exsiliumlogs | [closed] yeah yeah and I'm alright

Date & Time: June 29 — July ∞
Location: Around Exsilium
Characters: Saul & TBA
Summary: A catch-all log for Saul's many business etc. meetings throughout the month, because otherwise there would be like a million logs up. Not even an exaggeration. An actual million.
Warnings: Drugs in Jesse's thread, violence in Coby's, sap in Effie's.

[Sometimes, the best way to get over something is to find a suitable distraction.

Since Saul's #1 distraction has always been work, he doesn't see why that can't be the case here as well — he may not technically be practicing law at the moment, but his skill set is undeniably useful. Extremely so. (As far as he's considered, anyway.) He doesn't need his own office or a secretary or a PI or a bodyguard to get plenty of shit done. He's Saul Goodman, for godssakes — what the hell good is he if he's not working?

His hands have been idle for too long, and look at where they've gotten him.

Devil's tools indeed.

So here he is, keeping busy. Training, doing business, drinking more coffee (and alcohol) than he probably should. Whatever works, right? Right.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nnnnot really? It sounds the opposite of logical. Unless — like, what are you thinking, here? They disappear not because they've been sucked into the void only to be spat out in yet another bizarro world, but because... what?

[A small smile. After a moment - ]

The Initiative has the power over life and death. Correct?

I —

[The way he pauses suggests he's never quite thought about it that way.

And then there's the look on his face: a little confusion, a little concern.]

I guess, if you want to put it that way.

[She raises an eyebrow.]

So they don't exercise that power over the people who piss 'em off. Pass it off as a disappearance.

And what about the people that come back? Is that the Initiative changing their mind?

Could be. Or maybe they've been tinkered with.

[Wow, he does not like where this conversation is going.]

...how?

You asking how they did it or what the results might be?

I —

[He hasn't had enough coffee for this. Jesus. She's more paranoid than he is. With good reason, maybe, but —

For a moment, a split of a split of a second, he squints at her.

Doe she really feel this way, he wonders, or is she trying to plant something in his head?]

Both, I guess.

[She shrugs.]

We've got people back home who can do it. One of the reasons Father fled to the U.S. - Soviet authorities bred people who could make you into whatever they wanted. Some who could alter you physically, more who could alter you mentally. Make you think whatever they want. That the Soviet authorities are handsome and beautiful and you want to love them with all your heart, that you love them so much that you're going to starve yourself to death to prove it, whatever.

[Bitterly:]

Not that we don't have them, too. We just don't brag about it like they did.

If the Initiative wanted to do that to us — if they even could — don't you think they would've by now? I mean, think about it. All the resistance, the total lack of trust. If a solution like that presented itself, they'd take it.

[A scowl.]

They're not the ones drugging their own people like the Soviets, or, oh — right, like the United Earth. Who the Initiative is fighting against. Remember?

[She lifts her eyebrows pointedly.]

He who fights monsters must guard, lest he become a monster.

[And then she tilts her head to the side, and says:]

Which is a quote from Nietzche, who probably you don't know in your world. Anyway. Point is that when you're fighting against people like the United Earth, you can justify anything, cause hey, at least you're better than the alternative, right?

We've got Nietzche. Anyway, yeah, the Initiative can justify anything with that argument. Sure. And yet here they are, not being half as tyrannical or crazy as the United Earth despite the fact that they're the desperate ones.

That you know of. You're a bit sentimental, there, Goodman. What is it - do you feel indebted?

Indebted? To who — the Initiative?

[Wryly:]

Your saviors?

[Saul looks up and to the side, like he's thinking.]

Hmm. That's funny; I don't remember ever putting them on a pedestal...

Probably because you weren't aware of doing it.

Uh-huh. And can you repeat back to me what I said to make you think that's what was happening?

They brought you back to life.

[...well.

That sure is a good point.

He sighs.]

And when they eventually do the same for you, can I give you this speech?

[A scornful sniff.]

They're not going to. I'm not going to die.

Middle of a war zone in which things like bombings and chemical attacks and the deployment of biological weapons happen almost every month, and you're not going to die. So you can fly and you're immortal? Damn. I was born in the wrong world.

Fuck you.

[There's just a slight edge of heat in her voice.]

I'm not going to die. Understood? I don't die. I'm a coward and proud of it. I run and I hide. I watch my own back. I survive. I don't take stupid chances. It's always been that way and it always will be.

[He holds his hands up. Fine; okay. He'll back off.]

I hope you're right.

[And he says that like he really, really means it. Because he does.]

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