[OPEN] Wait, let me set the record straight: I was never really yours in the first place.

[hostage]

Date & Time: January 9 and onward
Location: in and about town
Characters: Jesse & OPEN to anyone
Summary: A chance for an everyday encounter with Jesse. Put the date in your subject line!
Warnings: Breaking Bad spoilers are likely.

[Jesse might be the only one who finds Exsilium's current state beautiful rather than desolate and depressing. For more reasons than one, if given the choice between here and home, he'd choose here without hesitation. The snow and the chill do nothing to deter him from taking long walks. For as long as he can physically stand it, he prefers the cold over being confined inside four walls.

So he walks. Every day, without any particular destination, without anything else to occupy him. The concerns of the Initiative and the Transports are no longer his own. Whatever they're up to, they mean little to him. He's still got enough stolen Russian gold to pay for whatever he needs without having to work, so that's how he's choosing to live for as long as he's able. His time is spent doing whatever he wants to do, and at the moment, what he wants to do is wander.

Freedom: that's what this is about. No one is ever going to make him do anything ever again.]

Comments

[hostage]

[He holds up a hand.]

Stop... saying things're easy. Nothing's easy. You think I like this, knowing what I know? I wish I could forget it and just go back to believing what people tell me. I wanna feel what that feels like again, knowing that somebody cares.

I just can't.

[hostage]

Like I give a shit what you got to say about it.

[individualist]

You should. Ever since He abandoned all of you, I'm all humanity has left, whether they like it or not.

[5055034455]

Fine. I can't fix you, Jesse. I already made the mistake of thinking I could, so —

[So he'd rather not go through that again.]

I'm not gonna stand here and beg you to say you believe me just so I can feel better. But don't shut me out.

[hostage]

Fine.

[As if he could possibly. Saul's going to force himself into his life whether Jesse likes it or not. But please, God, let this really be the end of having to try to make Saul feel better. Jesse can play along with a lot of things, but not that.

Anyway, he's not trying to leave again, so that means he's doing what Saul wants, right?]

[hostage]

Oh, what? Is that supposed to make me wanna jump on your side? All the horrible shit that's gone down on your watch...

[individualist]

Ah, but that's it, isn't it? Unlike God, I'm not offering empty promises of salvation or protection. Rather, I offer freedom. I nurture humanity's instincts and passion so that they might enjoy them without fear of guilt or sin.

Under God's watch, anyone could live a life of tragedy and suffering but carry on believing in Him. They could remain pious their entire life yet be damned for eternity for stepping out of line even once - all it takes is one mistake and there is no turning back.

But I would much rather a human live life to the fullest and die wholly satisfied. It's God's ruling that pleasure be punished, not mine.

[selfequipped]

Now I'm curious. When does "sometimes" apply?

[Even chatting, she seems to be aware of their surroundings. That seems important.]

[hostage]

[What a question. Jesse looks down, kicking at the snow.]

You know anytime you see somebody do something and you think, "Wow, that's the stupidest thing he coulda possibly done"? That's me. I'm that guy. I got trouble keeping quiet and doing what I'm told. I don't let anything slide. I get my ass kicked for it every time, but somebody's gotta say something. Can't just ignore shit and take the easy way out.

[hostage]

[Jesse's jaw clenches while he listens. This shit... Oh yeah, he's heard it before. He was spot-on, wasn't he, when he called Mr. White the devil.]

Evil should be punished. The kinda pleasure you're talking about, the selfish kind... That usually comes from somebody else's pain. If we don't think, if we don't hold back, if all we do is listen to our instincts - that's when people get hurt. That's where suffering comes from in the first place.

[individualist]

And if those who are wronged against take action against those who wronged them, they are punished. But if the weak are incapable of defending themselves...well, it's simply nature's way. They'll be taken care of eventually, one way or another.

That is nature's way. Humanity isn't as removed from it as they'd like to think.

[selfequipped]

That's part of what I do, too. [Simply put. That's what Hawkeyes do. It's part of their job, and Captain America had made that clear. Clint's specialty is doing the dumbest thing ever; Kate's just marginally better because she's not Clint.

She has her moments, basically.]

It's about tempering that. Doing it at the right time. But everyone needs that someone.

[undealt]

Thankfully, it wasn't permanent. [He is, at least, sincere in that.] When did you get back?

[There's an underlying question in that- why didn't you tell me? It's not that Gold really expects anything from Jesse- after all, whatever version of him he knew wasn't him, exactly, and that's bound to be uncomfortable, but there's always going to be a part of him that expects to be the first to know about anything that might be relevant to him.]

[hostage]

[Jesse looks guilty immediately. Mr. Gold apparently did care, and what's more, he's probably hurt at being the last to know. After all, they're supposed to be friends.]

Um... A few days ago. Sorry. I wasn't... I was in bad shape.

[hostage]

The strong oughta help the weak, not crush 'em. Even animals got that figured out. They only hunt to survive. They don't do it for pleasure.

[hostage]

[His lips twitch into a sardonic little smile.]

Tempering. Yeah, that's where the real problem is with me.

[selfequipped]

[There's still the part where he's aware of it. Kate's sticking with it.]

Are you usually doing this alone?

[hostage]

Doing what?

[selfequipped]

I don't know, whatever it is ... you do.

[hostage]

Ah... Yeah, no. I take orders.

[selfequipped]

Maybe you should stop listening.

[hostage]

Ain't an option.

[selfequipped]

... Is this where "why" is appropriate or "stop being nosy, Kate Bishop, it's none of your business"?

[hostage]

I don't mind talking about it if you don't mind hearing about it.

[That's sort of a lie. He does mind talking about it. But what he hates even more is keeping everything secret. He's done with letting things slide, pretending they didn't happen.]

I'm a prisoner. A slave. Whatever you wanna call it. It wasn't always like that, but it's like that now. 'til I got back here, the only way to stop would be to take a bullet to the head. Which I guess I could do, but I don't think that was the choice you were talking about.

[undealt]

[Gold shrugs it off- he is, if anything, flippant. And Jesse's apparently guilty enough.]

No harm done. Aside from obviously what was done to you. [Bad shape certainly doesn't sound like anything to scoff at.] I trust that means it wasn't a particularly fortuitous trip.