exsiliumlogs | The undiscover'd country

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The undiscover'd country

Date & Time: Backdated to the evening of May 21st
Location: Room 403
Characters: Xerxes Break, Gilbert Nightray, Oz Vessalius
Summary: Fallout
Warnings: None

[ This time yesterday, there had been brightness and giggling in Room 403. The air had been fragrant with the aromas of tea brewing and tarts baking. Such simple self-deception on the part of all parties: life during wartime.

Now this room is dark; nothing but dreadful stillness within. No cheerfulness, no warm familiarity, no pretty fiction that this might be some simulacrum of home. It's cold like a tomb, and quiet.

…apart, that is, from the soft sound of chewing. ]

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If you don't know, I'll tell you. A loyal dog will follow his master everywhere. If he can't, he'll stay behind, steadfast and ever watchful. Even after months, he'll bark at anyone who resembles his master. But when all--

[ --hope is lost, he was going to say. It had been hope that carried Gilbert forward all those years. It was hope that had made him abandon his revenge upon Zai Vessalius, denying the reality he'd seen with his own eyes. He hadn't understood at the time; since then he had mulled it over and over in his mind...

Ah, there's nothing for it. No words he can say will have any effect on these two: one who can't understand, and the other who willfully pretends not to.

Fine. No more words. He seizes Oz's shoulder and spins him around, catching him under the chin with his cane. ]

Gilbert!

[ If Oz disappears for good, what happens to hope? ]

With your own hands! With your own eyes, I want you to check! Look at his incuse!

( he understands what break's going to say before he does, of course. out of all of the ways oz could rationalize away his own importance to other people - could, has, is - gil's the most difficult. always, he'd said, and had never for a second faltered despite what obstacles arose. but still, oz wonders, has fears and doubts and some of them are a bit ahiru-shaped despite himself.

(what exactly might he be holding gil back from having?)

looking away at break's answer, not wanting to hear it, means he doesn't see the next part coming until it's too late and he's already caught under a cane of all things. )

What -

( he'd forgot about his incuse, mostly, intending to take a look at it later quietly without much expectation of change. even though he has used a lot of power today, it's still failed to move in all the months he's been here, so for break to suddenly worry about it -

- he pulls at the cane with both hands and makes an indignant sound. )

No! We're in the middle of the kitchen - what if Collette gets back?

[He listens with his chin down, eyes fixed on a spot near Break's shoulder without actually looking him right in the eye. It hadn't just been sitting and watching, he wants to interject. It had been so much more than that, but he knows that Break already understands all of that, and Oz doesn't need to hear it. His young master can see it written on his face already, he doesn't need to hear about the years spent in Pandora, finding ways to use the Nightray family for his own gains. The shame that had accompanied it all.

Break's next words bring a rush of nostalgia, even more painful than the memories of Pandora and the nobility. For a second he sees Elliot's face again, scared, pained and confused, his sister's head still warm on the ground at the bottom of the stairs. Gilbert had defended him then, and been wrong. Break was always right. But he still hadn't regretted his decision to stand up for his little brother, even now a world away where he's alive.

But he blinks and all at once Elliot's face is replaced with Oz's, and he snaps back into himself.]

Break -

[He steps forward, one arm raised angrily as though ready to swing out at Break's face.]

There's no reason to bring this up right now - so let him go!

[Even though...he does wonder.]

[ He'd let Elliot go, and that had been an error. He'd let himself be distracted and baited, when he should have seen the thing through to the end. ]

You wander blithely into a battlefield, yet you're worried about Collette?

[ He's got Oz pinned with his cane, holding him tight, pulling him back, his hand clasped around Oz's shoulder (too hard). He can hear Gilbert advancing and tenses, focussing his instincts. He won't be sucker-punched again. ]

If not now, when? You want to drag this out? We're all going to wonder until you check, so just do it and get it over with! Do it now!

[ All at once, he lets go, punctuating the last word with a shove, on purpose to send Oz into Gilbert's arms. He stays where he is, in a half-crouch, ready to spring - in case anybody gets any ideas about escaping. ]

( that's exactly why i'm worried about collette, he thinks.

because she'd been out there too, hadn't she, and she'd met that - not him (is it?) but who he becomes when b.rabbit's power becomes too overwhelming. when he - hadn't wanted to grieve, and so the chain whispered, destroy. he's worried about what she knows and what she's inevitably going to ask, and the fact that at this moment she knows more about what happened today than either gil or break. it's not a good state of affairs, but he doesn't want either of them to find out - and what's the point?

no, he knows the point. but that doesn't make him any the more eager to talk, either. and there's one more thing he knows, too: that break has always had a way of knowing when the incuse had moved forward another rotation. that break, no matter what he seems, is far from random in where he places his attentions. it hasn't moved in all these months, away from both alice and the abyss, and oz hadn't felt anything to suggest it has now (nor did he the last time, after sablier). it's a suspicion, not something he'll believe until he sees for himself - preferably alone.

except it's break's painful grip more than anything else that tells him alone isn't an option. he stumbles forward right into gilbert when released, feeling a flash of irritation before it gets smothered over by everything else. it's there in his voice when he answers, only after straightening, and not looking at either of them. )

Fine.

Oz...

[His young master's voice sobers him a little, arms instantly reaching up to catch him and attempt to hold tight to his shoulders and help him to stand upright. He glances from Break back to Oz, hands shaking where he's holding onto the young man's shoulders.]

[ He has this cold feeling that he's about to be right; though for once, he'd rather not be. He begins to straighten up from his crouch (Oz isn't going anywhere, so it seems) and-- ]

Ugh.

[ He can't help grunting, because the still-healing wound in his side and every persistent bruise from his fight with the Baskervilles begins to hurt all at once. He pushes himself up with his cane and manages not to grimace and thinks what he'd really like most of all is to go and lie down. Perhaps a nice cup of tea first. Tea and a lie-down and pretend none of this happened, wouldn't that be nice? And then perhaps he'll wake up in a Rainsworth chateau and this will all have been a dream and he'll have breakfast in the garden with Lady Sharon and...

Six billion people, how is that even possible? His mind recoils. ]

What happened to you out there?

[ It's asked simply; wearily. ]

( he leaves answering that question to gil - he's curious too about what happened after they were separated, and this current concession doesn't make him any the more willing to admit what he did. besides, break isn't the only one feeling weary; it trips and tangles his fingers as they go down his shirtfront, making unbuttoning more of a task than it really should be.

it's only a suspicion.

when his shirt is loose enough he gives up on the buttons, pulling the opening over to the left side of his chest. the incuse had progressed five times since sablier, but been still since then; months and multiple uses by now, a certainty that something here keeps it from moving. except -

except the hand points directly downwards now, incuse halfway complete. )

[Gilbert doesn't answer either. Everything about this moment is too stressful, too much of a strain to speak a word of truth that he doesn't believe he'll regret. For all they'd seen, all levels of emotional and physical turmoil that they'd both experienced, to speak it out loud wouldn't lessen any of it, and would only serve to burden everyone else to hear it.

He catches Oz's movements by feeling his arms move beneath his hands before he sees it for himself, but as soon as he catches sight of what the young man is doing, he immediately jerks his hands away. A protest stays silent on his tongue as he watches, certain that Oz has to be right, Break has to be wrong, and the world has to make some sense right now.

Except that another hour is filled in that Gilbert hadn't expected, and he still has absolutely no idea what to say. Heart sinking into his nervous stomach, he steps around to face Oz directly, drops to one knee and reaches up to push the shirt aside with his own hand. His silence should be answer enough to Break.]

[ He can hear the rustling of fabric; Gilbert's movements; and the yawning, hollow silence. He feels something like... What is the word for the feeling, he wonders, in anticipation of inevitable grief...

Gilbert will have to get used to the idea. He will have to accept that there will be a day when he has to go on, without his precious master.

Destruction of the body has no sting in this place (he himself is testament to that). Yet Oz still has some connection to the Abyss. Even here, the chains of judgement can reach him and drag him down, body and soul. He feels certain of this. The clock is ticking. ]

I--

We should all get some rest.

[ His shoulders are rounded forwards; he's leaning on his cane like an old, old man. ]

I'm going to bed.

That's -

( impossible. except what kind of a fool could stay in a place like this and still think that? even this day alone had been full of no small number of impossible things, and this is just the last of them. really, an incuse continuing to progress is natural; the stranger thing had been the idea that it might be stopped, not unlike a broken watch with its gears still twitching.

he stares for a long moment before break speaks, then moves to pull the fabric back from gil, fix the buttons quickly. rest has never been a more attractive option than it is now; the rest can be worried about later. )

You're right.

[For another moment, Gilbert is still unable to speak. But it's obvious that even Oz was unaware that the incuse had moved forward, so it wasn't a lie. Not a real one. But if he didn't notice, what does that mean? Is his contract so far gone now that he won't feel the influence of it over his body? Would there be no warning the next time that moved?

He pulls his hands away as Oz does his shirt back up, but doesn't rise from where he's kneeling on the floor. Does he go after Break? Apologize for being wrong - again? No, Break would never ask for an apology because Gilbert would never offer one. He's been through a lot, they all have, but Break and Oz more so than anything he's had to deal with. They've seen two different types of worlds, even more outside of that now. And inside those worlds, Break has died and Oz has taken a closer step towards death of his own.

How can I selfishly stand by and feel upset when they're dealing with all of this...

In the end, he doesn't follow Break. He stands up and puts a hand on Oz's shoulder, remaining at his side, as he always will.]

I'll walk over with you.

[It's close by, but he's not going to let Oz walk even those few steps on his own if he doesn't have to.]

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The undiscover'd country

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