exsiliumlogs | i think, well why not, then stop for a coffee

Entry tags:

i think, well why not, then stop for a coffee

Date & Time: 8/7/13, late afternoon after this conversation.
Location: a coffee shop
Characters: Armin Arlert (

blondtactician) & Sofiya Karimov (

legal_eagle)
Summary: Armin's never tried coffee, Sofiya offered to buy him his first cup.
Warnings: n/a

[Armin heads out into the rain still dressed in his uniform and green cloak, hood over his head. Miss Karimov described herself as dark haired and with a scarf, and even though her scarf is blue he finds himself unconsciously looking for Mikasa. Of course she's not here. All evidence suggests he really is the only one who knows about the world where humanity hides behind walls.

The only thing familiar here is the gray and the settled-in sense of despair. To the citizenry who don't fight, the war must seem both far away and horrifyingly personal, and completely impossible to win.

He must be looking grim, saddened when he appears at the coffee shop. He tries and fails magnificently at pulling off 'warm and friendly' when he approaches, and it definitely seems more like 'worried and nervous' as he clears his throat.]

Ah... Miss Karimov, is it?

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[Sonya's got more than enough warm and friendly for the both of them. She's not soft-hearted; matter of fact, she's as far from soft-hearted as you can get and still have the organ able to pump blood. But she's got two kid brothers, and she misses them, and she imagines that Omaid is more than a little scared, about to start high school and all, and so that just loosens up her pocketbook a little. Not her heart - hell no - just her purse-strings.

Sure.

So she smiles at the kid when he approaches, jerks her head towards the counter.]

I recognize that voice. Come on, we'll figure out what to get you. Do you have a sweet tooth?

A little bit. I was very fond of honey cakes.

[Back before Wall Maria fell, when there was a little bit more to go around. They were still a treat for special occasions, even then.] I... there's so many options. [He peers at the pastry case curiously, but nothing seems familiar except the scones.]

Honey cakes. Okay, got it.

[She eyes him eying the pastries, and thinks - not without a bit of fondness - that he's doing it very wrong; the important thing is the coffee, not the cakes. Still, she points - ]

That there, the darker bun with the swirl in the middle? That's a sticky bun; it's good, and glazed with honey, but it's got a lot of cinnamon in it. Spicy, if you're not fond of spicy.

[Coffee is strange and unfamiliar! The rich smell excites his senses but Armin is perhaps focusing on the food because he at least recognizes it.] Cinnamon? Spicy? It looks good...

[Just then, a barista takes an order and begins using the espresso machine. Armin scoots around the counter to watch it in fascination.]

[And Sonya smiles a little bit more to herself. Cute kid.]

That there - they're making espresso, which is a type of coffee. Espresso is very strong, so it's sometimes diluted in steamed milk. You know - for people who can't handle the strong stuff.

It smells... I've never smelled anything like that.

[The color reminds him of tilled earth, or dark bread.]

All of that steam and effort for such a little bit...

[She squints over at him - is he going sappy?]

Yeah, well, wait till you taste it. It's great stuff. And it gives you energy. Usually.

[It's not sentiment so much as awe. The implications of this kind of leisure, an entire complicated machine just to make a drink, fascinates. Of course the tablet impresses, but he understands the practical application of it. This, on the other hand, seems purely decadent. Almost sinful with a world at war.] Remarkable. Can I try some?

[She meets that question with a cheerful laugh. Again, she is not soft-hearted or sentimental or any of it. There's just always something sort of delightful watching serious-looking kids like this one discover new things.]

That's why we're here. What do you want, pure espresso? That's gonna be very bitter - a lot to handle. I'd recommend you do something a little easier - a mocha, maybe.

Mocha? [Armin looks up at the board, reading the description. So many of the drinks had milk. Truly this is a land of plenty...] What's chocolate?

Oh, no, you poor kid.

[She says that cheerily, and softens what might sound condescending with a sunny smile.]

I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or to be envious of all the discoveries you have in store.

So chocolate is good? [Armin asks, smiling weakly. While he sometimes missed nicer food, it's nor like he was aware of what he'd been missing.] I guess I'll get a mocha, then.

Bear in mind that I'm speaking a little bit from bias. But chocolate is quite possibly the greatest human creation there is.

[She gives him a little grin - more about encouraging that smile from him than about any actual real pleasure from herself.]

Wait right here. I'll be back in a flash.

[How strange it is, Armin thinks, that someone could live a life where chocolate was the greatest thing. If someone asked Armin, he'd probably say 3D maneuvering gear. The only thing that stands up against the titans.

Armin spends the time his new-found friend is away examining the coffee shop and observing the people there.]

[She gets a mocha - single-shot with whipped cream on top - for him, and then debates and decides that, what the heck, she'll get a second for herself. (Just with two shots.) She starts to rejoin him as they make the drinks, then decides to hang back and let him do a little bit of people-watching and adjusting.

She swings back only when the drinks are ready, jerking her head towards a table. She plops the cup on a table and then slides over the sticky bun, sitting tall and glistening on its paper plate, to where he'll be sitting.]

Should have asked this earlier. No deadly food allergies, right? I don't much want to kill you.

Food allergies? [Now food can kill you? Maybe there's something to be said about a world where one's fears are straightforward...!] Not as far as I know.

[Cautiously, Armin takes a sip of the mocha. Even though he saw the steam from the espresso machine, he's surprised at how hot it is, and quickly takes the lid off the cup to allow it to cool. Then he sees the whipped cream. How curious!

Armin drinks a little more of the mocha, closing his eyes as he savors the different flavors. So this is coffee? There's definitely a bitter taste to it, and a sweet taste, both of them quite dark and rich and nothing like anything he's ever had before. He has to wonder how humanity evolved to make such a drink that involves such a complicated, intricate preparation.

He quite likes it.

Carefully, he tears off a piece of the cinnamon bun and eats it. It's very, very sweet, like honey, with a hint of something that reminds him of... the scent of bark, maybe, or a fiery flower.

It's a huge bun. He realizes she intends it all for him, in all likelihood. There's so much food here.

Tears well up in Armin's eyes.]

It's... it's good...

[He manages to get to that before he just starts outright weeping, shoulder shaking, staring at his hands on the table.]

Oh, shit -

[That escapes before she has a chance to censor herself. That's not great - she wants to keep up a relatively ladylike act in front of this kid, no question about that, and she wants to keep up the act like she always knows what's coming always and can't be taken by surprise. So it's hardly a moment before she's snapping her jaw shut on this, but -

Shit. She'd done this to buck the kid up and stop him from sounding so miserable and terrified. It sure as hell hadn't been to make him freak out and start crying in the middle of a coffee shop.

Sonya - no real surprise - wasn't super-great with big emotional displays. So, blindly, trying to look like she had any fucking clue what she was doing, she reached out and gripped the kid's forearm, a dumb and maybe-useless I'm here gesture.]

[Armin misses Eren and Mikasa so badly he can taste it. It's an actual, physical pain in his breastbone, yet it's also something that he swims in, something that crushes and suffocates him. It is different than the stark horror of the grief he felt when he watched Eren die, or the heart-sinking fear he felt when Eren was locked out of his sight.

There were times they were apart from each other, of course, after the fall of their hometown: but he always had a sense of where Eren and Mikasa were. Especially after his grandfather was taken, there was no one else but them.

They had so many hungry years, and even during military training the food was fuel and nothing more. Something like this was beyond their imagination. It's simply overwhelming, to be reminded just how far away he is from everything he knows and holds dear.

The hand on his arm brings him back to the present, and he scrubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, though the tears don't stop flowing.]

I-I'm sorry. It's all wonderful.

I just wish I could share it with my friends back home... It shouldn't be just me who gets to eat such wonderful food... It shouldn't be just me who gets to see a world like this!

[Armin gives one last broken sob, rubbing his eyes.

After a few concentrated sniffles he seems to compose himself enough to slowly eat another piece of the cinnamon roll, and wash it does with the mocha. He wipes his cheeks with his uniform sleeve. He can just imagine the scolding he'd get for behaving this way in public in uniform. He will have to be more careful in the future.]

Do people really eat like this all the time here? And in your world?

Edited 2013-08-11 06:57 (UTC)

[Okay, no more crying. That's good. Cheering up is good. Or if not cheering up, then at least...reestablishing self-control. She doesn't know what the hell made him start crying, and she doesn't know what's going on in his head - homesickness, she guesses - but as long as it's well under control, that's okay.

She tries to make him laugh a little bit, or at least smile - ]

Only if they want to get fat!

[She gives him one last squeeze on the arm and sits back.]

You make eating food like this a habit, and you're gonna turn pretty chubby. Really caloric. Then again, you could use a bit more meat to you, I think, so maybe eat up.

[She gives him a little grin.]

And maybe learn the recipe. You know - for the guys back home.

It's not like we have cinnamon or chocolate or coffee behind the walls.

[Armin smiles sadly and shakes his head, drinking a little more of the mocha.]

We haven't had time to cook in a long time either. Or supplies for it, really. There's a food shortage. Maybe nobles get to eat like this sometimes, but we're just soldiers. Who's going to waste fancy ingredients on people who are just going to get eaten? It's not like titans appreciate our flavor.

[If he's speaking really rapidly, well, guess what? You just introduced an incredibly fast-thinking teenager to caffeine and refined sugar. Good luck with that.]

[There's a line that forms between her eyebrows as he speaks - both because, kid, cool it, it's hard to follow you when you talk that fast, and also because that sounds like some fucked-up shit. Still, there's no point dwelling on the negative; she can get info out of him later, just wants to jolly him into giving something other than a pout right now.]

Sounds like we'll have to make you a care package, then, huh? To take back home.

I didn't think that was possible, taking things back to my world. If it were, I'd rather bring back some of the other things I've read about. Guns. Bombs. Better medicine for diseases. Or books about all of those things, so we could start figuring it out for ourselves.

[Armin is still speaking very, very quickly, and tapping his boot against the leg of the chair. He's not really aware of either.]

It's silly, getting so worked up over food. It's so easy to forget things, you know? But that sweetness connects right to your emotions... back when our parents were alive and we talked about birthdays and exploring instead of maintaining our gear and who we lost on the last mission.

If I could take something back, I could save them. But it doesn't work like that. The Initiative only cares about humanity in their own timeline, right?

[And so it comes to be that his caffeine and sugar rush is starting to hedge into neurosis... like he's forgotten Sonya is there to hear him think out loud.]

--My heart is racing. Is it supposed to race?

Caffeine gives you energy. It happens. Might want to slow down a bit there, though.

[She leans back in her chair, expression veiled. She doesn't know one hundred percent how she feels about him spilling all of this. Sure, she goes out to bars all the time and slips bartenders a little extra to make her drinks virgin and her partner's extra-strong, for no purpose except to get them talking while she stays sober and remembers everything. No real problem with that. But she didn't especially plan this, doesn't know if she even really wants it.]

I'm sorry! This is just so. This is so big. I never would have thought other worlds could exist. I dreamed of just seeing other parts of my own world.

[Armin fidgets in his chair.] Thank you for inviting me out. I haven't seen too much of this city. Just the training areas, the temporary housing and the library... day after day.

[She gives a little bit of a smile as he talks. When he's finished, she asks, very suddenly:]

How old are you?

[Armin isn't sure how that's relevant. His heart is racing and color floods his cheeks as he realizes he's been babbling like a child. His body was not prepared for the rush of caffeine and sugar.] I'm fifteen.

Hmm.

[She doesn't have any visible reaction - just lets out that little noise, smiles her little smile.]

You wanna know what I was doing when I was fifteen?

[Armin tries to think of what he might have been doing if Wall Maria hadn't been lost. Finishing school, helping out Grisha Yeager on the job, perhaps, deciding whether he wanted to go behind Wall Sina to finish his education or venture beyond the walls like his parents. His grandfather might still be alive if old age hadn't taken him, and probably starting to pester him about seeing someone, if he wasn't already. It all seems so distant: from the moment the colossal titan appeared, it felt to Armin like his course was set.

He sets out what he knows about Sofiya: she moves with strength and confidence, but she knows about pastries and espresso machines. She has a sort of ease about her movements, and wears her hair long. She seems precise if not disciplined.

Of course it's a rhetorical question and she'll answer him in a moment regardless of how he responds, but Armin cannot help but try and pin it together.]

...Were you in school? [He guesses.]

Edited 2013-09-10 20:22 (UTC)

[Sonya's tempestuous, at times; it doesn't take much to earn her ire, but on the other hand it doesn't take much to earn her approval, either. And the smile she turns on Armin is definitely approving. Not so much for the right guess as for the fact that he ventured a guess at all; there's nothing she adores like courage and daring and confidence, and even if this kid hides those three things behind sad eyes and nervous movements she thinks they're there.]

I was in school, being a complete terror. [This is a lie; she had a sarcastic, rebellious streak back then, but that only came out in close company; she was more quiet and obedient than anything. But Sonya's got a deep fondness for myth-making.] Sure as hell wasn't thinking about deep responsibilities. Must be hard to be so focused.

It isn't, really. [Armin fears that's too blunt, but doesn't know how else to put it. It seems that teenagers have a very different life in some people's worlds, but for him, there's no room to goof off or relax. The amount of free time he has here is a bit confusing and intimidating.]

I've only done what is necessary. I went to school too, though it was secondary to my training. There was never any question about it, by the time I was old enough for recruitment. The alternative was much worse.

[Or at least, he thought so. Sometimes he fears he's not cut out to be a soldier, but he's survived this.]

Edited 2013-09-14 16:34 (UTC)

Hmm.

[That's her only reaction to that, delivered with an enigmatic smile.]

You think it's necessary to be like that here?

[What could Sonya gain from this line of questions? Are they really a kindness? Curiosity? Or is she trying to get him to examine his mindset? Armin thins his lips, considering.] Humanity is at stake here, too. Those of us capable of fighting have a moral imperative to do so.

Why?

[She tilts her head very slightly to the side.]

If someone threatens your life, say, do you have a moral obligation to defend it?

Everyone wants to defend their own life. It's natural to respond that way, at least in theory. [Because Armin has personally found that in face of the very real and immediate specter of their demise, some people don't know how to fight and live. Some people freeze and just cry. Some people lose their minds and die trying to save or recover those who were lost. Some people's knees give out, or they can't reach far enough to snatch their friend from the jaws of death.

Some people become monsters.]

But living like that is just following instincts. Looking after only yourself, worrying about only the needs you need met, worrying only about your own life and thinking that's alright, and if you do that, things will always be that way - that kind of ignorance is poison. [This is something Armin believes with every cell of his body - a core thought he's held onto since he was a young child.]

So I'd say the desire to protect oneself is inborn, even understandable, but it is not always moral.

Edited 2013-09-18 04:04 (UTC)

Hmm.

[Her manner is cool, inscrutable.]

But you have a moral obligation to defend others' lives.

[Armin feels like he's being tested. Fortunately, he's used to that. And he's not afraid to answer honestly.]

It's not as simple as that.

I am willing to lay down my life, but I must be willing to let others die if that's what's going to create the ultimately optimal outcome. [There is a bitterness in Armin's voice: he has already done it. He has sent squads to their death.]

You have to be willing to make sacrifices in war.

So here's my question. Why go to war?

Why?

[For a moment there's almost note of anger to Armin's voice, but he quickly controls it. She may be doing this just to provoke a reaction, though Armin can't understand why she would need to. He's been honest with her about everything, and remained true to his convictions.

It's too easy to jump to the conclusion that she simply doesn't understand, that she cannot. If she saw what he'd seen she would not ask 'why go to war'?]

Do you mean in a general way or do you mean myself, personally?

In a general way. Let's not get personal.

[Her smile is ambiguous and promises, perhaps, a tacit yet.]

In general, people go to war because either they have something to gain, because the alternative is ultimately worse than going to war, or because there is no alternative.

...I could probably make you a pretty good map, a visual approximation, with some napkins and the cups and so on. [Armin rubs his chin thoughtfully, a habit he hasn't realized he picked up from his grandfather.] I could talk about territory, and resources, and what happens to people who are either, over a long period of time or quite suddenly faced with a deficit of both. But you're so smart, do you really need me to explain it to you in that level of detail? [Armin gives the most angelic smile. It's his very best 'don't take me seriously I'm just a kid' smile, when before he was so serious.] I'm sure you don't lack the imagination... Which means for me to go on about it is sort of a waste of both our time, don't you think?

Edited 2013-09-28 07:30 (UTC)

Don't talk down to me.

[That's an order that doesn't have any rancor behind it, or even any real reprimand, but there's no question that it's an order; it's firm. And there's just the slightest tilt of her head to the side, a sharpening of the focus in her eyes, an utter vanishing of the smile: it's not yet anger, but it's the threat of anger. Tempestuous Sonya: it's not hard to stir her up.]

I couldn't give less of a shit about territory and resources. Especially for a place I've never been and will never go. You started out talking about moral imperatives; I'm challenging you on the basis of moral imperatives. Those reasons you listed have as much to do with morality as a trapped rat's bite has to do with courage.

[So she can smile at him like it's nothing, but she doesn't like it in return. At least he knows that's one button only to press at the right time.]

It's interesting that you asked me not to get personal and then pointed out you've never been and will never go to where I'm from. It may not be possible to argue for my war on your terms, nor could it fit into the morality with someone who's grown up with the options of schooling and espresso. Perhaps war is something far away and debatable where you are from, and how fortunate that must be for all of you.

But if you have two options - do nothing, and live your life in possible safety, or do something and hope it helps your survival of a species - can you honestly say doing nothing is the moral choice?

Inaction and complacency can and will be the death of humanity as a species. That is not a point that can be argued from my perspective.

Yeah, where I'm from, there's a psychopath preaching the gospel of the strong crowding at our southern border. We've lost half of the Jersey territories to him in the past five years. So.

[Her voice is clipped; she raises her eyebrows at him. It's probably not actually her place to get self-righteous about that, given that she's not a soldier and won't ever be; the fighting's nowhere near her actual doorstep. But there's nothing that rubs her the wrong way like someone who doesn't know anything about her going on about how fortunate she is. Or getting on his high horse about schooling and espresso, like she was born with some silver spoon in her mouth, like schooling didn't come through scholarships and espresso through getting a good job using her wits alone.]

But you're still not answering my question. You say we'll die as a species if we're complacent. Okay. Where's the moral question in that? Saving your own life, you said, isn't moral; why is saving your species?

I said acting to save only my life wasn't moral. That's not the same thing by a long stretch.

To act in one's own interest when there is an option to act in the interest of all is by nature a selfish act, and therefore immoral. Society exists because of mutual cooperation. It's not a perfect system, but it's mostly mutually beneficial. Our food, our clothes, the chairs we sit on were someone else's invention. To benefit from humanity's legacy and not make effort to preserve it - to take from those that came before without giving back - is not only wrong from a philosophical standpoint, it's outright stealing.

[Armin drums his fingertips on the table.]

Aside from that, I have trouble believing you genuinely believe that humanity isn't worth saving. So why ask me that? You wanted to hear why I think it is?

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i think, well why not, then stop for a coffee

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It hurts me inside to have my characters use the wrong definition of "spicy" like east-coasters

i hope you understand how much research i've done on food origins to do this thread hahaha

I love it

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I am a terrible human being sorry

Re: I am a terrible human being sorry

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