not going to tease Joel about anything when he's being open with her like this.]

I'm really glad she's here for you.

[And she's so sorry it's her fault that Tess died in the first place.

Fingers dig into the pillow by her cheek. She wishes she could kill David over and over and over again, until he was so gone that he couldn't even take form in her mind.]

I just wanna have one week where I don't wake up scared. Just one week, you know?

[She feels a hot tear roll down her face and hit her hand. Thank god for the sound of the rain and the dark. While the dark might hide her tears, the shake in her voice doesn't.]

I don't want to have to go to the fucking courtyard every month and hold my breath, and I don't want to look at people and wonder if they'll try to strangle me if I let my guard down. I'm already tired of it.

[How the hell did Joel do it?]