[closed]

[muskets]

Date & Time: Around 9/09, early afternoon? A continuation from here.
Location: The Meguca Bakery.
Characters: Mami & Sayaka
Summary: Sayaka is acting weird, and Mami wants friends.
Warnings: Only for the bitter loneliness that rests deep in the hearts of every single character in this series.

Mami hadn't been thrown this off balance since she'd first made a contract with Kyuubey. The new place, the new weapon - the new people, acting like this was all absolutely normal. It was baffling, overwhelming - exciting, maybe, was the best word for it. She was trying to take her time getting used to things, to settling in the city, and having Yuma close and in the same position as her admittedly made things a little easier.

Now, though, it was time to confront Sayaka on her puzzling greeting from before. She waited just outside the door of the bakery, the hood of her cloak up and damp. Mami wasn't sure who else was at work offhand, but she thought that maybe this conversation would best be held in private.

Comments

[fortissimos]

Something inside her tightens, determined to deny what she's hearing. What Mami's saying isn't wrong, but she's being so patient, so kind; if she truly understood, there's no way she'd still be here, wasting her time on a failure. It's true that she isn't after power or glory, but good intentions alone aren't enough, especially when she's even forgotten those a few times.

There's a chair nearby, and she sits down heavily, not trusting her own two legs to keep her standing. Despite her height, she feels small around Mami, like she's in the presence of someone superhuman — it's hard to see her as anything less, no matter how much she tries.

"Yeah." She can do that much, at least. But she swallows the lump in her throat and forces herself to stay confrontational, instead of giving into the selfish hope starting to flare up in the back of her mind. "And after that, you should probably leave."

[muskets]

'I thought we were friends once,' she almost says, quashing that down just as she nearly blurts 'Please let me forgive you for whatever it is you think you've done,' instead, before she finally just nods. What else can she do here? There's nothing.

Mami can push, but she can tell she'll just meet resistance - and why shouldn't she? They have each other already here. Had she missed her chance? Arrived too late? Why did Sayaka seem to respect her, yet remain so intent on rejecting her at the same time?

"Of course." Her expression shutters, before she glances back up to Sayaka with a little smile. This was a new place, maybe, but getting her hopes up now was as foolish as it had ever been. "I'm sorry to have troubled you, Miki-san. Please know that if you ever need me.." That she'll be there, looking over them for as long as she can. She tugs her hood up, lingering for just a moment to make sure that Sayaka is finished.

[fortissimos]

She has what she wanted, but it's not even remotely satisfying. She thought there'd at least be a sense of closure, in watching Mami leave, but it's just a hollow feeling — her senpai had come ready and willing to make amends, and she'd driven her away regardless. But Mami would have found out the truth eventually, and that (she's sure) would make things even worse.

Hunched over in her seat, she suddenly feels more lonely than she has in a long time.

"I'll keep it in mind." That much, at least, is the truth. She'd never call on Mami for her own sake, but if one of the others needed it, things might be different. "... It's not your fault, Mami-san. I'm just not the same kind of person you are."

[muskets]

"We're the exact same sort of person," Mami argues before she can stop herself, her hand lingering on the door. "You fight to protect people. What do you think that I do, Miki-san?" It's not anger, really. Frustration, maybe; a feeling of being lost again.

She had built this up in her head, and it was her own fault. She would meet up with Sayaka; they'd grasp each others' hands and smile and she'd be welcomed into the group. This time, in this war, she'd have a team to fight alongside. She shouldn't have been so cocky.

"-- and perhaps I'm wrong. But if I don't know the sort of person you are, Miki-san- I wouldn't turn down the chance to get to learn for myself." It's easier to speak openly when she's not looking back at her, when her hand is still on the door.

[fortissimos]

"We do the same things, but... we're not the same. Not the way you're thinking."

She's frustrated, and it shows. It's frustration at herself, at not wrapping things up; she should already have sent Mami away and gone back up to her room. But even now, there's some basic urge to clear the air between them.

"I'll just disappoint you." Bitterly, she repeats herself from earlier, trying to drive the point home. As far as she's concerned, it isn't a mere possibility — just a matter of time. "I've saved a few people, but that doesn't make up for everything else. Back home..." The words die on her tongue, and she sighs. "I'm not a good person. Not good enough, anyway."

[muskets]

She should go. She should go, and she knows it. Sayaka doesn't want to talk. Mami doesn't particularly want to continue this line of conversation, either. She's too invested in this possible friendship with a girl that she doesn't know at all.

"What makes you think that I am?"

She's staring at the door, unmoving.

[fortissimos]

"I know you." (I knew you, is the reality, and even then it was for such a short period of time.) "You showed me what being a magical girl was really about. We're supposed to save everyone, but I couldn't even do something that simple."

Especially at home, where she's sure she would have stopped being useful before long. She doesn't know what's waiting for her, back there, but even if she's determined to change things now (hah), she can't undo how much of a failure she was in the past.

"I won't just give up and become selfish, but..." She sighs again, and rubs at her eyes; trying to ignore the weight of the past week. "That's not enough. I've made too many mistakes to be friends with someone like you."

[muskets]

"I see." Mami isn't going to cry, even if she certainly feels like it. She is disappointed, but maybe that's not really enough to properly convey the weight of this. She had put too much on something uncertain, had gone in with impossible expectations. This particular brand of grief was her own fault.

She pulls the door open, shoulders settling, but her back remains to Sayaka.

".. I disagree, but there's no point in trying to convince you otherwise, is there? I'll be around, Miki-san, if you ever change your mind. Please remember that." But she can't stomach this anymore. She has to leave- and so she does.