exsiliumlogs | open ► you can't behave

Entry tags:

open ► you can't behave

Date & Time: Anytime after the 1st, sorry for the edit.
Location: The cafeteria!
Characters: Sheena (

holeseeker), open to all!
Summary: Sheena's making Actual Food. Your character might be interested.
Warnings: N/A

[Sheena is no stranger to the kitchen, though after being gone for a couple weeks she's had to acclimate herself to being on the moon base again. The kitchen here is smaller and the selection of supplies is smaller still. But things have been getting better, albeit slowly, and her own supply runs helped her get a hand on some stuff she might not get elsewhere.

She's pleased. It's been a while since she made anything resembling her favorite dish, but chicken curry over rice is fairly easy, fairly standard, and looking fairly delicious. She doesn't have any pineapple or tofu to add, unfortunately, but that can wait until they make things right again-- or until she goes home, whichever comes first.

She serves herself a bowl and leaves the rest on the counter with more dishes, in case someone wants to serve themselves. For now, though, she sits on a bench. The cafeteria sure looks like it took a beating in her absence; she lets her attention drift as she begins to eat.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[She brushes her bangs out of her face, not looking directly at him.]

Oh, yeah! I was gathering medical supplies in some 'Merica' place. It wasn't too hard, just kind of obnoxious because of all the surveillance...

[She eventually glances at him though.]

I heard zombies attacked, and there was some kind of rebellion. You... weren't hurt, right?

Oh, yeah, no, I'm fine. It wasn't anything we couldn't handle, just-- [Both those incidents weigh on him, for very different reasons. Where to even start?] A lot's been happening. I'm still figuring everything out.

[He seems a little different, but she doesn't know why. Maybe he's just taking everything hard. God knows she does.]

I know that feeling.

[She serves up a bowl of curry and passes it to him with a gentle smile.]

I've been here for almost a year... It's hard to believe.

[He takes it gratefully, a little eagerly. He's missed her cooking, and boy can he eat.]

A whole year... Man. That's still weird to think about.

[He rubs the side of his head with the heel of his hand, chewing thoughtfully.]

If I'd known you guys were here, I would've come to find you way sooner.

It is. I'd probably be chief already if I went back home right now... not that I want to. There's too much I need to do here.

[She shakes her head a little.]

It's okay. I-- I knew you'd come. Especially when Colette showed up, [she adds, maybe a little too hastily.]

[A pause.]

What are you talking about? Even if she hadn't, the two of us would've just gone together to come find you.

[He would have done anything he could. He takes 'to the ends of the earth' to an entirely different level.]

[Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand now she's blushing.] But... that's... [She laughs a little and looks away.] That's nice. Thanks.

[She brushes some stray crumbs off the table in front of her and sits back down.]

Hey, Lloyd.

What's the last thing you remember? From home, I mean.

[It's a weird reaction to something that he thinks should be obvious, and he smiles in a vague, confused way, the way people do when they don't entirely understand what's happening. You're weird, Sheena.

When she sits back down, though, he blinks a little, confused by the question.]

The last thing? ... Uh, well, Colette and I had just started looking for Exspheres. We left Iselia a couple weeks ago.

[That lines up pretty neatly with what she knows. Her Lloyd, too, had left with Colette. She rubs at the back of her neck, still not making eye contact.]

You've been here for a little while, so you probably already know, but... sometimes the timelines get mixed up. The last time you were here, you didn't remember half the stuff I did-- and then you kept mentioning some weird city I'd never heard of.

... Sometimes the things we remember happen differently, too.

[He watches her closely, sobering a little. He feels like something's off, but has no idea where to even begin pinpointing what it is.]

I've heard people talk about it. But I still don't really get what that means. [The last time he was here? Different memories, or memories missing entirely? It doesn't make any sense to him.] How is that even possible? Remembering things differently.

[Something /is/ off. It's called she knows something you (probably) don't.]

Supposedly, every major decision you make creates a branching timeline. The machine they use doesn't differentiate, so that's why we can remember things differently.

[Sheena takes a measured breath.]

I don't know if you know, but... Zelos died in his world. [It never gets any easier to explain.] Obviously, it's really hard for him. He wouldn't even talk to me for the longest time.

[The look that crosses his face is shock, but the timing is off. It doesn't come at the mention of Zelos' death, but after she's finished talking, when the implications of it have started to sink in.]

What are you... talking about?

[He's not stupid. The fact that she thought she might need to tell him at all is proof enough on its own. Sometimes the things we remember happen differently.

He swallows hard and finds his voice again -- edged, more urgent. He wants to be wrong and wants to be right at the same time.]

What do you mean, in his world?

[That's not the reaction she was expecting. She blinks, and then--] ... Oh. [Oh, no. Lloyd is from-- that's awful. That's damn awful.] I-I'm sorry, [she stammers, unsure of how to proceed.

And then she remembers what she knows. She hasn't quite figured out the specifics, but she knows Zelos betrayed them and he died for it. Lloyd's reaction says it all. She has a terrible sinking feeling that maybe Lloyd and everyone else did have something to do with it.]

You know, don't you? You know how he died.

[You know why he hates us.]

[Then that's it, then. She really doesn't remember.

He's reeling, pressing the heel of his hand against his temple.]

I-- [If she doesn't remember, if it really didn't happen for her, then that means-- Zelos is--] Of course I know, I was there. We were all there.

[He's not the only one who fought, even if the final blow was his.]

We...?

[She suddenly regrets asking. Her fingers tremble; she hides them against her gloves. It's too late to turn back now. She has to know.]

Lloyd, please... please tell me. It's the only way to know how to— [Her breath catches as she finally admits it out loud.] —save him.

[He doesn't like where this is going already. "Save" is a dangerous path to go down; Mithos turned down it and never came back.

The temptation had been there for him, ever since he touched the Eternal Sword and understood the potential it had, and being here only makes it worse.

He shakes his head. He can't keep eye contact.]

Sheena, what happened happened. We can't change it, no matter how much we want to. [He feels less and less sure of this every day, every chance he has to get Zelos to talk to him.] Even... even if it's painful.

[Sheena has not disagreed with Lloyd even once. At least not that she can remember. But there is something like defeat in his eyes, and suddenly she's seeing all the people who died in the Temple of Lightning incident laying at her feet.

'We can't change it.']

No, [she murmurs, surprising herself.] No, we can! Zelos lived in my world and nothing bad happened. Nothing fell out of line, nothing got destroyed. He went home with everyone else. He petitioned to make me an ambassador and Seles moved in with him like he always wanted, and he was always looking out for everyone else even though he pretended not to care. [She stands up, looking almost furious.]

Maybe you've given up, but Zelos here and Zelos back home are the same. I'm not going to turn my back on a friend just because I don't know what will happen if I try to help. I know what happens if I don't try and that's enough for me.

[She simmers down a little, looking and feeling a little betrayed by the person she admires.]

-- You taught me that.

[What happened? Why doesn't he believe anymore? This isn't about going back and preventing someone from dying. This is about timelines and pushing Zelos into the right one.]

[The problem is, for him, it's exactly about going back and preventing someone from dying. Zelos died -- that was the choice, and it's the only one he knows. He doesn't see any other options.

There's a flare of anger on his part, but her description of Zelos in her timeline cracks open grief alongside it, and both stick painfully in his throat.]

I wanted to save him! I wanted to-- and I couldn't. [And that's what tears him up inside, knowing why Zelos did what he did and realizing how blind he'd been to it all along.] But that doesn't mean going back is the answer.

If I do that-- [Something in his expression breaks. This is what he's been struggling with for the past month, said out loud.] What about Botta, what about Marble, what about my mom? We can't mess with the past that way.

[Ouch. Her fingers squeak as she clenches them against the table.

It takes her a moment to find her bearings. Seeing him upset just makes her more upset, and Sheena gets /severely/ emotional.]

So... y-you're just going to abandon him, knowing full well there's a world where he lived? A world he has every right to return to, after what he's done for us?

[She sucks in a sharp breath, trying not to cry.]

How am I gonna go home and look him in the face?

[Abandon. Is that really what he's doing?]

No! I don't want to do that, either! I didn't know your-- your timeline could be like that, I.... [This is overwhelming. He's doubting himself more every second.] I don't know what to do.

[She bites down on her bottom lip. Like Lloyd, her anger is short-lived. She sinks down onto the bench.]

... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that.

[He's quiet for a long moment, letting his thoughts put themselves back in order. It doesn't really help, but he's calmer, at least.

He shakes his head.]

No. You're right. I know you're right. I still don't think time travel is the right answer, but... that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep looking.

[Sheena closes her eyes for a moment.]

Thanks.

[A ghost of a smile crosses her lips.] ... I knew I could count on you.

[He shakes his head again, a smaller movement. More at himself than at her. He's still having trouble wrapping his head around what he's just heard.

Zelos is alive. He's alive, he's happy, he was able to find a place in the new world with them.

Lloyd stares resolutely down at his hands.]

It was me, Sheena.

open ► you can't behave

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