[open] eyes on your goodbyes

[firstroar]

Date & Time: Dec 5 - 20
Location: Moonbase
Characters: Blue, you
Summary: Can't shake those watcher ways (DEETS)
Warnings: ? notify me


While some rushed, leaping at the chance to leave, Blue lingered with the hesitant and stubborn who held back for a time. It wasn't for lack of curiosity; the artificial intelligence had given him the footage of life back in Exsilium, the possibility of life and continued hope. Fresh hope, even; who knew who was waiting for them below?

But after the whirlwind of conflict and mounting frustrations that suffocated the hold wall to wall, Blue longed for the chance to breathe again. And, in the same way one finds relief in opening the window of a stuffy house, Blue's mind and heart could feel refreshed...and itself again. It was easy to get lost in the emotions of others, so packed together and so heated; he needed time to recollect himself.

Recollect and reconsider. Collette had been right; it was time. And Gamora was right, too – there was too much chance for sinking back into the stagnant routines, broken up only by more disaster. He had a window of opportunity to consider, and it wasn't one to keep to himself.

The air of hope that came with the exodus bolstered the notion, and Blue, more himself again, could turn outward once more and consider these strange and fascinating people around him. It would be more on them than him, truly. He knew that. But he didn't know them.

So, by lingering as others prepared to leave, he gave his attention to the swirl of changing moods and thoughts, to the passing conversations and dreams around him – all the things within the reach of his mind. A little further than that, to those he deemed friends; their well-being mattered more than his, after all.

Comments

[firstroar]

[his head shakes a little while trying to follow the logic.]

It seems feasible, but... [frowning, looking past Karkat.] More than I can grasp.

[crab]

You've got to think of it like-- time is all already there. Your personal position in the timeline doesn't actually matter, in the grand scheme of things.

[ he exhales. ]

I guess it's easier to understand when you've had an entire universe's timeline at your fingertips.

[firstroar]

[something...Karkat's done, then? it's simple enough to guess.

still.]

For trying to explain to me... [he bows his head.] Thank you very much. It may be more than just words. Experience has a role to play, as well.

[crab]

[ if blue is paying attention, he'll see the shape and color of karkat's thoughts and feelings shift, memories of creating the kids' universe, memories of a karkat in golden pajamas on a golden planet being obliterated, friends killing friends, and the horrible realization -- cancer. he'd given an entire universe cancer. ]

Time is pretty bullshit, anyway. It's mostly better to leave it alone and try not to think about it. My point was, what the Initiative are doing isn't going to solve anything. The contradictions and paradoxes that exist here prove that.

[firstroar]

[he smiles weakly, eyes squinting for a beat. there's only a little Blue can resonate with in those memories, and it's not a pleasant connection.]

I don't know if that can stop. Not so suddenly, in any case. [a slight pause.] Or if it's even supposed to.

[crab]

I don't know if they should. Maybe splintering the timeline again and again is how they manage to stave off doom? There's no way to anchor yourself to the alpha timeline again once you've diverged from it, though. This place is a pretty miserable state of affairs.

[ just how miserable pulses outward from karkat in waves -- he is utterly convinced of the initiative's goals' futility, of his own and all transports' eventual doom, and the unfairness of it, of what the initiative have done to him, ripping him away from everything he'd given the vaguest shit about to dedicate his limited remaining existence to their lost cause, for what? for what? for nothing at all. ]

[firstroar]

[first impulse is to impress all hope is not lost, but Blue stifles it. Karkat has his reasons to be unhappy; they're still very fresh, where perceived.

still...]

You've not seen the whole scope of time here, have you?

[crab]

No. [ ruka understands, he thinks. not only about time, and about the initiative, but about what has been lost, taken from both of them. she understands, but he still can't bring himself to trust her, even aware that pushing her away hurts her. ] It's not really possible, under normal circumstances, and I doubt they're going to make us play any reality warping video games here.

[firstroar]

[he shakes his head a little, agreeing with that, but his stare gets a little distant again. notion of Ruka is like a familiar sight or sound, but obscured, nagging to be acknowledged.

but...no. let's not dig up names and notions out of the psychic air and rattle the troll.]

Then I'll believe in something other than a doomed future.

[crab]

[ he has had people do that before, and his reaction has tended to be less rattled, and more incredibly vocal displeasure. ]

Believing in something else won't save you, you know. Believing really hard doesn't make this version of Earth even slightly less doomed.

[firstroar]

Of course not. But it can motivate action – whether that will help build the foundation to better or worse things isn't within our sight. Moving forward still matters.

[crab]

[ why does it matter? -- is the question karkat asks internally. he can agree that continued action is better than laying down and accepting his fate like some defeated grub waiting to be culled, but to him, it feels like just empty defiance. not that some empty defiance isn't cathartic, but how does it matter? ]

I guess since the alternative is rolling over and letting these United Earth bozos shank you all the way to the end of the multiverse, there isn't much else you can do.

[firstroar]

[a faint smile, one-sided.]

It would seem so. [his hand finds the wall behind him, helps push him a step forward, starting to walk, lifting his voice a little to be heard.]

I was asleep for fifteen years...I want very much to be moving toward whatever future we can build here, rather than sit idle.

[crab]

[ karkat makes no move to follow him, merely watches him with an unhappy expression, as though forced to swallow something bitter. he doesn't want a future here. and trying to build one is like surrendering to what the initiative have done to him. ]

We'll see where that gets you.