exsiliumlogs | a happy end

Entry tags:

a happy end

Date & Time: January 15th through January 22nd
Location: Around the town, various winter locations.
Characters: Kaworu & you! plus, separate log with Shinji Ikari inside.
Summary: Kaworu has moved permanently back to Earth from the moonbase. He hasn't met with many of his friends for a while, and he wants to see how they're doing as he explores.
Warnings: will update if necessary. Also, either prose or brackets is fine.

[ open to all, 17th - 22nd]

It's even colder here now than it was earlier in the winter, but the physiological effects pass him over. His body might be shaped like a human's, but his biology is not. For as much as that fact has shaped his life, for the moment it was proving useful - allowing him to mingle with a local population that he's heard is fairly hostile to more otherworldly people.

His first days here were devoted entirely to catching up with his beloved, but after settling in he was reminded of the longing he felt for his other friends. It hasn't been just Shinji who enriched his heart since he was first brought here, but all the others too, and he hasn't forgot about them. With the help of his tablet, he slowly begins sending out short, polite invitations to meet him near the center of town where he sits, waiting. A brown paper bag is at his side, the top curled down to hide its contents.

Even if they don't respond, he doesn't mind. Time means nothing at all, and he's content to pass a few minutes here anyway, watching residents pass. Perhaps fate would even bring him a new acquaintance.

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[Kaworu, sprawled back on his new makeshift bed, lifts his head to look across the cabin towards Shinji's voice. Shinji has been nothing but smiles since his arrival early this morning. His face looks pink, and his eyes are bright, and his voice is sweet. Naturally, cold weather like this spurs the human body into reactions designed to maintain its heat, but the angel knows that Shinji's invigorated appearance can't be attributed to some physiological reaction to the temperature. It is something much more beautiful than that.

Pushing himself up and swinging his feet down to the floor, he smiles back at him with equally bright eyes.] Welcome back. What did you get? [as much as Kaworu tried to tell him that he didn't have to make a big fuss over his arrival, he'd insisted. Well, it's not as if sharing a nice dinner alone with him was objectionable, anyway, but...] I really hope it wasn't too much trouble.

[It's still a little strange, being able to come back to someone happy to see him, ready with such open kindness. Shinji shakes his head before pulling off his scarf, hanging it on the door.]

Don't worry about it. [It did take some running around to gather what he wanted, but aside from that...] We both have to eat, don't we? Uh, I was thinking that soup would be good for this weather...

[Well, it's not really that Kaworu needs to eat, just that he wants to, especially with Shinji. He just... wants to share everything with him now, be by his side and live vicariously through his happiness. So he nods, rises to his feet, and treks across the open cabin to where he stands by the door.]

Soup sounds good. [without waiting for his approval, Kaworu takes Shinji's bag from him so he can properly remove his coat.] Is that the custom? Soup in the winter? Hm.

Something warm, at least. [Shinji lets Kaworu take the bag, murmuring a 'thank you' as he does so. He hangs the coat up, letting out a sigh. It was cold out,and he was glad to be back.]

It's even better when you share it with someone else.

[Bag in his arms, he walks to the kitchen and sets it on the counter, leaving Shinji to undress. The outside of it felt cold and dry, the lingering effects of the weather outside. Really, Shinji should have let Kaworu go out - his body was completely unaffected by the elements, and there was no need for him to "rest" either - but Kaworu saw that he wanted to take care of him this way, and he couldn't help but humor him. Maybe he wanted to be taken care of, too.

When Shinji makes his way to the kitchen, Kaworu is busy laying out his selected ingredients on the wooden counter.]

How long will it take? Can I help?

[Taking care of someone else was nice. He was often put in that position by Misato when he still lived with her, but willingly doing it... well, he understands wanting to impress someone. He knew that, whatever he'd do, Kaworu would accept it warmly. But he wants to do something that would earn a surprised compliment from the Angel.

He enters the kitchen, tying his apron on.]

It should take about an hour or so. Most of the ingredients are already prepared... but you can help add in some extra ingredients if you want.

[Kaworu raises his eyebrows slightly as he watches Shinji tie on his apron. He muses to himself that it looks appealing on him, without appreciating that it isn't actually a legitimate article of clothing.]

An extra hour by your side. I'd be happy to add whatever you'd want me to, Shinji.

[The -kun has been dropped for a while now, a signal of their closeness after everything that had happened the past year. Kaworu still speaks to him with all the casual admiration that he always has, but the change in the way they've come to interact with each other is obvious - even now, as they fill an iron pot with melted snow and prepare a fire, according to Shinji's gentle directions and Kaworu's curious questions. The austere, academic preoccupation that the Angel had with him has mostly disappeared. It feels natural to be in his company now, normal, relaxed... done not for the sake of inspecting the limitations of his own heart or the Lilims', but for their own mutual happiness.

It takes a while for them to chop the vegetables, cut the fat from the meat and get everything into the boiling water, but finally Kaworu slides the last chopped carrot into the pot. The surface is rolling from the fire beneath it, and he has to admit to himself that it smells very good, even if his body as no need for it.

Standing up straight again, he glances back at his friend.] I suppose that all there is left to do is wait, now.

[Hearing it so straightforward and genuine makes a light warmth rise in Shinji's face. He nods, not entirely feeling the motion, as he turns around to face the ingredients with a heated face.

It's been a while since they've become "together." Yet, as Shinji instructed Kaworu on how to prepare the meal, it's remarkable how he still wasn't accustomed to it. They haven't done much in the way that couples have--it's mainly because of his shyness towards human contact that's contributed towards it. He doesn't deceive himself in convincing himself that he was anyone special in that manner.

He's glad, though, that Kaworu's stayed.

Soup done, he gives it a final check before straightening up and nodding. Shinji glances at the clock.]

Yeah. [A thought strikes him.] ... do you think you know how to make it by yourself, now?

How to make soup?

[Or, he'd assume, how to make this soup? He tips his head thoughtfully and looks down at the surface of the brew again. The liquid is dark, hiding the dozen different ingredients cooking inside.]

I think I could duplicate this recipe again, yes... It's deceptively simple.

[Like so much that Lilim do. Like so much Shinji does. Sighing wistfully to himself, he begins to untie his scarf. The wood-burning stove is making the cabin warm up - but even then, it's a bit of an excuse. As soon as the scarf is discarded, he turns to Shinji and starts to untie the back of his apron without pausing to ask.]

You could say it's like music, in a way. Embracing an element of spontaneity... a recipe and a composition are only like blueprints if you choose to treat them as such.

Edited 2014-02-07 03:39 (UTC)

[Surprise passes briefly over Shinji's face as Kaworu unties his apron, but he doesn't pull away or protest. A brief moment of shyness passes over him, easing out in its intensity to leave something gentler.]

Are you saying cooking is like art? [Forgive that bit of incredulousness in his tone.]

Perhaps I am... [his tone is thoughtful as he gently lifts the apron away from Shinji's body and up over his head. Once it's free, he takes a step back to fold it up neatly.]

Lilim don't just cook for the sake of sustenance, right? There is more meaning to culinary efforts than that. Otherwise, it wouldn't be such a production. Or be a marker for special occasions, like tonight.

[His hands almost touching is a little uncomfortable but welcome at the same time. Shinji shakes his head before he can let his thoughts go any further, focusing on Kaworu's words.]

When you put it that way... everyone says that a homecooked meal is better than one you buy in a store. [He pauses, glances at the soup they made together.] ... it's the feelings you put in that makes it taste better.

To be fair, I don't think we now have the same luxury to purchase meals at a store as we did before. [he chuckles and turns back to the kitchen to store the apron and put away a few other things, continuing to speak as he does.] This world is very different now, isn't it? The people are different... and the possibilities available to us are different, too. Not to mention the beautiful surroundings.

[Returning to Shinji's side, he takes a seat on the ground in front of the fire and looks up at him. His posture is as casual and relaxed as ever, and he has his palms pressed to the wooden floor in a way that seems to invite Shinji to sit, too. But there is a hint of something unusual in his eyes - a firmness, something like determination or resolve.]

Shinji. Can we talk?

[Kaworu hasn't been dodgy. Not on purpose, at least. Shinji had never pushed the subject much after his birthday so long ago. There'd been no need (no opportunity he gave himself) to talk more about Kaworu--the Angel was an enigma that wouldn't be solved and he accepted it. Who was he to examine happiness so intensely?

It's a surprise, then, to hear the question. Can we talk? Shinji wavers, but in the end he can't resist. He sits beside Kaworu, canting his head in curiosity.]

... what is it?

[As soon as Shinji is beside him, Kaworu pushes himself closer, until their knees are touching and Shinji's shoulder is just a few inches from Kaworu's chest. If he wanted, he could lean over slightly and nuzzle against him; Kaworu gives that decision to him. The close proximity would be enough for his own needs to be satisfied.]

Shinji... My only desire in the world is to make you happy. I feel like I belong at your side, and you at mine. The only tasks I have any interest in are those that will benefit you. You are all I need.

[he's quiet and calm, as always, but there is a weight to what he's saying, too. the angel's usual composed indifference is gone from his voice.]

But, I have to confess to you. To that end, I've sometimes hidden the truth from you... not exactly lies, but... I've wanted to live in a reality where loving you is what I was born to do.

[yes - this is the topic he'd so swiftly dodged during their date on the moon. Kaworu gazes into his eyes, watching carefully for his understanding.]

[The stove is burning steadily, filling the small cabin with heat. Shinji leans against Kaworu without much thought, shoulder digging in slightly into his chest. It's a comfortable juxtaposition, the boundaries between them forgotten for this warm moment.

He had an inkling of what Kaworu wanted to talk about. He stares back into those eyes, face flushing slightly. But he won't let it distract him from what the other's trying to say.]

... I don't understand what you mean by that. [Is he referring to the part of him that was still an Angel? Shinji knew, deep down, that destruction might've been part of Kaworu's nature.

It was so much more pleasant, however, to overlook it.]

[He'll enjoy this closeness while it lasts. There is no guarantee that Shinji would still want it as this conversation continues. Kaworu put his arm around his shoulders and held him against him for now, the scent of his hair reaching his nose.]

We are... not destined to be together like this, Shinji. Angel and Lilim... we're meant to be enemies. It is as fundamental as water's intolerance for oil. Positive and negative... zero and one.

[He stares into the fire as he speaks. The words are biting enough already... looking into his eyes as he confesses it would be too intense. Intimidating.]

You once asked me what I meant when I said I was born to meet you. It's true that I was, but... when I said that, I was interpreting our destinies under the distorting effect of infatuation.

[it aches him to say it, but it's a dull, hollow feeling. for as long as they've been away from home, the circumstances of his birth and death still frustrated him. no... they are only worse now, because he has no confidence he can ever escape it, despite the myriad of petty human desires he had in his heart, now.]

I love you... but I am committing blasphemy by doing so. I don't believe it's possible for one of us not to betray the other, in the end.

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a happy end

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