exsiliumlogs | [OPEN] Tonight is the night, we’ll fight 'til it’s over

[OPEN] Tonight is the night, we’ll fight 'til it’s over

Date & Time: Saturday 31st, starting at 9:00 pm o'clock
Location: THE PARTY WAREHOUSE
Characters: ERRBODY
Summary: Ella throws a party. It is awesome. Get your asses in here people. With subthreads for maximum OCDness.
Warnings: Drunk people, loud music, teenage drama! Nothing bad overall though.

[ It was seriously happening.

Food? Check.
Drinks? Check.
Lights? Check.
Music? Check.
DJ ClaudsterRedhead? Check.

There was no time for yet another complete check up, it was now or never. Ella fought the urge of making it a "never" and decided that whatever happened was already out of her control. Best intentions and all, whether it turned to be a great party or not depended on the people that would come. All she hoped was that the guests didn't destroy the place; she was kind of thinking about a future party to come and finding one good spot had been difficult enough.

But enough dillydallying, it was party time! ]]

((OOC: ~~PLEASE WAIT WHILE I PUT THE SUBTHREADS UP.~~ GO GO GO))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She, um. D-deserves high p-praise.

( Quietly, glancing back to Belle and there's a kind of-- how can he possibly explain their relationship? Dragging each others hands over their skin and trying to remind her that she's a person and not a monster, and the way she sees him. The ways they see each other, and the ways he's destroying her because he dragged Asteria into her life. )

W-we-- she w-wouldn't want t-to.

( A little shrug, and he offers a slight smile. It's okay. )

You don't know that unless you ask, do you?

[ belle lifts a finger to jab it playfully at him, a simple tease between friends. acquaintances? well, whichever, belle considers them friends. she takes another sip of her drink and leans back, observing donny's reaction to max, the way he completely concedes to what he assumes are her thoughts (and what very well could be, belle having never met her before). ]

How long've you been in love with her?

( A sort of look, paired with a sad kind of smile. He knows. She might oblige him, because they live together and they sleep tangled up together, and she likes when he kisses her shoulder. She'd do it because she cares about him and doesn't want to make him more awkward than he already is, and dancing can be platonic in ways other things can't be, but she wouldn't want to. Donny shrugs, noncommittal, and tilts his head when she jabs his chest.

The second questions makes him tense a little, looking at her a little surprised, and wondering how he got so obvious.
Maybe he's always been obvious. ) Uh.

( Scratching his neck, glancing up and staring at the ceiling for long moments because this is embarrassing. ) Um, b-bit-- bit m-more than a year, I g-guess.

( Another shrug. ) I kn-know it's um, it's p-pathetic. ( Asteria's whispered it in his head so many times. )

[ it isn't that he's obvious, but she is really really perceptive about stuff like this. it's easy, from the stolen glances to the stammering. well. okay. it's not just that he's obvious, how's that?

because in belle's opinion, he's pretty obvious. her expression turns to one of incredulity at that timeframe, though. ]

A whole year? And you haven't even - you haven't even tried to tell her?

[ OH HONEY. she doesn't comment on the second bit, other than a sympathetic look. no, it's not pathetic. there's just a little boldness that's been misplaced, it's fine. ]

Do you think she has any idea?

She kn-- she kn-knows.

( Fiddling with the bottle in his hand, peeling at the label and very much avoiding her gaze. Of course Max knows. ) It's-- it's n-not-- it's not g-going to happen.

( She calls herself a monster, says she couldn't ever love anyone. That she can't love, that she's too broken apart from carving herself into the Sphinx. She doesn't realise, though, that so much of what she's done is born of love and caring for people, that she sacrifices herself and have eroded herself for the sake of changing the world and making it better for others. Max could love, but she's doesn't love him; it's not a reflection on her. )

I'm n-not-- not the right p-person. ( A faint flicker of a smile, or the attempt, before it twists unhappily. She likes kissing him, touching him, and she cares about him, but he's not a loveable thing. He'd known that long before he ever met Max. )

Um, w-would you like a-- ( A drink? Holding up his beer, before he finishes off the last little bit. )

What do you mean, you're not the right person?

[ she says it with a squint of her eyes, brows drawing together. and she can't hear that thought process, but honestly, it would just spur her on. it rings close to home, she'd think, and it wasn't so terribly long ago that she was in donny's place. a bit bolder, perhaps, a bit more resolute, but that's belle, and she wouldn't force him to be more like her. ]

Is that something she told you?

[ at his offer, she shakes her head, holding up her half-full cup. ] I'm fine. Thanks.

It's n-not-- I m-mean, you um, you l-love someone for a reason, right? B-because they're the uh, the right p-person for you. 'C-cause you fit t-together and-- and m-make each other happy, and stuff. And--

( It seems so obvious, but he knows that he's naive. ) And if they j-just aren't um, into you, then.

( Then that's it. Donny shrugs a little, leans ever so slightly to grab another beer, pulling the cap off easily. ) K-kind um, kind of obvious.

It's not always that easy, but. That is a point. [ and that is a rather pointed drink on her part. were it from a bottle, it might even be able to be counted as a swig. it's not that she hasn't thought about rumplestiltskin since she's gotten here; she loves him. he's always at least in the back of her mind, but this is dangerously close to bringing him (and what she considers to be the lack of closure) to the surface. quickly, she turns her thoughts back to donny. ]

But you think she is the right one for you. That's why you haven't stopped loving her.

( Leaving Donny speechless is not especially difficult, it has to be said, but Belle still accomplishes that pretty easily. He sort of stares at her for a few seconds, opening his mouth and trying to work out a response before he just tips back some of his beer. ) Um.

Max-- ( A breath. There's so much that he can't explain, or he could, but it could make everything so much more complicated. He's not sure how Belle would feel about him being a vigilante, and no one can know about Atlas. ) She, uh. I m-mean, p-people don't-- t-talk to me. Or uh, really see m-me. At home.

( But Max did. She'd seen him and even though she knew about the raw mess of nothing, the void that lay under Atlas, she still believed in him. She didn't abandon him to Asteria, she treated him like a person in ways other people never had. It's better here, in Exsilium, than home in some ways. It's so much worse for Max, though, even if she can sleep without Asteria prying open her mind and her dreams. )

I'm k-kinda stupid. ( With a half-smile, a shrug, like that's all it is. He keeps loving Max because he's too stupid to accept he's not the right one, even though he knows it. ) D-don't um, don't w-worry about it. It's fine.

[ she's quick to catch on. slowly, she nods. yep, this is a story she understands perfectly, even when all the pieces aren't right there in front of her. honestly, they might as well be. ] But she did. She did, and it was different, wasn't it? It got to you. [ she'd lay a comforting hand on his shoulder, but she also understands personal space when there are potential significant others in the room. instead, belle nudges his shoulder with her own. ]

Donny, you're not stupid. [ her eyebrows shoot up in a warning look. careful, now, or she'll scold him. ] I - I understand. It's fine, it's - [ well, it's not normal. but maybe it is. maybe it's not always supposed to be easy. it's complicated, is a good word. ] It's worth a try.

( a little wince, at the assertion he's not stupid, head tilting anxiously, neck wrenched a little, like he's recoiling from the words, their sting, or something that might follow. Sure, he won't argue it, but he doesn't look totally sold on it, either. Dubious, doubting - trying to be nice because she doesn't really know. )

It's n-not w-worth-- worth b-being pushy.

( with a slight frown, brow furrowed. ) Sometimes you j-just have to-- to l-let it g-go.

( he doesn't add that vigilantes have a short self life, that he's all but doomed to something terrible and he can only hope it'll be quick. ) You're r-right she's-- d-different, so I w-want the b-best for her.

( he is definitely not the best, and not for Max.)

Edited 2013-09-07 08:48 (UTC)

[ any comments about short lives would simply earn him a twist on the matter - all the more reason for him to go after her, then, or at least tell her. make an attempt. if there's a time limit on these sorts of things, then by all means, there is a reason to be pushy about it. ]

You don't even think that there's the possibility she could reciprocate? That she could be holding back, too, for the same reasons you are?

[ it's a difficult thing to overcome, she knows. not on her part, no, but on his. she told him he wasn't a monster and even now (then?), he doesn't believe her, she thinks. but she tries. they try. that's all one can do, sometimes. ]

I'm--

( She keeps saying things like there's hope or a chance, like she hasn't realize what a joke he is, how useless. She doesn't know the depths of it, that he's stupid. That he a broken thing, and twisted. He's pieces of glass, or he's full of these pieces, but these aren't ones that he can take in his hands and mould into something whole again. They rasp and slice, leave him a raw mess, reopening wounds before they have a chance to even heal.

Adonis Casey is not a loveable thing, and he's known that for a long time. Maybe that's why Asteria picked him, to practice her magic, because it wouldn't be a waste, or the destruction of anything that someone might have loved. When he was alone, it meant other people were better off, it seemed like. And when he'd stumbled into Max's life, all he'd done was bring Asteria with him, so that now she tried to break apart Max, as well. He'd thought it before he knew about his magic, that things weren't going to get better, and Atlas let him delude himself from time to time that he might be able to help people, make a difference, mean something. He could make things better.

He made things worse. And so then maybe death was the solution, the way it would have been the solution before, spared Max from Asteria and spared him from himself and the way everything feels all the time, when he struggles to breathe and if he just disappeared everyone could stop holding their breath. But they're in Exsilium, and he can't even die right, here. There's not even the possibility of that relief, and it makes the desperation worse.

There's no possibility Max could reciprocate, because he is himself. That's reason enough.

Donny shakes his head, and points to the door, breath turning ragged for a beat before he suppresses it. ) I'm um, j-just going to-- um, fresh air.

[ and that's the first flicker of some emotion beyond curiosity and hope. her mouth twitches downward into a frown, eyes suddenly hardening as she freezes. she'd done something wrong, hasn't she? crossed some line. she knows she has, she's good at that, and she never realizes it's much of a problem until it's too late. getting to know people isn't the problem, she thinks - it's not knowing the right questions to ask.

and it isn't that she's hard-pressed for social niceties, either; a silly notion, given her upbringing. but belle wants to relate to people. truly, she does. relate to them and help them and let them pull through on their own after that. it's a method that's not always foolproof, but it's stunningly beautiful when it does.

she turns her drink in her hand, peering over at him. ] Oh. I. Um. Do you want company?

[ the answer's likely no, she realizes, but the thought might be appreciated, at the very least. ]

( Yes.

No.

Yes.

His expression twists, and he shrugs. ) You d-don't-- don't have to. ( Somehow, he drags his gaze up to look at her, and everything in the way he moves is apologetic. Weak, some voice in his head whispers. )

I'm r-really-- I'm really s-sorry.

( For this, for being like this, and for doing the things that he does, and he just shrugs hopelessly. )

You don't have anything to apologize for.

[ she says it with the tiniest smile, a flicker of no hard feelings directed at him. a statement that should really be a question, seeing as she's the one who crossed the line. she turns her cup in her hands and stays where she is, watching him almost warily, debating whether or not to follow him for the aforementioned fresh air. for the moment, she decides against it, unless he invites her. ]

( A nod, hopeless, before he moves away. If it had occurred to him that she might be worried, might feel bad, he would reassure her, but he can see no reason for the doubt. It's almost a stumble, really, because he just needs to be outside for a little while, needs to breathe, and he is so consistently stupid. He shouldn't be here. He has to be here.

Donny moves through the crowd, and disappears out the door. )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[OPEN] Tonight is the night, we’ll fight 'til it’s over

you made me laugh in poetry seminar gosh

I AIM TO PLEASE

DO YOU THOUGH

look if u don't want my kindness i can go elsewhere

bb come back

o ok

here have some more sadness stubble

if he keeps that up he'll belong in a cw drama.

ironically I think he was in something cw but eternally cleanshaven

WOE.

so much woe i messed up my subject text :C

that's a lot of sadness tbqh.

cw: suicide ideation and depression

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