exsiliumlogs | Cometh the Big Crying Wheel

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Cometh the Big Crying Wheel

Date & Time: Sept 15th
Location: A refurbished castle on the outskirts of Exsilium.
Characters: Anyone at the party!
Summary: Vanadi hosts a party that goes very poorly.
Warnings: Violence, probably! Let a mod know if we should update this.

It’s a lovely night for a party!

The venue at the outskirts of town is, unfortunately, a bit drafty — and actually rather sparsely furnished, as well. In fact, party goers are encouraged to mingle, drink, and enjoy themselves in the courtyard, as the castle itself wasn’t able to be renovated in time, and has proven to be a little bit architecturally unsound. Any explorative guests might find a small hail of dust and pebbles on their heads if they venture too far in — and who knows what else, if they continue on.

But the drinks and snacks both are plentiful and delicious, and the large canvas set up from castle wall to castle wall keeps off the sprinkling rain. The weather could even be described as warmish and pleasant, if one were feeling generous. A group of Exiles plays classic instruments in one corner of the courtyard, having been paid enough to even smile at any Transports that wander near.

All in all, it’s shaping up to be a good night. Until about 10 PM, that is. Come 10 PM, the Misery rolls into town, tearing down the canvas, nullifying powers, and crying corrosive blood everywhere. That’s the cue for all hell to break loose, as the final wave of mind-controlled characters snag their victims and make for the hills — or at least for the UE. The mind-controlled characters will also have the backup of a squadron of 20 of the Masked, the UE's special ops force. The Masked's main goal is to grab those on their list and get away, but they're certainly not above shooting to kill at anyone that gets in their way. They're also highly trained in hand-to-hand combat and physically enhanced by their suits, so they're a good bunch to try to avoid.

But do have a wonderful time until then, won’t you?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

( Collette goes still. Her expression doesn't change right away -- she's thinking, and as much as she hates to think, she's been doing more and more of it over the year and then some of her stay in Exsilium.

When she looksk up to Steph, her smile is very subdued, and her tone slips into that factual way of speaking she gets every so often. )

Controlled as in mind controlled. ( One of the things she has no tolerance for. Something Collette hates very much, and funny in a sense, as it's never been something's she's personally been subjected to. Just had to fight and give up everything for to prevent against. ) If it was just physical, there'd be other signs, huh? More than the odd out of character action or two.

( Vanadi her mind whispers. She feels cold. )

Ellie's not camping. Who else? How many?

[She gives a terse nod.]

It seems like a compulsion more than an override. Ellie was still... Ellie, just a little off, like she'd forgotten what was important.

[There's an uncomfortable pressure in her chest when she thinks about kissing Ellie, because what if it wasn't Ellie making that choice? It doesn't matter that they've kissed a hundred times before, she still hates the idea that she kissed someone who wasn't entirely in control of themselves.

She tries to focus on the conversation at hand.]

Joel, Kagura, Toph, maybe five or so others that we know of. There are probably a lot more who've done better at not arousing suspicions.

( A compulsion is still too much, in Collette's mind, but she doesn't bother dithering around with the point. Specifics didn't matter right now. End results did. )

Nine so far... and more you're assuming. When did these guys start disappearing? It can't have been too far back in August. Was it?

( Not just recently either, but two weeks and a day into September was a decent amount of time into the month. Longer than that, and she'd be jumping, looking for Yeerks over her left shoulder, and that was just stupid. )

What're we doing to figure this out?

( Because, of course, there is a we. Collette doesn't pause to consider people may not want such a we to include her, no matter if she was better recovered now than she was in August, or July before then. )

Early in September, I didn't notice until Joel left.

[The guilt feels like a physical weight; she just let Ellie walk off into the hands of the United Earth. She doesn't want to think about what they might be doing to her.]

I've been trying to track where people are going, looking for any clues I can. [she pauses, fingers pressing against her right wrist, where the tracker is implanted.] I haven't had much luck.

[She feels awful.]

( Collette listens and nods, reaching out for Stephanie. She knows Steph takes things, like the weight of worrying about the world and specific people in it, and wears it like a yoke across her neck. It's a responsibility thing, and something that Collette suspects helps drive the idea of what a vigilante does. She's seen it in others who gather around that sort of lifestyle.

It's a trait you need in leaders, but it's not something that needs to support itself on its own. Since early September, huh? )

Come here for a minute, please?

[For a second, all she does is blink at Collette, confused by the request when she's still in disseminating information mode.

And then she's frozen by something more like fear, the realization that maybe it was mistake to trust Collette, that she's being controlled as well, that she might be planning to shut her up. Isn't that what she was worried about? It's why she only told Babs and Saul, why she hasn't gone to the newtork. She doesn't want whoever is responsible to know she's on to them.

Steph takes a step back, shaking her head and she's suddenly a lot more wary, as she watches Collette.]

( Collette quirks up an eyebrow. )

What? No hugs? Seriously?

( Her tone is teasing for the seriously, but that concern is back in her eyes. She knows wariness. And she knows distrusting everyone.

You can't know, with mind control, who's on your side or isn't. You have to observe and juggle and sometimes play the odds, and hope it doesn't come back around to bite you in the ass. )

I doubt Ellie's going to begrudge me one hug, you know! Especially when you -- ( she says, gesturing to Steph with on ehand that had been held out a moment before ) -- aren't responsible for not knowing something was up the instant it was. It's mind control. That you've caught on at all is the important part, 'cause it means then you can do something, and you can help the people who've been suffering because of it. Look...

( Collette lets both hands fall back into her lap. )

Do you have any scent trails on where some of these people last were? The rain helps hold scens better than people think -- it's an advantage, actually, when it's not torrential. I might be able to track the ways people are getting out of town. It might get us people working with them, or it might not, but we can try. In the morning. ( she adds as an afterthought. )

[Most of them time, when Collette talks, Steph might interject with a point or two, but right now she's completely silent, gaze dropped to the floor, looking more and more miserable the longer Collette speaks.

She's so tired, and she can't believe that she shouldn't have realized sooner, can't forgive herself for not having found Ellie and Joel and the others already. What's the point of her, if she can't even track down a few people?

And there's more guilt, now, for the way Collette looked at her, for the fact that she couldn't trust one of her best friends in this city, even for a moment. She should say something, she really should, but the second she drags her eyes back up to Collette, the only thing that happens is just starts crying.]

Fuck.

[That's embarrassing, and she wipes at her eyes, trying to brush the tears away.]

Sorry. Sorry. I'm fine.

( The tears bring a small huff out of Collette, whose hands lift and find the handrails of her wheels. It's not much to push forward and around so she's sidled up to Steph, nor is it much on her part to twist to the side by Steph to reach out and make the attempt ot wind her arms around Steph's midsection. Sure, it's a hug from a shorter reach, but she really knew Steph needed it, maybe more than Steph knew.

Then again, that was largely how Collette reasoned through things, and she herself needed positive physical contact from others to help keep her best grounded. )

Fine might be stretching it a little. ( She says softly, almost laughing under her breathe. ) But you will be fine, and so will they, when we bring them all back home. Okay? We'll find everyone.

( Maybe find Martin along the way, somehow. Hadn't Kaworu been kidnapped weeks and weeks before? Maybe that was where Martin was too, and whatever facility it is that Kaworu'd been held at... )

Has anyone talked to Kaworu to figure out where it was he went when he was caught and thrown through testing when he was AWOL?

[She should probably still be wary, but right now Collette could slip a knife between her ribs and she wouldn't care. The hug is more important, and her hands go to Collette's shoulders, leaning into the contact as much as she can.]

I know, I know. [It's shaky, but she's trying to regain something resembling composure, trying to put a stop to the tears.] I'm gonna figure it out.

[She has to, because she promised the younger Ellie that she'd bring Joel back. Because they took her Ellie and she needs her to come home.]

No, I don't-- [She barely even knows who that is.] I'll look into it.

I, I, I!

( Collette gives Steph a swueeze, reassuring her that she is physically here. She hopes it helps. )

You should be saying me, as in you and me, or the me you can find in team. Working alone on stuff like this is dangerous!

( She sounds worried, not censuring. Collette has a lot of faith in teamwork, as Steph likely knows; Collette also has no idea of what support network Steph might have that she isn't aware of. She hopes one's there, because otherwise -- this all gets destructive. She doesn't want to see Steph like she'd been back on Elmer's world again. )

[She wants to curl her fingers in the fabric of Collette's clothes and cling, but it's too pretty to mess up.]

Sorry.

[She didn't even realize she was doing it.

This should have gotten easier, when the Birds showed up, but she hates the way they look at her sometimes, like they're seeing a corpse. And there's part of her that wants to prove she doesn't need them, that she won't suddenly lose her cool and start relying on them for everything.]

I'm not-- I mean, I've got Saul. [which doesn't sound right, but she can't work out how else to word it.] It'll be okay.

( Collette shakes her head. )

Change it. Sorry's nice, but it's -- hahah, wait, Saul?

( She squints up at Stephanie. )

I like Saul too, but isn't he kind of the guy you go to after things have gone down? Or for the contracts. He did good with the one between us and the Initiative.

[The laughter makes her flinch, and she carefully eases away from the hug.]

I trust him.

[I like Saul too doesn't even begin to cover it, and neither does Steph's answer, but she doesn't know what else to say without getting into the complicated mess that is their relationship.

Which she can't do with Collette, because she'd want to tell Ellie, and she'd be right to.]

( Collette lets her pull away, not making it any more difficult a process. )

I noticed.

( She says, neutral voice, stating a fact as she watches Steph once she can. )

Back when he knew about me without having anyone ask if I wanted him to.

( Now that carries a question: how much trust is trust? Because that there is why Collette had started acting weird -- that Steph had let someone else know about her without asking, and that it'd been Saul. Who she liked, who she figured was decently capable, but who she didn't trust yet. Not with the parts of herself that are scary and personal and weak, and it's just -- unnerving. )

[And that just brings more guilt; she closes her eyes for a second, trying to steady herself, but she can't make herself look back at Collette.]

I needed his help to find you.

[It's the simplest answer, and an honest one.]

I'm sorry that I told him anything without your permission, and I know I didn't handle... any of that situation as well I should have, but I needed his help.

[She's saying too much and she knows it, but she doesn't know how else to make Collette understand.]

( She really doesn't, because she hasn't had to think about Saul fitting in to a greater role -- or what his resources are that Steph needs.

It doesn't occur to her that one of those could be an emotional or spirtual support. )

He's got that many connections this fast?

( She asks instead. There are others she would have gone to, but she knows their networks of people are different. Knowing more of what Saul did was better overall. Wrote contracts, acted as support to vigilantes... but still. )

He's still not going to be any good if we got into a tight situation. You know, the bust out kind. He's more like Caesar, one of those behind the lines directing from the best point of view types. Like goalies!

Yes.

[That question is easy to answer, even if Saul's connections are only part of why Steph relies on him.

The next thing Collette says is more difficult, and Steph frowns.]

You know he-- No, actually, nevermind. What I don't get is what point you're trying to make. [There's anger in her tone, something protective.] Are you trying to tell me I shouldn't trust him 'cause he's not a fighter? Because, I don't know if you've noticed, Coll, but I've got the fighter part pretty well covered.

[She makes a vague gesture at the surrounding area, trying to indicate that she means her other friends, not just herself. Ellie's a fighter (both), so is Collette, Helena, Atlas, Nate. She's got plenty of those.]

I don't need someone who can help in a bust out kind of situation, I need someone who's gonna be there when I need to call at five am to talk me down from a panic attack and make me look at a situation rationally. I need someone who'll be there to make sure I eat and sleep, someone to keep me in check in case I get too caught up in all this shit. [And she knows she is, that she's losing herself to Batgirl more and more.] I don't care if I'm the one who has to do the fighting when push comes to shove, that's all I'm good for, anyway.

[She's upset, now, underneath the anger, and it's hard to stop talking once she's gotten started.

Has Collette ever heard her say so much in one go?]

If you think that's the reason I shouldn't trust him, I honestly don't know what to say to you. I just needed someone I could rely on, instead of feeling like everyone's relying on me.

[She's said her piece, now, and she feels like she should walk away, but even when she's upset, she owes it to Collette to stay in place.]

Edited 2013-09-18 01:28 (UTC)

( Collette, someone only a fighter in a literal sense a little over a year and a half ago, would not be the one to sell short the value of someone on your side who doesn't fight. She wouldn't love Caesar if what she needed was a fighter -- someone who matched pace or outdid her in the field.

She listens to Steph, expression baffled, then... even more baffled. Her thoughts had focused on how Steph needs to not be the only body in the field, that her back-up shouldn't only be back-up. Not where this seems to go, and with everything she's said... )

The funny thing is... ( she says, voice soft and expression inscrutable. ) ... I thought that was Ellie's job. Not when she's gone missing, of course, but when she's here. If it's not...

( Then why is she with her? If Steph thinks they're all relying on her, if she feels like they're a burden, and she's honest in that emotion, not just lashing out, then Collette doesn't know what to say. That hurts. She knows Steph has to be hurting too, has to be building her own guilt-bed to huddle in in misery, but it still hurts hearing that now.

I just needed someone I could rely on, instead of feeling like everyone's relying on me. )

[Steph flinches like she's been struck, and she knows that Collette doesn't realize how deep that problem goes.]

I love Ellie. [Her tone is plaintive, pleading, and she needs Collette to understand that, to know that it's true. She loves Ellie so much.] But I can't--

[She makes a pained sound, somehwere between a sob and sigh, hiding her face in her hands for a moment before roughly pushing her hands through her hair.]

You remember how she was in those first few months here. She doesn't need my shit on top of her own.

[For all her reassurances to Ellie about things being equal, sometimes it doesn't feel that way, becaues she's so young and in so much pain that Steph can't justify asking too much of her, when it comes to emotional support. She doesn't resent her for it, but with everything else on top of it, and the clusterfuck of circumstances after the trip to the United Earth, Steph knows she needed someone who could be a steady presence in a way Ellie wasn't, and maybe can't ever be.

And Saul was the person who was there.]

Maybe not need it, but she's -- Steph.

( Collette looks faintly pained. )

When people are important, I know you want to protect them. But it's not even like family. You're choosing to be together. What's it mean if only half of you is choosing to open up enough to sort of rely on the other guy?

( As uncertain as both she and Caesar are in navigating their own relationship, and with as many hang ups and rocky moments as they've had so far -- as they'll keep having -- opening up is inevitably part of it.

Or that's what she thinks. Opening up and relying on each other. She struggles for words, or an example; Collette's aware she has trouble communicating ideas like this when it's not for some simple reason. "X is like Y because of Z." Relationships were more like imploding fractals. )

The way you talk about Saul makes it seem like you're half in love with him, too, because he can be all these things you say you need, that Ellie isn't.

[Those words take her breath away, because it's true, but keeping this secret is more important than anything else right now, so she schools her expression into something more confused, lips pressed into a thin line and her nose wrinkling.]

God, Coll. It's not like that.

[It is, but she doesn't want Collette to know. She takes a breath, pausing like she's trying to work out how to explain.]

It's like-- I had Oracle, back home, and she never came into the fray with me because her job was to back me up, to be the brains to my brawn. I needed someone like that here. I want Ellie by my side, but I can't put everything else on her, too.

[That sounds... better, she thinks.]

( Collette hears it as a backtrack. She doesn't know if she and Steph both lie in the same ways, or have lied like that before, but she guesses just a little, maybe. Though the vigilante lifestyle, that whole thing builds into one complicated weave of lies by necessity and artifice.

She feels sad right then, sad for this city that's demanded for people to be like Stephanie and Dick and Jason, sad because she cares for all of them, sad because she cares for Ellie, sad because she likes Saul.

It's not that she thinks Steph's in love with Saul. She thinks, maybe, Steph's confused, likes that Saul is steady where Ellie can't be, not yet. Thinks Steph wants a different kind of steady from a guy like that, wonders if this Batman who messes up everything in Gotham trying to save it might have something to do with it.

(Batman, who she only has ever heard the barest spoken word. They're all idle thoughts.)

Sad and smiles nonetheless, like Steph's cleared anything up at all. She wants to believe her. But she can't. What Steph says now is not what she was saying earlier, though it is a justification.

She lets that topic drop, sliding along with the one she'd been intending in the first: )

And you need other people by your side while the Oracle's running things back home, stand in or not! That's what I mean, Steph. So hey, let me help with this, all right? I want to help. Ellie's my friend too, and -- and all these people missing, I want them home.

[She doesn't know whether to be relieved or not. Either Collette believes her and she's letting it go, or she doesn't believe her and knows there's no pont arguing about it.

She prays it's the former.

But she focuses on what Collette does say, brow furrowing again.]

I never said you couldn't. [Help, she means. Using the retriever morph to try to pick up a trail is a good idea, and she wants to go do that tomorrow.] I didn't wanna say too much 'cause I don't know how deep this runs, who could be controlled, but...

[a shrug]

I couldn't lie to you, so now you know, and I want your help.

[It's easier to accept help from Collette than it is to work with the Birds.]

( Her laugh is light, and she nods her head. )

Take it from someone who's been there before, I know how you feel.

( The paranoia about Controllers, even without the capital C, is real enough to Collette. More real to the older Animorphs, and also a strange sort of sometimes fixation and concern, now a year misplaced. )

When do you want to meet up and head out tomorrow?

Cometh the Big Crying Wheel

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