exsiliumlogs | i am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me.

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i am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me.

Date & Time: January 1st, afternoon.
Location: Winter-Exsilium; some emptier fields away from civilization.
Characters: Riku; open.
Summary: Riku has always been shown and been told that his powers are nothing but destructive. He's never taken the time to think to think that maybe it's not true--not until now. Maybe things can be different from now on.
Warnings: N/A. Long post ahead, but tl;dr: dark castle, anyone's invited.

[ he shudders; the breath catches in the cold air, instantly white and foggy, and riku curls his hands around his shoulders, shaking his head.

it's freezing out here. he shouldn't be out here. he's way too away from the cabin for anyone to see--he's not sure if there's anything inhabitable around here. and... well, that's the point, isn't it? he looks back ahead of him, his back towards the city, and breathed in deep. slowly, he drops down onto one knee, then both, shivering as he does so, and closing his eyes. pulling his hood down, he grits his teeth against the brisk, snowy wind, and exhales low. ]

Time to live up to being a Master.

[ his words are lost in the wind, but he curls his hands into fists and presses them against his chest, lips drawn into a frown. peals of darkness start to emerge, but it's too fast--and in an instant, he's gasping and sweeping his hands out to his sides. ]

That's wrong. [ too fast, too strong. he breathes back out, brings one hand back to his chest, and shakily splays out his fingers. he listens to his heartbeat and the worry and tension fades from his face, and the darkness comes out in a slow but steady circle around him, perfectly controlled and membrane-thin. little strings of white light accompany it randomly--riku has never tried to control his light, it has never needed to be controlled, but his darkness has always needed to be kept on a tight leash. he exhales again, but doesn't open his eyes, shakily getting to his feet. the darkness trembles, like it's ready to rebel, but he keeps calm. ]

This is my power, my Darkness. It's under my control. I'll use it how I want to.

[ as if following orders, it relents, smoothing out like the surface of a pond. only then does he open his eyes, and looks up. the pillar of darkness around him is tall; it drops off about ten feet above him, and the scent and feel of the power is strong enough to overwhelm. the purity of both elements is extreme; there is little mingling in greys, but it is pure light against pure darkness, and they rub and grate against each other as if both elements know they shouldn't ever be in close proximity together--they shouldn't coexist, they shouldn't coexist in one body like riku. this should, by all rights, be impossible. for a moment, he staggers--the strength of both of them in tandem would make anyone drunk on power; it's doubtless one of the reasons he's still been used as a pawn and a tool. riku's been burned too badly to ever think of using this power as anything but for higher powers and greater goods; he swallows hard and narrows his eyes, letting his arms hang by his sides before he starts stalking forwards, and his power leaves behind interrupted snow in his wake, like blades cutting through his path.

it's warm. the darkness is, somehow, warm. at first, riku mistakenly thinks it's the light mixed in, but that's not all. shouldn't darkness be cold? after a moment, he thinks of nights under the covers, of warm summer nights, of a mother's embrace, and not for the first time does he think of the darkness differently. with one leg forwards, he focuses, and splays his fingers out suddenly, as if sprinkling powder into the air. in an instant, dark spots appear everywhere like black glitter, flit around like fireflies. warm summer nights. he can almost hear the ocean breeze.

what more? the paopu tree. he jogs a bit forwards, chews his bottom lip, and tries to imagine a paopu in his hands at first, shutting his eyes tight like he was wishing--to open one eye and let out a breathless laugh when it manifests in his hands, heavy as it would be. lifting his gaze, he disperses the fruit in his hands, and remembers days of sitting on the bent paopu tree, with kairi and sora beside him. it's slower, with so many memories to shift through, but it grows, blossoming before his eyes, and before it's even fully finished he runs towards it, plants his hands onto the bark and leaps onto the bark. maybe it's his memories keeping him warm. there's a calm in him now, and as he looks down at his hands, he thinks, and stands on the trunk, walking to the edge of the tree; leaves dip down low into the snow as he walks.

the swirling membrane of darkness around him swirls tighter now, just an inch away from him. he crouches, and jumps high in the air--before he can even make it onto the ground, he swipes darkness underneath him to make a bridge, which continues on building, and as he walks up them with a growing sense of dread, walls come to life, sliding up air and snow like they were colliding with an invisible force. edges of trees are clipped and bent as it grows, snowy stones covered and disappearing in the darkness. riku focuses on his worst memories--of empty hallways full of dark monsters, of sterile white columns, of losing and gaining and loss of control.

two castles merge together like a lifeform all around him, leaving him standing in the doorway, large double doors of castle oblivion wide open, to stare right into a place he never wanted to see in hollow bastion.

it's warm. that's the first thing riku realizes, and the way he knows that this is his creation. the castles were always cold.

he walks in, and the doors stay open. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The look on Lea's face is almost comically horrified when he recognizes the translucent figure in the hall. It can't be... Wasn't the heartless destroyed? Like he knows Riku was possessed by him at one point, but when Riku comes careening down the hallway it only adds to Lea's confusion. How can the heartless even exist independently of Riku?

[Bro you got some 'splainin' to do.

[He whirls when there's a rush of air and a swirl of darkness behind him. Guarded, his expression drawn tight in something between anger and confusion, Lea flexes one hand. Come on, you jerky Keyblade, don't give me a hard time now.]

No need for me? Come now, you'll hurt my feelings that way. [Ah! There's the Keyblade. Quit taking your sweet time! He lets it rest by his side, though admittedly he's still a little unsure what to do with his other hand; he's used to having them both occupied by a weapon. Oh well, he'll figure something out.] Is that any way to greet an old colleague?

[Well, he never worked with the heartless version, but close enough right?]

Feelings from a fledgling heart matter little.

[ xehanort's heartless remarks with a scoff. ]

Ignore him, your attacks'll phase right through him. [ riku's out of breath; he walks near to lea, but not near enough to be in arm's reach. with some hesitation, to lea-- ]

Did something happen?

[Eyeroll.] Oh, right, because you're the leading authority on feelings in the first place.

[He turns to Riku and makes a face.] They will? [Okay now he has to try. He snaps the Keyblade forward and attempts to prod at Xehanort's abdomen. ... Huh.] Well I'll be damned. [He scrunches up one side of his face and looks back at Xehanort.] Are you a hologram or something? [This is so bizarre.

[He turns back to Riku then and puts his free hand on his hip, the Keyblade falling back to his side.] Yeah, something happened: you were gone all day and didn't even leave a note. Rude. I can't believe you actually trusted Sora to reheat things for dinner.

He's part of the darkness inside of me, so if I use it, sometimes it'll...

[ he hesitates, and then exhales, shaking his head. he ends up smiling at the remark about sora. ]

What, are you telling me he burned it? Sheesh, you had me worried. I thought something bad happened. Only half of it is on the stove, there's some tucked away in the fridge. You could always--

How long do you plan to continue this?

[ riku narrows his eyes at the interruption, glancing back to the shadow. ]

I thought being evil didn't mean you didn't have manners, but I guess it does.

You conjured this castle to face your own demons, but you're quick to ignore them when faced with...

[ he looks to lea. ] distractions.

Who wouldn't need a distraction after looking at you for hours?

How long do you intend to use him as an excuse--as a crutch for your inability?

[ funnily enough, riku doesn't have a snappy comeback for that--he's so jolted by the idea that he twitches like he was struck, and his brows furrow, like he's trying to understand what he says. he understands it, but...

trying to not believe it is hard. he knows he should, but... what if he's just impeding lea's process? what if he's being more of a hassle than he should be? he's caused lea a lot of setbacks and pain and negative feelings, maybe he should just... leave him be? should he have told him in the first place? ]

[Lea starts to argue back that Sora managed to burn water, and of course he's capable of burning food. Even if he didn't. At least as far as Lea could tell. Point is there was opportunity. But then he's interrupted, and Lea turns to give the heartless a frown. Oh, a distraction is he? He gives an exaggerated wave.]

Hi, hello, yes, I'm standing right here you jackass. Don't talk like I'm not here. You're the one who's not actually here, so could you just buzz off? Substantial people are talking.

[But when Ansem expounds on what he meant by distraction, Lea bristles with indignation.]

Excuse you. I am not a crutch, thank you. [He didn't miss Riku's flinch, like the words might have literally slapped him. Come on, this is so not what Riku needs. They've just made progress, okay? Quit trying to drag him back down, you asshole. He turns to face Ansem fully, dismissing his Keyblade now and folding his arms over his chest.] The whole point of keeping somebody in your life is because you stand to gain something from them--the ones who are really worth keeping? It's cuz they make you happy. Not that you know anything about that. [He rolls his eyes again.] Besides, you don't even exist without Riku around, so I'd say you're the one with a need for a crutch.

Edited 2014-01-01 11:42 (UTC)

[ there's--almost a comforting wash of relief coming over him, as he listens to lea. it's like a cure spell for his heart. (man, that's corny. he can't say that aloud.)

standing up straighter, he raises his eyes and takes a step forward. ]

I can stand on my own without Lea, but I can choose to stand with him if I want to. And I do. [ riku furrows his brows and jerks his head forward some, as if challenging xehanort's heartless on that. ] You aren't going to change my mind.

Insolent child. You've made this castle on your own. The interference of anyone else only serves to weaken your resolve.

[ riku straightens, glancing to lea. ]

But I made this because you helped me think of using my powers as something other than destroying, or fighting. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even know I could do something like this.

[Wow yeah bro that is pretty corny, don't say that, Lea will never let you hear the end of it. He can't hide the hint of a grin when Riku just straightens his spine and stares Ansem down, though. Yes, good.

[He blinks in surprise when Riku turns to him then, and he averts his eyes awkwardly at the announcement. Wow, uh. He's really not quite sure what to do with that. Okay, Lea, get it together, you can't look stupid in front of creepy phantom Xehanort heartless... thing.

[He nods firmly at Riku.]

I'm sure I can't take all the credit, but if you wanna give it to me I guess I can be burdened with it for a while. [He turns his attention back to Ansem then, eyes narrow.] Jealousy's unbecoming, Ansem. Just 'cuz you build something alone doesn't mean you have to keep it that way. [He rests one arm on Riku's shoulder, lifting his chin.] You're just mad 'cuz you can't have him anymore. You had your shot--maybe if you stopped treating people like garbage you could just drive around you wouldn't have this problem, but I guess some people never learn.

[ he tenses a little when lea rests his arm on him, and glances away with a bit of embarrassment, hands fisted at his sides. raising his eyes is hard, but he forces it, glaring him down as lea speaks, heart beating in his ears. it's easier when something's at stake. when it's an exam, when it's not riku trying to do something for himself, it's so much easier to be flippant and in control.

he doesn't expect xehanort's heartless to disappear, and he whips his head side to side to try and see where he's gone.

a ghostly hand crawls up his back, and riku feels like a cat arching its back, hair standing all on end. he reacts sharply, whirling around and slamming his keyblade down through thin air so hard to the dark ground that he ends up yelping and dismissing way to the dawn, holding onto his knuckles and glaring at what he hopes is xehanort's heartless.

but he takes another glance around, and scowls. ]

He's gone. Looks like he knows he was outclassed.

[When Riku whirls, Lea actually jumps back, startled by the sudden movement and doubly startled by the clatter of his Keyblade on the ground and the yelp of pain that follows it. Hands lifted in a half-defensive posture, Lea looks at Riku uncertainly.]

The hell? [He glances around, then looks back at Riku.] I dunno if I'd go with outclassed... I mean, I don't really consider myself social elite or anything. [He's joking, of course, and there's a nervous titter beneath his tone, like he's really not sure what the hell just happened or what might come next. He exhales and lowers his hands, giving Riku a rattled look.]

Are you all right?

Edited 2014-01-02 03:38 (UTC)

[ he swallows hard, glancing back to lea and--ultimately--unsure if he should keep talking. he knows that made lea nervous. it doesn't take a genius. after a long moment, he looks to him, eyes steady. ]

I'm fine.

You should go back. This is... [ he frowns. 'this is my fight'. he wants to say that, but... ] ... this is something I want to do on my own.

See, there you go using that word again. I really don't think it means what you think it means. [He shakes his head.] Look, if this is really something you want to do by yourself, that's okay. I can respect that. [A pause, and then he folds his arms.] But you don't have to. You're not the only one who can choose to stand with somebody, got it memorized?

[ he opens his mouth, wavers, and then closes it again, looking away. what's the real reason he doesn't want lea here? ]

I don't know if I want you to see this part of me yet.

Oh for Light's sake, Riku. [Are you kidding?] When you and I met, I was the darkest, worst person I'd ever been in my life. In any life. Castle Oblivion marks the lowest I can go, and I'm not proud of what transpired there. I was a monster, I was a liar, I betrayed my own colleagues without batting an eye. You really think I can't handle the idea that somebody important to me has a few demons to slay?

[ riku exhales through his nose, not looking at lea, but slumping his shoulders.

he could react to that in so many different ways--he could pretend like he didn't know why lea flinched, he could lie, but... he doesn't want to do that anymore. what if i can't handle it, he almost says, but then quiets, because he knows he can't, because he wants to be perfect for everyone, and that's something lea and he have agreed he needs to work on. ]

No.

[ he answers, finally. ]

Edited 2014-01-02 04:32 (UTC)

[Lea narrows his eyes.] No? No what? No you don't think I can handle it? [He flaps his arms in frustration, shaking his head.] Sometimes I really don't know what the hell you want from me, Riku. You know? I look for you when you're not there, and when I find you there's this look on your face like you've been starving and I just showed up with a sandwich, like you've never known what it's like to be missed. But then you turn around and tell me to leave.

[He makes a flustered noise and flaps his arms again.]

You can't tell me to stop giving a damn.

[ riku tries several times to interrupt--but there's no real stopping lea when he gets going, and there's something that hits him so hard that he actually just slams his jaw shut.

(like you've never known what it's like to be missed. riku thinks he knows; staring at sora on his knees, crying, he thinks he knows, but he doesn't, really. wouldn't everyone be better off without him? being missed is almost always confronted with confusion, and then there's lea, and he feels something twist in his stomach when he realizes lea was looking for him, and he wasn't there.)

he swallows hard, tries to calm his thudding heart. very quietly, he speaks: ]

I meant no--I think you could handle it.

Edited 2014-01-02 04:43 (UTC)

[Lea makes a 'gurk!' noise when Riku clarifies, and then he feels kind of stupid, like he yelled at him for no reason. Well, his point still stands, either way. He exhales and his shoulders slump, and he frowns at him.]

Well... good. 'Cuz I can. [And then he folds his arms and sort of sulks, feeling caught somewhere between indignant and just plain petulant.] So if this is really something you feel like you have to do on your own, then that's fine... but don't go it alone because you think it's gonna change the way people think about you. What is it they say? 'Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind'?

[ heavily, riku sighs, running a hand through his hair. for a long while, he's silent, until his hand falls to his side and he gives lea an irritated stare. ]

Why d'you always have to be right?

[ he curses your name, lea. ]

[Lea makes a face.] I don't always have to be right. I just... happen to be right about certain things that you can't seem to get through that thick skull of yours. [He closes the distance between them and knocks knuckles lightly against Riku's crown.] Other than that I'm pretty much wrong all the time. I'm just good at acting like I'm not.

[Curse away. Take a number.

[He exhales, then frowns at Riku.]

I ain't scared of you. Or your creepy ghost MPD nonsense. If you wanna do this alone, that's okay. But if you want a hand, well. I got two I'm not doing much with right now. I dunno if there's even anything I can do, but even if that's the case, I can wait, right? 'Til you... do whatever it is you need to do. You know, in case you need a little help getting back home or something.

[He waves a hand to a smear of blood on Riku's shirt.]

Cure doesn't get rid of bloodstains. If he's insubstantial, how'd you get that?

[ he shakes his head idly--until he notes the blood on his shirt, and his cheeks color. he picks at it, not even realizing that as he tugs it away from his skin, the shark-tooth necklace can be clearly seen resting against his collarbone. ]

He's... insubstantial to you. [ raising his eyes, he sets his shoulders. ] He can't hurt anyone but me.

Well that hardly seems fair. [What a jerk, Ansem.

[He shoves his hands in his pockets and sighs softly, looking at Riku inquiringly.]

Lot'a pain in these walls. Can feel it half a mile away. I get it, though: some stuff you just need to shoulder by yourself. [A shrug and a shake of his head.] I ain't gonna intrude on that. If you want me to go, I'll go. Just don't tell me to go for my sake.

I'll decide when I need to leave for my own sake, got it memorized?

[ he frowns. ]

The only reason I'd tell you to go is for your sake, so I guess... [ he shrugs. ] I don't have much of a leg to stand on.

Sure don't. [He smiles faintly, then rolls his shoulders back and casts a glance to the nearest wall.] Look, if I can't help, that's fine. He's only substantial to you, he's your dragon, you have to slay him, I get it, I really do. [He nods his head to the wall.] But I can wait. You're kinda out in the middle of nowhere out here, after all. If you get all busted up, walking home by yourself is gonna really suck, you know? Might as well keep you company; I got nothing more important to do.

[He reaches out and sort of claps a hand against Riku's cheek, letting it linger a moment before pulling away.]

So you go give him hell, and I'll be waiting for you whenever you're done, deal?

[ there's a hint of a smile. lea's been saying that--that he doesn't mind waiting, and perhaps for the first time in their discussion, riku actually believes him. he shakes his head. ]

... okay. Deal.

You might not want to drag me through snow unconscious again, but believe me, I don't want to be dragged. [ he turns back towards the heart of the castle, hesitates, and looks back to lea, stepping to him. ]

You had better be out here when I'm done.

[Eyeroll.] For the record, I carried you, there was no dragging. Dragging you through the snow wouldn't have helped the hypothermia; I'm not dumb.

[And then he grins, shaking his head as he moves to the wall and sits down with his back against it. He waves a hand dismissively.]

Go slay your dragon, I'll be here. [And he drags his thumb across the left side of his chest in an x.] Cross my heart. [And he watches Riku leave, his eyes tracing the lines of the strange dark castle when the younger man is out of sight.

[This place is a little spooky, but not in an actively scary kind of way. It feels heavy, sad, haunted, like the empty space in a room you no longer live in. It swirls silently around him like a fog of disquiet, driving him to rub his arms through his jacket, though he isn't cold.

[Ugh, he hopes Riku doesn't take too long.

[He kills half an hour playing a game on his tablet, then another half an hour reading the e-book Ahiru sent him, but once he's finished that, he's not sure what else to do with himself. It's been an hour and Riku isn't back... but... no, he can still feel him somewhere nearby. Whatever he's doing, it doesn't feel easy, but he doesn't seem to be too bad off. No need to intervene.

[... Bored now.

[Drawing his knees up, Lea folds his arms atop them and drops his forehead down. Maybe he'll just close his eyes for ten minutes. Surely Riku will be done by then.]

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