Seles Wilder (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hiddendepth) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
exsiliumlogs2013-07-02 10:15 pm
hiddendepth) wrote in exsiliumlogs2013-07-02 10:15 pm
(no subject)
Date & Time: July 2nd
Location: Network at first, then to action somewhere
Characters: Wilder siblings
Summary: FEELINGS and cruxis crystals
Warnings: Talks of death and depressing things like that idk
[After everything had settled down for the most part, Seles was able to return to her own room. She didn't want to be a burden, after all. She was healthy again (as healthy as she could be, and the inhaler helped), and now she could focus on training.
But thoughts of having to lean on that cruxis crystal kept cropping up and leaving her bothered. What should she do with it? Keep it on to avoid future worry? Take it off and keep it?
Eventually she came to a decision, and after spending a good half of the day thinking about it, she sent a voice message over to Zelos.]
Big brother? [A longer pause than usual, because it's always hard to get those words out, even as... easily as they come in her heart.] Are you busy?
Location: Network at first, then to action somewhere
Characters: Wilder siblings
Summary: FEELINGS and cruxis crystals
Warnings: Talks of death and depressing things like that idk
[After everything had settled down for the most part, Seles was able to return to her own room. She didn't want to be a burden, after all. She was healthy again (as healthy as she could be, and the inhaler helped), and now she could focus on training.
But thoughts of having to lean on that cruxis crystal kept cropping up and leaving her bothered. What should she do with it? Keep it on to avoid future worry? Take it off and keep it?
Eventually she came to a decision, and after spending a good half of the day thinking about it, she sent a voice message over to Zelos.]
Big brother? [A longer pause than usual, because it's always hard to get those words out, even as... easily as they come in her heart.] Are you busy?
no subject
[What comes out of all this built up sorrow and confusion and the stress of being unable to breathe properly is that. It's a yell, cracking voice between sobs as she raises both hands to her head, grips at her hair a bit, spins around--
What does she do damn it?!
Her brother. Her brother. Why is he telling her this. Why is he talking like that, why did he die, why isn't this going away?!]
Noooo! [That's more like a cry than a yell, but for what that particular noise lacks in anger, her motions make up for. It's the same desperation and complete confusion. She's definitely got no control left on her mind, and she swings her arms down with strangled sobs.
In just a moment, she sends ice shooting out at anything in her way. The couch maybe, or the wall, anything just to get the frustration and complete helplessness out of the way as she cries, and when she's done with that and realizes how much it's doing absolutely nothing, her legs crumple beneath her and she drops to her knees, face in her hands as she sobs.]
no subject
[The yelling and the ice, not only startle him, but they frighten him. Zelos, for all his magical mishaps, never destroyed rooms from it. He doesn't know what to do, he feels like he made a really big mistake but he doesn't know how. He shouldn't have said anything, is his first impulse, but what happened with their father was enough to point out how wrong that'd turn out.]
[He gets down on his knees with her, feeling desperate. Wanting to do anything, anything to make this stop]
Look, I'm sorry okay?! Please...
It only happened in my timeline, okay? When you go home, your brother will be just fine! Really! You two have seen each other right? So it'll be okay.
[Please, stop hurting like this. I'm not worth it]
no subject
[She yells that sternly, stubbornly, turns away from him just a bit because her sobbing has caused a fit of coughing. Not like the plague, at least-- that horrible cough is long gone. But the usual type of breathless wheezing and coughing, and soon she's clapping her hand over her mouth and crying out.
There's no way to handle this gracefully. She's not even thinking about it-- not like usual.
In between coughs, she barely manages a breathy addition.]
It's not okay...
no subject
[His eyes squeeze shut for a moment, even as she turns away. Maybe if he was still fully human, they'd be wet. Maybe, he's not sure if he lost that ability before or after the crystal]
...You deserve a better brother than me. I'm nothing but a screw up.
[Even so, he finds himself looking around to see if he can find her inhaler from where he's sitting when she starts coughing. It's practically an impulse really, to look after her even when he's the source of all this]
no subject
[In one last flash of her violent streak, she faces him again just to smack him across the face. She's tired of it-- she doesn't understand it-- she doesn't want this to be like this at all! How long...
...
"Different timelines" doesn't factor into this at all. This hurts so much. She's still shaking, but it looks like she's managed to get the coughing down enough where her sobbing is uninterrupted as she stares at Zelos.]
...That can't be how you think. You're my big brother! You're the happiest part of my life! Please just stop...!
no subject
But I-
[It was the truth, wasn't it?! It was the truth he knew! He was nothing but a screw up, he only brought misery. Yet here she was saying-]
[He doesn't know how to react to any of this. ]
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I waited for so long, hanging onto those happy moments with you... wanting there to be more of them!
How could you ever think you were anything less than my wonderful big brother?! [She just doesn't understand!]
no subject
Hanging onto-
[He stutters a bit, trying to wrap his mind around this. Wanting to have happy memories with him? Her wonderful big brother-]
[After his conversation the other day when she revealed caring about him, his mind is spinning. He doesn't understand, it and it frustrates him. He ends up making an angry sound at the sheer frustration, the words spilling out]
You're saying that stuff now?!
Gee I don't know, why didn't any of you say this stuff when I was alive?! Why do you gotta say it now after I screwed up?!
I'm not a mind reader, you know!
1/2
Her heart sinks at the truth of it. Every time she wanted to tell him that she missed him, that she wished he'd visit more, that she loved him and thought of him as her big brother of course... Every time. She'd just ended up being unsure of how to say it.
Afraid he would reject her.
Frozen in spot and saying only the cruelest things that she'd regret for days after saying them. More tears well up in her eyes, but now she's trying not to let them fall and they obscure her vision as she shifts to stand, move, something...]
no subject
If she had said these things outright... Would he still be alive?]
I'm... [A pause, a step, a noise that sounds like crying wants to keep happening but she doesn't want it to--] I'm so sorry.
[Snatching up her purse in a clumsy grip she runs to the door, not wanting to look back at him or knowing how to address this at all but he's right.
This is her fault.]
no subject
[And now she's running, he can only help but be stunned as he sees her run, guilt weighing down in his stomach. He has really hurt her. He went too far]
Seles, I-
[His words are so weak, he doesn't know what to say? I'm sorry? He's said that so many times like they were a charm, but the magic never worked. All he's done is make things worse]
no subject
She's so selfish.
She needed to go off on her own and find out how to deal with this. Because right now? She had no idea, and she'd never heard Zelos yell like that. He must be so upset.
She doesn't want to upset him.
So ducking her head at the sound, she opens the door to run out, shutting it a little roughly behind her as well.]
no subject
[It's just like Colette. He got so scared and frustrated that he lashed out. He hurt them in order to protect himself. Yet again he chased someone away with his temper. And this time, he had done it to the one person to mattered to him more than anything. Things had been going so well before today and now... ]
[Maybe she'll start hating him for real this time. The thought brings no comfort as he thought it would in the past]
[His chest tightens and he crumbles onto the ground fully. It hurts, everything hurts and he doesn't have a clue how to fix it. Everything he tries ends so miserably, he can't even think of what to do in the slightest. ]
[What was so great about living if it hurt this much?]