that perfect tranquillity of life ( OPEN )

[flecks]

Date & Time: April 10, late afternoon & evening
Location: The library
Characters: Leo Baskerville & YOU.
Summary: There's some weird guy sitting on the floor, come trip over him or be weirded out at him because hey, there are perfectly fine seats in the library!!
Warnings: idek

[ When Leo isn't busy with the extra training the Initiative forces him to do and the community service at the orphanage, he can be found reading in the library. Reading books now isn't the same as it was before. He can't quite enjoy it like he used to, but it's the only way of coping he knows and so he keeps on reading. Not knowing what else to do, it's easy to fall back on old habits. Old habits die hard after all and his only escape from reality had always been books.

The Initiative library isn't nearly as grand as the one in Lutwidge Academy or even the Nightray family library, but it's plenty spacious and there's a lot of chairs to sit in, at a table or otherwise. However, Leo sits on the floor. Also out of force of habit. The library at his orphanage had been quite small with not much room for any chairs at all, but no one ever came there and that's why Leo loved it and willingly resorted to sitting on the floor. It's become so normal to him that he has actually come to prefer sitting on the floor when he's reading, no matter how comfortable a chair or bed is. That hasn't changed here either.

He's found a nice beanbag though, but rather than sit on it, he leans back against it. The beanbag is big enough to hide him out of sight and he's placed it near some bookshelves so he has new books within reach. Unfortunately this also means he's made himself an obstacle for the unwitting and he's too caught up in his current reading to realize it. ]

Comments

[flecks]

[ Leo's slight frame is trembling with— anger, frustration or desperation. Possibly a combination of all three, he's not sure. He clenches his fists tighter, knuckles turning white, as he resists the urge to just start throwing things. ]

You wouldn't have contracted with Humpty Dumpty! That was my fault! [ And that's when and where everything had started going downhill. All because he'd been stupid and selfish. ]

[nobleminded]

[...Wow, he really was not letting that go.]

You wouldn't have done that if I hadn't gone running after the children without any of the Pandora officials, right?!

[flecks]

[ Considering how terrible that had turned out, no he's not. ]

I should have stopped you! [ Elliot would have listened to him, but he'd wanted to get to his siblings too.

If they'd never met, it would have been even better. He wouldn't have been out there in the first place. ]

[nobleminded]

[Except Elliot doesn't blame you for it so STOP IT.]

How were you supposed to know that chain would be there?! You were just trying to help the children, too!

[flecks]

[ It's worse that Elliot doesn't blame him for any of it. It would be easier if Elliot did because Leo feels that would be exactly what he deserves.

He opens his mouth to— yell or scream, but he lacks any words to hurl in retort. Elliot's right. They had gone in there with the best of intentions and neither could have foreseen what had happened, but that knowledge doesn't ease the guilt about what had transpired in the end. He ends up just shutting his mouth and gritting his teeth again as he shakes his head before uncurling his fists so he can cover his eyes with his hands, his fingers gripping his own hair tight.

He hunches forward too with a wretched, miserable sound, looking as if he might just collapse and curl up on the spot if Elliot wasn't pinning him to the bookcase. But Elliot is and he's trapped there, looking as pathetic as he feels. ]

[nobleminded]

[It's not like he wanted Leo to react like this, and frankly his gut reaction was to tell him to collect himself. Under the circumstances though, he probably needed to create this embarrassing display if only for a little bit, so he'll bite his tongue on that aspect for the time being.

Instead, Elliot looks more serious as he puts his mouth a few inches from one of Leo's ears. At least he's not yelling right now?]

So you haven't completely lost your mind. Then tell me how anything you've been doing is supposed to make up for the mistakes that all of us made?!

[flecks]

[ It's not yelling, no, but that close to his ear it's still loud and the sudden closeness of it does get a slight flinch out of Leo.

He'd hid his eyes in an attempt to hide the forming tears, but who is he kidding? His shoulders are shaking now, making it very obvious. Not that there's any fooling Elliot anyway, which is why Leo doesn't feel like lying or making excuses. He doesn't think he could even if he wanted to, there's too much turmoil and he's just . . . so tired. ]

I wasn't— [ A halting breath. ] I wasn't trying to make up for them.

[ Punishing himself was more like it, but not entirely accurate either. ]

[nobleminded]

[...Really, Elliot, people crying after someone dies is normal, don't admonish him yet... He'll move his head back, at least.]

I hope not, because that's a pretty crappy way to do it! Did you even think about any of this, Leo?!

[flecks]

[ Elliot shouldn't have to know about what his true intentions had been and even though he knows the 'explanation' will just make Elliot angry, he figures not saying anything would only make him more so. He finally lets his hands fall from his face, allowing a brief glance of his now tear-stained face and the out-of-place smile that works itself across his lips, before he leans forward and drops his head on Elliot's shoulder to hide the twisted expression. ]

I just wanted to destroy myself. [ And the Will of the Abyss, but that would require more explaining that Leo doesn't feel like doing. Bad enough he was telling Elliot this. ]

[nobleminded]

[...He what? Elliot knew well enough that getting a chain was a great way to do that, but if Leo was purely suicidal there were easier paths. And regardless of whatever his full motives were...

Despite his head being on his shoulder, Elliot aims as hard of a slap as he can muster from this position since there's not a ton of room to push Leo back as it it.]

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!

[flecks]

[ It's such a predictable move that Leo wants to laugh and he might have, but the slap lands hard and the laugh dies in his throat. It stings worse than the first slap Elliot's given him in Exsilium and again Leo doesn't retaliate or even touches his cheek to soothe the pain. He lets it burn.

The smile's gone now, leaving him just miserable as he leans back against the bookcase without looking at Elliot. ]

I already told you, because it's all my fault. I'm a despicable person.

[nobleminded]

[The fact that Leo was still stuck on this was really getting on his nerves. How many explanations was it going to take?]

Even if it was your fault, what good would destroying yourself do?! How can you change anything if you're gone?!

[...He means "change anything back home", he's a bit too pissed off to notice the irony in his statement. Blame Exsilium.]

[flecks]

[ Leo does notice, but he understands what Elliot means. He's in no mood to bother with semantics either way so he decides not to remark on it.

He's too preoccupied with trying to figure out how to explain without revealing too much anyway. ]

That's why I joined the Baskervilles, they were going to change everything.

[nobleminded]

I mean changing things the way you want them to be changed! Just because you found a group that said they were trying to change something, you went along with them without a second thought?!

[flecks]

It's complicated.

[ It sounds like a horrible cop-out answer, but it's the truth. There's so much more behind it and he doesn't feel like he can tell everything. There are truths he's not revealing for Oz's sake too and others he just never wanted Elliot to know.

So "it's complicated" is what he sticks with, crossing his arms and looking away to make that much clear. ]

[nobleminded]

[Yes. Yes it does. And his obvious insistence just makes it all the more worse in Elliot's opinion.]

That's obvious if you're still sticking with this and can't see what you're really doing!

[flecks]

[ Leo's head snaps back, irritation rising again. He's tempted to throw back one of his old usual caustic remarks, but instead ends up asking: ]

Then what do you want me to do!?

[nobleminded]

I WANT YOU TO USE YOUR STUPID HEAD AND REMEMBER WHO YOU REALLY ARE!

[flecks]

I'm Leo Baskerville, I've always been.

[ There's no denying that no matter how much he would like to. The flecks of golden light, the voices in his head, all of it had been there from the start. ]