[It's the smile that undoes the remainder of Kotetsu's composure. However Barnaby actually intends it, it certainly looks like the expression of a man trying to make peace with the inevitable, twisting the gesture into something terrifying instead of reassuring. Kotetsu's not lost hope--not anything close to it--but he's not blinded by his optimism either. He can't not consider the worst when they're entirely dependent on a stranger's ability to show up just in time to pull off a miracle. And even then, there's still a high chance that Barnaby might be too far gone for a healer's help to make a difference.
He tries to push that worry aside, to listen to what Barnaby's struggling to say even though he can't make much sense of it. Repay who? Kotetsu? It's almost funny how wrong that is, and that's when it hits that maybe there's a lot Barnaby doesn't realize. It should be much too soon to let his mind get distracted with regret, but once the door is open to those kinds of thoughts there's no stopping them from flooding in. There's so much that Kotetsu hasn't said, hasn't done, hasn't apologized for. He knows all too well how words can seem trivial when you see someone every day and yet carry an impossible weight once that person is gone. And it was only days ago that they'd had that awful fight, too. Talking about it had felt unnecessary afterwards, but now...
He isn't aware of how hard he's crying until he feels the wetness on his face and a sob overtakes his attempt to speak.
So much for being the strong one. Kotetsu's all Barnaby's got to try and talk him through this, so he can't be so selfish as to fall apart. He grits his teeth and pulls himself together long enough to echo Barnaby's words as fiercely as he can manage.]
There's still a lot you have to do, Barnaby!
[Do because he wants to, not because he's been forced by the whims of Maverick or the Initiative or whoever-the-hell else. Barnaby's experienced so much but actually lived so little. After everything, they can't let some stupid, preventable accident be what ends it.]
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He tries to push that worry aside, to listen to what Barnaby's struggling to say even though he can't make much sense of it. Repay who? Kotetsu? It's almost funny how wrong that is, and that's when it hits that maybe there's a lot Barnaby doesn't realize. It should be much too soon to let his mind get distracted with regret, but once the door is open to those kinds of thoughts there's no stopping them from flooding in. There's so much that Kotetsu hasn't said, hasn't done, hasn't apologized for. He knows all too well how words can seem trivial when you see someone every day and yet carry an impossible weight once that person is gone. And it was only days ago that they'd had that awful fight, too. Talking about it had felt unnecessary afterwards, but now...
He isn't aware of how hard he's crying until he feels the wetness on his face and a sob overtakes his attempt to speak.
So much for being the strong one. Kotetsu's all Barnaby's got to try and talk him through this, so he can't be so selfish as to fall apart. He grits his teeth and pulls himself together long enough to echo Barnaby's words as fiercely as he can manage.]
There's still a lot you have to do, Barnaby!
[Do because he wants to, not because he's been forced by the whims of Maverick or the Initiative or whoever-the-hell else. Barnaby's experienced so much but actually lived so little. After everything, they can't let some stupid, preventable accident be what ends it.]