[Open]

[deadbythename]

Date & Time: Jan 18-23
Location: Lots of bars. Lots of dark, unpleasant places.
Characters: Jason Todd the Grump and whoever decides to interrupt his willful ignoring everything.
Summary: Jason Todd is willfully ignoring everything and spending most of his time up on lonely rooftops and occasionally drinking.
Warnings: idk, gloomy bullshit, swearing, we'll see.

[ Okay.  Jason wasn't an idiot.  It was really kind of obvious he wasn't going to be able to avoid everyone forever.  Exsilium wasn't Gotham and there just weren't enough places he could go until he just.  Ran into somebody.

Maybe he'd even run into Dick or that tiny girl Robin.  Or Joey...  Though that didn't bear thinking about.   Running into them eventually didn't mean running into them immediately.  All Jason wanted was space.  He needed to reorganize himself, needed to separate himself from the memories that of this place that still floated through his head.  Exsilium wasn't Gotham, but Jason was still himself.  The holster under his jacket was a reminder of that.  So he spent most of his time in bars, in the darker, shadowy parts, nursing a drink and listening. The rest of the time, he wandered, relearning the alleyways and rooftops of this weird ass city.  If nothing else, he'd be prepared for however long he'd be staying here. ]

Comments

[deadbythename]

Doesn't exactly fit the image of the tall, brooding crime fighter you got going on.

[kneecaptain]

Everyone always called me Bucky.

Why would I wanna change that?

[deadbythename]

[ He shrugs. ]

Dunno. Sometimes you don't get a choice in the matter.

[kneecaptain]

I know.

[ Dot. Dot. Dot. ]

[deadbythename]

[ Huh. ]

Do they do the family thing in your world? Not the flesh and blood kind, but like.

[ He gestures vaguely. ] The bullshit collection of people who end up working under the same guy or in the same city.

[kneecaptain]

[ Bucky's always identified strongly with his father. Or at least, with trying to be someone his father would want. That's what he thinks of, when Jason says family. He'd found brothers in the service; you always did. But that was something else.

He tilted his head. ]

We have legacies.

[deadbythename]

We have that, too, but...

[ He snorts and lifts his glass, taking a long drink. ]

Legacy makes it sound so fucking mundane.

[kneecaptain]

Why?

[ It's an honest question. ]

[deadbythename]

It sounds real honorable, right? Taking on the title of some big hero before you.

[ He shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. ]

I was boosting the tires on Batman's ride when he found me. That's my big origin story. It's practically his fucking M.O., find some athletic orphan and turn them into a highly trained vigilante at 13. Let 'em work the streets a few years till they get fuckin' shot or blown up or what the fuck ever. Rinse and repeat.

Guy before me was fucking smart and moved the fuck on, but that doesn't mean he still doesn't come trotting back to Gotham whenever Daddy Bats calls.

[ He's digging himself down and he knows it, letting himself just fucking feed on all of the hate and rage he can keep in check most of the time. Literally nothing good comes from it, but it's familiar and it's his. ]

[kneecaptain]

[ He's not sure what to make of that, all the anger, sudden and hot and fresh. Bucky's eyes narrow, but he can get very still when he wants to. Sometimes when he doesn't want to. Sometimes he's just still. ]

You got hurt, didn't you?

[ He says it halfway between a statement and a question. Getting shot or blown up or what the fuck ever. ]

[deadbythename]

[ He makes a sound that's probably a laugh. It's nothing like any kind of laugh he had when he was Robin. ]

I got killed.

Guy called the Joker. Beat the shit out of me with a fucking crowbar and left me behind with a bomb.

[ He realizes he's gripping his glass too hard and lets go, lays his hands flat on the table. ]

[kneecaptain]

I died when I was twenty. [ He's not sure why he just said that. ]

Blew myself up over the English channel. It was stupid of me. [ He's not looking at Jason, right then. ] But you know, even with everything, I don't think I regret it.

[deadbythename]

[ Jason doesn't go still. He wasn't moving all that much to begin with, but the potential for violence that feels like it's buzzing just under his skin settles. ]

Tell me why.

[kneecaptain]

There was a— it was a drone plane, with a buzz bomb attached. If it had gone off like Zemo had planned it, well, I dunno. Thousands of people would've died. Maybe a million.

[ He actually doesn't think about that moment very much. There are other things his nightmares don't sleep through. Other memories. ]

I couldn't just stand there, right? I knew Steve couldn't get to the thing in time. He was— it was the one time I could jump further. I didn't mean to… [ His voice trails off, then he starts again. ] It was booby-trapped, and my sleeve got caught on the wing. But there were a couple seconds, when I knew. I knew I wasn't coming out of it.

[ He looks at his hands, resting on the tabletop. One of them isn't real. ]

You ever have a moment where you realize, the whole world goes, or I do? It's not a hard choice.

[deadbythename]

[ Hearing it backs him off the edge he'd been building up to. He takes a slow breath. ]

I- [ His voice is too rough. He takes another breath. ] I didn't have that moment. Not at the end. It was my mom. My birth mom. I found out she was alive and I wanted to see her.

She sold me out, stood there and- I don't know if she watched, but she was still there when the Joker left. Locked her in with me. And I thought I could get her out at least. Thought maybe B would bust through the door.

[kneecaptain]

But he didn't. [ HIs lips turn to a line. ]

Yeah, that's crap. [ He doesn't mean, that Batman's crap. Or even that his mother's crap. He just means that sometimes no one's there to save you, no one can. And that's the way of the world, really. But it's crap. ]

[deadbythename]

Yeah... He didn't.

[ If he had the headstate for it, he might feel guilty. He does feel it, a little. He never had any problem throwing what had happened to him in the faces of his "family," but it felt wrong to shove it at someone who hadn't been anything but good. ]

I shouldn't have dumped that on you.

[ Close as he can get to an outright apology. ]

[kneecaptain]

No. No, I think I'm glad you did.

[ He said "I think", not because he regretted the hearing of it. But because he wasn't sure anyone should be glad about what Jason had to say. ]

[deadbythename]

Yeah, well.

[ He's taking steady breaths now, moving his hands back to his glass to let the cool feel of it ground him a little more in reality. ]

I haven't. Lost it like that for a while. It's just when it comes to all [ He gestures vaguely. ] that bullshit. Names and identity, 's fucking complicated in this community.

[kneecaptain]

It's alright. [ He doesn't say he gets it, but. ]

I'm pretty sure I could still take you.

[deadbythename]

[ Back in familiar territory now. ]

Sure about that?

[kneecaptain]

Yep.

[deadbythename]

We could test out that theory.

[kneecaptain]

You're really begging for it, aren't you?

[deadbythename]

[ He shrugs and grins. ]

Some people like that kinda thing.