[closed]

[strongeralone]

Date & Time: after this 
Location: Dean's apartment 
Characters: Dean and John Winchester
Summary: John discovered why his son has so much faith in the angel on his shoulder, and there are many feelings
Warnings: violence, language, memories of hell, winchesters

[He can hardly breathe as he makes his way to Dean's apartment. Hell. Hell. His little boy went to hell. Flashes of the horrors he went through there, horrors that are there with him in every second of every day, nearly have him keel over and throw up halfway there. The raw pain that tore his body apart, now tears his son's. The inhumane screams of horror and agony now escape the throat of the boy he used to hold tightly in his arms and sing to sleep. 

How could this happen. His sacrifice was meant to keep them safe. 

When he at last finds himself standing before his son's apartment, he can't bring himself to knock on the door. After their last conversation, he doesn't expect Dean to open it, to talk to him. If someone had saved him from those horrors...he imagines he would be damn protective of them too, though never at the expense of his boys. But he's their father, and that's different. He has to talk to Dean so he pulls out his lock-picking kit and just lets himself in.]

Dean. [His voice is clear and held with the last few shreds of control he has left. He doesn't care if his roommates are in, he just wants to make sure his son'll face him, although he hasn't the slightest idea what to even say.]

Comments

[ganking]

But- [ but it's always been him and sam, sam and dean, the winchester brothers. they're a duo, and dean looks after sam whether the younger winchester likes it or not. it's been that way for so long, for every second since the fire that took their mom.

the anger fades momentarily, replaced by a sort of weariness. before finding himself in exsilium, dean hadn't seen sam in a long time. he'd been snatched from him attollo, so to have him here again but to not look after him the only way he knows how?

dean just doesn't know what to do with what john is asking him. so he asks almost randomly; ]

And what about Cas? Am I still your responsibility even with him around? You were kinda quick to- [ disown me, he wants to say but bites it back. ]

[strongeralone]

Dean, you're always my responsibility. [He has a temper, he's always had a temper. But even if this hadn't happened Dean would still be his priority] Everything I do, everything I did - it's because I want to protect you. You and your brother -- you're all I have. [And he's struggles now, what is the purpose of his living, after everything? It has to be to look after Dean and Sam, right?] I only want you to be safe.

[And he didn't think Dean would actually choose the freak over his own family. It hurts to realize how little he means now.]

I'll call a truce. I still have my eye on him and if he hurts anyone, you know what I'll have to do. But the past can stay there. [Because saving Dean from hell is worth a town. Heck to John it's worth a country.]

[ganking]

[ he wants them to be safe and dean can respect that. but they haven't been safe in years, not even when dad had been alive. dean had almost gotten himself electrocuted to death while sam had almost been taken by the ghost-creature in the mirror. their lives had lost all meaning of safe when hunting had been introduced and while he doesn't, would never, blame dad for it, to ask him to change his one duty and give it over to someone else...

dean knows he can't do that.

but for now he nods, like he understands. ] I know, dad.

[ green eyes widen at the mention of a truce. ] Seriously? You won't harm him if he doesn't do anything-- I mean, he won't, I know he won't, dad. [ he doesn't quite dare a smile of relief yet though it's threatening to tug at his lips all the same. ]

[strongeralone]

[He's always straggled with that - with the guilt of putting them through that life style. But what other choice did he have? Those things came after them and getting them first was the only way he knew how to keep them safe. He's never been a model father, God knows he's left them on their own far too long and it's too late to jump back in, he has no right to.

But he can't help it, he just wants them to be safe. Wants them to live.

He nods.]

Yes, so long as he doesn't do anything, I won't do anything either. But you better keep him on a leash, that mouth of his could get us all in trouble.

[Or rather him, and if people discover their relation...his boys. It seems it will never be safe for him to be around them, for him to proudly admit 'those are my sons'. It hurts, but it's the life he created for himself. And maybe that's why hell couldn't break him - he's been living in it for decades long before he ever set foot in it.]

[ganking]

[ oh, he'll keep a leash on him no doubt B) ]

Keep an eye on him, a leash, whatever-- but don't worry, I will. [ last thing he needs is cas bumping into his dad on the network again and telling him all sorts of things about...everything. honestly, he needs to just talk to cas in general about talking to people. it seems to get dean more trouble than anything.

but anyway, dean finally looks...relieved, even with john knowing about hell. it's not something he wants to talk about, but maybe they'll be okay anyway. ]

Thanks-- I mean, I know he's annoying but thanks. He won't mess up, I'll make sure of that.

[strongeralone]

I can deal with annoying.

[If he saved him from hell...the place he sees no exit from, aside for this...initiative. And that's not really an exit as much as a...reprieve. He stirs up trouble, he knows he does. And one move too many, and he'll end up right back there. Or win that war, and again he'll end up right back there. On that rack, day after day, forever. No angel perching on his shoulder to save him and honestly, if one tried he'd probably just kill it so no hard feelings there.

Where Dean looks relieved, John just looks like he wants it all to end right here right now, like he's given up, like a broken man.]