exsiliumlogs | CLOSED: we're alright

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CLOSED: we're alright

Date & Time: August 10, early morning lasting to who knows.
Location: Random encounter around the city.
Characters: Ellie, Joel and Tess.
Summary: The trio gets back together by some work of a higher power. It'd be better if it could stay that way, huh? Trying to ask 'wanna move in with us' is more difficult than it should be.
Warnings: Swearing and possible mentions of violence. Likely spoilers for The Last of Us for the conscious.

[Should have known that being in a new place wouldn't break her sleeping habits. Tess is out and about the city, memorizing locations from shops to good places to lay low in case things get bad. Just like back in the Quarantine Zone. She's gotta figure out a way to keep busy, keep her mind off things. Checking the tablet probably wasn't the best thing.

Not when it says it's been nearly a week since she's last seen either of those two. Her hand hovers over Ellie's name to give it a call but Tess stops, shakes her head and puts it away. It's too early anyway, and maybe with how long it's been, some things have changed for them at least. Shoving the tablet away and slipping it back into her bag, she slings it over her shoulder and fixes herself. Just before she starts back down the street though, Tess checks underneath her shirt, tugging her jacket away.

The scars are still there, and they're still a damn annoyance. Both to look at and physically, judging by the ache she feels just by looking at them. A short sigh and she starts in another direction.]

Alright, this way should...

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Any which way is fine by me. [ It beat sitting around in the area they were currently living in, all those strangers sharing the quarters with them.

Joel's got no problem with Ellie answering for them. It was the truth, they had no destination in mind, they were simply walking until they couldn't anymore and that was saying much considering how much ground they had covered back home by foot.

To where Ellie's pointed, Joel nods and starts out for that direction. He throws a glance over at them to see if they'll follow. ]

[She's keen on following after, giving a nod. She keeps a firm pace, looks to Joel's back but stays behind slightly, looking over at Ellie. It reminds her a little bit of their journey to the Capitol Building, but it's not quite there. Having missed a lot, Tess doesn't think too hard on it. ]

You two gettin' settled? [Her eyes are more on Ellie, because talking at Joel's back isn't something she's that fond on.] Don't see much of either of you around the assigned housin' building.

That's because we're not in an apartment. They have us in temporary housing, which is pretty much a giant room full of cots. [Just like being back in school. She sighs, glancing at Joel's back. Fine. Whatever. She'll do the talking, he can do the walking and pipe in now and then.

She knows this is hard for him, but it's not exactly easy for her, either. At least if Ellie's good at anything, it's talking. She even matches her pace to Tess'.]

We have showers and stuff, though. So that's a plus.

[ Leading the way and adding his two cents in here and there is what Joel does best. He listens to them talk behind him, listens to their voices, how they speak to one another. He's trying to figure out just how comfortable Ellie is with Tess being back with them, especially after they'd both been sent off on their merry way by her.

While walking Joel reaches up to idly rub at a shoulder, rolling it. They aren't the only ones walking the street, there are others. Not sure whether they're natives to this place or they're just like the three of them, Joel makes sure to keep his eye on some of them.

As much as he wants to make a comment on how this place and some of the housing reminds him of the place he and Tess had shared back home, he keeps that thought to himself, lips pressing together. ]

We ain't got a lick of privacy in that place. [ Tosses over his shoulder in a grumble. ] Better off livin' in the woods somewhere, might get more privacy there behind a bush or two.

Wouldn't count on it. Some of the wildlife's less than friendly, and more noisy than you'd think. [Sometimes she thinks she's back in Boston if she looks hard enough and the thought shakes her out of whatever rut she's in. Ellie is good at talking, and for that she's grateful, even more so when Joel adds his share in. It lets her know just how the two of them have gotten on after everything.

She smiles, rolls her neck to stretch out some kinks before following after.] If you look hard enough, a more private place ain't out of the question. I could help, if you want.

You've been out there? [The world outside is, once again, a mystery to Ellie. A question that would once be laced with awe and envy is now loaded with concern. It's probably not-so-nice out there. They needed to figure out this place before they--all three of them, she assumed--explored elsewhere.

Ellie isn't as bothered by the lack of privacy as Joel is. She's used to being tossed into a room full of beds and curtains, expected to sleep when there are dozens and dozens of bodies moving, breathing, sniffling, and talking. She had later grown accustomed to just the sound of one other person breathing and mumbling, mixed in with the sounds of nature. Crickets, birds. So, a private dwelling wasn't a main concern for Ellie, but she perks up a bit at Tess' offer anyway.]

Like what, a place outside of the apartments?

[ Somehow it doesn't surprise him that she's already gotten a look around before any of them. Joel wishes he had thought of that, however being on strict bed rest for three or so days followed by reading up on as much as he could through his tablet and learning of everything this place was about through whatever information pages were available to them, it hadn't happened.

That didn't mean he couldn't get together with Tess later on and she could show him herself, or all three of them could go now, as a team. ]

What Ellie said.

[ And Joel glances back at Tess over his shoulder. Christ she's really there, really with them. This feels normal almost, like they were back in Boston. It was really unnerving.

His eyes went back forward, a knit in his brows, a hard swallow pushing down that foreign lump in his throat. Each time he sees her he can't help but think of Sarah, of the possibilities. No, he's going to stick with what he said, that the dead stay dead and that they have no place with the living. ]

Why not? Not everyone lives there, from what I've seen. It's just a convenient place for hangin' with everyone else, considerin' how the locals are right now.

[Leave it to Tess to be on top of this. When Joel speaks up, she can't help but get quiet, look back over to him when he spares the glance and looks forward again. Brows lifting, they drop along with her shoulders on her sigh, and she looks to Ellie. Managing a dry smile, she shrugs helplessly and mouths 'sorry' over to her. Way to talk about the elephant in the room.] Did it back in Boston, sorta.

Find a place you like and make home while no one's lookin'. [She reaches up, scratches the back of her head.] Joel can tell you all about it.

["What Ellie said." She stares at Joel's back, frowning. Really? They've come to have a fair amount of trust and respect between them, but Ellie's not feeling up to taking the reins for a conversation with his formerly dead partner when he was right there.

She catches Tess' apology and is quick to shake her head. No. Ellie felt for Joel, she really did, but this was ridiculous.]

That true, Joel? Is this turning into a plan?

[ He tenses up when Ellie speaks to him. He had expected the girls to bond and talk while he quietly and calmly (yeah right, calm?) led the way. Looks like he was wrong in thinking he could get out of talking in this conversation. ]

Ah- we'll see.

[ Way to throw him under the bus. Joel glances back at Ellie and shrugs a broad shoulder. ]

Ain't much to tell. [ Or maybe you could tell her, Tess, since you were a part of helping him in finding that place to call home. ]

[Try and give him some room to jump in and of course it comes back around. She should have known it'd come back that way but it still bugs her. Especially when his answer isn't much more than a few words. Then again, that was how it went back then, and she didn't expect him to turn into a man of many words over however long it'd been.]

Offer still stands. [Of helping, you know. Since she doesn't exactly wanna rain on the parade with the awkward air of 'I'm dead but I'm back'. ] Not like I'm up to much at the moment.

Jesus, are we just going to not talk about the really fucking obvious issue here?

[Ellie stops walking, deciding that enough is enough. She didn't mean Tess, not exactly, but Tess was a big part of it. Joel didn't want to talk about it, obviously. However, that didn't mean Ellie was going to let him brush it under the rug, just like so many other things.]

We're together. The three of us. Two of us are living on cots. We're talking about looking for somewhere to live in this place. The three of us are together. So are we going to find a place with three rooms, or what? It's gonna come up sooner or later, might as well get it over with now.

[ Sighing as he stops, Joel lets his head hang for a moment before he turns around to face the other two. His hands go out at his sides, a dangerous look of frustration in his expression especially his eyes. ]

And just where do you think we're going to find that? [ Joel's rounding on Ellie right now. He'll get to Tess, eventually. ] Ain't like we're gonna magically wish for this place to appear. If they had a place like that for us- we'd already be livin' in it.

[ And now he's growling at the other, marching on over to her. ] And you-- do you have any idea-- [ Joel doesn't give either of them a chance to cut in; he goes to take Tess by the upper arm, fingers wrapped around it, pulling her off a few feet away from Ellie.

He continues in a brusque, low tone between them. His look is hard but torn as he glares down at her. ] -any idea just how hard this is right now for me? [ Still. Just as hard as it is for her. ] I get it, you're here. [ His words have grown hushed now, meant for just their ears alone, and he has yet to release her. ] I may not have watched you die, Tess, but I might as well have.

[Maybe this would go a hell of a lot easier if there was one less member of the group, but she's here, and she'll take the confrontation. Ellie's the first strike and Joel's the second. She just gives a glance to the youngest as she gets pulled off, used to it but tense under the touch.

Least she's not shouting at him to not touch her. Still she frowns for the words, posture tightening as she tries to shake his arm off, her voice just as low on the answer.] And what do you want me to do? Go back to bein' dead?

You're not the only one hurtin' here, Joel. [She told him before, the first time they met and while maybe there was still a daze there, the words were clear: he was not going to give her hell for what she made them do in Boston. No one was.] Don't fuckin' act like ignoring me is gonna make it go away.

[It feels like years since Joel's taken that tone with her, looked at her like that. It makes her want the ground to open and gobble her up. Joel would never raise a hand against her, that she knows, but considering how her last encounter went with an angry man, she finds herself taking a few steps back. She needs the space to collect herself.

Before she can open her mouth to say anything, he's already with Tess, and Ellie feels just as helpless as she did in the capitol building, standing on the sidelines as the adults argued. This time, she's not sure what's being said, but she doubts the words are kind.

She keeps her eyes on the ground. This didn't have to be complicated. Sticking together was the right thing, even if there would be a lot of baggage with them.]

[ Joel would make it up to her. He'd had no right to take out his frustration on her the way he had; it had been the idea that they could go on living together and pretending that everything in the world was right again, that Tess hadn't died, that he hadn't had a brush with death himself, that Ellie hadn't nearly been raped or worse by a sicko. Joel couldn't do that, as much as he wanted to, he couldn't play naive and go on like none of it hadn't happened or mattered. It did, especially when it involved toying with their emotions, their fears, their very lives.

Tess' words cut deep. All the grief and guilt he'd had to deal with after he'd left her. It hadn't been for nothing. He had just done a good job on keeping it bottled inside, not daring to let any of it show to Ellie even though she probably already knew what he was going through and thinking. ]

Then tell me. [ His fingers dig in hard just once before he's finally releasing her. He keeps his voice quiet still, trying not to raise it too much in spite of how angry and possibly desperate he's feeling. ] Right here and right now- if I had died, Tess, only to come back- what would you do?

You're here now. It's something I'll just have to deal with. But if- [ There's a faint catch in his gruff and growling tone. Whatever he had bottled inside all this time, it's beginning to slip through the cracks of whatever wall he's managed to put up since after his first encounter with Tess. ] But if you're here then that can only mean that- [ Joel can't say it. If he says it then he's acknowledging the possibility, one that shouldn't even be considered.

It's like a taboo. ] -she-- [ His voice drops just like his gaze drops away, head falling. ] Can't fuckin' believe I'm considerin' it.

[ It's been too long. Two decades. Sarah would be thirty-two fucking years old. And she would forever be his 'baby girl'. ]

[It's not fair to either of them that Tess should come back and get this hope in their heads, this idea that if it happened to her, it should happen to anyone they held near and dear.

What a fucked up form of survivor's guilt. And maybe she'd answer the first question if there had been more time there, more spacing inbetween things then maybe she could have thought about it more. A Joel that got bit, Joel making her leave with Ellie, watching the two of them just as the door shut. Tess hearing him go down like a fucking dog. It all makes her sick to her stomach, and the thought of him coming back after something like that?

Closer as she feels to sympathy and a tightness in her chest, she doesn't give herself time to think too close on it, because Joel's still talking. Her hands clenches into a gist when he digs in deep and she doesn't move her arm when he lets go. It drops slow, but then she's stepping back forward, close as she can.]

—Joel. [It's a near whisper as she swallows hard. She can't think of a damn thing to say to him. Hands reaching up instead, Tess moves to get palms against his cheeks, lift his head. The hostility on her face is gone because she gets it, but. There's an apology in the way her fingers curl against his skin.] I don't know.

[If this place can do that, if it can bring his girl back but she'd like to hope. Just like she hopes Ellie's the answer the world's been needing back home.

A little late:] I'd want to make every second count.

[Ellie watches Tess touch Joel's face. It feels like she's intruding, watching this, but seeing them look so wounded breaks her heart. Tess being here can mean a lot of things. She knows what it means for Joel, and god, she can't imagine how terrifying and strange it must be for Tess.

She doesn't need to hear what they're saying to each other.

She can count on one hand the times she's willingly hugged someone. About three of those times have been in the last week or so. There's that urge in her chest right now, to squeeze one or maybe both of them, but she's not about to interrupt. Joel and Tess need their moment, and the least Ellie can do is let them have it.]

[ If he were any more lost in the moment, Joel would've kissed her. They're both vulnerable, there's a sense of desperation, questions left unanswered, hopes better off left in the dark. Raw emotion. Joel feels her hands warm as they cup the sides of his face, feels her fingers curl against his cheeks, her nails scratching faintly through his beard. ]

Tess- [ There's a plea in his tone; he's begging her for answers, begging for something even he's not aware of. It takes a lot to get this man bending at the knee. With Tess, sometimes it doesn't take much, especially not with the situation they're all stuck in.

His hands come up to wrap around her wrists as he shakes his head, lowering it and turning it in towards her right hand. Joel's got nothing to say to that. He agrees with it but he can't find his voice right now. His eyes close. He's gotta get a hold of himself, he can't afford to fall apart any more than he already has.

Wordlessly his hands loosen and then briefly slide over the sides of her ribcage, his arms wrapping tight as he pulls her flush against him, burying his face into the warm left crook of her neck. ]

[When's she ever heard that kind of tone in his voice, pleading, desperate? She can't think of it, doesn't want to so she keeps her eyes on him and watches for a hint, something that'll help her get him around and through this if it's even possible.

She tenses at his hands on her wrist, feels her scars ache like a phantom pain when he pulls her close, buries his face in the spot opposite where that bite had been. Taking in a sharp breath, she brings her arms up and over his shoulders, tangles fingers in his hair. Fingers curling then loosening instinctively, she turns her head towards his just slightly.

It feels like he's got her arm twisted with how little she can bring herself to do. Still she swallows hard, coos him. ] I know, I know.

[Honestly, she doesn't think she does at this point.]

[Joel and Tess weren't a thing Ellie ever really considered. They were partners, they were close, but she never asked just HOW close they were because she knew Joel wouldn't take her questioning well--and maybe that in itself should have been enough of an answer for her.

Her fingers dig into her opposite arm, able to feel the raised welts beneath the fabric. It was her fault Tess died. It was her fault Joel lost someone else. It was her fault he nearly died, because Tess believed they could find the Fireflies, and couldn't go with them because she was dead.

One foot slides forward. Seeing Joel hurting makes her hurt, her eyes sting and her throat constrict, but Tess has this. This is intimate, personal. Now's probably a good time to back up, so Ellie takes several quiet footsteps back and away, turning to give them privacy. Maybe Joel doesn't notice or mind her presence, but if that's holding him back from just letting it out, she doesn't want him to bottle anything up for her sake.

This should be a happier moment. All Ellie feels is guilt.]

[ Ellie isn't alone. Joel's ears deep in it and no doubt Tess is as well. What great company they are to each other, full of nothing but survivor's guilt.

Too many things happen at once; Tess has her face close to his with her breath tickling his cheek, Joel just wants to pull himself back together and plant a nice one on her, and Ellie is stepping away to give them some more privacy. Joel hears the sound of a foot sliding through the tiny gravel and pebbles on the road when he goes to close the tiny gap, his brow rested against Tess's cheek. He lifts his head right before his lips meet with Tess's and he looks over to where Ellie was.

A short jolt of panic flares up when he sees that she's not standing where he last remembered her to be. But seeing that she's only off several feet with her back to them, Joel relaxes and closes his eyes again, mumbling to himself that they aren't alone, that he's gotta get it together, reminding himself mentally that if anyone needs comfort and some affection, it's Ellie.

Joel straightens away from Tess, but not without taking her hand in his, thumb passing over her knuckles. He glances at Tess and then shoots Ellie a glance and indicates with a head tilt that they should go to her, squeezing her hand and tugging gently as he quietly begins to make his way over to the young teenager. ]

--Ellie?

Edited 2013-08-14 10:43 (UTC)

[She makes out the sounds of movement from Ellie's direction, knows she's moving and it makes her feel guilty for taking this moment in the first place, even if it's something both she and Joel needed. She doesn't break, but the next breath she takes in has her chest hurt something fierce, makes her lungs burn.

Joel lifts his head and Tess lowers hers, lets him react to Ellie moving with a shake of her head. Once he straightens away, she's about to give him space, doesn't expect him to take her hand. Faltering, Tess opens her mouth to protest, stops instead and joins Joel in crossing over. She squeezes his hand when they get close to Ellie, then there's a little smile, tired but present. Her turn to be a little quiet.]

[Joel saying her name gets her to turn. Green eyes glassy, she looks at Tess, and then him, searching for a cue that it's okay. That he's okay.

Her gaze drops down to their hands, and whatever apology is on the tip of her tongue gets swallowed. She doesn't want to ruin whatever they've managed to pull back together with her blubbering. Tess deserves an apology from her, her groveling, but it can wait until she can form the words without waterworks.]

I'm here.

[She'd never go too far.]

... you all right?

[ Joel's fingers instinctively squeeze the ones he's holding when Ellie turns glassy eyes onto him, her reassurance bringing him a tiny amount of relief. She looks a little upset, and he can't help but think they may have triggered whatever it is she's feeling. He's not exactly sure why though, maybe she can explain it somehow, as he's a little out of touch with things when it comes to certain emotions and others, how to approach them.

He clears his throat, waits. ]

[She doesn't hold back on words but the closest to saying something that Ellie wants to hear is a little nod. They're not completely there yet, but this is probably the closest thing to closure they'll get.

The two talk, don't say much. From the way Ellie looks, it's hard to tell if she does want to talk, and that's a little worrying— kid's good at talking. So Tess waits a beat then makes a motion with her free hand for the other to come over, takes a step forward with it but not enough to ruin anything. Her hand doesn't drop, and the way her arm curves makes it look like she's offering a hug, as strange as it might seem, coming from her. It's okay.]

Are you all right? [She almost laughs at Joel's question. He was the one no doubt thinking about his dead daughter--and sure, Ellie had a lot of dead people in her life, but he had been right. She didn't know what losing family was like. She didn't go through what Maria described to her.

Ellie looks a little startled at what it looks like Tess is offering. She hugged her before, to make sure she was real, to let HER know she was real and that Ellie, at least, was there.

She's not sure if she'll ever be alright after David, but she's alright enough to step into Tess' hug and squeeze her tightly. She's so, so sorry, and she really hopes all of this means yeah, they'll all stick together.

It'd be stupid not to.]

[ Ellie will be all right under their watchful eye. Joel will make sure of it, that she recovers, even if he has to suffocate her with his constant presence. He stands by in silence and watches as the two hug. These are his girls, the special ladies in his life. He's grateful that Tess is here with them, it means Ellie will have a mother-figure around again to help her in areas he won't be able to. Not that he had much choice with Sarah, dating and seeing other women was never an option with how busy he was day in and day out with his work, spending all of his free time with his daughter.

How can he properly answer her question? She had just witnessed him have a near mini breakdown. ]

Just needed a moment, that was all.

[ That's safe enough. ]

[Tess lets go of Joel's hand so she can get both arms around Ellie, hug her back just as tight. It's definitely not fair to Ellie in this situation, back home and here and she considers her in whatever might happen. A slow breath in and her shoulders slump a little, she rolls small circles against the girl's back.

Sure maybe they're okay right now, but they're living. It's good enough for Tess. A glance over to Joel and she makes a small gesture with her head, a 'c'mere' motion for him to join in this because hell if they don't all need this.]

Think we all did.

[Ellie's fine with just staying right where she is for a while, face hidden. She feels four instead of fourteen, but fuck it--it's only Joel and Tess. They can see this.]

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CLOSED: we're alright

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