exsiliumlogs | [semi-closed]

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[semi-closed]

Date & Time: following the mission in world #1530120; over the course of a few days
Location: in various locations
Characters: the Mekakushi Dan & their acquaintances (see the tags for a full list!)
Summary: The Dan needed to cope and deal with the shock and aftermath of the mission, mostly privately but that is a lot of one-on-one talking so we're putting them all here instead of making a gazillion logs.
Warnings: Talks of death, talks of insecurities, a lot of sad talking.

The mission is over, with one world lost, and a dan member they thought they lost came back thanks to the workings of the Initiative. But everything is only fun and games until someone loses a life once, and now the members of the Mekakushi-dan must deal with their shocking encounter with reality. Maybe they're lucky that they still have each other and their friends to turn to. This post is prose and action spam friendly!

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The scratch of pencil on paper. A harsh scrape. Crossed out sketch, corrected equations, back again to the modifications. Plan, calculate, sketch, correct, repeat. Fontech wasn't Jade's specialty, but Guy and Asch could only be so much help. Jade's feelings were irrelevant.

The door had been left open. One of the others must have failed to shut it, and Jade couldn't be bothered to get up and close it. So he just left it as it was and continued his work on the table. He had a cup of tea. He had light food to sustain him. He could work until he had some progress.

And that lost world would still be lost, so mourning was irrelevant. Pain was fruitless. Anger had no purpose off a battlefield.

Jade worked in silence. And if there was anything else in his head but numbers and theory, he did not consider it worth his thoughts.

[He's barely let go of her hand since they left the Hold. It's clingy of him, and maybe a tad too needy, but he needs the physical reassurance that she's here. That she won't disappear like she had during the mission.

(Even though he knows it's useless if it really did happen again. But he won't think about it like that. He'll hold onto her this time. He'll anchor her down. Nobody will take her away again.)

The fatigue of today is already setting in. But fear keeps him awake. He couldn't sleep, even if he wanted to. If he closed his eyes, she might disappear when he opened them again...

So as they sit together on the sofa, shoulders barely touching, he tries his best to disguise his drowsiness or the slump in his shoulders. She needs him to be strong right now.]

Walking around doesn't appeal to her - she could stay in the apartment for the next few weeks with how she feels - but in the rearranging this one ended up right across the way. Keith's comforting silence sounds good and she needs to check on him; she needs to check on everyone but Kano can handle that. Someone has to be in charge until she doesn't feel...sick.

Kido heard only silence when she entered, at least until she caught the faint sound of scratching, a tireless pencil. She pauses and follows it, looking in to see Jade.

"Ah..." She opens her mouth to greet him but the atmosphere feels a little thick. Has he been working for a while? She goes to put her hands in her pockets but Kano's hoodie doesn't have them in the same place.

She folds her arms instead. "You should be careful. Old men need rest, right?" It doesn't lack humour so much as make her sound tired herself.

[Shintaro had managed to keep his head during the reunion. He must've just been exhausted. He remembers a little of what was said and what was done, then. He just remembers that there had been a lot of raw emotions. He wonders when was the last time he was so close to someone crying like that. It might have been before they started to recover from his father's death. Before his mother started being able to smile again...

It was great. To see Kido moving and talking and breathing again when they thought they'd lost her. It was a relief, and he could say with confidence that he was genuinely glad that she was able to come back. But it's at nighttime, lying on his bed with the rabbit asleep in his cage and rain hitting his window like always, that he thinks about that stain of blood on the concrete in the lost world and the ocean nearby. No matter how many times he blocks out the memory of Kido falling, it seems to come back clearer every time. He sees her falling when he closes his eyes, and he sees her land -- but when she lands her hair is dark, and she's wearing a school uniform, and she's wearing a red scarf and red hairclips and it isn't Kido anymore and she's still smiling and that is the moment when Shintaro jumps up in bed, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.]

... Why...?

[He stumbles out of bed and across the room, his foot kicking over a trash can on the way, accidentally slamming the door into the wall when he yanks it open in his haste. The bathroom-- he slaps his hand across his mouth as that rolling feeling turns his stomach again and bile rises up his throat. Moments later he's leaned over the kitchen sink -- he doesn't know when or how he remembered to turn the lights on, but the fluorescent lights are bright. Cold sweat forms on his brow and along his spine; goosebumps rise on his arms. It's hard to breathe, and he gasps to pull air into his lungs. His knees feel week and he slides, slowly, to the floor until he's slumped over, hands clinging to the edge of the counter as he lowers his head and tries to calm down.]

[Kido notices, because she's been paying attention to him the whole time; At least as best as she can manage. She, too, feels exhausted and drained in every possible way. Even though she's certain they patched her up to just as before, she thinks sometimes the bloodloss is still hitting her.

But she watches him and shakes her head, tugging at his hand. Her voice has remained soft this whole time and it doesn't change now.]

Oi... You look tired. Go get some sleep.

[Kano's exhausted. Despite that, he's struggled to find a chance to rest. He's always had a crappy sleeping schedule, but he's been plagued by insomnia lately. Every inch of him is numbed with fatigue and most of what he spews out is without any thought.

He's spent little time outside of the apartment. Truth be told, he might be becoming a shut-in at this rate... it's hilarious, considering who he's about to visit. He's been too tired to do anything aside from hover over Kido.

But there's something he has to do. There were many things he lied about, backed out of. But gratitude and returning favors was one of the few he could be counted on to give. And those were done best face-to-face.

So he makes his way up to unit 502, a smile fixed on his face, and knocks on the door.]

Hey, hey! It's Kano. Are you awake, Kisaragis?

Kido looks worse. If anything, shouldn't you be the one sleeping?

[His words sound quieter than he wants them to be. The brash confidence he usually wielded isn't there, having been dulled down by today's events. He smiles at her--a real one, he's getting better at not slipping in his masks when he smiles--and gives her hand a squeeze. It's a suggestion given for the sake of making comfortable noise to distract their thoughts. He doesn't know if she wants to sleep after... what had happened.]

Edited (I SEE THAT EXTRA 'YOU' GET OUTTA THERE) 2013-05-23 06:29 (UTC)

[It was easier to stay functional during the daytime. During those hours, he could make tea or coffee or cocoa for himself and Momo; during those hours, he could feed Shiro and play with him; during those hours, he could plug in his earbuds and listen to music or open up multiple video and audio posts on his tablet to let a steady drone drown everything out. He was used to not sleeping at night.

When Kano knocks on the door, Shintaro was just getting out a cup to pour himself some water. He tensed at first -- if it was Nagisa's friend again, he didn't feel ready to face someone he only hardly knew by name -- but his shoulders drop when he recognizes the name and voice. It's just Kano, even if the thought makes the bruise on his face sting again.

He puts the cup down and goes to open the door, quiet, not saying anything for a second before he raises his eyes to look at him.]

... Hey.

[After missing him the first time, she tries to see Keith again. Mostly she's just a little worried about him. Sure, he might be immortal and tough, but she doesn't know if he went on the mission or how it might have been for him. Someone like that...doesn't happen everyday, right? Being worried is normal.

This time when she walks in she calls in a quiet voice for him.] Keith? Are you home?

[Sleeping sounds terrible. Closing her eyes and being unconscious for that long... if she stopped breathing again or realised this was one of those weird 'dreams' people have when they die...

But Kano's smile looks nice. She wants to keep looking at it.]

I'm fine. If you're not going to sleep, do you want me to make you anything?

[In truth she doesn't think she can really move again but she wants to keep talking or doing something or anything at all to block out what she can. And she's worried. If she isn't careful, she'll only spill more apologies to him.]

Eyes don't flicker up when she steps in; his nose can already identify her. Only Kido uses that perfume. Normally, he would identify her by her footsteps. But those are different.

"So do you growing kids. Even gang leaders," he replies, not looking up. She has seen war. He knows it. Her voice, her step—he has heard variations of this ever since he joined the military. "I hope you'll keep that in mind the next time we're called to a battlefield."

[He remembers, when he was younger, how his mother would cut apples for him and Momo whenever they got sick. Having holed up in the house for two whole years, he never had a real excuse not to help with the chores -- and really, he doesn't remember minding that in the least -- Shintaro had learned some of his mother's tricks. Cutting apples and making rabbit ears out of the peels was one such trick. Keeping the apples from turning brown by putting them in water as he carries them down to Kido's room, too, is another trick.

He tries not to think about how homesick he is as he knocks on Kido's door, focusing his thoughts on the leader he was checking on because he was still the oldest member of the dan and because he was restless. And because he thought Kido would appreciate the rabbit apples a little.]

Kido. It's Shintaro. Are you in?

[Shintaro looks as bad as Kano is his first thought. It makes him wonder if any of them got any decent rest since the mission. He leans against the doorway, resting his head against the frame. The bruise from Shintaro's punch throbs as he regards the other, his eyes keeping up the relaxed smile. Did he still hold a grudge over what had happened...?

For once, he isn't here to poke fun of the older boy, or to provoke him. Kido's still feeling terrible, and with no number two to step up, the burdens of a leader fell upon Kano... the person least suited for the job, in his opinion.

He'll get this done as quick as he can, then go back to Kido.]

What's with that gloomy look? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?

[Keith is home this time, sitting on one of the couches with a book on sign language open in his lap, reading and trying to learn it for one of the other men living in this apartment. He looks up when he hears Kido's voice, closing the book and leaving it on the couch as he stands to go greet her, nodding an answer once they're standing across from each other.]

Kido glances down, hand holding her arm as she hugs it across her chest. He said, in very simple terms, the thing tearing her up inside.

"We won't be going next time. I didn't think it would be like that. None of the other missions were... But I know we got lucky, so..." She stops, voice choking up for a moment. But she wants to be better than that and takes a breath. "Sorry about that. Anyway, I promise I'll take care of them."

I'm fine too.

[By all accounts, he isn't. And she probably isn't. The war had been a game to Kano--it's sickening and stupid to realize in hindsight, but that's how he had treated it. Nothing more than an adventure through time with no consequences, a fun trip for him and Kido before they were sent home happily with new memories.

... it's not something he wants to think about. All he wants to focus on is her warmth and the feel of her hand in his.]

Ah, but if you're hungry, I can grab you a snack. I stocked up before the mission happened.

[They lived across the hall from each other; whether it be through Kido or Jade, Keith has found out what happened to the kids during the last mission, and now that he's spoken to Kido he's stepping out of the apartment to find the other kid, to check on him. To make sure he's okay? No, he figures the kid won't be okay. He just wants something to do with himself. He's got nothing else, after all.

He knocks on the door although he knows Kido kept the apartment open most of the time, looking around for Kano as he takes a step inside.]

No it's... not like that.

[He doesn't exactly want to see Kano. When he sees him, he has to remember what he said to him in that place, about what happens when people die. And then he has to remember the hopeful thoughts he fed to himself for the last two years, and that... and he doesn't want to remember that. But there's no place to run, is there? Not when you're stuck in Exsilium, the prison island. His eyes flicker to Kano's bruise.]

... Sorry about that. You need any ice?

[It feels too weird to stay in her room, so Kido has taken to camping out on the sofa. That makes her less of a shut-in, doesn't it? Somehow. But it still leaves her with not much to do except listen to music, or the constant rain, or read posts that she can't bring herself to respond to.

She hears the voice through her music and blinks. That's weird but she won't complain. Holing up just made her feel lonely.]

Yeah, I'm coming.

[Kido pushes off the couch and opens the door for him, still wearing Kano's hoodie. None of them have been sleeping well and she assumes Shintaro probably has felt as bad as her.]

Everything okay? You can come in.

[The apartment is quiet, with little signs of life. Kano's sprawled on the sofa, hands over his eyes as he tries for the hundredth time to sleep and to resist the urge to grab his tablet to text her. She's okay. She'll still be around, he tells himself, but it does little to soothe his jumpy nerves. So when Keith knocks, that tautness in him snaps. Kano jerks up, knocking over a pillow with his foot. When he sees that it's just the gangster he loudly laughs in an attempt to cover up.]

Hello, hello! It's been a while, huh? Are you looking for Kido?

[She shakes her head a little too fast. Now that she thinks about actually eating, her stomach twists more. No, she doesn't want to eat at all. Not for a while.]

It's okay. Uhm... are you sure you're not tired...? Maybe a bath would help or something.

[This sort of conversation is probably going nowhere. They'll keep turning everything down. So she tries to push herself back into her role for him.]

You don't need to worry about me. It's fine. You can go rest.

What is sleep?

Sleep had been the furthest thing from her mind last night. She stared at the ceiling, counting tigers & bunnies. She was on her media player — the light of the tablet would have given her status away to Kido & Kano — browsing the network, looking for anything explaining this mess of a mission.

She was afraid Kido would die again, and for good this time. She was afraid she would hear Kano, panicked and angry, because Kido had left them again.

Fast-forward to the following evening, and Kaede finds herself wide awake. She doesn't know where the sudden bout of energy came from, but she had showered and left the apartment in the early morning hours. The items from her all-day shopping excursion sit before her on the counter, and she launches into autopilot mode.

Chop this. Boil that. Season this. Time that.

Table set? Check. Rice done? Check. Hot pot on the table and cooking away? Check.

Kaede surveys her work and hugs herself, realizing that this is a familiar setup for home.

Home.

She can only hope her world is safe, that the UE hasn't interfered with it yet.

She psychs herself up as she stands between the doors leading to Kido's & Kano's rooms. They should be in, right? Or maybe they were checking on other Dan members?

She knocks twice on each door, waiting a bit before she heads over to the main door of the apartment.

[Ice...? Confusion flickers across his face before he realizes that Shintaro can see the bruise. It's no use to hide it when it's already been seen, but at the thought his ability smooths it out. Kano lets his head drop, giving a scoff. God, he really must be tired if his eyes weren't doing something so easy.]

It's not so bad. Ah, but for someone who's been living inside for years, you sure have a mean punch, Shintaro.

It's not like I was vegetative. My mother made me carry things around the house.

[He stops there. Don't. Don't think about home or mother. He sighs and tries not to sound like he's pushing Kano away when he continues]

Did you, uh, need something?

... I'd rather stay awake with you.

[It's as blunt as he can be. He doesn't think he can ever sleep again after having her disappear in his arms. He can't be certain that there will be a next time to hold her hand or to rest his head on her shoulder or to hear her breathe.]

It's lonely to stay up by yourself. [He knows it too well.] And I'm resting already by your side. It works out.

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[semi-closed]

UNIT № 207: THE UNCLE APARTMENT

for kido; may 21st, late night

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unit 502: the kisaragis

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for shintaro; may 23rd

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For Keith; 207

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unit 202; #1 and #7

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unit 202; for Kano

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kido, kano & kaede → evening of may 22nd

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