[Cheerfully changing his voice to an assertive and rather annoyed baritone.]

That one is thinner. That one is taller. That one is a woman. It is impossible to deliver presents to all children in the world in a single night. If anyone tried to descend through our fireplace, the living room would be ruined by soot. Reindeer can't fly. The solstice was three days ago, anyway. No, you cannot fool me with that fake beard.