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Entry tags:

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Date & Time: september 3;
Location: unit 202;
Characters: kido tsubomi

concealingeyes | kisaragi shintaro

substitutable;
Summary: shintaro gives a report to leader that he asked out her sister. yeaaaah love lives;
Warnings: n/a;

[It took him forever to invite Ayano out and it's taken him the same amount of forever to go tell Kido about it. Taking the initiative like this, reaching out to people, actually being honest about the way he feels, and feeling much at all, is all new and unfamiliar and still very uncomfortable. But a promise was a promise. He told Kido he would try, and he did. He doesn't know what he can do for Ayano... but that first step was more than he'd ever taken.

He frowns to himself as he raises a hand to knock on the door of Unit 202, hoping it's just Kido here and not Kano or Kaede. It would be hard to get the former to leave him alone and he would just stutter if it was the latter because how do you even make an excuse for this to an eleven-year-old?

He knocks.]

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[Lucky Shintaro, it's one of those days Kano has taken to wandering and Kaede is visiting with other friends. Kido spent most of the day flopped over on the couch, bored, with a pile of magazines. She looks up at the knock and gets up to answer.]

Oh, hey. What's up?

[She steps aside so Shintaro can come in. She figures if he's not texting her then it's not a quick thing.]

[He's grateful for Kido's perceptiveness. If she thought it would be a quick, casual conversation and stepped into the hall instead, he wouldn't've known what to do. He steps inside and waits for the door to close, no little amount of uneasiness and nervousness on his face as he stands with his hands kept out of his pockets, fingers touching the fabric of his clothes and unable to stay still.]

.... I talked to Ayano.

[Her eyes flicker over him before she moves to the couch and sits down. Kido takes a different posture, slumped but alert, hands in her pocket as she jerks her head from him to the space next to her. A sort of invitation to sit, though more like a demand.]

Well?

[What did you say? What did she say? You kept your promise and didn't hold back right?]

[He's nervous about being next to her, but rather than deliberately refuse and sit across, he accepts the invitation and drops himself down on the same couch. His posture isn't any more proper than hers, leaning forward with his elbows on his legs.]

... In the end, what I said to you before is still true. Whatever happens here will never connect to anything back home. Once we go back there, Ayano will be gone, and it won't change anything. She knows that, too.

But I promised her. As long as we're here, this time, I won't avert my eyes. That I won't look away.

[This is embarrassing as anything to explain now that that moment's over. Shintaro's face is turning red as he talks oh my god he feels like such an embarrassing sap in retrospect.]

[She notices the blush and starts to smile under her jacket. Wow, what a sappy line. It sounds like something the main character of a shoujo would say to the girl.

Well, if anyone deserves a cute romance like that, it's Ayano, even if their time here is limited.]

...That's a pretty cheesy line. It suits you guys. She accepted, right?

[After a line like that, they have to be dating.]

[He was hoping she might not point that out. He turns redder and lowers his head, hunching his shoulders.]

I've never been that creative! And ah--

... Yeah. She did.

[Kido tips her head back against the couch, eyes shut. That means it was something Ayano would have wanted back then, too. Again that unanswered, unasked question circles her mind: why? If only... she had asked them for help, maybe they could have met Shintaro under sweeter circumstances, have bullied him for dating her but been able to see her smile, alive.

There isn't a point in thinking about it but sometimes it's inevitable. Moving on was a lot easier when she was dead. They'll enjoy this time, but...]

Are you happy?

[The proper answer here should be "yes." Of course he was happy. He was finally able to say the words he wanted to say. He can see Ayano again. Hadn't he spent these last years wishing for just that? Of course he'd be happy. And that's the answer Kido should be looking for, too. But he knows how he honestly feels, and to Kido, he doesn't feel like lying to.]

... Of course I'm not. Every time I think about it, I keep remembering all the things I regretted before.

[He can't say it loudly. He's not whispering, but he's quiet. The moment he decides to speak his chest tightens and he clenches his hands into fists. The words come out rushed.]

Ayano wasn't the only one who's been gone that summer. Those days... aren't going to come back anymore. I didn't say anything to her then -- hell, I didn't even know that I cared until it was already gone. Why did she have to die, for me to realize anything...?

[He sighs, raising a hand to cover part of his face.] This isn't going to change anything. It's not going to carry over, and we both know it's not going to last. Even if we like being around each other, being around any of us is a constant reminder to her that she can't go back with us. It's a constant reminder to us that she's already gone. How can that make anyone happy? At least, in the sort of way she probably meant whenever she used that word before.

But-- [That last word is stronger. And he pauses there, breath catching and looking up like he's snapping out of some sort of daydream. He'd been lost in his thoughts and all the concerns he's had since talking to Ayano then. He turns to Kido, and whatever expression she's wearing he can't bear to look at. He looks away again, sitting straighter, wringing his hands.]

... But she knows that just as well as anybody else. She's couldn't solve algebra, but she was quick on that sort of thing. So... if she wants to be with us, and she can smile and laugh and have a good time, then I can put these worries away and give her what she wants.

[It hurts to hear, because Kido understands how he feels. How any day, they might wake up and she'll be gone again, like some dream they shared from their wish to see her again. He isn't lying, speaking from everything good and bad that they feel, and Kido hears too much in it.]

...She wanted us to smile. You're right. She knows how we feel. That we're scared... of the day she leaves. But if we live in fear of it, we'll just make her sad. What kind of people would we be to make her time here watching us be miserable?

[Still that question nags her. Shintaro himself said it. Why did she have to die? Kido doesn't say it but the strange silence between her words asks it for her. She didn't want them to be miserable, she had friends and family, why did it go wrong?

Kido bites her lip. And now she's here and... they have to make up for that time, the time they couldn't save her and make her smile. That mission means the most, even if it won't mean anything in the end.]

...Maybe... maybe this is our chance to give her some peace. [That morbid outlook gets even Kido choked up and she unconsciously tugs on her hood.] Look, I said it before. You weren't the only one who took those days for granted or missed something. This is all we can do now. If we can't make her smile this time and forget for a little way that these days are going to disappear, too, than what good are we?

[She glances at him, taking a slow breath.] After mom died, she said... we could all still smile and that would be enough. Her smile for you, the person she tried so hard to reach... you have a lot on your shoulders. You realise it now. It might not change the past but she better have a sincere smile everyday, got it?

... I told you, right? I'll do what I can. That's the least I can do.

I'm not good at making people smile. Hell, I spent half the time I knew her, just making this one person angry all the time. [He bites his lip, not saying any more. That girl had disappeared, too.] If she wants to cry or get angry, that's fine. I just... don't want to know that she's crying and not know why, again.

[He raises a hand to his mouth, touching his lips uncertainly. He can feel the familiar tightness in his chest, the lump in his throat, and he speaks quietly to muffle how hard it is to get the voice out.] If nothing's going to change, I at least don't want to make the same mistakes.

I'm trusting you with that, you know. But...

[She hesitates before just asking.] ...Have you asked her yet? About that day?

... Have you?

[Of course he hasn't. How could he? He was scared to know. But he was also scared of making her think about it. Ayano probably knew that they wanted to know. But if they were going to keep her smiling, how could they bring up something that was so painful to her that she took her own life?]

I don't think I'm ready for that. I'm not... ready, to carry that sort of weight, and I don't think she's ready to tell us, either. I know it's already been months, but... you know. It was something she kept from all of us.

[She looks down, shaking her head.]

...I haven't asked her either. I think... [Her face feels hot from shame.] ...Yeah, I'm scared of the answer. If she would answer in the first place. I wouldn't blame her for not telling us. Whatever it was, she couldn't tell us back then, so... she doesn't have a reason to now when it's painful for her.

But I'm scared of what must have hurt her so much to make her do that. [Kido glances up with a small, sad smile.] When she could handle taking in me, Seto and Kano when we couldn't control our eyes, you start to think a person like that is invincible. She even wore that scarf all the time to make us smile. She really was- she still is a hero to us.

[He doesn't respond. He knows how to deal with Ayano's death any more than Kido does. In fact, she's probably been doing it better than he has been. He doesn't think he ever saw Ayano as invincible, but then again he can't remember what he thought of her back then. here really was nothing left.]

Her birthday's in November, isn't it?

[Kido blinks but it clicks a second later.] ...Yeah, it's coming up pretty soon. It'd be the first birthday she gets to celebrate with friends and family you know.

I know, I know. So... what is it, I was thinking. I could just ask her if she wants to do something, but knowing her she'd want to have everyone involved. So... you know, maybe we can do something for her. It's been a while.

[She smiles a little.] Yeah, I like the sound of that. You want to look for a present together? I never could figure out what to get her.

I'm really not that better. I had one Christmas for her and I think all I did was help her find presents for some upperclassmen we talked to.

But -- if you're fine with that, yeah, I'd like to.

She got pretty into giving presents... That's probably not surprising at all though. But I figure combined we can figure out something for her. [A bit sheepish.] Better than just some manga.

Manga?

... Mm. I guess it won't be too useful here. I don't know, I was going to remind her to get a coat before it got too cold here but that's kind of boring too, isn't it?

[She rubs the back of her head.] ...Girls like clothes. If you think it'd look cute on her, she'd probably be happy. Even if it's boring... but even if it's kind of cliche, something that makes you think of her would probably make her happiest.

... I'm Momo's brother.

Sure I got dragged along to help someone find herself a dress once, but do you expect someone who wears around a red jersey jacket all the time to understand clothes?

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