alcohol, your songs resound like my life never will

[moralperil]

Date & Time: 8/13/13, evening, two hours after this conversation.
Location: a bar of Jack's choosing
Characters: Mahdi (moralperil) & Jack (allucinator)
Summary: Mahdi's celebrating his one year anniversary in Exsilium. Jack promised Mahdi a drink, Mahdi bumped it up to two.
Warnings: TRIGGER WARNINGS: PTSD episodes, discussion of sexual abuse.

[There's a lot for him to think about, out in the rain. Mahdi tries not to sulk and dwell on being called 'kid', on being treated childishly. In a year here, he's only just recently started to understand this attitude comes from people who want to look out for him. They can't know how impossible a task that is.

It sucks, in a way. He'll probably always be the one who's like a little brother, the treasured friend, the ally and angel but never more than that. These are all great things to be, things Mahdi is happy to be, but he wonders why it seems like the only way to be thought of as an adult is to act cynical and jaded. It seems to him like not letting the world change you is a form of maturity, too, but the sincerity and sweetness he treasures are not valued by all.

Normally, Mahdi doesn't get so reflective, but it has been a year and nearly two weeks since he's arrived. He's been thinking about a lot of things lately, like how it's been over two years since he's seen his family and the last real conversation he had with his sister Fayra was about how he needed to get out more, how he ought to go dancing with her, how he needed to try and have fun and get a date since it's been two years since that last guy, dang it.

(Okay, now it's been more like four.)

But Mahdi hasn't been trying like she'd want him to, even though he has more opportunity here. He rarely goes out at night. He usually stays home, maybe practices some recipes and just goes to bed early.

Maybe he actually finds this place pretty depressing. It's time he stopped, he figured. It's time he took some kind of move in his personal life.

When Mahdi turns up at the bar, he's no longer in the casual-disheveled state he had been when they chatted on the tablets. He's pulled his hair back into a loose braid, and he's wearing a nice blue sweater and trousers. He arrives a few minutes earlier than two hours, so worried he might be late or find the wrong place. He pulls off his yellow raincoat with a shiver, and searches the room for Jack. If he hasn't arrived yet, he'll find a table or something - stools are just too challenging for him.]

Comments

[allucinator]

Why don't you concentrate on walkin' first, dumbass? Then maybe we can talk cookies and calmin' shit.

[moralperil]

Hey! Don't call me dumbass when I'm trying to help your dumb ass! Hmph!

[Mahdi rubs the back of his head where he hit the pole, and then hurries a few steps ahead, nose in the air.]

[allucinator]

Oh, come back here--

[He grabs his wrist with a grin and tugs him back, trying to keep him close.]

[moralperil]

What? [Mahdi says. Though he's still using a pouting voice, he's laughing. It seems to please him that Jack doesn't want him running off. He doesn't pull out of his grasp.]

[allucinator]

You're bein' an idiot. I didn't mean--

[He wrinkles his nose. God, but he's shit at apologies. Vaguely he tugs at Mahdi's wrist, pulling him closer.]

Don't go away.

[moralperil]

[This is surprising. Mahdi doesn't know why he's just grinning like crazy.] I'm not going anywhere, but please don't call me dumb and idiot so much. [Even if it's different when Jack says it, like he says it because he wants to be nice but can't, Mahdi does have his reasons for disliking the words. He pats the hand Jack's holding him with.]I'll stay just this close, okay?

[allucinator]

Yeah.

[He flushes, though it might not be visible in the rain. Stupid, he thinks savagely at himself, stupid stupid stupid, because Mahdi had just told him that his ex was verbally abusive (among other things), and what's the first thing Jack does?

Stupid, but he doesn't let go.]

Tell me something good.

[moralperil]

Good? Like what? [Mahdi's bright, chirpy. And he's just going to... maybe shift so that they're standing side by side? So they can walk along? And he does loose his wrist from Jack's hand. And instead brushes fingers against his, lightly curling, as if to say hey, you can hold it if you want.] Um... above all of the rain and clouds, there's stars. That's good, right? There are always stars. Even if the beauty's hidden, it's there.

[allucinator]

I like the stars.

[He says that a little dimly, staring up into the rain-- and he holds his hand, fingers curling tight around Mahdi's, because who really cares, who will ever know--]

Keep talkin'. Please.

[moralperil]

Me too! The stars are really amazing.

[Mahdi squeezes his hand gently. He won't start walking back toward the housing until Jack feels like leaving.

He's still feeling pretty buzzed, he realizes, and maybe that's why all of this seems easy. Everything's lovely, drifty, and Jack is warm beside him.]

We don't have them, in the Above.

But ah... we have fountains! Lots of fountains. And spires.

[allucinator]

What's-- what's a spire?

[moralperil]

Maybe the word I'm thinking of is tower? All of our buildings are kind of... sharp. And very high and narrow.

The highest building, where they say the Charter is housed... you can't see the top unless you're on the top of a spire yourself.

Everything is sort of flat, so it's all these towers stretching up into the sky, like columns holding a ceiling up, or termite mounds.


[Mahdi those things are not remotely related.]

It's beautiful, but not very lively. I like it here lots better! [Yet this reminds him:] Have you ever seen the - what's it - um - the lights in the sky at night, where it's cold? The aura... or... of... a... thing?

[allucinator]

No? What-- what do you mean, aura?

[moralperil]

Aura.. aura... The aurora! The aurora... boring... alice.

You've never heard of it? I don't think you can see it in the sky in New York. I've tried.

It's like rainbows, only at night. Shimmering lights.

[allucinator]

Maybe I'll see em some day. They sound pretty. I'd . . . you know . . . draw em an' stuff.

[He blinks as a familiar building looms in front of them.]

Wanna come up?

[moralperil]

In my world, my sister makes it! But she's only supposed to do it in places where almost no one can see it... I think it would be great to see it sometime, but it sounds cold!

[Mahdi glances up.] Sure! If you don't think we'll bother your roomies. I can be really quiet!

[allucinator]

I dunno if they're even home. We kinda all come an' go . . . come on!

[moralperil]

Okay! Jeez! [Mahdi laughs and lets Jack hurry him along, still holding his hand as they make their way into the elevator.]

[allucinator]

[It's a quick journey to his room, and there finally Jack lets go of Mahdi's hand. With a drunk's care he begins turning on the lights in his room.]

Here, sit on the bed--

[His room is covered in drawings-- some nightmarish, some beautiful.]

[moralperil]

Um, okay.

[Mahdi does a quick loop around the room, admiring the pictures before sitting down on the bed. He's a little baffled by being invited up, but he's the type of person who secretly really wants to opportunity to poke around in his friends' things.]

Wow, these are really beautiful, Jack! You did all of these while you were here?

[allucinator]

Yeah. In case I forget stuff, mostly.

[He glances over at one drawing in particular-- a cell, rotten and dark, with a rusty bed and a high, barred window. There's a feeling of despair about it, though not as much as Jack would have liked.]

You, uh, want some water or somethin'?

[moralperil]

You must have worked hard on these. They're totally awesome.

[Mahdi's gaze follows Jack's to the picture of the cell, and he pauses briefly. He wishes he could put into words his own familiarity, the feeling of despair and oppression. Even if he's never been into that cell, he's visited that emotion.

It's nothing he'd want so near to him while he was sleeping. Hm.]

Water's probably a good idea, huh? So we don't get headaches.

[Mahdi flops backward, laying on the bed with his legs still hanging off the end. The bed smells of Jack. He bounces slightly.]

I think your mattress is floppier than mine...

[allucinator]

I toss and turn a lot.

[He tosses two bottles of water onto the bed and sits on it himself.]

Don't jump on it, or it'll get worse.

[moralperil]

I sort of curl up against the wall. [Mahdi presses the bottle to his cheek. Sitting up seems like a lot of effort suddenly, so he leaves it at that.] I figured it's because you're bigger.

I shouldn't of laid down. [He whines, even though he's aware it's totally his fault.] The alcohol's making me sleepy... [Someone's a bit of a lightweight.]

[allucinator]

Don't fall asleep here. I'll end up screamin' an' you'll get scared. It'll be awful.

[Vaguely said, as he lies down himself.]