nobleminded: (freddo)
Elliot Nightray ([personal profile] nobleminded) wrote in [community profile] exsiliumlogs2013-05-08 02:29 pm

[closed]

Date & Time: Backdated to May 6th, during sleepytimes
Location: A tent in the courtyard
Characters: Elliot Nightray and Leo Baskerville
Summary: Concerning your friend/temporary tent-mate by having nightmares is not a one-way street.
Warnings: Canonpoint shenanigan angst

[This may have been the most ridiculously demeaning thing these people had done to him yet.

True, he knew the crash wasn't their fault and that they couldn't have predicted it, but did they seriously have nothing better than tents for them to stay in? Some people weren't exactly used to accommodations like this in a place that had buildings, however run down they might be. And some of those people might have cats they needed to keep an eye on. Since obviously no one else would and it was totally the only reason they had them.

But, on a more positive note, Elliot had ended up sharing a tent with Leo. His servant had been seriously concerning him since his arrival, so having the opportunity to be around him for an extended period of time in a somewhat private setting was a chance he was glad to have. He knew he had been avoiding him. Idiot.

Nothing that was too noteworthy had happened since the crash, however. Night had fallen on this second day and seeing as the ordeal itself was fairly exhausting, Elliot was trying to sleep with Arietta curled up at his feet. He'd been sleeping an odd mixture of better and worse since he came here. The nightmares would still come from time to time and they still disturbed him a lot, but now that he knew why he had them, he didn't fear them coming as much as he used to. Plus there were a couple of new ones now involving Vanessa and his mother. Fortunately, tonight he was just dreaming about running through the wreckage looking for everyone he knew here for now. Definitely a much better nightmare, so he could handle this and make it an almost peaceful night.

Right?
]
flecks: (six ▎trauma.)

[personal profile] flecks 2013-05-08 08:58 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Sleeping had never been something Leo had been keen on. Why sleep when you could immerse yourself in the many different worlds books contained? His dreams could never compare anyway, the written stories made for a far better escape from reality. He could make due with short naps taken whenever he dozed off reading. Hence why his bed back in Lutwidge Academy had been filled with books and why his bed in Exsilium had been no different.

Only now said bed was likely gone and he's stuck in a tent instead. Of course, he could stay in the library or the orphanage if he wanted to, but something about recent events have him anxious enough to want to stay by Elliot's side, protect him if need be. (And if he's honest with himself, because he's just missed his friend so very much.) So he stays awake to watch over him and because sleep is something he's come to dread.

Or tries to, is more like it. It would've have been fine if he'd stuck to his limits of what his body would allow, but he's gotten into the habit of pushing said limits a lot lately. He's been sleeping less and less, the nightmares making sleep even less appealing. Sometimes the nightmares are a mix of dreams and memories not actually his own. But there's one memory, that is his own and as vivid as can be, that keeps haunting him in his sleep.

Elliot's death plays like a loop in his head, Leo's forced to relive the moment almost every time he sleeps. It's like a reminder that it's his fault. He probably deserves it because of that very reason, but it's too much to handle. He avoids sleep as much as he can, but every now and then he just has to crash when cat naps aren't enough. Usually when it's time for that he stays over in the library so none of his roommates will have to hear him screaming in his sleep.

He's so determined to stay awake, but sleep deprivation and recent events including the crash landing and meeting Oswald have left him utterly exhausted. There's a book he managed to salvage in his lap that he hasn't been able to read for hours, his sight too blurry and the darkness of the night too pressing. but it doesn't stop him from trying. However, the sounds of Elliot's breathing and Arietta's soft purring don't help matters in the slightest. They prove to be very lulling and eventually he slides from his slumped sitting position onto his side.

It would have been a peaceful night if Leo hadn't fallen asleep.

It starts like it usually does with familiar scenes of Isla Yura's mansion. Arguments, regrets and then it starts getting progressively bloodier, tears and death and eventually it's a pool of blood. A pool of blood he's kneeling in, his hands slick and wet with it and it's still warm as he desperately, futilely tries to cover Elliot's wounds, but there's too many and it's too late and the moment that hits him he screams and screams because that's the only thing he can do as he slumps over Elliot's dead body that's growing colder by the second.

And not just in his nightmare. He screams the same piercing, heart-rending scream out loud. Mercifully enough, he always wakes at the same exact moment too and the scream turns into a loud gasp as his eyes snap open. They stare unseeing up ahead as his chest heaves, breathing shallow and fast while his mind scrambles to situate itself back into reality. ]
flecks: (thirty ▎fluster.)

[personal profile] flecks 2013-05-10 11:58 am (UTC)(link)
[ The touch on his foot works wonders to snap Leo back to reality, as does the sound of Elliot's voice. It stops him from lingering in between that haze of dreams and reality that usually happens when he's on his own and brings him back to full consciousness that much quicker.

Aside from the screaming, the tears always come after too, either because of the contents of his nightmare (relived memory really) or the sudden difficulty getting oxygen in or possibly both, but Leo can never stop them. It's no different now and he's regained enough sense to throw an arm over his eyes to hide it, because honestly, Elliot has seen him cry enough times already.

That's right, Elliot's alive and here.

It takes a moment of struggling before he has his breathing under control enough that he can make an affirmative noise to answer Elliot's question somewhat. It takes another for him to find his voice again and finally be able to speak up, hoarsely. ]


I'm sorry . . . for waking you up.
flecks: (twelve ▎disgust.)

[personal profile] flecks 2013-05-14 04:56 pm (UTC)(link)
No. [ It's a blatant lie, but Leo's too tired to care and so he lets his arm fall away after a moment.

He really doesn't want to answer the second question, he'd much rather roll over and pretend to go back to sleep, but he doubts that would fly well with Elliot especially after all the avoiding he's done previously. Still, Elliot's death scene is not something he wants to talk about, putting it to words would just make it worse to him. So he reaches out, rather blindly, and his fingers end up finding Elliot's longer lock of hair. He briefly and gently touches it before dropping his hand again, a silent answer of:

You.

He's tempted to keep it at that, but he forces himself to provide some context. ]


Back then— when I woke up . . . [ Or somewhat, anyway. Surely Elliot will be able to piece things together from there. He hopes. ]
flecks: (nineteen ▎empty.)

[personal profile] flecks 2013-05-17 08:12 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Any time is the worst time to talk about Elliot's death for Leo, really. But it doesn't help he relived it in his nightmares (yet again) just now.

Not that he really needs the nightmares to remember because he remembers it all vividly and he would even without having to relive it so often in his sleep. It's not knowledge he wants to burden Elliot with, he shouldn't have to know, but it's not like he can avoid the subject now. He shouldn't have fallen asleep. He should have known better and stuck to the library. He only has himself to blame, as always.

He makes another confirming noise at the first question while the second requires a moment to take a steadying breath. ]


No, I was alone.
flecks: (eighteen ▎aloof.)

[personal profile] flecks 2013-05-25 04:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Ah, that's right. Vincent had been there to hear Elliot's last words and it makes Leo wonder if perhaps there's more to it than that, but it's not like he can ask Vincent now so he pushes the thought aside.

The fact that Elliot keeps on questioning annoys him somewhat, but he supposes he can't fault Elliot for wanting to know. Still . . . ]


What else is there to say?

[ He pushes himself up into a sitting position with a tired sigh before continuing. ]

I woke up, I saw— what happened and then Oz and Gilbert came. [ After he started screaming his heart out. ] After that, the Pandora officials took me away.
flecks: (twelve ▎disgust.)

[personal profile] flecks 2013-06-01 02:43 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Leo doesn't respond to either of the first statements, leaving Elliot to his thoughts and to make of that as he will. They'd all seen the body, he knows that much, but he doesn't remember what their reaction had been. He'd only been dimly aware of their presence there even, far too caught up in his grief and anguish in that moment to notice anything else.

It's all thoughts and feelings he's trying to shake off, unwilling to linger on after just having had to relive the memory in his sleep.

Whatever partial eye contact Elliot manages to make doesn't last long before he's dropping his head and dragging a hand through his hair— where it remains, partially obscuring the side of his face. ]


He told me your last words. Stop apologizing. [ Because even now, the guilt is hard to shake and he still feels Elliot doesn't have anything to apologize for. Not to him. ]
flecks: (eighteen ▎aloof.)

[personal profile] flecks 2013-06-08 11:29 am (UTC)(link)
[ Leo sighs, he's far too tired (and rattled still) to really start arguing now. He drops the hand, staring at it instead as he musters a reply. ]

Fine, if I accept it and say I forgive you, will you stop?