exsiliumlogs | At The Place I'll Return to Someday [Closed]

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At The Place I'll Return to Someday [Closed]

Date & Time: August 7th
Location: 1888 Japan
Characters: Kido & Kano
Summary: Mission here a.k.a. frolic around Japan, steal some dogs, spend time together, w/e
Warnings: THEY NEED TO HAVE EMOTIONAL TALKS AT SOME POINT

[It started with a text. Want to go somewhere? Let's go to Japan. Come on, you and me. Was she homesick? Did she just want to get out? Maybe she wanted to prove she could do this again; leading, fighting, being someone stronger. She'd had enough rest.

But it wasn't just that. She texted him for a reason. They were on the verge of...something. Just in the distance, she could see some sort of change waiting. There was a different future if she could grab his hand and drag him forward with her.

He agreed. Maybe he wanted to get away with her, too?

Kido changed into the clothes given - thankfully they let her take male ones - and pocketed their spending money. She listened to everything in their briefing, already focusing on the mission. They could easily hit up a few of those targets between their combined abilities. If they got done fast enough, they could enjoy themselves a little, too...

She walked down the streets that weren't familiar but closer to home than anything they had been given so far and thought out loud to Kano.]

This shouldn't be too bad. I can steal the artwork from the one member... we can probably both take the dogs from the other... Just get the one drunk and encourage the daughter to go out on her own...

[A beat.] We'd have to go with her though. I'm not letting her run off and get kidnapped or something...

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[Don't fall don't fall don't fall you haven't earned the right to fall--

But he does. He slumps against her and he squeezes his red eyes shut as he tries to hide how he trembles against her, or how his breath struggles. He needs to say something to reassure her, but his words are beyond him right now. Staying silent is already hard enough.

Don't make any noise. Don't you dare cry. Don't don't don't--

I'm sorry, Tsubomi.]

[Kido leans her head against his, stroking his back in slow, soothing motions. Crying is okay. They haven't allowed themselves to really cry in a long time; not over this, not over the things they hid away a long, long time ago.

It's just me she thinks, I won't let anyone hear or see you like this if you don't want that but that's probably why he won't let himself. It's someone he wants to protect without allowing those bruises to be seen. But she knows they're there.

She murmurs a soft 'it's okay, I'm still here' as she keeps him close.]

[He hasn't cried, not since after Kido returned from death, not even when Ayano came back. Because they needed the role of the lying pierrot he set up for himself and for them, not the role of that unsure, crying boy he discarded. He doesn't understand where these tears are squeezed from. Kano already decided on this path. He already knew it'd hurt.

So... why?]

Ah... this is really embarrassing. Sorry, sorry.

Don't say sorry for crying.

[One hand on his back lifts to his hair and she strokes it back a few times.

Softer, she adds:] ...Believe in me. Just a little... please.

[He takes a slow, deep breath.] ... I always did, didn't I? I don't remember when I didn't. Kido's honest, through and through, no matter how she tries to cover up.

[She remembers what he said, though. Even if it's been months now. Those words still stay stuck in her head. He might've apologised but...]

...I mean... believe in me to help you. Even if you think it's hopeless. I don't think that. Whatever's wrong, I'll take care of it. So... will you believe in me for that?

[Let us help you, the adults had told him when he was little. We can fix it. Only, he never took that help. It was his own fault that he had the problems he had--asking someone to share that responsibility with him wasn't fair at all. Everything he felt, he deserved. That's how it worked. That's how it was, so there was nothing that needed to be fixed--]

Well, I don't mind being like this. [It's not an answer and he knows it.]

[It's not and she can't help holding him tighter, cheek pressed against his hair.]

Come on, Kano. ...Please. You're not alone now. [Her fingers curl over his back.] ...You're never going to be alone again. We're here for you and... I'm here for you. You don't have to do anything alone again.

[Pause.]

Who does Kido like?

[She doesn't understand it. Who does she like? Him, obviously. But he isn't asking that. He's asking... no, she doesn't really know what he's asking. Kano is Kano. But somehow this is really important and if she messes this up...

Kido buries her face into his hair. Please don't let her screw this up. Please don't let Kano disappear.]

...I like you. I've always liked you. When you called yourself Shuuya and hid or... when you called yourself Kano and teased us all the time. But you never... really changed. [She hesitates.] I mean you did, but... you're still that kid who promised to help me. Ah, you're... [She's talking too much. But she can't find concise words. If he misunderstands, it's her fault. She holds her breath as she holds him.]

...You're you, to me. One way or another... the different faces you show, they're still you. You're Kano Shuuya. Do you understand? You're... you.

[He still doesn't move. His arms remain by his side, his face unreadable as she clutches at him. He hasn't changed? That's wrong to say, when he thinks back on the things he did and the things he planned to do. Shuuya and Kano were different. Masks, that's what they both were.

Truthfully, he isn't sure if he can claim 'I am Kano Shuuya' when he doesn't know where that person is. Which is the 'Kano Shuuya' she fell in love with? Did he ever exist in the first place?]

Even if-- ah, let's assume, all right? Even if I became someone entirely different?

[Someone entirely different...? How can she answer that? She doesn't know what he's thinking again. But it's important to him.]

...I promise. I believe in you. [Ten years is a long time. What would a life without Kano be like? She doesn't want to know. Whatever he means, they'll be okay.] But I also promise... if you become someone you don't like, someone who goes against your heart, I'll get you back, too.

[She breathes out a shaky, weak laugh.] ...That kid was really stupid about the way he did things but determined to make the people he loved happy. That hasn't changed. So I'll protect that part of you. That's you.

[The quiet of the closet feels like it'll smother him. He almost wants it to. Instead, he raises his hand, touching her lightly on the shoulder.

You looked surprised when I told you. But I can't be saved, all right? Even if you say it isn't a problem for you...

He's crying again. He isn't aware of it until he feels something wet fall on his hand. Slowly, he returns her hug, turning his head so he can hide his face in her hair.

Sorry. I screwed up again.]

That makes Kido the knight of this story, doesn't it? That's funny.

[How bad is it that she's happy he's crying? Tears are honest. If he doesn't hide them, it means even more. He allows her to see this. That's basically asking for help, isn't it?

Kido shifts her hold to bring him closer and smiles.]

Well, I'd be a bad princess. [A distant memory comes. Staring out the window on a rainy day and an envious feeling swelling in her chest. No one was going to come to save her. No one wanted her in the first place, so why would they save her?]

Mm, yeah, being your knight... would be pretty cool.

[Kido shuts her eyes and reaches up to stroke his hair.] ...If you need help, give a signal anytime. I'll be here. You don't have to ask, just... let me know somehow...

[He burrows into her, just a little more as she pulls him closer. He's hinted sometimes to her, but all the clues had been gathered by the wrong people, causing him to retreat further and further. He still isn't sure if he wants to be found out. Wouldn't it hurt more to know?]

A cool signal or something? I need to try my best to think up of something impressive, then.

[It feels nice to have Kano so close, even if it's for something like this. He's still such a kid.] Nah, just a signal. And your knight will say, "I won't let you disappear, Shuuya." And then everything will be okay. I'll fight for that.

[Despite himself, he giggles.]

You're really taking this role seriously. Then again, it's like Leader to take almost anything that comes her way seriously.

Of course I'm taking it seriously. It's your happiness, right?

I see. And what will happen when I am happy? Will Sir Kido be relieved of her duties?

No way. I have to protect that once you have it. Leave it to me.

... knights can't marry princesses, you know.

[The hand in his hair curls into a loose fist and hits him lightly on the top of his head.] You never read fairytales. Princesses and knights runaway together. N-Not that I read many...

[He laughs again.] I get it, I get it. I won't tell anyone that Kido's a sweet girl who loves knights and princesses.

[She sighs. There's not much point in denying it and being like this is too comfortable to push him away.] ...Whatever... Are you still tired? I can stay up.

... it's fine. [He lied about being tired to try to avoid being questioned. But the situation seems to have resolved itself. He closes his eyes.]

I'll stay up with Kido. [But he doesn't move away.]

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