exsiliumlogs | (no subject)

I trust you.

[he scrubs his face again, taking a few deep breaths to fight off the...he doesn't even know what welling in the back of his throat.]

Derek threw you out, and you went to Scott because he was kind. When he left...we both know that I'm not what he is. I'm not Scott, for better or worse. A band-aid, maybe, at the time.

[and if he's come to care for isaac more than that, it's certainly not anything he meant to do. he looks down at his knees.]

Did he hurt you?

No.

[The response is instinctive, but not immediate- not too sudden to seem suspicious, not too tense to seem worrisome. Isaac lies without even particularly meaning to, like it's a stock answer to a stock question that he's heard dozens of times in his life.]

And I didn't use you, if that's what you mean. [Quietly, trying to change the subject, not sure how he feels about the thought that he had just lied to Peter about this- about something important.]

Isaac.

[there's a break in his voice and he doesn't want there to be, to go with the twist in his gut that he also doesn't want there to be. he didn't expect this, and he's tired and he trusts isaac and he didn't expect this. not from this corner. it's like a punch in the gut, and he recoils from it, shifting away.]

Last week--god, was it only last week--I told you something. I told you that you were the only person who wasn't family who hadn't screwed me over.

[it sounds almost like a plea: don't do this. don't make me say you're doing this.]

You didn't use me. Shit, how long as I an asshole about it before you changed my mind?

[Isaac hears the break, hears the stammer in Peter's heartbeat like he's the one who's been caught lying, and he has to swallow thickly around the lump in his throat because he knows. Of course he does, it's written all over his body language, and Isaac closes his eyes for a moment, trying to center himself around this new information, trying to figure out if there's a way he can salvage this without giving up Scott in the process.]

I'm not screwing you over. [It's soft, like he's working it out for himself.] None of this- it doesn't have anything to do with you.

[peter's quiet for a long time, curled up and shaking, just a little. he knows isaac is lying, isaac knows he knows. here they are. it's not that peter minds lying in general, or being complicit in a lie, most of the time. this isn't some harmless bullshit story, though. it's not a fabrication or embellishment that doesn't hurt anybody. when he speaks he sounds exhausted. done.

accepting.]

I've told a lot of stories. Just about everything can be one, and you can change it around however you want, by how you tell it. The thing is that you have to tell the same one all the way through. You can't start out with one story and finish with another. If you're going to tell this story, the one where you're the bad guy who is untrustworthy and disloyal and deserves whatever he gets for it now...that's the story you're telling.

[and what he thinks about it doesn't matter, he's clear on that now.]

So you tell me where I fit into the story, and I guess we go from there.

Edited 2014-01-30 04:24 (UTC)

Why does it matter do you?

[His tone gets harder, and Isaac turns to look at him. He's unreadable, but for the tension in his shoulders, his jaw, the narrowing of his eyes.]

You didn't want me around you like this in the first place. You didn't want to care, so don't. What happens between me and Scott is my business- he's my alpha, and he has every right to-

[Isaac falters, just for a moment.]

-to do what has to be done. [He shakes his head and picks up steam again.] I'm trying to find some sort of middle ground between you two, but you're both so damn insistent on making me the bad guy because I'm loyal to him and I want to be with you.

[peter recoils like he's been struck, like isaac just slapped him across the face. and then he just...deflates, sets his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands and leaves it there.]

Why does it matter to me? Because you matter to me, numbnuts. I didn't want to care. And you know what changed my mind? You. You changed my goddamned mind, got under my skin and pretending I couldn't give a shit got stupid because you're worth caring about. I'm not trying to make you choose. You're not the bad guy, there is no bad guy. This isn't a story. You were never not loyal to Scott.

[he looks up at isaac.]

God knows what you want to call me in relation to you anymore, I just want you to be safe.

Edited 2014-01-30 05:25 (UTC)

[Isaac has to close his eyes when he sees Peter's reaction and he turns away, trying to take a deep breath. He knows that he's hurt him, and it shouldn't hurt like this, but it does.]

Then don't call me a liar, [He finally murmurs, all of the anger ebbed from him at the slightest hint of defeat in Peter's posture.]

Just- believe me. We can all put this behind us if you just let it go.

All right.

[he takes a few breaths, slow and deep. he needs to calm down, he just needs to calm down. letting it go is probably too tall an order, but he can let it be. it's not as though he can protect isaac anyway, not physically and not from something he refuses to be protected from. peter has never been one to want to step into anything he can avoid stepping into, but the fact that someone who was supposed to protect isaac hurt him again and peter can do nothing but watch aches behind his ribs.]

If you believe that you're safe with him, then I believe you. I trust you.

[There's a long pause there, and Isaac visibly relaxes at Peter's admission, letting out a long sigh and slowly moving back toward the couch- the other side of it though, the longer area where he will probably be tempted to lay down in the near future.]

I'm glad. [Softly.] And I'm sorry- for getting angry. Things have been... well.

[Peter knows how they've been.]

Yeah, they have. It's...it's fine.

[the getting angry, he means, because plainly he doesn't feel very fine at all. but isaac seems to have relaxed, so that will do. when he sits, peter hesitates for a moment before he stands, passing isaac the blankets he was under. he can't keep sitting there when isaac chose the place as far from him as possible. better to be the one who moves.

i made a mistake. did you learn from it?

he doesn't know.]

I think I'm gonna go to bed.

[Isaac blinks a little wearily up at him, looking confused. He hadn't planned on Peter leaving- rather, was sort of working his way toward lying down in his lap, and the sudden rejection takes him by a rather painful surprise. Still, he takes the blankets quietly, looking down toward them and trying not to- he doesn't know.

In truth, that one simple movement makes him want to fly apart, scream into the couch cushions and rip through the fabric in his hands. Everything had been built so precariously, balancing Peter and Scott and everyone else, and now it feels like he's been trying in vain this whole time. Stupid of him, to think he could keep them both.

Even as he lays down, his shoulders tense again, wrapping the blankets tight around him to prevent his hands from shaking, Isaac doesn't speak, doesn't wish Peter goodnight, doesn't get up to make sure the door is locked like usual.

He doesn't find his way into bed with Peter at all that night, and after almost an hour of silence, he falls into a fitful sleep that stretches on for the rest of the day.]

[peter wakes up a few hours later, finds the bed still empty and isaac on the couch, shifting in his sleep.

did you learn from it?

isaac makes a little sound in his sleep, and peter knows what he learned. he takes his blankets and pads over to the couch, wincing at the cold floor on his bare feet, and squeezes onto the couch, one leg over isaac's hip to hold on, drapes the covers over them both. he strokes isaac's hair, presses their foreheads together.]

Shh. I'm sorry, rikonoro, I am. It's okay, all right?

[Isaac barely wakes up at the feeling of the weight being draped over him, blinking slightly at the familiar scent and shifting a little to allow the closeness as Peter squeezes in on the couch. The words don't quite make sense to him at the time, and Isaac can sense that Peter is probably a few centimeters away from falling off the couch, so he squirms back just a little, shifting warmly under him.]

Heavy.

[But there's a little contented sigh at the contact, and even if he's pressed back into the couch, Isaac still finds a way to curl into him somehow, eyes fluttering shut.]

You're gonna fall off.

[peter moves with him when isaac settles back, wedges his leg behind one of isaac's, and then takes one of isaac's arms and drapes it around his back.]

Nah. You got me.

[this is probably the stupidest way he's slept in a long time. he's still out almost immediately.]

Mm.

[And that is, quite simply, that. Isaac falls back asleep moments later, halfheartedly trying to ensure that Peter stays on the couch with him. There are still dreams of course, twitches of panic in his fingers along the other werewolf's back, but for the most part, he sleeps much better.]