well the sun one day will leave us all behind

[pixieboots]

Who: Dick Grayson and various
What: SOME THREADS I PROMISED PEOPLE collected in one log so the comm is lovingly spared
When: October 2-11
Where: MOON BASE
Warnings: batangst, child trauma


[ THINGS GO BELOW ]

Comments

[khajidont]

Good ones, sure. Maybe one of them would have even worked. [He can't think of any, but he's not one of the big heroes. Maybe if they got the whole Justice League here, they would have thought of something. Who knows?] But out of all of us here, nobody could think of a plan that would work, not without killing anyone. I'm not sure there is one.

[The Scarab had suggested the extreme option time and time again. It understood what it meant to be a hero, but more than that, it understood what it meant to Jaime, and it seemed to so desperately want to make it right.

The best plan it could come up with was to kill the UE, to kill them all without mercy or discrimination, as the UE would to Exsilium, and as the Reach would to their enemies. They could do it, the Scarab reasoned. They had the firepower.

But that will never be an acceptable course of action, not so long as Jaime's still alive.]

This isn't on you. [It's what Helena said before the nuke hit, standing beside him in the Church, and it only feels right to echo it back to another.]

[pixieboots]

Yeah, but- [ He tosses the tissue and then curls his arms around his knees. He's been over it and over it, mind racing until he can't string the thoughts together anymore. And still he can hear himself saying them out loud. ]

-But don't you think we owed it to them anyway?

[khajidont]

[Jaime's quiet for a moment, eerily aware of the fact that all Freddy's doing is vocalizing what's been racing through his head.

All of this feels like nothing less than a complete and utter failure of everyone they had pledged to protect, of what it means to be a hero. Truth be told, he's not entirely sure if he can still call himself that.

But Freddy's right there, upset, so Jaime's going to tell him the rebuttal that he keeps on giving himself.] You never asked to come here. We never got that choice. [Reaching forward is a little awkward considering the way they're sitting, but something urges him to make that physical connection anyway, hands resting firmly on Freddy's shoulders.]

But don't go talking like it's over and done with, okay? This isn't giving up. As long as we're here, we can still fix this. And we will.

[pixieboots]

Man, you just- [ He doesn't shake off Jaime's hands, but somehow being touched makes tears come faster. ]

You're so put together all the time. You can say that stuff and you really believe it.

[khajidont]

[Jaime's hands slide further down to the sides of Dick's arms, thumbs rubbing against him in small, soothing circles. It's instinct to do that while he sits there, silent, lost temporarily for words.

He has no idea how to respond to that, has no idea how Dick can possibly think he's got it together when he feels like he's falling apart at the seams.]

I'm... heh. [He tilts his head, his smile a wry quirk of his mouth.] Nah. You don't have to be put together to believe that we can fix this. You don't think we can?

[pixieboots]

I don't know. I mean- I mean I want to think that, but- [ But he doesn't faith in the plan. Not really. ]

But how can they think it was the right thing to do? How can they think it was okay to just leave?

[khajidont]

I don't think we can say it was the right thing to do.

[Jaime leans back, hands drifting away from Dick's shoulders and settling into his lap.]

But would have staying behind and dying with them have been better? As long as we're around, they'll still have a fighting chance. We're not only trying to go back and change the bomb, it's - it's everything before that too. The last bombings, and all the people that died when that supervirus went around, and all the people in Elmer's world. We have to survive for them too.

[Saying it out loud, he can hardly believe how much death he's seen since he's gotten here, how much death Dick has seen. It's up to them not to forget them, not to forget any of them. Exsilium's demise is a tragedy beyond comprehension, but that doesn't diminish the importance of all the people before that.]