exsiliumlogs | ( open ) i'll fly you to the moon and back

Entry tags:

( open ) i'll fly you to the moon and back

Date & Time: September 21st - September 30th, 11:59 PM
Location: The Hold, the Moon Base
Characters: Any/all.
Summary: The Transports are evacuating to the Moon Base. Those on the Moon Base try to settle in and figure out their next move. Setting info can be found here.
Warnings: Talk of nuclear warheads and reference to immense loss of life. Please contact the mods should any individual thread get graphically violent or anything else of the sort.
Note: Use date and location tags in your subject headlines! Such as "On the moon, 23rd onward" or "On the spaceship, 25th" or "down at the Hold, 29th."

The Hold is a flurry of activity, grim faced members of the Initiative group directing supplies and people with the subdued air of people facing their own doom, and wondering at how to process the knowledge. None of the Initiative appears unaware of what will happen; their eyes linger on the Transports, expressions pleading, hopeful, doubtful, or immeasurably sad in turn.

Every eight hours, the space ship is sent back up with a load of people and supplies. The pilots are worked until they can't; the AI stolen ages ago by the Initiative greets and corrals people and supplies at both ends, and in the middle step between.

The network continues to broadcast on narrow channels between the Moon Base and Exsilium, up until the time that all connections are lost, with the carrier located en route to Exsilium. The first airship will pass by without dropping anything, but it's too early to celebrate. At a six hour delay from behind, the second airship arrives, and with it, the dark promise of the Black Code's nuclear weaponry.

The six hour window allows for time for those left behind, either by choice or circumstance, to be pulled to the Moon Base with the successful activation of the Transport Pad. New characters will ultimately arrive with the remainder of those not yet on the Moon Base, all in time to witness the explosive contact of the nuclear warhead with the ground of Exsilium live on satellite.

But until then, there's only the hurry, the silence, and the potential for full out rioting should the Transports spread word to the Exiles inevitably left behind to face this fate.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And some are still from Thedas.

[If he's concerned, she doesn't seem to pick up on it right away.]

You mean Blaine? Have you gotten the chance to sit down and talk to him?

Do you wish us to be friends? See that we get along, so that you might have two gorgeous blonds to spoil you?

[Zevran smirks. It's easy enough to distill all of his questions into a lewd remark. He may not be a Warden or have any particular magical talent, but he likes to think he excels in some regards.]

[She snorts.]

No, I hope that you can be allies. I'm under no illusions that everyone in the world can get along. [Despite how she may act sometimes.] I think one blond is more than enough.

[The way she acts sometimes is precisely why her bit about not being under illusions about everyone in the world going along is replied with a small, amused, 'hm'. As for the rest...]

Ah, but I would not be offended if you wanted to add more to your repertoire! Truly, we do not know how much time any of us might have. I would not wish you to feel an obligation to me in that respect. I want you to experience as much pleasure and happiness as possible.

[He has to be joking. She gives him an incredulous look.]

No, Zevran, that's... Blaine and I aren't like that at all. We're allies. Friends at best. We work together. That doesn't make us anything more than that.

[And if Zevran disappears, why would she want to add to the hurt by being with someone else?]

I'm fine as I am. [But that brings up another point.] Unless...there's someone you'd like to be with?

Me? [Zevran almost pulls off sounding innocently surprised, only because he is, a little bit.] There is no one I wish to be with more than you. You are the only one for whom I have ever felt... this way. [He's actually being a bit shy. Awkward.]

I only meant if you wanted it to be more, with Blaine or indeed anyone else, I would not consider that an act against me. There may be things he can provide which I cannot, scratches he can itch, and so on.

I will not lie and say the thought has never crossed my mind - that there is no one at all I'd had a passing interest in bedding. I believe such lies often lead to the downfall of others affairs... not that I have ever really been in one before. I believe it is natural, as a person alive, to experience desire.

I would never act such a desire, however, because I understand those of us not raised in whorehouses remain rather conservative on the subject. [He is so, so cavalier on the whole thing.]

It's not about where we were raised, Zevran. There are plenty of nobles who have lovers far more often than I have. Some have a new one every night. That's not the point I'm making.

[Because if they want to talk about brothels, about mindsets, about the varying degrees in which they are worlds apart...then he will have her beaten, and she does not want to focus on something she cannot hope to understand. He does not need or want pity from her.]

It's natural for someone to experience desire. I do not have those feelings for Blaine or for anyone except for you. That's it.

[In her agitation, it comes out firmer than she wishes and she bristles, looking away. Her grip on his hand has slackened.]

That's simply how I feel. If you feel differently, if you want differently, with others, with many others, then that's your choice and I won't take it from you. I don't want to be your comparison.

[Zevran almost argues, because it's clearly not how she was raised, with all the love and respect and burden of her family on her shoulders. She had a reputation to maintain, one she cared about. And that is one way in which they'll always be different.

An elf born in a brothel is born already with a reputation. He could never escape it, even as a Crow, so why not embrace it?

They are both of them so close to death at all times, it seems senseless to hold anything back.

Zevran withdraws his hand. It's rather futile to try and keep up with her when he's not holding on, since his charm is not currently in effect, but he does not want to keep being led by her right now.]

Mi vida, I have said it all wrong. As beautiful as you are when you are angry, that is not what I wished.

[And there is a slight edge:] I do not wish for you to think I had many people I was waiting to be with, to compare you to. Do you think I have compared you to anyone I have been with in the past?

[Her temper and her distress are boiling over. But even in the heat of things, she has to stop and recognize what he says and what he is implying, and how she has been foolish enough to say something hurtful to someone she cares so much about.

He cannot see her but he will hear her stop and turn back, silence settling between them. Elissa swallows back the first retort she wants to give.]

I don't know if you have, Zevran. If you have... That's natural, isn't it? But I don't know. I've never [loved] been with someone like you before.

[Her voice is gentle; she is not trying to demean him. But his view on love is different from Alistair's and who else has she been with that was meaningful?]

You've had lovers. I don't think that's wrong at all. You find joy and pleasure in that part of life. I... Outside of you, I don't think it would bring me the same pleasure you may feel. [Why bother having a night with someone she will never see again, who may die when she leaves the town simply because of association, or because the Darkspawn have followed her?] But that is my choice. It does not make yours wrong or filthy. I don't lead the exciting life you do.

[And if she did, Elissa must also recognize that she would feel sympathy, that she would attach herself in ways that are wrong. Her title as Warden-Commander would gain her immediate respect and many would want to bed her. But that would be a cruel manipulation of her own power, and she will not be like that.]

You haven't said anything wrong. Just know that I'm not interested in anyone else and I would never begrudge you from wanting someone outside of me.

[Better, even. At least he will have someone when the Taint claims her, should they be here for so long.]

[There is a place Zevran almost pauses, where he wonders, for a moment, if Elissa has truly thought about what his life of excitement has brought him. It really has not all been lovers and wine, but he has always be sure to talk as if that was it.]

I do not compare you to the others I have been with - and there have been many - even the few I considered friends... even Rinna.

Because they are not you. I wish for you to understand, what I have said does not mean you are some person who is one of many to me. It could never be so. Even if I were to turn around and have sex with someone, it would not be the same to me at all. Because we are different. There would not be meaning to it. And while it would be fun, it would be the difference between a kiss and an orgasm. I believe the only way we truly part in philosophy on it is whether or not the kiss is worth pursuing.

No one before or after you could ever mean to me what you do. [Zevran's voice goes quiet.] You do understand that?

[Elissa is silent for a very long time, thinking on his words. Some part of her wishes to shake him, to see if he'll say the damned word the both of them are so obviously avoiding. But if she can't even say it, how can she expect the same of him?

It twists her up inside that she cannot make things easier on him. She kneads her hands together briefly, a sign of nerves, and she is glad he cannot see her.]

Yes, I understand.

[It's equally quiet, but no less appreciative.]

I'm sorry. I just...don't want to make this difficult for you. I want you to be happy, regardless of what that means.

[For him or for her.]

I am happy. As much as one can be, trapped on an island of perpetual gloom and fighting a war I have little interest in. [Not entirely true, but Zevran is small-time. He was moved when he saw Madrid burning, and perhaps he even felt regret for those that died there, but left to his own devices he would happily turn his back on it all. It is, after all, a human conflict between humans. Yes, Thedas could be in danger. But Thedas is in just as much danger from itself, always. Zevran would prefer to stick to fights he knows something about.

But the UE took his sight.]

You have... Are you angry with me, right now, in this moment? I do not wish to further it, and I know you are not quite so easily won over with gifts as I am.

I know. I know there's much more important things back home for you.

[And for her, though the thought of going back now, with so much pain and frustration awaiting her... She would be lying if she said returning now wouldn't sadden her. She will be alone again, away from her contingent of Wardens and wanting desperately to follow a friend she will not meet again in this lifetime. The thought alone is painful and she is glad, again, that Zevran cannot see her expression.]

No. No, I'm not angry with you. It's fine.

[She's angrier at herself.]

Let's just go.

[Zevran is silent for a long moment, and then just says:]

Very well then, my dear.

[And there is precious little more to do or say while they gather their things and wait for the shuttle to take them away from this land. This is when Zevran thinks, Well, we really could die this time, so...]

Elissa. I found something as I gathered my things... something I would like you to have.

[The silence settles and though she knows he must want to say something, he's acquiesced (as always) to let them gather their things and get ready to go. Elissa makes sure to pack some of their things - Zevran's and hers - on her dog so it's easier for the both of them. Atticus is just as apprehensive as his mistress and she thinks, again, that she is glad that Zevran cannot see how she acts, how shameful it all is.

But she looks up in surprise when he calls to her.]

Oh. You...didn't need to do that.

[Which is the wrong answer and she sighs at herself.]

I'm sorry. Thank you. What did you find?

Hold out your hand.

[Zevran opens one hand, palm out, so that he might find the hand offered. Once it is, he presses the prize to it: A gold loop earring, small and elegant.]

It is hardly a trinket worthy of the likes of you, but still, I wanted you to have it.

[She does and she waits until he finds it and presses something small into her hand. Looking at it, she finds it familiar and it takes her some time to place where she's seen it before.]

...Your earring.

[Her voice is quiet in its appreciation and admiration. But she doesn't know the story behind it. She doesn't know if this means anything to him.]

But why give it to me?

It seemed an appropriate moment to give it to you.

[Zevran withdraws his hand with a shrug.] I acquired it on my very first kill - well, my first solo kill, for money - from a Rivaini merchant prince. He was wearing this and only this when I killed him.

[A smirk.]

I thought it was beautiful, so I took it to mark the occasion, and I would like you to have it. It is only fair for us to exchange gifts, no?

[And this is the closest thing to a precious memento he owns.]

[So it's a piece of his legacy and something, she assumes, to be very important to him. But now he's talking about exchanging gifts and...she's not so sure she understands. He says it's an appropriate time for it. Why, because they may die?]

Only fair.

[She muddles through the implications.]

Why give this to me now?

Because it is important to me. [Zevran doesn't have mementos, precious things. His mother's gloves were taken. He never bought the boots. He couldn't take the risk of more being stolen from him, so this single earring is the one thing he kept.] But you are - you are more important. You have done so much for me, not just as a lover but a friend. Because of you, I am free of the Crows. I... I have little enough to show my gratitude, so I want for you to have this.

[This hurts, and so Zevran changes his tone quickly to that studied carelessness.]

Do what you like with it. I doubt gold will be of my value where we are going, alas, but perhaps someone would be willing to trade goods for it.

[He will not have to see her face to hear the horror and distress in her voice.]

Why would I ever do such a thing? Zevran, if this is important to you, then it is important to me. I would never throw it aside, let alone so easily.

[And it hurts that he's said as much. Her fingers close around the earring gingerly, as if afraid of ruining it if she clenches too tightly in her frustration.]

What I did for you, with the Crows, with...with everything-- [She shakes her head.] I told you it was selfish on my part. That things came through as well as they did was luck. But I'm glad you're free. I never want to see you shackled to anything you did not want to be a part of.

[Including her own cause.]

Then I hope you will keep it.

[Perhaps the relief in his voice is enough to make her understand Zevran said those things to protect himself, because even after all they've been through, all they've done, he fears he will be thrown away.

And he has to tell her that's alright for her to do, that it won't hurt him. He has to tell himself.]

It was not only luck. You could have... things could have gone differently, if you were a different sort of person. You need not discredit yourself when I praise you.

Of course I'll keep it.

[Long before, Alistair had given her a rose to express his affection. But since then, no one has ever thought to give her anything. Well, except for Pounce and Atticus, but they don't count. The gesture is more thoughtful than he realizes.

She works to put the earring on while she speaks again.]

There were better choices I could have made, Zevran. Much better choices. I was... I'm not what people in Thedas believe me to be.

[No true hero would jeopardize her friends as she did. They would not force someone she considers a sister to do something so selfish for her own means.

But she finishes setting the earring in and she steps up to him, taking his hand and leading it up to her cheek. With a brush of her lips to his knuckles, she lets him touch her ear and the earring set there.]

You speak as if regret is yours alone, and yet you have never woken up in a bed with Orlesian triplets, covered in what you can only hope is foul ale and soft cheeses, with a headache like a slap from the Maker himself and no memory of the night prior!

[Zevran laughs, shaking his head.] I must wait to see it, alas, but I already think it suits you well. [He plants a kiss on her cheek.]

Zevran--

[No, he's right. Regret is not hers alone. So she simply shakes her head and briefly leans into his lips when he kisses her, and then she lets go.]

Come, before I do something I regret further. I don't want anything to happen to you because I've forced us to tarry here too long.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( open ) i'll fly you to the moon and back

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wow why are these tags so hard to write ugh

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