Subject 0-84; PAINWHEEL (
painfeels) wrote in
exsiliumlogs2013-09-02 10:29 am
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Entry tags:
[CLOSED]
Date & Time: Forward-dated to September 3
Location: Unit 505
Characters: Kanaya & Painwheel
Summary: Someone decides to come clean about themselves
Warnings: Painwheel being moe, and also sad
[To anyone unfamiliar, it probably wasn't that big of a deal. But for those close to her... They'd know, that it was very important. Painwheel always distanced herself from who she used to be, believing that she had no claim to her previous life with the way she was now. It was a life that she desperately wanted back, more than anything in... however many worlds existed out there. Even among her friends, she didn't really expect them to understand how it felt. Being disgusted with your own body and unable to do much about it.
It wasn't as simple as having an operation to remove the wheel on her back. The changes, the alterations... went much deeper than that.
She was currently standing outside her roommate's door. Actually, she'd been there for the last couple of minutes, trying to find the courage to knock. Kanaya was her friend, and continued to remain really important to her. Painwheel wanted to tell her, about... who she used to be. But, it was so difficult.]
U-Um...
[She raised a hand, finally, and gave a single knock on her friend's door.]
Location: Unit 505
Characters: Kanaya & Painwheel
Summary: Someone decides to come clean about themselves
Warnings: Painwheel being moe, and also sad
[To anyone unfamiliar, it probably wasn't that big of a deal. But for those close to her... They'd know, that it was very important. Painwheel always distanced herself from who she used to be, believing that she had no claim to her previous life with the way she was now. It was a life that she desperately wanted back, more than anything in... however many worlds existed out there. Even among her friends, she didn't really expect them to understand how it felt. Being disgusted with your own body and unable to do much about it.
It wasn't as simple as having an operation to remove the wheel on her back. The changes, the alterations... went much deeper than that.
She was currently standing outside her roommate's door. Actually, she'd been there for the last couple of minutes, trying to find the courage to knock. Kanaya was her friend, and continued to remain really important to her. Painwheel wanted to tell her, about... who she used to be. But, it was so difficult.]
U-Um...
[She raised a hand, finally, and gave a single knock on her friend's door.]
no subject
Hey, Painwheel. How are you?
[She used the unusual name carelessly, with no inkling of an alternative.]
no subject
Can I come in for a little bit?
[Just keep it calm, Painwheel, and you'll be alright!]
I mean, if you're not busy or anything.
no subject
[She steps back, the doorway wide open.]
I really don't have any better thing to do than hang out with you. [Acrobatics required to make that sound like the intended praise rather than pejorative... she'd like to think she pulled it off.]
no subject
S-So, um...
[Alright. She was inside. Now how was she going to ease her way into what she wanted to talk about?]
How's it going?
[Smooth.]
no subject
[She was starting to feel a little awkward. Her roommate clearly had some sort of particular purpose here, but seemed a little reluctant to allude to her aims explicitly.]
Have you - have you had dinner already or...
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[Painwheel fidgets around. Why can't this be easier for her.] I wanted to talk to you about something. Actually, it's about someone.
You know that... P-Painwheel isn't my real name, right?
no subject
I had wondered if that was the case.
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But y-you're my friend and...
[A deep breath.]
Carol.
My name used to be Carol.
no subject
I see. [Less dissimilar phonetically than some alternatives. She thinks it's kind of pretty - like a song, a Christmas carol - that particular remark might be taken as silly, though.]
Maybe it's a good thing you haven't gone by it here. You'd probably get even more people calling you cute.
no subject
C-Cute?! I'm not...
[Just settle down, okay?]
They don't know what they're talking about. I'm definitely not cute, and my old name isn't going to change that.
[yeah!!]
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Your name doesn't change who you are. If you do want to go by your old name from now on I'd be happy to correct anyone who doesn't get the message. [Probably with a well-placed fist just for good measure.]
no subject
It probably don't make sense, and I don't expect you to understand, I just...
[le sigh.]
no subject
It doesn't have to make sense. I'll admit I don't personally understand your actual rationale, but names are a purely invented construct. Like currency, they only have what worth people agree to assign to them. So it's not surprising at all that circumstances could cause you to feel differently about something that's entirely mental.
...That got a bit tangential, sorry.