that perfect tranquillity of life ( OPEN )

[flecks]

Date & Time: April 10, late afternoon & evening
Location: The library
Characters: Leo Baskerville & YOU.
Summary: There's some weird guy sitting on the floor, come trip over him or be weirded out at him because hey, there are perfectly fine seats in the library!!
Warnings: idek

[ When Leo isn't busy with the extra training the Initiative forces him to do and the community service at the orphanage, he can be found reading in the library. Reading books now isn't the same as it was before. He can't quite enjoy it like he used to, but it's the only way of coping he knows and so he keeps on reading. Not knowing what else to do, it's easy to fall back on old habits. Old habits die hard after all and his only escape from reality had always been books.

The Initiative library isn't nearly as grand as the one in Lutwidge Academy or even the Nightray family library, but it's plenty spacious and there's a lot of chairs to sit in, at a table or otherwise. However, Leo sits on the floor. Also out of force of habit. The library at his orphanage had been quite small with not much room for any chairs at all, but no one ever came there and that's why Leo loved it and willingly resorted to sitting on the floor. It's become so normal to him that he has actually come to prefer sitting on the floor when he's reading, no matter how comfortable a chair or bed is. That hasn't changed here either.

He's found a nice beanbag though, but rather than sit on it, he leans back against it. The beanbag is big enough to hide him out of sight and he's placed it near some bookshelves so he has new books within reach. Unfortunately this also means he's made himself an obstacle for the unwitting and he's too caught up in his current reading to realize it. ]

Comments

[flecks]

[ Leo flinches at the tightness of the hold, but he more or less expected it. ]

I'm the Head of Baskerville. Let me go. [ There's no easy escape here and there's no way Elliot would let go just like that at an uncharacteristic authoritative tone, but it doesn't mean Leo can't try. ]

[nobleminded]

[He just tightens his grip slightly as he takes a step closer to him.]

And I'm the legitimate heir to the Nightray dukedom! I won't!

[flecks]

[ Leo doesn't falter, he stands his ground. He doesn't try to move away or even wrench his arm loose because he knows both efforts would be futile.

If he could only drive Elliot away, it'd be fine. It's best then for Elliot to keep on hating the Baskervilles and believing in Jack's lies. Perhaps that might make it easier. ]

That doesn't mean anything. Let go.

[nobleminded]

WHAT?!

[And now he aims a punch at him for that comment while still trying to keep a grasp on him.]

What is going on with you, Leo?! You've been acting strange ever since you got here!

[flecks]

[ Okay, now he does pull back as much as he can with Elliot holding onto him, but the punch still grazes him. It's just impossible to stay calm after that.

He puts his hands on Elliot's chest to shove him back as he snaps. ]

What do you think!? You died! [ It's not what he meant to say, but it's the first thing that comes out of his mouth. ]

[nobleminded]

[Elliot loses his grip thanks to that shove, but he just heads right back toward Leo once he regains his balance.]

YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?! And do you think I like that it happened?! IT'S STILL NO EXCUSE TO JOIN THE BASKERVILLES!

[flecks]

[ Leo does back up this time, except it only takes two steps before he's backed up against a bookcase and essentially cornered. ]

I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE! It's what I've been from the start!

[nobleminded]

[Well good, this ensures that Leo will stick around to listen to him. He puts his hands on either side of him on the shelf just to pin him there with his arms. And seeing the bookshelf also reminds him to lower his volume just a little. Still not quiet by any means, but it's slightly more library acceptable.]

You always have a choice! If that's really who you were from the start, why didn't you join them before now?! Is this really what you want, Leo?!

[flecks]

[ He's definitely trapped now and rather unhappy about it too. He can only glare up at Elliot from his position, fists clenched by his side. ]

I didn't know! [ And is it really what he wants? ] No, I—

[ Just want things to be like the way they were before. Before Humpty Dumpty, when days were mostly peaceful and fun in the orphanage. But there's no going back to that ever. It doesn't matter if all he wants is to remain by Elliot's side because what's even more important than that is protecting Elliot. The only way he knows how is to remove himself from the picture.

Leo grits his teeth, one hand flying into his hair to drag it forward so it somewhat obscures his face again in an old habitual gesture. ]

I can't. [ Stay. ]

[nobleminded]

[Elliot spots that, and combined with his response, he definitely feels like he's getting through to him. Or he hopes he is at least.]

You can't what?! You just said this isn't what you want! You're trying to hide from it! What's keeping you from deciding your own future?!

[flecks]

[ He'd said he'd been done hiding, and believed it too, but Elliot's right. He is trying to hide from it and it's all he wants to do again. Hide from the world behind bangs and books, hide from all the horrors under Oswald's cloak. In the end he's back at the start again. Always hiding. It's despicable, but then again he's a despicable person so it's only fitting.

It's easier to look at Elliot now at least, with a layer of hair covering his eyes. ]

Weren't you listening!? My very existence made you suffer, that's not going to change!

[ Only things had already changed, there are no voices in his head or flecks of golden light in the air. He's only Leo here, but it's still what guilt and doubt have him believe. ]

[nobleminded]

[Shut up, you're the best despicable person. Or at least you usually are. Right now you're just pissing Elliot off.]

Of course I was! You're the one who needs to listen! I only suffered because of my own weaknesses, and because my family was weak too! Do you really think things would have been better if you hadn't become my servant?! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED!

[flecks]

[ Leo's slight frame is trembling with— anger, frustration or desperation. Possibly a combination of all three, he's not sure. He clenches his fists tighter, knuckles turning white, as he resists the urge to just start throwing things. ]

You wouldn't have contracted with Humpty Dumpty! That was my fault! [ And that's when and where everything had started going downhill. All because he'd been stupid and selfish. ]

[nobleminded]

[...Wow, he really was not letting that go.]

You wouldn't have done that if I hadn't gone running after the children without any of the Pandora officials, right?!

[flecks]

[ Considering how terrible that had turned out, no he's not. ]

I should have stopped you! [ Elliot would have listened to him, but he'd wanted to get to his siblings too.

If they'd never met, it would have been even better. He wouldn't have been out there in the first place. ]

[nobleminded]

[Except Elliot doesn't blame you for it so STOP IT.]

How were you supposed to know that chain would be there?! You were just trying to help the children, too!

[flecks]

[ It's worse that Elliot doesn't blame him for any of it. It would be easier if Elliot did because Leo feels that would be exactly what he deserves.

He opens his mouth to— yell or scream, but he lacks any words to hurl in retort. Elliot's right. They had gone in there with the best of intentions and neither could have foreseen what had happened, but that knowledge doesn't ease the guilt about what had transpired in the end. He ends up just shutting his mouth and gritting his teeth again as he shakes his head before uncurling his fists so he can cover his eyes with his hands, his fingers gripping his own hair tight.

He hunches forward too with a wretched, miserable sound, looking as if he might just collapse and curl up on the spot if Elliot wasn't pinning him to the bookcase. But Elliot is and he's trapped there, looking as pathetic as he feels. ]

[nobleminded]

[It's not like he wanted Leo to react like this, and frankly his gut reaction was to tell him to collect himself. Under the circumstances though, he probably needed to create this embarrassing display if only for a little bit, so he'll bite his tongue on that aspect for the time being.

Instead, Elliot looks more serious as he puts his mouth a few inches from one of Leo's ears. At least he's not yelling right now?]

So you haven't completely lost your mind. Then tell me how anything you've been doing is supposed to make up for the mistakes that all of us made?!

[flecks]

[ It's not yelling, no, but that close to his ear it's still loud and the sudden closeness of it does get a slight flinch out of Leo.

He'd hid his eyes in an attempt to hide the forming tears, but who is he kidding? His shoulders are shaking now, making it very obvious. Not that there's any fooling Elliot anyway, which is why Leo doesn't feel like lying or making excuses. He doesn't think he could even if he wanted to, there's too much turmoil and he's just . . . so tired. ]

I wasn't— [ A halting breath. ] I wasn't trying to make up for them.

[ Punishing himself was more like it, but not entirely accurate either. ]

[nobleminded]

[...Really, Elliot, people crying after someone dies is normal, don't admonish him yet... He'll move his head back, at least.]

I hope not, because that's a pretty crappy way to do it! Did you even think about any of this, Leo?!

[flecks]

[ Elliot shouldn't have to know about what his true intentions had been and even though he knows the 'explanation' will just make Elliot angry, he figures not saying anything would only make him more so. He finally lets his hands fall from his face, allowing a brief glance of his now tear-stained face and the out-of-place smile that works itself across his lips, before he leans forward and drops his head on Elliot's shoulder to hide the twisted expression. ]

I just wanted to destroy myself. [ And the Will of the Abyss, but that would require more explaining that Leo doesn't feel like doing. Bad enough he was telling Elliot this. ]

[nobleminded]

[...He what? Elliot knew well enough that getting a chain was a great way to do that, but if Leo was purely suicidal there were easier paths. And regardless of whatever his full motives were...

Despite his head being on his shoulder, Elliot aims as hard of a slap as he can muster from this position since there's not a ton of room to push Leo back as it it.]

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!

[flecks]

[ It's such a predictable move that Leo wants to laugh and he might have, but the slap lands hard and the laugh dies in his throat. It stings worse than the first slap Elliot's given him in Exsilium and again Leo doesn't retaliate or even touches his cheek to soothe the pain. He lets it burn.

The smile's gone now, leaving him just miserable as he leans back against the bookcase without looking at Elliot. ]

I already told you, because it's all my fault. I'm a despicable person.

[nobleminded]

[The fact that Leo was still stuck on this was really getting on his nerves. How many explanations was it going to take?]

Even if it was your fault, what good would destroying yourself do?! How can you change anything if you're gone?!

[...He means "change anything back home", he's a bit too pissed off to notice the irony in his statement. Blame Exsilium.]

[flecks]

[ Leo does notice, but he understands what Elliot means. He's in no mood to bother with semantics either way so he decides not to remark on it.

He's too preoccupied with trying to figure out how to explain without revealing too much anyway. ]

That's why I joined the Baskervilles, they were going to change everything.