Thassarian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
obliterating) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
exsiliumlogs2013-07-18 10:03 pm
obliterating) wrote in exsiliumlogs2013-07-18 10:03 pm
And with this song, I'll say goodbye
Date & Time: July 25, night
Location: Thassarian's Farm
Characters: Koltira and Thass
Summary: Thass finally tells someone about his mom, and it's the only person he really trusts with it.
Warnings: Probably crying sorry Kolts. Talking about death and other gross Scourge business (loss of free will, etc).
[It was nearly dark by the time he had finally messaged Koltira, and that was about the time he had set to cleaning up a bit. The farm looked much better than it had in previous months, but there were still holes in the wall that he hadn't patched over yet, and the furniture could use...well, it would be more merciful to burn it and find something new, but he had no way of getting anything like that out here, so for now, a ratty old couch and a bed with a thin mattress would have to do. Not that he used either of them, but it made sleeping arrangements difficult when the boys were by.
Not much to be done about it now, though. He picked up what he could.
Koltira would find him waiting outside, the skies too overcast for stars tonight, but he could see the light from the single moon. He had a lantern, and two bundles of wildflowers that had been bought from someone in town, tied together with twine. His clothes were simple pants and his leather boots, with a loose shirt on top- the clothes he normally wore under his armor.
The lantern rested beside him on the back of a piece of machinery he was leaning against, waiting. He knew Koltira would show.]
Location: Thassarian's Farm
Characters: Koltira and Thass
Summary: Thass finally tells someone about his mom, and it's the only person he really trusts with it.
Warnings: Probably crying sorry Kolts. Talking about death and other gross Scourge business (loss of free will, etc).
[It was nearly dark by the time he had finally messaged Koltira, and that was about the time he had set to cleaning up a bit. The farm looked much better than it had in previous months, but there were still holes in the wall that he hadn't patched over yet, and the furniture could use...well, it would be more merciful to burn it and find something new, but he had no way of getting anything like that out here, so for now, a ratty old couch and a bed with a thin mattress would have to do. Not that he used either of them, but it made sleeping arrangements difficult when the boys were by.
Not much to be done about it now, though. He picked up what he could.
Koltira would find him waiting outside, the skies too overcast for stars tonight, but he could see the light from the single moon. He had a lantern, and two bundles of wildflowers that had been bought from someone in town, tied together with twine. His clothes were simple pants and his leather boots, with a loose shirt on top- the clothes he normally wore under his armor.
The lantern rested beside him on the back of a piece of machinery he was leaning against, waiting. He knew Koltira would show.]
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Of course, recent events have shown him, yet again, that isolation isn't always the best solution to their problems. He realizes--now more than ever--that people should not face their struggles alone. He doesn't know what help he can be to Thassarian, but he's glad to do what he can.
As he draws closer, he gestures to the farmhouse with a wide sweep of his hand.]
You've done well for yourself.
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[He smiles softly.]
...it reminds me of home. I grew up on a farm.
[Did he ever tell Koltira that? They had years between them, time that was largely clouded over by both time and by the ghost of Arthas invading his mind- even now he struggled to believe that it had been nearly seven years since he last needed to breathe.
Months, years blurred together when he thought of his time in the Scourge, suffering and mindless preparation for war punctuated by brief moments that he had hung onto- moments when he resisted, ones that told him there was something still human in him.
He had known Koltira for years, and yet, how much did he truly know of the man he had been? How much about Thassarian did Koltira truly know? Such things weren't important in the Scourge- just as no one asked for a blade's past when when they used it to sever a limb, neither did they care about who the Scourge had been, in life. They were merely tools of war.
It was time to change that.]
I grew up on a small farm. My father died when I was young, in the Second War...I lived with my mother, and my sister.
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So he nods.]
What became of them?
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[He falls silent, shrugging softly. He knows he should be grateful that Leryssa is alive, and he is. He loves her dearly, but for as much as he cares for her, he feels equally as much that maybe it's for the best if she isn't reminded of who he is, what he'd done.]
My mother...her name was Vivian.
[He grabs the small bundles of flowers and the lantern, and starts for the back of the house.]
She's why I asked if you'd come out here.
[He's silent for the rest of the short walk, and behind a half-rotten gate and among overgrown and nearly dead grass, is a large, flat rock. He sets the lantern down on the rock and is silent for a few moments.]
She died, years ago. Not to long after my own death, but before...before we went north.
[To Quel'thalas.]
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Oh?
[His voice is even; measured. He's not one to pry. But he's a decent listener.]
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[He starts, and then falls silent. He hadn't spoken of her since Light's Hope. It was his deepest shame, the one thing that made him hate everything he had been, had done.
He kneels, resting one of the bundles of flowers on the stone.]
I thought this would be fitting. I went looking, after I came back from Northrend. All I could find were mass graves.
[There was no time to give everyone that had slaughtered- or what remained of them- a proper burial. Without anything to mark a grave for her body, she could have been anywhere.]
Thought it might be nice to have a memorial, here.
[He is avoiding the subject. It's still difficult to speak of. It's just the truth, isn't it? Why did it hurt so badly?
He takes in a breath to steady himself. It is a conscious movement, but it makes him feel calmer. His lungs rattle from misuse as he exhales, and if he has any sense of pain in them beyond a dull ache, he's certain it would hurt. He tries to force all of the emotion out of his voice, but there is still something there, a regret that runs deeper through him than the scar that runs from his chest to back.]
...I killed her. In Lordaeron. They dragged her in front of me. I hesitated, but...I did, in the end.
[He can still remember that cold feeling in his mind, how absolute Arthas has been, how much it took to even fight that much, and how he had hated himself for it, when he could vagely remember that he had almost disobeyed.
He doesn't look at Koltira, and he lays down the second bundle of flowers. This one, with no explanation.
He can only feel some sense of shame at finally admitting it to another soul. He stands, but he doesn't feel a great sense of relief at speaking about her. If anything, it feels worse, just a wound ripped open to bleed again.]
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It is not your fault, brother. The Lich King turned us all against what we loved. To do so was his greatest pleasure.
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[He finally looked at him, his shoulders sagged slightly.]
He just...I couldn't. You know, more than anyone else. I know you understand.
[He shook his head softly.]
I wanted someone else to know. At Light's Hope, I saw my father. He had been buried there...I don't know if Leryssa knows or not. She's smart, but she never asked about it. I don't even know what I'd say to her, if I did.
[He pats the hand on his shoulder, thankful for having someone here, for having his closest friend with him.]
You ever go back home?
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No. After I was accepted into the Horde, I went directly to Northrend. I saw little reason to go among my people ... they became very different in the interim between my life and my death.
[He shrugs, his expression inscrutable.]
And I had no one to see. You are lucky to have your sister. Regardless of circumstances.
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I know.
[Having extant family to return to, for a member of the Scourge, was a luxury. Much as things were often strained with Leryssa, he loved her as dearly as he had when he was a child.
Being here was starting to change how he felt about her, as well. Perhaps it wasn't for the best that he leave her to live her life. Maybe he had a place in her life more than sending letters to her and checking in every few months.
Maybe he did have a place with the living.]
You always have me.
[He glanced over at him, an odd half-smile on his face.]
And you have other people, here.
[Sometimes family, belonging, was something you found, rather than were just born into.]
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Thank you, Koltira.
[He had been standing almost at attention, and he relaxed a little, a gesture that would have been accompanied by an exhale, were he still alive.]
For coming out here, too. It means a lot to not be alone. I...haven't told anyone about my mother since Light's Hope.