She nods her head, feeling miserable, but aware that it was because of the good things that she felt the bad so keenly. "Not long after I got back. I spent most the day with him. He wasn't doing great then, either, but..."

Going back again and again had been difficult, nigh on impossible to contemplate. Watching a slow decline was like watching her mother all over again, only without the burn of ammonia in her nostrils, or the beeping of the heart monitor watching her pulse.

"We got to talk. It wasn't enough," she adds, feeling Kate will understand. Collette wipes under her nose with the back of her wrist again, grimacing at the wetness and how cold it is in the night air. "I'm a mess," she announces, laughing in a bubbling way, difficult with the snot in her throat and the thickness of her own saliva.

"Just a total mess right now."