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Date & Time: Around 9/09, early afternoon? A continuation from here.
Location: The Meguca Bakery.
Characters: Mami & Sayaka
Summary: Sayaka is acting weird, and Mami wants friends.
Warnings: Only for the bitter loneliness that rests deep in the hearts of every single character in this series.

Mami hadn't been thrown this off balance since she'd first made a contract with Kyuubey. The new place, the new weapon - the new people, acting like this was all absolutely normal. It was baffling, overwhelming - exciting, maybe, was the best word for it. She was trying to take her time getting used to things, to settling in the city, and having Yuma close and in the same position as her admittedly made things a little easier.

Now, though, it was time to confront Sayaka on her puzzling greeting from before. She waited just outside the door of the bakery, the hood of her cloak up and damp. Mami wasn't sure who else was at work offhand, but she thought that maybe this conversation would best be held in private.

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It's not that she doesn't want to see Mami — it's just that she doesn't deserve to. For over a year, the idea of her senpai showing up has been her biggest fear; there's nobody else who deserves a second (third) chance at life more, sure, but she'd inevitably have to confront her own failures as a result. She's had all the time and freedom in the world, since arriving, and she still hasn't lived up to Mami's name.

So she's left to wonder whether this meeting should even happen. Even now, she doesn't understand much about timelines, but if she hasn't failed this Mami, then... she shouldn't give herself the chance to. She should walk away from this, or hide out in her room until the other girl finally gives up and leaves, instead of selfishly screwing things up again.

But after a moment, she opens the front door of the bakery anyway.

"Hey." Her face is hidden beneath the hood of her jacket, and she stares down at the ground as she speaks, trying not to mumble. "Do you wanna come inside? It's warmer in there."

"If you don't mind. I'd appreciate that, actually," Mami answers, trying to make sure that the gentle smile on her face is audible in her voice, since she's pretty sure that Sayaka can't see it from where she's staring down at her own feet. She steps forward, tugging her hood down, grateful for the warmth of the building.

She hesitates then, clearing her throat softly. "The bakery is nice. You've all done a very good job with it."

"Madoka did most of it. She's really good at this stuff."

Okay, so there's a lot of pink, but it's endearing. She holds the door open as Mami steps inside — at one point, she sneaks a glance at Mami's face, only to look away again a moment later. Eye contact is still a little beyond her... and so is making normal conversation, apparently. A few seconds pass before she speaks up again, quieter and more subdued than usual.

"The others aren't around right now, so... sorry if you wanted to talk to them." She's stalling, of course; Mami had asked to talk to her, not her and everyone else. More awkwardly, she adds: "... And I'm sorry for what happened last time, too."

"I really just wanted to see you right now, so it's alright." Mami folds her hands in front of her, trying to catch Sayaka's eyes when she looks up, trying to hold that eye contact. She's still so nervous, and she can almost feel it. (What she won't admit is how that almost puts her at ease; she's not happy that Sayaka is uncomfortable, but it soothes her own frayed nerves a little to know that she's not the only one unsure of her footing here.)

The last apology gets a headshake, though. "You have nothing to apologize before. I'm just sorry that I didn't follow you." Mami pauses, and then attempts: "I'd like to be your friend, Miki-san. I would like that very much."

It's almost funny, hearing that after so much time. She laughs before she can stop herself, but it's harsh and quiet, and she closes her eyes as she fights the urge to run away again.

"You shouldn't."

This time, she doesn't even try and stop herself from being honest. The more she avoids the truth, the more likely Mami is to get the wrong idea, and that would hurt even more than just pushing her away. Being friends seems even more impossible than being teammates; they're still allies, no matter what happens, but friendship implies something closer — like they're on the same level, somehow.

"I don't... I don't have anything to offer someone like you, Mami-san. I'll just be a disappointment." I already am, she thinks. "Even if you don't remember, I do. You shouldn't have to deal with that."

It's the laughter that gets to her before the defenses are up. Laughter at the offer of friendship, and her shoulders tighten before she can stop it. It's just like with Kyouko, she thinks, the foul thoughts welting up before she can stem them. Who would want to be her friend? Why would anyone bother?

It's those thoughts that color her next words, even as her hands seize a little at her front. Mami has to consciously resist the urge to squeeze her fingers together, but those are the signs of insecurity that people don't like to see.

"What do you fight for, Miki-san? Why did you make a contract?"

"To protect everyone," she says, like that's enough of an answer. "I healed Kyousuke's hand, and I saved Madoka, but... it still wasn't enough. I couldn't help people the way you did."

She was a poor replacement from the start; all lofty ideals with no real talent or strength to carry through with them. Mami protected Mitakihara for so long by herself, and she hadn't even come close to carrying on that legacy — how can she possibly face her now?

The sooner she ends this, the better. She lifts her gaze, looking as tired as she feels, and sighs.

"This place is a second chance for all of us. Don't waste yours on me."

The way she did? Second chance? But Sayaka was speaking in such broad terms, and had been here for so long - of course she would refer to everything about home in the past tense. That made the most sense. Dwelling would get her nowhere.

"You want to protect people. And you risk yourself to fight, to do that. You're not after power, or glory - that's what matters," Mami answers with a conviction that she doesn't quite feel, setting her eyes on Sayaka's and trying to pretend that there isn't an embarrassing tightness of almost desperation in her throat. "If this is my second chance, as you say.. then it's mine, and I'm the only one who can choose how to spend it."

She hesitates after that, though, and it occurs to her suddenly how pushy she's being, how much she really doesn't know this girl at all. But she had been friends with her once, right? Surely --

"Please, just.. consider what I say. Alright?"

Something inside her tightens, determined to deny what she's hearing. What Mami's saying isn't wrong, but she's being so patient, so kind; if she truly understood, there's no way she'd still be here, wasting her time on a failure. It's true that she isn't after power or glory, but good intentions alone aren't enough, especially when she's even forgotten those a few times.

There's a chair nearby, and she sits down heavily, not trusting her own two legs to keep her standing. Despite her height, she feels small around Mami, like she's in the presence of someone superhuman — it's hard to see her as anything less, no matter how much she tries.

"Yeah." She can do that much, at least. But she swallows the lump in her throat and forces herself to stay confrontational, instead of giving into the selfish hope starting to flare up in the back of her mind. "And after that, you should probably leave."

'I thought we were friends once,' she almost says, quashing that down just as she nearly blurts 'Please let me forgive you for whatever it is you think you've done,' instead, before she finally just nods. What else can she do here? There's nothing.

Mami can push, but she can tell she'll just meet resistance - and why shouldn't she? They have each other already here. Had she missed her chance? Arrived too late? Why did Sayaka seem to respect her, yet remain so intent on rejecting her at the same time?

"Of course." Her expression shutters, before she glances back up to Sayaka with a little smile. This was a new place, maybe, but getting her hopes up now was as foolish as it had ever been. "I'm sorry to have troubled you, Miki-san. Please know that if you ever need me.." That she'll be there, looking over them for as long as she can. She tugs her hood up, lingering for just a moment to make sure that Sayaka is finished.

She has what she wanted, but it's not even remotely satisfying. She thought there'd at least be a sense of closure, in watching Mami leave, but it's just a hollow feeling — her senpai had come ready and willing to make amends, and she'd driven her away regardless. But Mami would have found out the truth eventually, and that (she's sure) would make things even worse.

Hunched over in her seat, she suddenly feels more lonely than she has in a long time.

"I'll keep it in mind." That much, at least, is the truth. She'd never call on Mami for her own sake, but if one of the others needed it, things might be different. "... It's not your fault, Mami-san. I'm just not the same kind of person you are."

"We're the exact same sort of person," Mami argues before she can stop herself, her hand lingering on the door. "You fight to protect people. What do you think that I do, Miki-san?" It's not anger, really. Frustration, maybe; a feeling of being lost again.

She had built this up in her head, and it was her own fault. She would meet up with Sayaka; they'd grasp each others' hands and smile and she'd be welcomed into the group. This time, in this war, she'd have a team to fight alongside. She shouldn't have been so cocky.

"-- and perhaps I'm wrong. But if I don't know the sort of person you are, Miki-san- I wouldn't turn down the chance to get to learn for myself." It's easier to speak openly when she's not looking back at her, when her hand is still on the door.

"We do the same things, but... we're not the same. Not the way you're thinking."

She's frustrated, and it shows. It's frustration at herself, at not wrapping things up; she should already have sent Mami away and gone back up to her room. But even now, there's some basic urge to clear the air between them.

"I'll just disappoint you." Bitterly, she repeats herself from earlier, trying to drive the point home. As far as she's concerned, it isn't a mere possibility — just a matter of time. "I've saved a few people, but that doesn't make up for everything else. Back home..." The words die on her tongue, and she sighs. "I'm not a good person. Not good enough, anyway."

She should go. She should go, and she knows it. Sayaka doesn't want to talk. Mami doesn't particularly want to continue this line of conversation, either. She's too invested in this possible friendship with a girl that she doesn't know at all.

"What makes you think that I am?"

She's staring at the door, unmoving.

"I know you." (I knew you, is the reality, and even then it was for such a short period of time.) "You showed me what being a magical girl was really about. We're supposed to save everyone, but I couldn't even do something that simple."

Especially at home, where she's sure she would have stopped being useful before long. She doesn't know what's waiting for her, back there, but even if she's determined to change things now (hah), she can't undo how much of a failure she was in the past.

"I won't just give up and become selfish, but..." She sighs again, and rubs at her eyes; trying to ignore the weight of the past week. "That's not enough. I've made too many mistakes to be friends with someone like you."

"I see." Mami isn't going to cry, even if she certainly feels like it. She is disappointed, but maybe that's not really enough to properly convey the weight of this. She had put too much on something uncertain, had gone in with impossible expectations. This particular brand of grief was her own fault.

She pulls the door open, shoulders settling, but her back remains to Sayaka.

".. I disagree, but there's no point in trying to convince you otherwise, is there? I'll be around, Miki-san, if you ever change your mind. Please remember that." But she can't stomach this anymore. She has to leave- and so she does.

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i am literally the worst i am sorry

♥♥

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