[ OPEN ]

[hostage]

Date & Time: Evening of April 30 (forward-dated)
Location: Unit 409
Characters: Jesse & anyone who wants to join him in baking cookies
Summary: Getting baked. The cookies are, that is. Here is the IC invitation.
Notes: Party/meme-style. Tag in your characters. Tag around. Whatever. Fun times. Remember this is taking place during the mission, so sorry to anyone who's in Australia. You're missing it!!!
Warnings: Put warnings on your thread subject lines. But seriously...

Jesse treats his kitchen the same way he treats the lab: it's spotless, sanitized, and organized. He's laid out many more supplies and ingredients than he would need if he were doing all the work himself. A few extra tables have been brought in and set up like an assembly line, so that each step of the process can be taken care of in order without people tripping over each other. After a few months of trials with this baking thing, he's gotten it all down to a science. The ingredients include items that can't be found easily in the city: various frostings, colorful sprinkles, some rarer nuts and chocolates and such. All things he picked up on a special shopping trip in the past, courtesy of the Initiative. The bakeware, too, is state-of-the-art. And there's a stolen stereo playing 80s-90s hip hop at a volume just loud enough to fill the silence.

Comments

[hostage]

[He snorts at that.]

Is it that easy for you? Just "blank slate"? Pretend it didn't happen, just 'cause we're somewhere else?

[5055034455]

Are you about to tell me you've never seen The Lion King?

[hostage]

[You're getting a look now, Saul. Don't be stupid.]

[5055034455]

[He nudges Jesse's arm.]

Come on. Seriously. Do they have churches here? You want me to take you to confession?

[hostage]

I'm already going to Hell.

[Optimistically assuming they aren't already there.]

[5055034455]

So am I, and you don't see me running around being a miserable little shit with zero regard for anyone who might give a damn about me — and let me tell you, my list is way shorter than yours.

[It's cold, it's rainy, most of Saul's current acquaintances are teenagers or terrifying women or Jesse... of course this is Hell.]

Don't make me hug you. I swear to God, I'll do it.

[hostage]

[Gross. He folds his arms like that's some kind of shield or something. Not one to let the conversation be derailed by that, however -]

When you said you were sorry, is that what you were doing? Confessing?

[5055034455]

[For someone who likes to think he's prepared for everything, Saul sure wasn't prepared for that.

He swallows, then straightens a little. His eyes might be a fraction wider than they were a second ago, but his poker face remains mostly intact. Mostly.

Saul has no problem with letting Jesse know he caught him off-guard. That's fine. Jesse earned it, so he can revel in the silent look he's receiving for a second, if he wants to. But that's all he's getting.]

If that's what you think it was, sure.

[hostage]

[Jesse meets that with a knowing stare. He doesn't say anything, but here's a chance for Saul to come clean for real. Not that Jesse really expects him to. This is his point. It's all too ugly. They can lie about what they've done but they can't wipe it all away. Not without actually wiping it all away.]

[5055034455]

I tried to convince Walt to have you killed, back when this whole thing started. Multiple times.

[That's only part of it, but there it is.

Saul is uncharacteristically still as he speaks, hands clenched behind his back.]

He wouldn't do it.

[hostage]

Yeah?

[No surprises there. That was a common sentiment for a while, wasn't it? Why not just waste the junkie? But the way Jesse says that, it's more like, "Go on." He's still, too. Watchful. The apartment's full of people and they're just in the other room, but there's the slightest threatening edge to Jesse, as if one wrong move will set him off.]

[5055034455]

Yeah.

[He can feel the tension. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other and lowers his chin, just in case Jesse decides to deck him.]

He was convinced he needed you. Couldn't do it without you. I thought he was being sentimental, but no — I get it now.

[Yeah, he's going back to that. There's no way he's going to spill everything — Jesse would kill him on the spot, he's sure, and then he'd come back from the dead and have an empty hand. So of course he's going to start spinning everything. Again.

But there is one thing that would cover pretty much all of it:]

I helped him do what he did to you. That's why I apologized.

[hostage]

[That tells him enough. And it would probably be sweetly satisfying to hit Saul. God knows he deserves it. But Jesse isn't interested in revenge, in the end. It's enough to know and to not have to wonder. And Saul, who spent a week watching over Jesse and murmured apologies while he thought the boy was sleeping, isn't lying about how sorry he is. That much is obvious.]

...It's okay.

[It isn't really okay, but Jesse forgives Saul. If weariness is forgiveness. Jesse's tired of hating everyone. He says those words and his shoulders drop immediately, arms falling to his sides.]

What does it matter, anyway?

[5055034455]

[This is new.

Saul agrees that it's not okay — that's a lie even he wouldn't attempt at this point, let alone believe — but there's something freeing about forgiveness. Even if it's only temporary.

He glances down at his shoes for a second, then directs a very serious look back up at Jesse.]

Prioritize, Jesse. There are things that don't matter anymore, but that doesn't mean nothing matters. You can't afford to believe that. None of us can, and I include myself there, so... cut it out. At least make an effort.

[The look fades, and he lifts a hand to squeeze Jesse's arm.]

Okay?

[hostage]

[Jesse bites his lower lip, dropping his gaze to the floor as well. There's a long pause, and he's really considering what Saul's saying, but...]

Can I ask you something? When was, um... I mean, back home. When was the last time you heard from me?

[5055034455]

Uh.

[It's weird, he thinks, how a month can seem like such a long time. He drops his hand away, sticks both in his pockets while trying to remember.]

Couple days, maybe a week. Why?

[hostage]

Ah...

Nothing. I dunno. Nevermind.

[5055034455]

[Saul gives him a look.

Really, Jesse?]

C'mon. Out with it.

[hostage]

I just though, um... Like if something happened, maybe you'd know. But I guess it didn't.

[...Yet?]

So...

[5055034455]

Something?

[He squints.]

Like what?

[hostage]

[Does he have to say it? It's hard to say it with Saul doing the whole concerned parent thing. Despite everything. Jesse gives Saul an uneasy look and fidgets with his hands. They knew it was coming, right? They sort of had that feeling? After the prison murders?]

[5055034455]

[The silence speaks volumes. Saul isn't sure what, exactly, Jesse's not talking about, but he knows it's not good. It's so not good that it makes his stomach do a little flip.

He could guess, but he doesn't want to.]

Jesse, what is it? Tell me.

[hostage]

I think he killed me.

[5055034455]

[It's the wording that really surprises him.

Saul was talking about convincing Walt to have Jesse killed, not kill the kid himself. So what Jesse says isn't just surprising — it's hard to believe.

Walt had refused absolutely. What the hell could Saul have missed...?]

What makes you think that?

[hostage]

What you just said, about how you thought he was being sentimental but he wasn't. Like... That's it, right? I was out, I wasn't doing anything for him, so... He came to my house. And, I mean, he had no reason to be there, right? He just showed up. And that's it. That's all I remember is opening the door.