[CLOSED]

[painfeels]

Date & Time: Forward-dated to September 3
Location: Unit 505
Characters: Kanaya & Painwheel
Summary: Someone decides to come clean about themselves
Warnings: Painwheel being moe, and also sad

[To anyone unfamiliar, it probably wasn't that big of a deal. But for those close to her... They'd know, that it was very important. Painwheel always distanced herself from who she used to be, believing that she had no claim to her previous life with the way she was now. It was a life that she desperately wanted back, more than anything in... however many worlds existed out there. Even among her friends, she didn't really expect them to understand how it felt. Being disgusted with your own body and unable to do much about it.

It wasn't as simple as having an operation to remove the wheel on her back. The changes, the alterations... went much deeper than that.

She was currently standing outside her roommate's door. Actually, she'd been there for the last couple of minutes, trying to find the courage to knock. Kanaya was her friend, and continued to remain really important to her. Painwheel wanted to tell her, about... who she used to be. But, it was so difficult.]

U-Um...

[She raised a hand, finally, and gave a single knock on her friend's door.]

Comments

[speakveryclearly]

[Kanaya opened the door with very little delay. She knew Painwheel was the only possibility for a solicitor, an entirely welcome one. Still, it wasn't every day that one of them specifically sought out the other rather than wait until a moment where both of them were in the same room. Her curiosity was piqued.]

Hey, Painwheel. How are you?

[She used the unusual name carelessly, with no inkling of an alternative.]

[painfeels]

I-I'm alright. [Though a little uneasy when she didn't want to be. It wasn't like she was talking to a stranger or anything of the sort. It was just Kanaya!]

Can I come in for a little bit?

[Just keep it calm, Painwheel, and you'll be alright!]

I mean, if you're not busy or anything.

[speakveryclearly]

I'm not at all busy.

[She steps back, the doorway wide open.]

I really don't have any better thing to do than hang out with you. [Acrobatics required to make that sound like the intended praise rather than pejorative... she'd like to think she pulled it off.]

[painfeels]

[Painwheel makes her way into the room proper, taking care to not make the rather embarrassing mistake of having her wheel stuck in the doorway.]

S-So, um...

[Alright. She was inside. Now how was she going to ease her way into what she wanted to talk about?]

How's it going?

[Smooth.]

[speakveryclearly]

It's... It's going okay. I've already done work and training for the day, so... no more obligations.

[She was starting to feel a little awkward. Her roommate clearly had some sort of particular purpose here, but seemed a little reluctant to allude to her aims explicitly.]

Have you - have you had dinner already or...

[painfeels]

Not, today. I, uh...

[Painwheel fidgets around. Why can't this be easier for her.] I wanted to talk to you about something. Actually, it's about someone.

You know that... P-Painwheel isn't my real name, right?

[speakveryclearly]

[Blink. Blink. Throwing her memory waaaaaay back to the first time Painwheel went sans-mask... she introduced herself some other way, didn't she? Yeah.]

I had wondered if that was the case.

[painfeels]

It's because I don't like talking about my old life. [What she had lost, who she had been cut off from, and what she was forced to become.]

But y-you're my friend and...

[A deep breath.]

Carol.

My name used to be Carol.

[speakveryclearly]

"Carol"... [Testing out the sound, half to make sure she's gotten it right at all.]

I see. [Less dissimilar phonetically than some alternatives. She thinks it's kind of pretty - like a song, a Christmas carol - that particular remark might be taken as silly, though.]

Maybe it's a good thing you haven't gone by it here. You'd probably get even more people calling you cute.

[painfeels]

[Oh no, Kanaya said it!!]

C-Cute?! I'm not...

[Just settle down, okay?]

They don't know what they're talking about. I'm definitely not cute, and my old name isn't going to change that.

[yeah!!]

[speakveryclearly]

[SHE'S LIKE A LITTLE BARKFIEND...]

Your name doesn't change who you are. If you do want to go by your old name from now on I'd be happy to correct anyone who doesn't get the message. [Probably with a well-placed fist just for good measure.]

[painfeels]

M-Maybe that's not such a good idea. I feel like I don't deserve to go by my old name. At least not until I get my life back.

It probably don't make sense, and I don't expect you to understand, I just...

[le sigh.]

[speakveryclearly]

... [Had to think about this for a while, she did.] If what's happened in your life makes you feel that way...

It doesn't have to make sense. I'll admit I don't personally understand your actual rationale, but names are a purely invented construct. Like currency, they only have what worth people agree to assign to them. So it's not surprising at all that circumstances could cause you to feel differently about something that's entirely mental.

...That got a bit tangential, sorry.