exsiliumlogs | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Date: July 1st
Location: The Initiative Hold & Courtyard.
Characters: Everyone.
Summary: New Transports arrive and are shuffled into the Courtyard after their initial briefings. Now with 200% more People-Seeking lists!
Warnings: None.

You've just been hustled and bustled through mazes of information and literal, wide corridors of the Initiative Hold and you've been equipped with your weapon—be it a gun, a sword, or even your existing powers. They've handed you this light netbook and a small pouch of coins (or a debit card, if you're more inclined), and there are several Transports before and after you going through the very same motions. You can hear the Greeter's voice as she walks alongside large groups, telling them all about the history of this place and sharing with you your purpose here in a hurried and urgent tone. "You're in luck that we have enough rooms for all of you; the housing building is getting awfully full. Please, let me show you into the courtyard."

You pass what looks like huge gymnasiums, all with dummies and targets strewn and splayed around the room. Training areas. There are even classrooms, and a few small offices. You're rushed past a large library while the Greeter informs you that you can find almost all your information there, if you've got the time to look—and trust her, you'll have time. You don't spend a lot of time in the bank, and it's a bit of a blur of exchanges with more and more of these strangely-accented and oddly polite-seeming members of the Initiative.

Soon enough, you're in a massive courtyard bustling with all the other Transports. It's not exactly what you'd expect, and it looks more like barracks than anything—huge walls of concrete and stone, separating you from all of the hallways you'd just passed through. It's raining heavily, and dark clouds loom in the air, though it hasn't turned to snow. It's a chill cold, and there are shelters—long cloth hangings that extend from the walls of concrete to house you from the rain, but not enough. Most notably, the courtyard is filled with a marketplace. Even in the cold and the rain, there are several citizens seated at their covered booths and tables, bundled up against the weather. They're selling all manner of their own handmade goods and foods, and citizens and Transports alike are traveling from one small covered shop to another in search of all manner of necessities. Now and then around you you might spot paper fluttering in the faint wind from somewhere relatively dry. It looks like a list.

The Greeter's voice has become so faint now, but you swear you can make it out in the back of the crowds as she tells you, "Good luck. Be safe!"

Her voice is drowned out by the busy marketplace, though even the transactions taking place are somewhat subdued. Nobody is overly happy, really, though most citizens can be found with smiles on their faces. It doesn't seem like they're that shocked to see you, either; even if you're not bound in tattered rags and wrapped in heavy shawls as they are. You're welcome to walk up to a shop, and find yourself something to eat—hey, maybe you'll even find something akin to a raincoat. Or, you can join the others under the coverings against the walls. Where am I? What war? She was talking so fast, and it didn't all make very much sense… did anyone else catch it all?

Welcome to the courtyard. Welcome to the Initiative Hold—and most importantly, welcome to Exsilium.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Earl gray sounds good. [The words are slightly distracted. She's looking at Stephanie now, really looking, and the differences have become startlingly obvious. The way she holds herself, the set of her stride, the cast of her features.

She's older, in a lot of ways. Barbara never thought she'd be able to see that.]

[She's gotten good at dealing with scrutiny, in the years she's known Bruce and Cass and Babs, because they all have a habit of watching so carefully. She just finishes preparing the tea, sending a quick message to Helena while she lets it seep. There's a mug for herself, as well, if only so she'll have something to do with her hands once it's ready.]

You could live here. I mean-- If you wanted. Don't know if you wanna put up with all the bickering, but... yeah. [She trails off, not knowing what else to say, offering Babs an awkward sort of shurg.

This is harder than it should be.]

[Oh. She wasn't expecting that, and she just looks at Steph for a few moments, unsure how to respond.]

Well, that would make the vigilante thing easier. [Not that she's quite as concerned about secrecy here.]

[Her smile tries to say it's okay if you don't want to because her and Babs never had an easy relationship, even before she became Batgirl. She's always known Babs cares, but she also knows how frustrating she can be, and they'd butted heads more than once.]

I gave up on the whole secret identity thing, here. It's given Helena a little trouble, so that's... something to consider.

[Whether Babs wants to be closely associated with Steph, if it might make people think she has something to do with the vigilante world.

They have time, though, to work that all out later, right now she's finishing up their teas, bringing them over to the kitchen table where she makes room for Babs and her chair before taking a seat herself.

God, where does she even start?]

[Barbara nods; it seems like a sensible option, all considered. Unless certain people from home show up, but they'll just need to be extra vigilante.

Which they need to do anyway, so it all works out.

She accepts her tea with a slight smile, raising it to her lips to breathe in the steam. It's nice, having something familiar.

And then she waits. Stephanie can start on her own time; she figures this isn't an easy story to tell.]

[She doesn't drink her tea, just curls her hands around the mug where it's resting on the table, staring at the liquid as though it might have the answers, whe really it just means she doesn't have to look at Babs.]

Leslie lied. [Two words, spoken quietly, but they're not nearly enough, and this is so important that she forces herself to look at Babs, no matter how hesitant she is.] When I flatlined, she told Bruce there was nothing that could be done, but she lied, and as soon as he was gone they restarted my heart. She tells me she wanted to keep me safe from Gotham, but... at the end of the day I think she might've just wanted to teach Bruce a lesson.

[Which hurts, it twists uncomfortably in her chest, because it feels like so much of her life has been about adults using her, controlling her, taking away her agency,

She has to pause, exhale slowly and scrub a hand over her face before she can continue, but she gets there.]

She took me to Africa, and I spent a few months there in a coma. When I woke up...

[She just looks at Babs, hoping maybe she can read it in Steph's expression, that she can understand what it was like when she woke up. And maybe Babs can, better than most, because they've both been hurt so badly.

I was scared.

But she can't say the actual words.]

[Ah.

That...it's a shock, to think Leslie would betray them like that, would
use a teenage girl to prove something to Bruce. But she can tell Stephanie isn't lying, isn't obscuring the truth.

The gang war changed all of them.

She blows softly on her tea, considering how respond. She knows what Stephanie isn't saying; that after she woke up, she stayed.]

You were tortured. [The words are soft and sad and ashamed. Even if Stephanie lived through it, they still failed her.] It's more than just the pain. It makes you feel helpless. It makes you feel like nothing. Like you'll never be whole again.

[She takes a breathe, lets it out slowly.] You needed time. I get that. [If someone had taken her away from it all, away from Gotham, from her dad, from Jason, from the Bats...maybe she would have, too.]

Edited 2013-07-05 15:42 (UTC)

[No matter how soft the words are, they still make her flinch, fingers curling tighter around the mug as she tries to fight down that instinctual reaction. They're just words, but the truth of them still stings, when she tries not to think about too much.

It makes you feel like nothing.

She's never really talked about this with Babs before, because Oracle had just known, the way she knows everything, and Steph has to wonder why they never did. Maybe it's just too hard for both of them, to confront those pieces of their pasts.]

About a year, give or take. [That time she needed.] The camp we wer in was attacked, and I had to step up, the way I would've at home. I realized I wasn't ever going to let go of that part of me, not like that.

[It couldn't be taken away by anyone else, not even Sionis.]

[She sees it, of course, and she almost regrets the word. Having it out there, bold and plain - it hurts. And it hasn't been nearly so long for Stephanie.

But she needed to make sure Steph knew she understood. That she didn't blame her. This was on Leslie.]

I think most of us are like that. [Even when she retired from Batgirl, she knew she wouldn't abandon that path entirely. Maybe she would have finally followed in her father's footsteps.] ...It helps, to know you can still make a difference. They they didn't take that away from you.

[She doesn't talk about this, not even with Dinah - who would understand just as well. But she gets the feeling Steph didn't have a lot of people to confide in; that she could use someone who knew what it was like.]

[She nods, grateful for the reassurance, the understanding, but she isn't sure how to put that all into words, isn't sure if she even wants to, not when this is so hard to talk about.

Not when she nearly had a panic attack, just from someone touchiing her scars.]

I'm Batgirl now.

[It's the only thing she can think to say, and it's important too, that Babs knows. She probably could've have waited for a better time, instead of dropping so much on Babs in one go, but it's better than trying to talk about what Sionis did.]

Cass gave it to me.

[To reassure Babs that it's not because something happened to Cass, and maybe to assert that it was given, not taken.]

[For a moment, her heart drops into her stomach - what about cass what happened no one has heard - but then Steph clarifies, and she can breathe again.

She can consider.

Barbara cocks her head, slightly, brow furrowing.]

Well. Cass wouldn't have given you the symbol if she didn't think you could handle it. [She'll need to see Stephanie in the field to be entirely convinced, but she doesn't hate the idea. It makes sense, if Cass wanted to move on.] How long?

[That's... a better reaction than she expected, considering the batarang shaped dent in her wall at home.]

About ten months, plus another six here.

[It's hard to wrap her head around the fact she's been trapped here so long, when it feels like hardly any time has passed at all, regardless of how much has happened.]

[Barbara is in a better place emotionally, all told. Besides, it cheers her considerably to know Cass is back on the radar, as Batgirl or not. She understands wanting to move on, and if Cass chose Steph...]

So you've settled into the suit, then. [All the same, it is a bit perturbing. She wasn't there while Stephanie learned to navigate her new identity. She wasn't the one who continued her training. None of that has happened yet.

(Will it? She's trying not to wonder if this Steph is from a different world entirely.)]

I'd like to observe you in the field, but that'll be a bit trickier here.

Something like that.

[There's been more than enough bumps along the way that she still feels like she's adjusting. It's the recognition, really, what the Bat means and what it means when she screws up, or when the world screws up around her.

Being wanted for murder had been hard.]

Might not be, actually. [She manages a smile at that, albeit wry.] You designed my suit, so everything should be pretty familiar, and I'm sure if I ask it nicely it'll just hook into whatever network you set up.

[Assuming that eventually Babs will have one.]

And there's always the VR.

[Which she's only used to play quidditch, but they can run simulations for Babs to see how she does, too.]

[A slight nod; she remembers that weight, the burden of the Bat. It was never about living up to Bruce's standards, not really. It was about doing the symbol proud, about making it mean as much as he did.

If I ask it nicely. Her smile is slow and wide.]

It's your weapon. [That tone? Intently approving.] I chose my chair.

Which ought to come in handy with the VR. [She misses her holo room. It'll be nice to have something similar.]</small.

[In the same way she bristled at Helena's teasing, Steph can't help feeling a little burst of pride at Babs' approval. These days that means more than Bruce's would, because she holds Babs in higher regard, so the fact she thinks the suit was a good choice just makes Steph feel so much better about everything.]

That's gonna be interesting.

[The chair, since that's a pretty good choice, too, and Steph can't wait to see what Babs and her sentient weapon will come up with. She's eager to show Babs what all she can do now, as well.

It helps ease away the tension from the precious topic, enough that she actually manages a sip of her tea. And keeping with better topics, Steph smiles into her tea, because there's one last thing she wants to bring up before she tells Helena they're ready for her.]

I have a girlfriend.

[It's not that Helena doesn't know, but Steph is sure she doesn't want to hear what amounts to gossip.]

[Barbara almost chokes on her own sip of tea, because that really was the last thing she expected to hear. The amusement in her smile, as she lowers her glass, is mostly directed at herself.]

Oh really? [She must be something, in much the same way Stephanie is.] Tell me about her. [And she's going to ignore that ridiculous flare of protectiveness.]

[It was worth mentioning it for that reaction alone; it's not often she can startle Babs.]

Ellie, my roommate. She sort of just... insinuated herself into my life the first day she got here. [Nevermind that Steph is the one who invited Ellie over and fed her and gave her weaponry.] She's Australian, must be eighteen by now, and there are no superheroes in her world, no aliens or elves or anything weird, except Australia was invaded in the early nineties. [Steph grows a little more somber at that, because of how it's hurt Ellie.] Ellie's a guerilla fighter, her and her friends.

[Babs will understand, Steph hopes, what that must have done to a teenager. She doesn't want to say it, doesn't want to explain about how jumpy Ellie can be, about the nightmares and the panic attacks. They're not her secrets to share, so she just has to hope that Babs will get it.]

She's a good person, she cares about people, looks after them and she tries so hard to do the right thing, she's just had to do terrible things to survive.

[Unless she's actively trying not to be, Steph is easy to read, and right now it's obvious how much she cares about Ellie, and how much she worries.]

[More teenage soldiers. Her expression is grim and sad. She knows what fighting does to kids, and war is worse; war is something you can't just come home from every day, can't try to forget when the sun is up.

Her gaze only darkens as Steph goes on. Kids shouldn't have to make those kinds of choices, be put in those positions.

Her voice is soft when she speaks.]

Everyone does, in war.

[And it's worse, really, when you can hold onto your compassion.]

Yeah.

[And suddenly she's much more interested in her tea than looking at Babs, because all she can think about is blowing up that compoundand killing all those soldiers in Elmer's world. It was one thing to tell Helena, because she knows Helena has killed, but she's yet to tell Kara, and the thought of telling Babs is terrifying.

What if she decides to take Batgirl from her?]

[Barbara's brow furrows as she watches Stephanie draw into herself. She knows what that means; there's something she can't say, something eating her up inside.

Her voice is gentle when she speaks.]

You can tell me.

[Can she?

Babs is a Bat, even if she seems to operate in much more morally grey areas than the rest of them, and Bats aren't supposed to kill. She feels like it'd be easier to admit this to Bruce than to Babs, because at if Bruce told her to stop being Batgirl, Steph could tell him to go fuck himself.

She can't say the same to Babs.]

We're fighting a war.

[And Babs said it herself; everyone does terrible things in war.]

Helena's waiting outside, want me to ask her to come in?

[Best. Segue. Ever.]

No, you're not getting off the hook that easily. [But her voice is still soft; it's not a harsh rebuke. They need to settle this now instead of letting it fester between them.

So she leans forward, gaze intent.]

I am not Bruce. [Or Dick, or Tim, or Cass.] I'm not going to sit here and condemn you for doing what soldiers do. [She knows Stephanie would never take life lightly, easily. If she had to kill it was for damn good reason.

She leans back and reaches up, resting her hand where the Bat used to be.]

Bats don't kill. [She never did, as Batgirl, rarely even thought of it. More powerful, more weighted, was Cassandra's choice.] But you're not just a Bat any more. [And neither was she, not for a long time.]

[It's not much of a surprise, that Babs doesn't let her get away with that, but her shoulders still sink a little when she calls her out on the attempt. Steph doesn't say anything, though, because listening to Babs is more important.

She looks up when Babs leans forward, meeting her gaze instead of shying away, trying not to be a coward about this. At the end of the day, she stands by her choices; she's just worried how other people are going to accept them.

So it's a relief, everything Babs says, and that relief is clear on her face.]

Thank you. [For not condeming her, and her mouth twists in a rueful sort of smile.] I stoppe wearing it for a while - the suit - but it was more important to be at the top of my game.

[Having the suit, the symbol, and using it to protect people was more important than respecting that Bats don't kill.]

Good. [Barbara will always value practicality over sentiment. Besides, as far as she's considered, Stephanie is being loyal to the spirit of the symbol.

Her hand falls, curling back around her coffee cup.]

And if Bruce ends up here and gives you trouble, I will personally tell him to sit his self-righteous ass down. [He hasn't given her any crap about her methods, but she's pretty sure that's just because he knows damn well how it would end up.]

I'm sure Helena will, too. [And her lips quirk at the thought. She never agreed with how Huntress did things - she was too quick to go for the kill, it was too easy for her. But she's reigned herself in at home, earned Barbara's respect several times over, and the rules are different here. If it ever comes down to it, she knows who she's siding with.]

ain't no mountain high enough~

oh god now i'm getting ballads from you too

and i will always love you~

i feel so loved

as you should

this is why you're my favourite (don't tell bella)

my lips are sealed

ty ty

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no don't ask questions about time in comics!!!! trying to make a guess at this

I'M SORRY sounds good to me

I could have looked it up and tried to work things out but it was 2am

ain't no one got time for that

definitely not at 2am. which it is again now. i make really good life decisions

go to bed justine

you go to bed!!!

i just got up!!!

that's the best time to go to bed

a fair point

I am an adult

we are the most adult

/highfive

now we need a bruce