exsiliumlogs | ( closed ) when everyone we know is six feet under

( See Gamora. See Gamora not give a shit about all the politics that's in full swing around her. Mostly because she doesn't care and, to a lesser extent, because no one's asking around for her skill set yet. Instead Gamora is making her way to her room to grab a few hours of sleep and drop off her cloak before heading to the VR rooms.

Except that she's got company this time, in the form of Adam Warlock, who Gamora is holding a mostly one-sided conversation with as her hand finds the panel that operates the door to the room she shares with Blue and Small, not bothering to look up or around after it slides open. )

-- they're going to have to drag me to the teleport if they want to take me back down.

( Shot over her shoulder at Adam, before it registers that there's someone else in the room with them. )

Blue.

( In the end Gamora goes looking for Quill. She hadn't heard from him since the mutiny and the disaster that ended up being and that either meant that he'd vanished off the station and from this universe or he simply didn't want to deal with anything. Either one was completely unacceptable, but one could be handled with her usual amount of tact. The other--

Gamora refuses to entertain the possibility that he'd gone back to their universe so soon after arriving. This entire world was driving her up the wall, she'd be driven further if he'd left again.

But it's not relief she feels when she finds Peter Quill, alone in the cafeteria. Hunched over one of the tables with what looks a steady supply of alcohol and coffee.

He looks pathetic, but Gamora can't decide if that's his natural state of being at the moment or the fact he's drinking in the middle of the cafeteria. She doesn't approach, just stays back at the door - leaning against it and watching him for a moment or two. )

Is this really what you've been spending your time doing?

( Not that she's done any better, but she's not Peter Quill. The man with the plan, leader of the Guardians of the Galaxy. Hah.

That's turning out real well for them currently. )

[Gamora's like a thunderstorm, for all the good and bad that implies; Blue can sense her coming well before she's there, in any case, so he has a chance to lift his eyes from the tablet in his hands and stare at where she will be in–

there.

there she is. with a friend.

he watches, nodding when he's actually acknowledged, eyes moving from one to the other.]

[ He hadn't meant for it to be obvious. Whatever his faults, whatever his awful mistakes (and there have been many) he is still committed to the idea of being the leader of the Guardians of the Galaxy. He can't doubt that. He can't allow himself to think that any part of the team, the goal, the mission has been a mistake. He's never doubted that the idea was sound and he won't allow himself to DONT it now.

But the sobering stone cold truth is that he doesn't know what to do. Because if he did, he would be doing it. He hasn't always had to know to act, either, but now he's not even sure he can make up an answer to the problem. Rips in the fabric of space-time, there's something. But this isn't his universe; these aren't his people. And it is so flarking frustrating to know if they just had the right resources, they could crush these sons of schlags like bugs. But he's not strong enough. He and Adam and Gamora alone won't be enough without getting themselves killed, with even lose chances of success than usual. It's not a good plan. It's not a viable plan. But if they just had a little more- if they were stronger- if- if-

He's been faking answers for the people who want them. He's fooled somebody. And meanwhile the team is falling apart at the seams with all the things not being said and lack of purpose. It's on him to give them one, and right now? He's got nothing. Nothing that would pass muster with Adam and Gamora. Peter can fool everyone else, but not them.

So yeah, he's tired. Yeah, he wants a drink, his roommate's in jail and Adam's got a vampiric weapons and Gamora is mad and everything is a mess. And it's his fault! He should be doing better by them. And he's not. And worse than not having an idea (they always come back) and being stuck here and shouldering another problem, dealing with his death that he's not thinking about and how he let Adam down every time he sees his and remembers that gut wrenching mercy-kill that failed...it's everything.

Peter Quill doesn't quit. And he'll never run from his problems again, even if he can never atone for his mistakes and he'll never be allowed to get away with trying to abandon his humanity again (there's some comfort in that, at least. It's easier to live with himself when other people expect better; Peter Quill alone with his guilt and self-pity, accountable only to himself, knows he's not as good as he should be.) Even if...he can have a fucking drink to try and outrun any doubts before he has to acknowledge them. They don't exist. He will pretend as hard as he has to, for them. ]

Today? Yes. [ Not like it really effects his productivity anyway. ] Tomorrow, who knows.

[ He's so tired. All that drive, all revved up and nowhere to go. ]

If you're here to kick me while I'm down or just throw another piece of bad news on the pile, feel free to get it over with.

You've tripped past sad and gone straight into pathetic.

( Gamora's not certain what would help, but whatever he could come up with has to be better than this. This falling apart, crumbling wreck of a team that gave her something worth living for - it needs to continue to exist, and she'll be damned if she's going to loose it once more. Twice, she's lost them both twice now and flark everything if they'll do it to her again.

They will, though. Because that's just the way the universe works. It gives her what she wants and then tears it away from her as soon as she gets used to having it. Why would that change here, this second time around?

So she moves from her position to tower over him, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. Pathetic, like she said. Although she's not so certain who it applies to anymore - Peter Quill or all of them? )

What are you doing, Quill?

[Gamora's voice is very good background noise while he thinks about other things - this imminent departure, how much he doesn't want to stay on Earth and get attached to anything here or anything in this universe and yet feel the responsibility and need to do something about this wreck of an universe. It makes him quiet.

He was about to ask her if she wants to stay here with him when she names a colour? It takes him a moment realize why. But he pulls Gamora aside for a moment to finish their mostly one-sided conversation (because he needs to have the final words shut up).]

Then stay. I don't understand why you're so against being on Earth. What difference would it make if we were in space instead? Eventually, you'll need to be grounded. Nothing changes.

[Then he looks at Blue.]

Hello Blue.

Edited (what html) 2013-11-29 03:41 (UTC)

Oh, ok, so we're just gonna do the kicking.

[He knows she's right. God help him, this is pretty fucking pathetic indeed. There's the part of him that feels like he should be a lot better than this, that he has to be, and then there's the part that doesn't believe he can, the part that ran away from his humanity when he'd sacrificed all those people taking down an enemy he had no business facing. The part that's self-destructive, and self-deprecating, that accepts fault for everything, even the things that aren't really his fault, and sets up an impossible standard that he knows he can never meet, because he's just- not. He thought he was, once, and look where that got him. Look where that got all those people who never saw him coming.]

Obviously I am drinking, and will be drinking until it brings sudden inspiration, or I stop thinking for once. And no, you weren't invited.

Edited 2013-11-29 06:50 (UTC)

Because it's--

( Gamora wants to argue with him - something about it's the longest she's stayed in one place since the Soul World or that time they spent out of the universe but then he's addressing Blue and she drops it with a frustrated frown on her face. )

Adam, Blue. Blue, Adam Warlock. He's a teammate.

( That's a nice word. It's a nice safe word. )

Like I'd want to join one of Peter Quill's Guilt Parties.

( It's not like she doesn't have plenty of her own, things she only feels guilty about when shoved into the company of good men and women who make her feel ashamed for what she's done, of who she is. Peter Quill is not one of those good men - Gamora wouldn't want him to be. As much as she might have loved Rider, it made being with him so utterly painful that it was easier to run as far away as she could. But she can work with Quill, trust him to a certain extent, know that he doesn't hold her actions against her.

None of the Guardians can because they're all flarked up individuals with nothing else to occupy themselves with that joining up for a desperate attempt to stop the universe seems like the best option. But maybe that was the 'gentle rinsing' Quill made sure they all got.

And thinking about that just makes her more frustrated with everything. With the fact they're stuck in this universe, in this solar system, with the status quo because they don't have a plan, with Adam and Quill and how they're not dead and she can't process that because the moment she starts they'll disappear. )

Why don't you just get over it and start working on a solution?

[Yeah, why doesn't he? Oh wait, because he's been trying to, and he can't seem to come up with anything that seems even remotely viable or like there's a chance in hell to pull it off. That's the thing. That's the flarking killer. It's not that he cares about the heroic sacrifice or that it might cost his life to pull it off. It's not that it rips little pieces out of him every time somebody doesn't come back. The things they're supposed to be doing, it's bigger than that, bigger than them, and he can't think of a goddamn thing to do.

And everyone thinks he's going to. Hell, he has to. If he doesn't, nobody else is going to.]

My mom might have died well over twenty years ago, Gamora, but that doesn't mean I need you getting on my case like I need someone to take her place.

[Shit, why did he think about that? Bad move, Quill, bad move.]

I'm almost insulted you'd compare me to some dead Terran.

( That was definitely a low blow, considering she's never even heard Quill mention either of his parents before. In any context. But it's far too late to take anything back. )

No one's asking for a flarking miracle. I've been here for a year, I know there's not one.

( And she's tried. They've tried - the Quill and Adam who where there before. But there isn't a way to play this universe that Gamora knows of - it's a case of being thrown hands and dealing with them as they come. She keeps going because the alternative is so much worse, knows if she stops for a second she'd self destruct - go mad here in a universe that isn't her own. )

Edited 2013-11-29 07:57 (UTC)

[the Adam Warlock, then. Blue remembers mention before. something about...dying for a long time? perhaps.

Gamora's history's, shall we say...strange.

but let's be polite: Blue bows his head to Adam, glancing between them for just a brief second. teammate...]

Adam. [eyes on Gamora, now:]

...You intend to stay?

[Adam looks at Gamora briefly when she says teammate. Surely he qualifies for a friend, at least. He can live with it but they really should get it down pat whether they still function as a team. Peter seems to think so, Adam is skeptical and who knows with Gamora.

He waits for Gamora to answer, even though he knows it, before he sigh and cross his arms.]

( Like Gamora can spit out the word 'friend' without having a fit. That's for people to call her out on and for her to vehemently deny. And Adam is-- he's different, even if she could swear up and down that he's changed while he's still Adam Warlock.

Not the question Blue is asking, however. )

Probably. It's better than going back and sitting around while it rains every day for someone to drag us all off on another pointless mission.

( Not that it'll be the same after the mutiny, but the amount Gamora actually cares about that is minimal. Good job accomplishing nothing at all - what a bunch of idiots. )

[And this is why he doesn't talk about her. When you talk about things, like this, when you admit that there are people and they were important and you start providing clues, you have to start thinking about them again. You open those things up scrutiny.]

Do not- [It's very quiet, the edge unmistakable; a warning, not a full out first blow, yet.] - do not ever think of saying anything like that again.

[Just because he doesn't talk about her doesn't mean she's ceased to be a source of sore feelings for him.]

What are you asking for, Gamora? Because if you could get to a point that would be really great. I'm kind of busy here.

Don't make the mistake of thinking you can tell me what to do.

( There's a difference between orders and this and Gamora wants to make absolutely sure he knows where the line between the two is drawn.

Her own eyes narrow at his tone, and there's the desire to dig at it a little more out of childish spite. But Gamora drops it - commits the fact that he has a point to press that has nothing to do with his guilt to memory, yes - but drops it. )

What am I asking for? Maybe for you to stop acting like you're already dead.

[there's a second where Blue looks as if he's going to argue that, but...he doesn't have the energy for it. nor the will to forcibly change her mind, even if he could.

still:] It would be lonely. [a brief glance at Adam.]

[Adam is looking at Blue when he glanced over. Maybe it's because he sounds as tired as he looks, that strikes him as odd.

But if he won't argue with her, Adam is willing to. And it is tiring, arguing with her. Eventually, one of them gives up and walks away, gives in but be unsatisfied. It doesn't change that much this time around. No matter how much she says they have.]

It would be. [He says that bluntly, like it's a good thing and they should all be relieve it'll be lonelier here.] You'll find yourself disappointed if you were expecting any difference while we are on the Moon, Gamora.

It's not Earth. ( As if that makes all the difference. And it does - she's far more at home among the stars than she's ever been with a planet under her feet. There have been one or to exceptions, of course, and while 'home' isn't a concept Gamora has much familiarity with the metal halls of the moonbase are far more friendly than the grey skies of Exsilium. ) And you make it sound like being around fewer people is a bad thing.

( And then to Adam, with a furrowed brow: ) You're staying?

[Blue remains silent, but by no means disinterested; his gaze isn't utterly fixed on them, because there's dynamic shifts in the spaces around them, crossing and blending in places. as it should; these two have history. it's the color of the history that's fascinating.]

[He's never felt at home anywhere. Maybe the only time he ever been at home with her. Explaining why he wants to stay, that's problematic to explain given that context. But he has other reasons. Reason One: he can't stand people.]

Not permanently. [When has he ever stayed anywhere permanently.] I'll come and go as I need. I don't think anyone would have any objections to that.

( There's a huff of air, and Gamora turns away from both Adam and Blue to drop her cape and sword under her bed. It's not a perfect solution to the problem of space, but she hardly has anything she'd call 'personal items' - just a box full of stuff she doesn't know what to do with. )

Quill might throw a fit. ( She'll be annoyed with him if he spends more than a week floating among asteroids, and her preemptive annoyance isn't hard to detect at all. But it's still underlined with no small amount of relief at having the both of them back - not that she'd admit to it. ) Staying or leaving the moon, Blue?

[his reaction is a little delayed; alla y'all subtleties are good TV. the look he gives Gamora is a little huh? what? at first, but he's back on it.]

I'll go where I'm most of use. It will probably be a return to the Earth, with most of the others.

[She has a point. Peter might really throw a fit given how he's been talking to Adam. Like he's pulling the trigger all over again. They're a really impressive bunch, aren't they.

He thinks about this while Blue answers. Then he gives Gamora a pointed 'you see it's not just me' look but he stays quiet otherwise.]

Edited (a word) 2013-12-01 18:34 (UTC)

Suit yourself. ( A shrug that turns into a roll of her shoulders. ) It'll be the same old thing - people make grand speeches but nothing gets done.

( That's part of the reason that she can at least give the Guardians credit. They did something. Badly, and with questionable success, but it wasn't for the lack of trying.

Adam gets a look - he's not running around as a member of a team. Are we still a team? - before Gamora turns her full attention back to the both of them. )

( closed ) when everyone we know is six feet under

for blue and adam

for peter quill

[shibesparkle]

BEAST OF A PHONE TAG GET

JESUS

[shibeeye]

I KNOW I'M GOOD AT IT

[ugh]

QUEEN OF PHONE TAGS TBH

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