merry christmas equius!!!

[caligulas_aquarium]

Date: idk december 30th maybe christmas spirit y'all
Location: The Ampora-Zahhak-Captor residence.
Characters: Eridan and Equius.
Summary: Eridan got Equius a Christmas present isn't that thoughtful!!!!!! jk its awful
Warnings: tw: Equius Zahhak

[So, after he found out about this whole Christmas thing, he decided to mess around a little. After all he hasn't had any fun in a while and you know who he hasn't bothered in a while either? His slightly less revolting roommate. So a quick trip to the wastes he managed to find a bird loud, annoying and mutant enough to shove into Equius' room while the guy was gone, then all he had to do was wait.

Eventually, though, he hears the loud irritated shrieking of the gift he gave(or maybe it was an angry Equius, who knows) and goes off to see how things are in Equius' room.]

Comments

thanks for the equius warning tag #my fucking appreciation for you #douchebag

[musclebeast]

[Good job Eridan, adopting human customs, still being the worst possible example of a highblood troll I see.]

[And dear god he is just standing at his open doorway staring into his room at that... bird.]

Eck gad... What- is an outlands animals doing here. [As it squawks terribly at the presence of a new person looking into the room.]

always thinkin of u like that

[caligulas_aquarium]

[Oh, perfect. He stops right behind Equius, stands up straight, clears his throat-!]

Ahem.

[GRINNING.]

You found your present.

yeah thnx

[musclebeast]

[A slow turn to glance at Eridan. He doesn't make the connection right away...]

My pre- [Oh wait there we go. Equius's lips twist into a scowl.]

You-

Went into my room.

[caligulas_aquarium]

A' course. It's supposed to be a surprise.

What better way to make it so then just dumpi-I...mean hidin' it in your room while you're gone.

1/4

[musclebeast]

[Stare.]

2/4

[musclebeast]

3/4

[musclebeast]

[Ugh he went- he- ugh.]

4/4

[musclebeast]

This is both extremely frustrating and perplexing. Why did you go into my block and why did you give me- [He's about to say something mean but... it's a bird, and he doesn't want to be mean to the bird exactly, but-]

A gift? [The words strains a bit, but he's definitely popping a vien here and there.]

[caligulas_aquarium]

Why, it's Christmas of course!

[SNRK...]

[musclebeast]

[Grinds his teeth.]

You are a troll, and you are adopting human customs? [...Some how managing to get more mad here.]

[caligulas_aquarium]

If you hawen't noticed, we ain't on Alternia right now Eq'.

Besides, what's the harm. Don't you like your present?

[Annnd right on cue in the background a rather LOUD AND UGLY pleasant squawk.]

1/2

[musclebeast]

If you haven't noticed, you are still a blasted TROLL! [Deeeep breathing, practically spitting at him and he grinds his teeth harder, hands as fists. Oh gosh-

ohhh gosh, vapors. He needs to just settle down. Deeeeep breath, standing back, licks his lips and oves a hand up to tensely fix his shades. Though the squawking makes him them quickly shatter his shades a bit more and he splutters, shaking his head.]

Oh my my good galloping gracious you are such- [Bird, please he's... trying to calm down.]

I am... I am extremely vexed at how you can just-

[musclebeast]

Suck-

so bad, at being... a highblooded troll. [A long, shuddered sigh.] I don't, I cannot actually figure out how it's even possible. You're a bafoon!

1/2

[caligulas_aquarium]

[caligulas_aquarium]

So is that a no then.

[Fuck what you said, he is an outstanding highblood and he knows it tbh.]

[musclebeast]

You're a complete FOOL! I will- I WI- UGH! [Growls loud, smashing his fist into the wall nearest his side. Ow, things scratching his arm, oh wait, too mad.]

I am going to wreck you you little IMP. I don't care if you bleed gemstones, you- I- Oh my God I need, to just.

[Towel, find- something, ugh.]

[caligulas_aquarium]

[HAHAHA, oh man, Equius, too easy. Too. Easy.

And oh dear, your little tantrum has upset your new feathered friend! It's beak actually proper opens fully like the mouth of one of those predator aliens and it lets out a horrible SCREECH that even Eridan recoils a bit at.

Tbh maybe now he's kind of regretting it oh god that thing is loud.

Can't let it show though.]

Hey look, you ewen got somethin' in common! You both flip your shit at ewerythin'.

[RUBBING AT HIS EAR...OW...]

[musclebeast]

[Stare.]

[His brows furrow, breathing hard, standing there with a fist still kind of in the wall. His lips curl a little, regaining himself a little before managing to choke some words out and oh god he's getting a different kind of worked up now.]

Are you- why- why are you doing this?

[caligulas_aquarium]

So you really don't like it?

Eq', I'm hurt. Really.

[musclebeast]

Do you want me to be furious with you?

[caligulas_aquarium]

You're mad at me for gettin' you a' gift an' expectin' nothin' in return?

Fuck, that's just not nice Zahhak.

[musclebeast]

You are trying to use some kind of sarcasm on me that I don't exactly understand, stop it. It's only furthering my livid contempt for you right now.

[caligulas_aquarium]

What?

Prowe it.

[musclebeast]

I will prove that your face can be bested by my fist if you don't stop this ridiculous tomfoolery right now!

[caligulas_aquarium]

The only thing you're prowin' right now is how ungrateful you are.

I mean did you ewen get any other gifts cause with this sorta attitude I doubt it.

[musclebeast]

We're TROLLS. We don't give each other gifts unless it's to celebrate the fact that we haven't been culled yet. [He pulls his hand from the wall, further tearing it, blue dripping here and there before he moves to quickly shut his door because that bird is making it simply impossible to think right now.]

Ampora... [He heaves, bowing his head a little, that grind of his teeth loud and gut churning.]

[caligulas_aquarium]

Zahhak.

[Playing the fool is just so. much. fun.

Keep on shinin' you crazy diamond.

Literally.

You're fucking insane.]

[musclebeast]

[Yes, insane, wait no- he's just mad! Okay! He just- He's a very mad person and Eridan seems to know how to bring that out of him easily, granted, not the safest way of pissing him off. Since now Equius is whipping out a hand to grab the front of Eridan's shirt and scarf and lift him up.]

[Now, he COULD say something more threatening here, but really? He's too mad to think of anything, and there's a lot of thinking about using Eridan as a wrecking ball to that wall he punched earlier.]

[caligulas_aquarium]

[OK.

He's only one step away from actually freaking out.

If this doesn't work he will react appropriately, but for now-]

Whoa, forward, aren't we?

Don't worry, I won't tell Sol'. It'd be downright scandalous a' me, an' think a' the rumors that'd spread an' all.

[musclebeast]

[ . . . ]

[Mmm, no sorry, what was that? Not the words-

that crunch sound? I do hope that was the wall and not your spine when he slams Eridan up against the wall and holds him there.]

[caligulas_aquarium]

[OH...

OK...

UM...OUCH...]

Hey, hey, easy there...it was just a joke. Fuck.

[musclebeast]

[A growl, slowly leaning in and clenching his hand tighter as his other pulls back, holding a fist there.]

I don't enjoy jokes.

[caligulas_aquarium]

Well I can see that...

[Clears his throat a little, straightens his glasses...]

I don't giwe a fuck about any a' this Christmas shit, I just-

Whatewer.

Put me down.

[musclebeast]

I'm finding myself uninterested in your alluring yet pointless command.

I suggest a please, sir. Before I ruin that face you spend so much time on. [A growl, pulled back hand curling harder, getting ready to hit him but trying very very hard to hold back...]

[caligulas_aquarium]

[OH GOD...]

Whoa, sorry, who was the one not a moment ago who was talkin' about foregoin' alternian traditions bein' a shitty thing to do an' right now is tryin' to disobey the hemospectrum?

Do you listen to yourself?

[musclebeast]

I'm obeying the terms of a traditional rivalry between seadwellers and land walkers. [His words are growled, still trying not to actually... kill Eridan. But it's getting harder and harder to hold himself back...]

But please sir, I would advise you to politely ask to get down, or I may be forced to make this more- [A shudder.] Pressing.

[caligulas_aquarium]

[HOW ABOUT HE POLITELY SHOOTS YOU THROUGH YOUR STUPID FACE...god...]

...

Put me down.

[He didn't curse, does that count...]

[musclebeast]

[No just-

let him stare at you right now.]

[caligulas_aquarium]

Look.

I am tryin'-trying to ask in the least me sor-...the way least like how I usually speak, without cursin'-g, asking you to put. me. down.

As nicely. As I can.

[musclebeast]

[Well he's certainly not punching you right now. But he's still also not letting you down, and still kind of staring at you.]

[Because gosh he's just, so worked up right now, and Eridan manages to get him so worked up so easily-]

1/2

[caligulas_aquarium]

[HE WANTS TO RIP OUT YOUR EYES AND STRANGLE YOU WITH THE OPTICAL NERVES

GOD]

[caligulas_aquarium]

[Except he's still trying to stay in control of this situation.]

Equius. C'mon.

[musclebeast]

Nngh-! [A gasp, moving to throw Eridan away and down the hall.]

1/2

[caligulas_aquarium]

[Landing with a thump, he spends a moment thinking about how much he loathes you Equius.

How one day he'll probably straight up murder you for disrespecting him like this.

But today is not this day.

He gets up and walks away.

Because...]

not here

[caligulas_aquarium]

[CAUSE THAT BIRD'S STILL IN YOUR ROOM

CHECK IT YO

AMPORA 1 ZAHHAK 0]

[musclebeast]

[It will NOT BE QUIET.]