sayaka miki | 美樹 さやか (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fortissimos) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
exsiliumlogs2013-09-06 10:29 am
fortissimos) wrote in exsiliumlogs2013-09-06 10:29 am
Entry tags:
( closed ) please just let us go insane
Date & Time: September 1st, after Sayaka's conversation with Mami.
Location: Unit 701
Characters: Sayaka (fortissimos) & Oriko (precludes)
Summary: Did you know that avoiding problems only makes things worse? Sayaka doesn't.
Warnings: General Madoka-related warnings (possible discussions of death, etc) apply.
[ It was selfish, to run away from Mami the way she did; to leave her senpai alone and confused, without any kind of explanation. But to stay would have been even worse — she would have eventually let slip about something, and the truth isn't something she's prepared to deal with. Not yet.
Better to just avoid her altogether. She'll show up at the bakery eventually, though, courtesy of Homura, Kyouko, or Madoka, and that's something else Sayaka isn't prepared to face: so instead of hanging around, she calls up someone unrelated. Someone who she knows well enough to spend a few hours with, but who hopefully won't press her for information.
She knocks on Oriko's door twice, then stuffs her hands in her jacket pockets and tries to look less scared than she is. No matter how much time has passed, she wasn't ready for this. ]
Location: Unit 701
Characters: Sayaka (
fortissimos) & Oriko (precludes)Summary: Did you know that avoiding problems only makes things worse? Sayaka doesn't.
Warnings: General Madoka-related warnings (possible discussions of death, etc) apply.
[ It was selfish, to run away from Mami the way she did; to leave her senpai alone and confused, without any kind of explanation. But to stay would have been even worse — she would have eventually let slip about something, and the truth isn't something she's prepared to deal with. Not yet.
Better to just avoid her altogether. She'll show up at the bakery eventually, though, courtesy of Homura, Kyouko, or Madoka, and that's something else Sayaka isn't prepared to face: so instead of hanging around, she calls up someone unrelated. Someone who she knows well enough to spend a few hours with, but who hopefully won't press her for information.
She knocks on Oriko's door twice, then stuffs her hands in her jacket pockets and tries to look less scared than she is. No matter how much time has passed, she wasn't ready for this. ]
no subject
So Sayaka Miki, whom she has never considered much of a threat, still demands a minimum of her attention (and her attention is spreading so thin).
These newcomers are a concern (Mami Tomoe will be trouble, too, but she'll be sure to give her some before that), and the time she has to dedicate to this situation may be limited.
The apartment is empty save for her, quiet when she opens the door for her.]
Miki-san. I've put water on.
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[ She sounds almost normal, but she walks heavily. It's a different kind of weight than she was prepared for — being hated or ignored would have been one thing, but to avoid and lie to someone she respects so much is something else.
She'd come here determined not to talk about things, but it's not long until she opens her mouth anyway; slumped on the couch and speaking in a surprisingly quiet voice. ]
... Someone important to me showed up. I know people can come from different times, but... [ She sighs. ] I don't think it's just that. I don't really know what it is.
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[Oriko is no stranger to the gloom overshadowing Sayaka; briefly it's enough to make her wonder if she might succumb to despair, not in their living room but later in the streets or in the bakery.
It's such a change from the girl she'd first met, but unarguably still her, a lie inside of all of them.
Would Madoka Kaname's wish hold out here forever?]
What else do you think it could be? [she prompts sympathetically, standing behind the opposite couch with her hands spread out against the back.]
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[ It was different. Too different. ]
She should hate me, you know? I couldn't save her. [ And maybe she was from before that, too, but there had been no real recognition in her eyes. Either she's from well before everything, or... ] But I don't think she remembers. If that's the case, she's better off not knowing me at all. I wasn't a good enough student in the first place.
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But then, they are magical girls. There's no such thing as salvation.
What a pity for them all, that they are caught all the same in this web. But it could be worse.]
Do you think it's better that she know the truth?
I do not think it's set in stone that'd she'd hate you for something you couldn't control.
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[ She's saying far too much, but she can't stop. She'd talked with Kyouko, months ago, about not being able to live up to her senpai's memory... but that was before the girl herself showed up. It was easy to talk big, and much harder to actually act. ]
Even after... [ She swallows the lump in her throat, unable to actually say it. ] I couldn't live up to her. I thought that things were different here, but compared to her, I'm not a defender of justice at all. She should definitely hate me for that.
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But you've tried all this time to be one. I have heard you say so yourself.
Surely that must count for something? In her eyes or in yours?
[What a fragile thing she's pulling apart in her hands, but there's no reason to shatter Sayaka's self esteem tonight.]
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[ She has been trying, it's true — but she tried back home, too, and look where that got her. She's had more time here in Exsilium, and the ability to use her powers freely, but who has she really saved? Who has she really helped? ]
Maybe. I don't know. [ No. ] I haven't actually done all that much. I've been trying, but... I'm not like her.
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[It could be a gentle reassurance or an insult. Her tone gives it very little passion, either way.
Impotence is a common enemy to magical girls; of that, Oriko's standing is clear enough. She has discarded it - better to discard it.]
How do you take your tea, Miki-san?
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[ It's not clear whether the comment or change of subject took her by surprise more. She doesn't lift her head, but she looks outright startled for a moment — then it passes, and she lies down heavily. Every part of her feels tired. ]
I, uh... anything's okay. I don't know what they have here. [ It's been a while since she had tea. It always reminded her of Mami, no matter how much time passed. ]
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Take the blanket there if you think that you need it. [She pours tea for either of them, errs on the side of making it more to her usual tastes than any of her roommates'. How troublesome, this whole situation...]
wow she's really melting all over that icon
... Yeah. Thanks. [ The tiredness shows in her voice as she pulls the blanket over herself with a sigh, cushioning her head with an arm. ] Sorry for just... showing up like this. I mean, I trust my friends from home, but they've probably already talked to her. I don't know how to deal with that right now. [ Hahaha. ]
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[She sets the tea down nearby, but stays standing. Sayaka is tired already - so much more can and will exhaust her one day.]
There's no changing the past, I fear. If they have already, you can only go forward.
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[ If only knowing made it easier to deal with. She rubs at her already puffy and red eyes, then sighs as they close a moment later; leaving her sprawled along the length of the couch. The energy to sit back up is impossible to find. ]
I guess I'll just leave her alone. If things really are different... she always deserved better. Maybe she'll be happy here.
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To say something like that... You shouldn't let yourself be selfish and claim it's for your friend's sake.
[She has harbored, for some time, such a hidden distaste for Mami Tomoe, a spitefulness she could never reconcile with her pity for magical girls. Sayaka shouldn't spend so much of her pitiable time dwelling here.]
Rest more on your decisions.
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[ being selfish, but the argument dies along with her defensiveness. What right does she have to judge that, really? A person like her doesn't know what's best for anyone, let alone Mami.
She curls up a little, as if doing so might protect her from her own thoughts. ]
... I just don't know anymore. I'll think about it, I guess.
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[She lets this issue alone,for now. It's enough to know about the rift between her and Mami Tomoe, the weaknesses in her Oriko folds her hands together.]
Why did you contact me about this?
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My friends from home... they all know her. They'll probably be excited, and I don't wanna ruin that. [ The excited part is likely an exaggeration at minimum, but it makes a more convenient excuse. ] ... I needed someone who could keep a secret. I'm sorry for burdening you with it. [ With me. ]