exsiliumlogs | At The Place I'll Return to Someday [Closed]

Entry tags:

At The Place I'll Return to Someday [Closed]

Date & Time: August 7th
Location: 1888 Japan
Characters: Kido & Kano
Summary: Mission here a.k.a. frolic around Japan, steal some dogs, spend time together, w/e
Warnings: THEY NEED TO HAVE EMOTIONAL TALKS AT SOME POINT

[It started with a text. Want to go somewhere? Let's go to Japan. Come on, you and me. Was she homesick? Did she just want to get out? Maybe she wanted to prove she could do this again; leading, fighting, being someone stronger. She'd had enough rest.

But it wasn't just that. She texted him for a reason. They were on the verge of...something. Just in the distance, she could see some sort of change waiting. There was a different future if she could grab his hand and drag him forward with her.

He agreed. Maybe he wanted to get away with her, too?

Kido changed into the clothes given - thankfully they let her take male ones - and pocketed their spending money. She listened to everything in their briefing, already focusing on the mission. They could easily hit up a few of those targets between their combined abilities. If they got done fast enough, they could enjoy themselves a little, too...

She walked down the streets that weren't familiar but closer to home than anything they had been given so far and thought out loud to Kano.]

This shouldn't be too bad. I can steal the artwork from the one member... we can probably both take the dogs from the other... Just get the one drunk and encourage the daughter to go out on her own...

[A beat.] We'd have to go with her though. I'm not letting her run off and get kidnapped or something...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

After keeping his distance for so long, being permitted to stay so close to her is more than welcome. The complicated feelings he felt before have faded to the back of his mind, forgotten for now. All he can think about is how brightly she shines with that smile, how warm her skin feels against his. His heart's still beating fast, but the cause has changed.

"I look happy, don't I? Of course I am."

"Yeah. I like your smile right now." She doesn't want to let go of his hands, so she presses a soft kiss to his lips in appreciation. "I guess now if I say something like, 'You have a really nice smile' it would be normal, huh?"

"It should've been normal to begin with. My smiles are always nice." It's a dumb boast to tease her as usual. He tilts his head up to kiss her back in return for the one she gave him.

Before, she used to wonder why people kissed so much in movies or on tv. What was the big deal? Wouldn't it feel gross? But with each kiss, a greedy little voice in her heart asks for another. At this rate, even if he kissed her until her lungs went numb, she would still want another.

Kido keeps her eyes shut for a moment, enjoying the warmth of his lips and of his breath.

"You're such an idiot. Your real smiles are nicest." Another kiss, this one brief. "Thanks. For not using your eyes much tonight..."

"... if I did, you probably wouldn't have taken me seriously, I think."

It'd been tempting to continue hiding, but this one thing was something he didn't want to be clouded by his lies. It's already been muddied and dirtied beyond recognition--he didn't need to smear more on it when it was already unclear to begin with.

"It would've been hard, yeah. But you didn't. So... thanks." Her face feels warm from the smile spreading over it. She wants to kiss him again but bows her head instead to rest it against his shoulder.

This is real. This strange, surreal night is real. The feelings that confused and tormented her, too, turned out to be the real thing. She doesn't doubt it now, because the twisting coils around her heart have changed to something embracing. It doesn't hurt anymore.

Kido lets go of one of his hands to hug him loosely. It's okay to be like this. Nothing really changed, right? They always liked being together. This is just natural.

"Kano... Thanks." She murmurs it again, breathing out softly.

He touches her face with his hand. He can feel her head rise and fall with each breath he took, and he turns his so he can nose into her hair. If they went back, they'll still be able to do this. It's not a lie. His fingers curl. It's the truth.

It's fine to expose his truth when she's already given him hers.

"... sorry. For taking so long."

"I'd be lying if I said it wasn't really frustrating." Frustrating, painful, agonizing; there are a lot of words she could use for it. But none of the bitterness she held comes with them. A hazy warmth keeps her from feeling much except contentment.

"But it's okay now." She pauses, laughing a little. "I meant for this mission to help you but I think I got the best deal out of it..."

"To help me? Ah, and here I thought Leader just wanted an excuse to be alone with me!"

He suspected that mission of hers, though, when she brought it up. Since their conversation on the beach, that part of him he normally kept locked up had begun to crack open beneath her persistent prying. In the end, it didn't turn out as badly as he thought it could've. At least, not yet.

But he won't think about that right now. Not when Kido's smiling and laughing on top of him, when he can touch her without fearing some sort of repercussion or about holding back.

"Ah, but are you sure it's okay?"

The longer they lie here, the more comfortable she feels. This warmth, the gentle breeze carrying familiar festival scents and sounds, it could lull her to sleep if she isn't careful.

"Hm? Why wouldn't it be okay?"

Silence.

He closes his eyes.

"All those other times... I imagine that they were more than frustrating sometimes, huh?"

He wasn't oblivious to how it affected her.

Gradually, the sounds of the festival fade into a distant hum compared to the steady sound of his breathing. Kido runs her thumb along the crook of his neck.

"...Yeah. It hurt." An understatement to say the least. She didn't want him to beat himself up over it. But pretending otherwise might just be worse. "...It really, really hurt. I don't even know... when I started to like you this way. I think it's been a while, before we came here. I used to just get irritated and upset and not know why. Knowing why made it worse. Trying to talk to you about it and getting pushed away... yeah, it was horrible."

Even though right now, a gentle warmth stays in her chest, she can remember that pain. It only ceased today after all.

"I didn't get it. I didn't understand why I kept trying... except that even though it hurt so much, ah..." She recalls certain words and shakes her head. "...Happiness isn't easy. You have to work for it. ...So I didn't want to give up. I said it'd be okay if you turned me down and it would've been but... I wanted to be happy with you." Her face burns. What a stupid, cliche sounding thing.

"... sometimes you're too stubborn, you know." If she stopped he wouldn't have blamed her. Even if it meant an outcome like this wouldn't have been possible, it would've been better than that constant torture they both put themselves through the past months.

Kano opens his eyes a little. The lights and people of the festival were blurry like this, but it's fine. What was seen wasn't always important. The unseen sometimes was. He plays with the end of her hair.

"So? Are you happy?"

With only a moment of hesitation - shyness, not doubt - she turns her head to kiss his neck. This way he can feel her smile.

"Yeah. It was worth it." Kido heard once that falling in love was hard and painful. So, it was only natural that falling for someone like Kano would be more difficult than usual. In the end, maybe that's just how it works.

"But if I could do it again... I would've punched you more." She noses against his skin, tucking her head under his chin. "Idiot."

"Pfft. Do you think you could've punched a confession out of me?"

He strokes her head, sighing. "I don't think I would want to go through it again, no offense, no offense. Let's just skip to this next time."

If only it'd been so easy.

"Yeah... Let's just be like this next time." Kido's words come out softer. Between the steady sound of his heart and the hand stroking her hair, it's getting hard to keep her eyes open. This isn't even that unfamiliar. They used to fall asleep on each other all the time and still do, huh? So maybe that hasn't changed at all... It's the same comfort as always.

Slowly, the sounds of the festival are quieting, fading to the mixing of their breaths. It's nostalgic to lay here together like this. How they used to sleep together as one big family...

Only, the context is different now. But that comfort is still there, intertwined with a new feeling that makes his toes curl. He doesn't have anything to say--whatever comes out of his mouth will be superfluous for this moment.

He waits a minute or so before speaking up. "... Kido?"

It takes her a moment to register her own name; just, it's so comfortable like this and at some point her thoughts started to drift away from her. Kido blinks her eyes open once but shuts them again a moment later. "Mm?"

"... thank you."

That's all he wants to say before he lets her fall asleep. Those two words aren't enough to convey what he wants to say, but... they're a small step towards it.

Maybe words can't. Despite his mastery over them, it all falls apart when someone asks for true honesty. What he really feels and how to say it might be beyond him right now. But she doesn't mind at all.

After all, she's not the best with saying her feelings, either.

Tipping her head up, she kisses his jaw before dropping back onto his chest. They can't sleep here, definitely not, but she's only going to shut her eyes, just for a little while...

It's always been easier to talk with his hands instead of his voice. As much as he's grown skilled at juggling those words he used to hate hearing from others, he's always been a failure at them. An excellent liar who can't speak his thoughts--as a person he's pretty useless.

But it doesn't matter to her, does it? She'll keep trying until he learns how to talk again, the way he was never taught, until those sharp words of his are dulled to something softer.

Kano presses his face against the top of her head, smiling to himself. Let her sleep. He'll return the favor and take care of her if she does.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

At The Place I'll Return to Someday [Closed]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject