Jaime Reyes / Blue Beetle (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
khajidont) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
exsiliumlogs2013-09-22 11:30 pm
khajidont) wrote in exsiliumlogs2013-09-22 11:30 pm
Entry tags:
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Date & Time: After the nuke announcement, but before the nukes
Location: One of Exsilium's Churches
Characters: Helena Bertinelli (crossbearing) and Jaime Reyes
Summary: In the midst of the recent announcements and heated arguments over the network, Jaime ends up going to Church. Helena does too.
Warnings: Talk of war, etc. and VERY SAD PEOPLE 8(
There are no atheists in foxholes.
That's what his dad used to say, anyway, back before Jaime could so much as imagine what it would be like to see a war, let alone stand in the midst of one, running alongside people as unprepared and terrified as he was. He had a hard time thinking about his father in a war as long ago as it was; when he closed his eyes and imagined him, he imagined a quiet man with warm smiles, standing at a grill or puttering around the garage, smelling faintly of motor oil and sweat as he wiped down one of his tools.
Jaime wondered what his father would make of a war seemingly impossible to win and the unbearable options they were faced with, of the fact that Jaime himself was certain that not killing men was potentially as cruel as killing them. Knocking people unconscious on a battlefield was different from knocking them out in the streets of El Paso, where he could bring them quickly and safely to the police. He went one of Exsilium's Churches after that battle, but hadn't been back since, not even after so many Exiles had perished from bombs and disease shortly afterwards. It wasn't an active choice, or even something he had even given any thought. It had simply slipped his mind in the absence of every other ritual of his life replaced with little more than the reality at hand.
Now that the nukes had been announced, he was here again. Jaime wasn't certain what he expected out of coming back here, nor was he certain of what he could possibly pray for. Any irrational instinct to try to stay and help them, or to let someone go in his place had been quickly squashed by the combined forces of Steph and the Scarab alike and the reality that would be waiting for any Exile on the moonbase, bereft of home, family, and comrades alike, an exile in every sense of the word.
He had thought about it, had even been on the cusp of asking one man, and he had faltered. Would he leave, if he were them? Would he even want to know, to go rushing into UE territory to be gunned down in a blaze of fear and pain, or would he want to spend the rest of his days surrounded by families and friends in the comforting cradle of normalcy until it all just... ended. What was the right thing to do?
He wished that he could answer that question for himself even half as concretely as others on the network seemed to have answered them for himself. Instead, he was here. He stood by the pews at the very front of the room, arms hanging loosely at his side, and wondered.
Location: One of Exsilium's Churches
Characters: Helena Bertinelli (
crossbearing) and Jaime ReyesSummary: In the midst of the recent announcements and heated arguments over the network, Jaime ends up going to Church. Helena does too.
Warnings: Talk of war, etc. and VERY SAD PEOPLE 8(
There are no atheists in foxholes.
That's what his dad used to say, anyway, back before Jaime could so much as imagine what it would be like to see a war, let alone stand in the midst of one, running alongside people as unprepared and terrified as he was. He had a hard time thinking about his father in a war as long ago as it was; when he closed his eyes and imagined him, he imagined a quiet man with warm smiles, standing at a grill or puttering around the garage, smelling faintly of motor oil and sweat as he wiped down one of his tools.
Jaime wondered what his father would make of a war seemingly impossible to win and the unbearable options they were faced with, of the fact that Jaime himself was certain that not killing men was potentially as cruel as killing them. Knocking people unconscious on a battlefield was different from knocking them out in the streets of El Paso, where he could bring them quickly and safely to the police. He went one of Exsilium's Churches after that battle, but hadn't been back since, not even after so many Exiles had perished from bombs and disease shortly afterwards. It wasn't an active choice, or even something he had even given any thought. It had simply slipped his mind in the absence of every other ritual of his life replaced with little more than the reality at hand.
Now that the nukes had been announced, he was here again. Jaime wasn't certain what he expected out of coming back here, nor was he certain of what he could possibly pray for. Any irrational instinct to try to stay and help them, or to let someone go in his place had been quickly squashed by the combined forces of Steph and the Scarab alike and the reality that would be waiting for any Exile on the moonbase, bereft of home, family, and comrades alike, an exile in every sense of the word.
He had thought about it, had even been on the cusp of asking one man, and he had faltered. Would he leave, if he were them? Would he even want to know, to go rushing into UE territory to be gunned down in a blaze of fear and pain, or would he want to spend the rest of his days surrounded by families and friends in the comforting cradle of normalcy until it all just... ended. What was the right thing to do?
He wished that he could answer that question for himself even half as concretely as others on the network seemed to have answered them for himself. Instead, he was here. He stood by the pews at the very front of the room, arms hanging loosely at his side, and wondered.
it's ok, we're already rocking the backtagging thing anyway ;)
Here, he feels something he has to ask forgiveness for, a deep shame that he can practically feel rolling deep in his gut, sticking to his ribs. His voice is steady at first, but by the middle it's wobbling and it doesn't take long after that before he chokes and has to cut himself off, gritting his teeth and shoving the heels of his hands into his eyes.