We tripped on the urge to feel alive, now I'm struggling to survive.

[hostage]

Date & Time: June 1-5, whenever
Location: Unit 409
Characters: Jesse & OPEN to roommates and visitors
Summary: This is a catch-all log for people who have to deal with Jesse's shit on a regular basis.
Warnings: Drug use and associated grossness and Breaking Bad spoilers and did you know meth-heads aren't very nice?


[It starts immediately. Actually, it started back in the courtyard, as Jesse prepared to face his killer with the help of his pipe and the rock he still carried for emergencies just like that one. Sobriety lasted - what was it - a month, at best? But there isn't very much use in trying to be a good person when Mr. White's here. No use trying to hold onto his relationships, no use pretending that he can contribute to society or whatever the fuck. Jesse had a few months to act like he had a life of his own, but that's all over now.

He can't sleep. That's one thing about it. The crystal keeps him alert and ready for whoever might show up at the door. He doesn't leave, he just paces around the apartment with his gun tucked into his jeans, waiting for something terrible to happen.

He can't eat. That's another thing. Occasionally he'll remember to drink water, or he'll get a sugar craving and reach for some of his candy stash, but he forgets about meals and he doesn't touch whatever's left for him.

He listens to music constantly. If someone turns the stereo off, then the headphones go on. Sometimes he's lying in bed, sometimes on the couch. He doesn't bother cleaning up. He leaves cigarette butts all over the floor, bud scattered on the counter, leftover powder smeared on the coffee table. Wherever he goes, it looks like he's had a party all by himself, but he doesn't look happy. He looks empty, hollow, and always afraid.]

Comments

[5055034455]

[Here's one relationship he won't be able to shake so easily: Saul, who has all but officially dropped one job title for another — "lawyer" and "guardian" aren't really synonymous, no matter what he tries to tell himself — finally has it in him to survey the damage.

He really doesn't want to. He's almost afraid of what he'll find because he's seen it before and hoped so hard that he wouldn't see it again, he almost convinced himself... but no; he's smarter than that. Too cynical, too much of a realist.]

Jesse? [He calls, knocking gently.] It's me. Open up.

[hostage]

[It's really kind of Saul to announce himself like that. Kind and smart. Jesse still opens the door just a crack first, getting a look into the hall before making way for Saul to enter.]

Hey.

[5055034455]

[And what is Saul if not those two things, right?

He holds his hands up when Jesse opens the door, then steps back to give him a clear view into the hall. See? Alone. Just visiting.

His hands remain where they are until he's inside, at which point they drop dead at his sides. Jesus.]

What, you throw a party and you don't invite me? That's rude, man.

[Prrrobably his worst attempt at humor yet.]

[hostage]

You know it's always a party with me.

[Jesse can joke, too. It just sounds especially flat right now. He reaches out to pat Saul on the shoulder as he makes his way to the living room, half a hug-substitute and half a reassurance that he's not so tweaked-out that he's in danger of shooting his visitor. The hands-up thing is unnecessary.]

[5055034455]

[Walter's here. No amount of caution is unnecessary.

Saul glances around the room, taking mental inventory. This place looks worse than it did last time.

At least Jesse was stoned for a good reason, last time. If there is such a thing.]

I'd ask how you're holding up, but...

[He drifts over to the coffee table, smears some of the powder with his finger, then dusts it into an abandoned cup.]

[legal_eagle]

[She's got a store-bought thing of cookies and a little gift-pack of whole coffee beans. The former's genuine; the latter's a ploy to get Jesse out of his apartment and into a coffee shop with her. It's an easy sort of game - she shows up with those beans, exclaims with embarrassment when it turns out he doesn't have a coffee grinder - because Jesse Pinkman does not have a coffee grinder, obviously - and then she chats about how she feels bad, let her buy him a coffee. It's a trick Alicia, her not-quite-friend from college, pulled when she'd wanted some boy she'd called for homework help to go out with her; Sonya had co-opted it not to win dates, but to draw out targets into coffee shops, where they tended to feel less defensive than in their own apartments.

So she knocks on the door, three times. Stands back and smiles. It's a Saturday, so he's probably not at work, and even if he is she can always come back. She wants it to look casual and accidental when she starts asking questions about his employers.

A pause, and then another knock.]

[hostage]

[Jesse is very obviously not well when he opens the door. He doesn't even look at Sonya, his eyes darting past her and towards the hallway. Only when he sees she's alone does he settle his focus on her. He's pale after days without rest. And nervous, too, when he realizes who this is.]

Hey... Sonya.

[Like he forgot her name for a second there.]

[legal_eagle]

[She was smiling as he opened the door. There was just a moment where that smile faltered, disappeared - and then, a moment later, that smile's back in full force. There's no are you okay, no how are you, just - ]

I brought some cookies.

[hostage]

[He's really confused about why she would do that, but okay. Cookies. He steps aside to let her in.]

Wow, that's - wow. Thanks. You totally didn't have to.

[legal_eagle]

[Her cheeriness covers well for her vicious irony:]

Don't get too worked up, now. They're store-bought. Probably they'll be terrible. Here we go...

[She sweeps inside and right into his kitchen. The coffee is slipped into her purse; no point to that. He's not setting foot outside this place.]

June 5th

[hejhej]

[Now this was starting to look familiar. Get up for work, clean up Jesse's mess, eat, go to work, come home, clean up Jesse's mess, eat, and maybe go to sleep. Lisbeth hadn't been in the courtyard the day new Transports arrived. Jesse suddenly using was troubling her. Things in Exsilium hadn't been stellar, but they weren't disastrous either. Lisbeth has given up on sleeping for tonight and she leaves their bedroom for the living room.

She watches him from the hallway, her eyes never staying in one place as he moved around. Lisbeth walks over to the stereo and turns it off - they didn't need another noise complaint.]

[hostage]

[Jesse turns around when the music's suddenly cut off, annoyed for a split second before he realizes it's Lisbeth and that melts away.]

Was it too loud? I'm sorry.

[hejhej]

I didn't want the neighbors being assholes and knocking on our door.

[She moves over to the couch and plops down on it. Lisbeth pats the spot next to her.]

Sit with me?

[hostage]

[He follows obediently after her and sits right beside her, looking mildly uncomfortable. "Sit with me" usually means a lecture is imminent. A lecture or an interrogation or an intervention.]

[hejhej]

[She pulls her feet up onto the couch, wrapping her arms around the backs of her legs to keep her knees close to her chest.]

What's going on?

[She wasn't going to ask him if he was okay - it was clear that he wasn't.]

June 1 -open! Come meet the new kid?

[lazyinlove]

[There's a teenager holed up in a corner of the kitchen, still wet and freshly scrubbed from his shower. He smells like whoever's soap was closest at hand, and he's wearing clothes that pretty obviously don't belong to him. Whatever seemed mostly clean, grabbed from Jesse's room. He's got a mug of something hot in front if him, tea and some liquor that was sitting around. The mug is cupped in between his hands, and he's clearly trying to deep the warmth out of it, still shivering a bit. But he doesn't seem discontent, just quiet and a bit confused.

Stanley sets the mug down and takes a drag from a cigarette -he grabbed a pack from somewhere, or found some in the laundry, because his own didn't make it through the near drowning experience. He's looking around, curious but unsure in his new surroundings. He's brand new in the apartment, so the dust on the tables seems like a perk to him rather than anything of concern. Adults partying like teenagers? Nice. He'll just make himself at home, then. Since he lives here now, that is.]

[hostage]

[Jesse could probably use a shower, too, after a day like today. But he doesn't take one. He's been in his room for a while, but now he comes drifting out into the kitchen to find something to drink, only to discover that his new roommate's beat him there.]

...Hey.

*leech is a word autocorrect GOSH

[lazyinlove]

Sup?

[It's a little uncomfortable to greet someone who is still basically a stranger when you're wearing their clothes and helping yourself to the contents of their kitchen. Sure, Jesse said it was fine, but Stanley shifts a little awkwardly in his seat anyway.]

Run out of cookies?

[hostage]

[Jesse's confused for a minute, like he completely forgot it was only a few hours ago he was out there doing normal everyday things like giving away cookies. When he figures out what Stanley means, he gives a little shake of his head as if to clear it.]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, we got cleaned out.

[lazyinlove]

Cool.

[It's obvious that something is bugging the dude. Then again, if the clues lying around say anything, he's probably tweaking a little. It's probably better to act casual. No questions, or anything that could be perceived threatening. Stanley takes a big gulp from the mug, ignoring the burn. The alcohol really can't start working fast enough today.]

Thanks for the-

[He tugs at the collar of the borrowed shirt, and nods at the surroundings to indicate them as well.]

-y'know. All of it.

4/5ish

[controlledvariable]

[This is probably a bad idea, it's probably a really bad idea, but she's had so many of those lately the one more can't do more damage, and she feels like she... should do this, regardlesss of how bad an idea it might be.

So she's at Jesse's door - she made sure Lisbeth and the other roommates were out - knocking firmly.

If he doesn't answer she'll probably just pick the lock and let herself in.]

[hostage]

[A knock like that puts Jesse on edge. It's one just like the last sound he heard before getting tossed straight into Hell. He makes sure that he has his gun on him - behind his back, hidden under his baggy t-shirt - before opening the door.

He looks very surprised to find Stephanie there.]

Um...

[controlledvariable]

[Sorry, Jesse, it's just how she knocks.]

Hey. [Her gaze flicks over him, over what she can see through the door, but it's an automatic sort of gesture, rather than real scrutiny. She offers a smile, wry, and a bit gentle, once she takes in how rough he looks.] Sorry for showing up unannounced, I just-- we haven't met properly, yet, and I thought maybe we could talk? If that'd be okay?

[hostage]

[At least that doesn't sound like, "Hey, so I heard you were thinking of murdering me." Jesse eases up a little, opening the door wider for her. He doesn't entirely drop his guard, but he makes an attempt to be casual:]

Totally, yeah. Come on in.

[controlledvariable]

Thanks. [She lets inside easily, doesn't let her gaze linger on the obvious drug use strewn about the apartment, but it makes something uncomfortable tighten in her chest all the same.

There are a lot of things she wants to ask, wants to say, but it feels unfair to throw that all at him straight away, especially when he looks so awful. She does have a basic grasp of tact, sometimes.

Instead, she goes for something simpler:] Has Saul told you much about me?

[Does he know about Batgirl, is kind of what she asking, but she's also just... curious. Which she probably shouldn't be, considering what happened with Saul.]