I paint the pictures // of the oceans // I've never seen

[twiceadays]

Date & Time: 7/20, middle of the night
Location: Unit 107
Characters: A squishy soldier and his commanding officer
Summary: Nightmares, oops
Warnings: Uh, Shepard is a poor, tortured soul. Hideous nightmare things.

[It's not the first time she's been here, in this empty space. Is it much of a nightmare if one can recognize it as such? But that doesn't matter, not here, not to Shepard. Her breath comes out in shallow pants, almost a roar in her ears, and she wishes that it was the only sound in this forest. Wishes that she could drown out the cries and whispers that seem to not only surround and cloak her, but get inside of her head. Her fingers curl in towards her palms, nails digging into calloused skin. Even the pain is not enough to stop the nightmare before it's truly begun.

In the distance is the boy. Standing there. Waiting.

Her body feels heavy as she moves one foot, and then the other follows it. She doesn't know why she's going after him, just that she needs to. To escape, maybe. To leave behind the voices that only seem to follow her anyway.

She hears Ash's voice louder than the other whispers, calling out to her. Her eyes close briefly. Ash isn't there, isn't here. It's all in your head, Shepard. All in your head. But she knows it's not, not really. These are her ghost, her haunts. The people who have died because of her, letting her know that they've never truly left.

Like the boy who runs as she approaches.

The woman pauses, taking a shuddering breath as a wisp brushes over her face, her name sliding over her. Alice.

It's not Ash this time. It's her mother.

Run, Alice.

She's sixteen years old, and her mother takes her by the shoulders. Their eyes connect briefly before her mother is shoving her away. Run, she screams, and behind her mother is the broken corpse of her father. I'll distract them.

She was too stunned to plead for her mother to stay with her. She ran instead, like she tries to run now, hand outstretched towards the boy. Why can't she catch him? Why is he here when there are so many other people she could be running after?

The screech of the reaper blares, and she screams--

--as her face collides with the bedroom floor, blankets wrapped around her legs, nose aching from the impact.

Shepard lies there, panting, not moving to check if she's bleeding, not caring if that's why her face is damp (it's not; that's because of the sweat and tears, actually).]

Comments

[majoring]

[He smiles, although she probably can't see it in the dark] It's about two in the morning. Early.

[He's about to turn to leave when she asks him if he's sure, and no, he's really not sure. In fact, he's pretty certain that there aren't that many things he'd rather be doing than staying the night with her.

But now really isn't the time.] Like I said, I don't mind staying up. [That's totally what she meant, right?] I'll go make some coffee for me, you can come join me.

[twiceadays]

I think the appropriate time to start drinking is after five in the afternoon. [A grin, that he can at least hear in her voice.] When is the right time for you, then?

[She likes Kaidan. That is an irrevocable fact, and to be honest, it has been that way for three years now. Even if she was dead for some of it. And she's no stranger to pushing, but the thing is...

She doesn't even know what the thing is.

She just knows she's tired of being alone.] Kaidan... [She reaches out for his hand again and takes a step towards the bed.] Stay. Come to bed with me.

[majoring]

[Whatever he was going to say in response to her first comment flees his mind entirely in the face of her last.

She moves back, towards the bed. He doesn't step with her, but he doesn't let go of her hand either] Alice, I-- [Words. He has to make words happen, and even though almost every part of him is screaming for his answer to be a 'yes', he knows it isn't going to be.]

It's been a - a rough night. And I can't - I'm not the sort of person who-- [A sigh. He rubs his thumb gently over the back of her hand, and lets go] Now's not a good time. Or...reason. I'm sorry.

[twiceadays]

[And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we like to call in the business a grade A REJECTION.

She tries to not let it disappoint her too much. Maybe it wouldn't feel like such a shot to the gut if she honestly didn't care so much. It isn't the first time she's ever been rejected; it's just the worst one yet.

Her head tilts, and a grin still stretches over her face.] Right. What the hell was I thinking anyway? You don't need this kind of mess.

[majoring]

[He steps away and turns on the light. He doesn't want to have the rest of this conversation in the dark, not being able to see her expression.

He feels off-kilter, uncertain. The last thing he wants is to make things uncomfortable when they've been doing so well. ] That isn't what I meant. [He scrubs a hand over his face] I - I'm sorry, everything I can think of to say sounds wrong. You caught me off guard.

[twiceadays]

[She squints when the lights go back on, and she rubs her eyes slowly. Too bright, too disappointed, too tired. She's ready to collapse back onto the bed and pretend to sleep. Maybe wait for him to fall asleep so she can slip out for awhile.]

Please don't... start apologizing. It makes it worse, okay? [Shepard snorts, shaking her head.] I overstepped my boundaries. Don't worry about it happening again. My head's screwed up.

[Fuck. Fuck, she's rambling and losing her cool too quickly. She runs her fingers through her hair, but doesn't take her gaze off of him. Keeps it steady.]

[majoring]

[The thing is, he wants it to happen again. When they're both in the right headspace and able to talk about this, when he's sure that she's doing this because it's how she feels and not because she feels so alone she just needs that human contact. They'd gotten close on the SR-1, and lately in Exsilium as well, but she'd never...shown interest, before. Or if she had, it'd gone over his head.

He doesn't know how to explain that, though. And ultimately, he thinks that their friendship is far more capable of surviving this awkwardness than it could him starting to spill his feelings everywhere] I'm - okay. Okay. [He ducks his head, wanting to say they can talk about it later, and knowing he won't be able to then, either] I'll see you later, then. [a beat. When he speaks, his voice is a little hoarser] I hope that I was able to help, even a little bit.

[twiceadays]

[She feels stupid. Not because of the situation -- although that doesn't help either -- but because of how she's reacting to it. She's a grown woman, and he's perfectly allowed to reject her, to tell her to back down. But she doesn't exactly have the best sense of when the right time is, for sex or anything.

One corner of her mouth quirks up, giving him a ghost of a smile.] You did. I'm sorry. You really did. [She could really use that drink now, her eyes sliding off to the side where she knows the bottle is hidden by her bed.] Thanks, Kaidan.

[majoring]

[Something in his countenance relaxes when he says that. Because that had been his main aim here, trying to make her feel at least a little better. He'd hate to think he'd screwed that up entirely at the last minute] All right. Try to get some sleep, okay? I'll see you tomorrow.

[And with that he turns and goes, kicking himself all the way :'D]